post-paper syndrome

At this point in time, i am happy to report that i have just finished one paper and am sad to report that i still have one more to go - on the last day - in the afternoon - after which a whole endless string of events commences taking me all the way to the start of the new sem where we begin again...

But anyway, i sit here in the central library typing this cos after the aforementioned paper, as with all the others, i have had no desire whatsoever to prepare for the next one. Yup, i'll do anything - blog, sleep, run, play soccer even (ok, not that one) - just not study.

So just now was my fourth paper - and my only closed-book one. Incidentally, its also the one that i've had to memorise the most mundane matters for which makes for one moody matt [alliteration initially incidental, then purposeful (nonsensical utterances, one symptom of post-paper syndrome)].

I must admit, i didn't prepare enough for it over the past few days since the last paper (extended post-paper syndrome), and was feeling just that little bit kancheong going in to it. But then i talked to Jean and Samson and listened to the bulk of people outside the exam hall while waiting for the doors to open and realised that we were all in the same boat, for this paper really is one kind one...

Whatever it is, once again, by God's grace, he brought me through it. Really very humbling i must say. This the first (and better be the last) time that i've had to write four essays in two hours (you can see the red callouses and cramped fingers on my right hand), and furthermore on a module with such diverse themes. Somehow, in my last minute frantic and forgetful force-feeding of freaky facts (=P) i managed to ingest enough of the stuff that was needed for the questions, and during the paper itself regurgitated appropriately. Some dates and terms a little salah here and there methinks, but more or less (the proceeding expression is inspired by Mei Si) can make it lah =P...

So now all that's left is one more paper, and then my marathon december awaits... Onward i march to the depths of Thai history!

from the brink of failure

So it finally happened, the long-unawaited el2101 paper.

When i first looked at the questions, i seriously thought that that was it, gonna fail already...

Even as i was flipping through the paper looking for any question that was remotely attemptable, i was going through in my mind what might happen if i flunked this module - six modules, more suffering with el modules, disastrous cap plunge...

But even in doing so, i had this strange calm in my heart that i know can only come from God. Then, i just put everything down, closed my eyes, and prayed.

Not a prayer of desperation or last resort, but simply a prayer to surrender the paper to the Lord.

Slowly but surely the thoughts started to flow, and the once desperately unmarked paper began to fill up with answers.

Now, i am not saying that the paper became a piece of cake, cos even at this point in time i have absolutely no idea how the grade will turn out.

But i do believe that, with God-granted discipline, effort was put into this module throughout the sem, in spite of how much i abhorred it and how discouraging my results for the tests were, and that with some degree of correlation, the Lord saw me through the paper today.

Also can't forget the prayers of various people whom i have previously poured out all my gripes and grieviances regarding this module to. Thanks =)

This morning as i woke up, this chorus was ringing through my head.

Forever God is faithful,
Forever God is strong,
Forever God is with us,
Forever.

How apt, perhaps the context in which i am reminded of this song is a tad anti-climactical compared to the countless wonderful instances of His faithfulness displayed in our lives, but nonetheless, His faithfulness amazes me.

G Em C D

Had my first real detailed look at the amount of sep stuff that has to be done. To say that these loads of stuff are darn confusing would be the understatement of the year. Hopefully once exams end i'll be able to look at all of it with a clearer mind and get it all over and done with...

Which brings me to the realisation that once exams do finally end, i'll be deprived of any further excuse to delay doing the tons of stuff that have to be done in December - loads of MEET stuff, cg stuff, sep stuff, school stuff, friends stuff, church stuff, and on top of all of this i still want some time to just relax... In this sense perhaps the dawning of the end of exams isn't as rosy as i would have hoped that it would be, since i'll probably be loads busier then than i am now.

On a more positive note, today had my first-ever guitar lesson, an impromptu thingy this morning before prayer at the arts canteen, by Daniel (thanks for your patience in teaching highly-incompetent me). Was quite enjoyable, just the right thing to destress before the day of (supposed) mugging. A couple of things that i took away from today:

• the fingering of five chords, including the four mentioned above (which incidentally are also the starting chords for the chewy chewy chewy chewy umm papa song)
• a very rudimentary and crude method of strumming
• an awareness of the need to cut my fingernails
• a longing for a guitar

The paper for my all-time most abhorred module looms in sixteen hours time...

bits and pieces of today

Hooray to discovering that lyrics to Chinese songs that are in hanyu pinyin actually do exist on the web. Only for a few of them though, but quite cool nonetheless, at least i'll not be mumbling mandarinish nonsense when i play the song. For hong dou, the hanyu pinyin lyrics even come complete with an English translation (how accurate a translation beats me though) so at least now i know that the song isn't just about red beans... Actually, i realise that mandarin is a rather cool language in the sense that it is able to capture so much meaning so succintly, in such a way that any literal translation into English sounds just totally warped as a result. Too bad back in primary school the language way cruelly forced down my throat to such an extent that i harbour a permanent resentment of sorts against the language... That doesn't mean that i can't enjoy songs in the language though, even though i have no idea what they are talking about...

Have made a certain degree of progress in prep for the dreaded el2101... Still rather uneasy though... Ah to not be obsessed with grades, particularly for this one...

Ate too much chilli padi with my liver mee sua just now for dinner. Three sauce plates worth of it. No kick at all in the mouth, but could almost feel a volcano erupting within my stomach by the third plateful...

Aiyah, today was the season finale of Lost, and i only managed to catch the first half on tv mobile (one of the few times that i actually appreciate its presence...). Ah well, looks like i am just not meant to catch it...

I somehow managed to slash my finger with a butter knife just now. How i manage to get into all these silly household incidents is beyond me...

Still one week till exams end *bleah*

two down, three to go

A sampling from a conversation that went on today:

Person A: I've had four papers already.
Person B: Me too.
moi: Me two...

Had only the second of five papers today. Had a bit of last minute jitters, but ultimately by God's grace the whole thing went fine, even though initially i was a little thrown off upon looking at the paper thanks to the unconventional nature of the questions (it was my first-ever history open book paper and i had been too lazy to see samplings of potential questions from previous exams set by the same lecturer). At the end of the day i am very happy that i took this module, along with the other two history modules this sem. Much more interesting and fulfilling than the Singapore-dominated stuff that i did last sem.

Am quite amazed at how the Lord has kept me rather calm in the face of this current round of exams. It's not bochap-ness, but rather just a sense of peace that i don't need to obsess over the whole thing. I do my part as He leads and empowers and He will see me through. =)

One tiny issue though, i realise that it is rather impossible for me to carry on studying for the next paper once the previous one has ended. Today after my paper ended at three i proceeded to stone at the canteen for one hour. Then i figured that i was wasting my time so decided to go for a quick deprogramming (from recently concluded module) swim while the weather held (beautiful weather over the past few days, btw... it reminds me of San Francisco in summer with added humidity, or closer to home, Cameron Highlands...). (side note: need to exercise, cos the result of all that added eating over the past few weeks or so is beginning to show... getting fat) Anyways after swim ,went back to canteen only to more or less just stone all the way till i went back at eight. Since i've arrived home, guess what? More stoning...

Am suddenly in the mood to listen to Chinese songs after all the reminiscing over the past few days.

Two and a half days to prepare for the killer el2101...

the expected birthday post

First order of the day: first paper of the sem: intro to computing at 9am. Quite ok lah, throughout the paper depending on how much i understood of each question at that point on time my mind was alternating repeatedly between "boy am i glad i s/u-ed this module" and "shucks i should have just left it as graded". But in the end, what's done is done, and God has seen me through, that's all i could ask for really. Passing shouldn't be any problem lah... Finally the first paper is out of the way =)

Rather mundane revision followed after that at the central library 6th floor as usual, using a different approach to revision this time since the next paper (HY2250) is open book. My first ever history open book paper... Am surprisingly calm...

So went for dinner and i was midway through my potato salad (what better meal for this self-professed jiak kentang to eat?) when out of nowhere popped Mei Si, a cake, and the happy birthday song. Now, i'd be lying if i were to say that i was 100% surprised, in fact was rather expecting it (when you play a part in so many other people's birthday surprises, you develop a certain intuition about such things), but Joel did do a good job throwing me off guard for a moment when i sensed something fishy going on behind my back... Anyway, for anyone reading this who was there, thanks again, really do appreciate it, am not hamming it up when i say that i treasure the friendship of every single one of you, the cake was quite good too =P

After that, was just talking with Fern and Alicia at the canteen when Lizhen popped by with her English-Chinese dictionaries, cos she'd just had her translation exam. So there i was casually flipping through one of them when i came across "jie tuo" (i forget the intonation) and recalled that that's the name of an A* Mei song that i like. Dunno how things sprang out of this, but soon we were recalling and singing all sorts of chinese songs from all places, such as Jeff Chang's "guo4 huo3", the theme songs from the unbeatables 1 & 2, the duet between William So and Kit Chan "ai de zheng hao (?)", the chen2 xiao3 dong1 song that was the theme song of one channel 8 hospital show many years back, and many others. It was quite fun, i must say, and Alicia especially was rather amused that i knew so many chinese songs.

How do i know so many?
Two main reasons, watching channel 8 shows and therefore listening to their theme songs and living in close proximity to army buddies for extended periods of time (there was a point in time when i could practically sing the whole of one each of Jay Chou's and Stefanie Sun's albums thanks to my bunk mates playing them on and on and on and on).
How much of what i am singing do i understand?
Close to zilch (though from Lizhen's dictionary, i gather that "jie tuo" means something like "end"... [maybe that's why i can memorise so many of the lyrics - cos my brain doesn't bother to understand what they mean so more storage capacity...])

Anyways, once again, thanks to all the birthday well-wishers, from here and abroad. Hmm realise that if all goes according to plan, my next birthday will be spent overseas... Interesting.

random resolutions

Why should resolutions only be confined to the starting of a new year (be it solar/lunar calendar or academic)? To that effect (yes i am aware that b'day is coming up but this has totally nothing to do with it), i hereby resolve to:

Start taking notes in some way, shape or form while i am doing quiet time.

Recently, especially since the study break started, the Lord has been speaking to me in such amazing ways through His Word that haven't been the case for such a sustained period of time (just around a week - very good by my standards) ever. Am very thankful for the fact that i have been able to take away something new and refreshing from His divine Word more or less every day that has definitely spoken to me deeply (this also accounts for my recent penchant for sharing Bible passages with various groups of people - the Sword of the Spirit is such an amazing and powerful tool *yay*).

Of course, this sudden accumulation of spiritual treasure means that i have had trouble retaining much of it, which is where the idea to start writing down how the Spirit speaks to me through His Word comes in. Definitely a good habit that i've always had a momentary thought of now and then to do but never got around to.

So what i have to do is first to get a notebook. Now, some of you may know that i am quite one for primness (such a word?) and propriety [am trying to make nouns from "prim and proper" here], which means that everything must be just right [latest manifestation of this streak: i forgot to bring my pencil case to school that day and consequently went to the co-op to buy a new blue highlighter (yup, second in a week) in lieu of the brand new one at home to use for my readings cos i just have to use the exact same colour on all my notes]. This therefore means that i have to make sure that everything is just right for the notebook. Right colour (blue - nothing else will do...), size, price... Furthermore, once i get the notebook, my writing format of the notebook must also be standardized throughout each and every day... All of this merely makes the job of starting to fulfil this resolution all the more ma fan (especially considering how lazy and procrastinating i tend to always be)

So to that effect, when you (whoever you are) next see me, please do remind/prod/provoke/force me to go about actually starting this little undertaking of mine, so that it won't merely be an empty committment.

Reformat my room.

This stems from playing tennis at Ming Hui's house that day, when we went up to his room. It's slightly smaller than mine, but the space available is just soooo much more than what i have. The arrangement of furniture allows for maximal utilization of space, and therefore maximal empty space.

Now, if you have ever visited my room, you will know what a mess it is. Random unmatching pieces left over from the previous occupant combine with my father's two filing cabinets that the rest of the tiny house has no more room for, a totally unused air bike that similarly has no other place to call home, a box big enough to fit two mini fridges that is a remnant of Feb last year when we moved in to the house (and that currently serves as storage for any random piece of rubbish that i can't find any other place for, as well as a makeshift clothes rack), and my innate untidiness to equate to a total wreck of a living space.

Inspired by his room, i therefore hope to do some tidying up and furniture rearrangement in my room once time permits (which judging from my predicted schedule for the upcoming months, will fall somewhere around the start of the long break once year 2 ends...), so as to create more breathing space in this fire trap of mine. Already have ideas filling my head regarding how to go about doing this... Methinks i shall pay a visit to Ikea one of these days and see what i could get to replace some of this aging, cruddy furniture (but only once bus pass is restored though - which means next sem...)... Hmmm, judging from the rate that i am going, i won't be surprised if by the time this resolution is fulfilled my father gets posted somewhere else and we have to move again *bleah*.

Be outreach-minded.

Over the past month or so (and more so since we started having those very fruitful 9am morning prayer thingys at the arts canteen), God has, in several ways, been reminding me of my lack of action in terms of reaching out to others for Christ. Of course, there's MEET and all, but methinks that somehow i may have unconciously/subconciously been using that as a convenient excuse to, erm, excuse myself from doing so even here and now.

So now i am reminded of my grandfather, who i have taken for granted so much, since my family is otherwise more or less "fully Christian" in that sense, and who still has not come to accept Christ after 87 years. Also of my (maybe i have been neglecting building up relationships with them as of late) pre-believer friends (who don't even number much) or those of whom i am totally unaware of where they stand with the Lord at this point in time, especially those whom i have more or less broken off contact with and now wonder what might have been had i been obedient to the Lord's call back then. Even of the many pre-believers around me whom i have, up to this point never even had the thought of reaching out to through opportunities that the Lord has provided.

It is vital that comfort zones, which exist in terms of language, culture, friendship circles, time etc are exited from in this process. He does not require anything more from us than obedience to Him springing out of a deep love for Him that comes out of His initial great love for each and every one of us. So this is my prayer, that the Lord will cause this Christlike love to overflow from me, and that i will be sensitive to discern the opportunities that i know He will provide and take ownership of them as the Spirit leads.

Of course, i have many other things that i resolve to do [like pick up guitar, re-pick up and improve keyboards, learn Tagalog, re-learn and be fairly competent in French, finally get started on (let alone get) my driving license. get down to applying for SEP, run/swim/cycle/other exercise apart from soccer or badminton on a regular basis, and the list goes on...] but if i were to go on and on regarding all these my exam prep would just go down the drain, so for now, these three shall suffice...

two aunties i'm sorry for...

As exams draw ever closer, it's always good to talk about stuff totally to school from now and then just to let off some steam.

The vaporizing subjects for today are two annoying aunties that i've come across recently on tv.

Annoying auntie number 1: If you've been catching even a little bit of channel 5/ channelnewsasia recently you'd have come across the prudential ad with the auntie at a supermarket checkout corner who proceeds to do some kind of pseudo-cannot-make-it macarena upon hearing the beep of the checkout counter scanner. I hope that for that auntie's sake she was paid a royal sum for so thoroughly embarassing herself in front of the whole nation during practically every single commercial break. I won't be surprised if from now on wherever she goes around some eagle-eyed Singaporean will point at her and say "eh, the siao dancing auntie!". Or at least i will.

Annoying auntie number 2: This one definitely takes the cake for the person on tv i'd most like to reach into the screen to strangle. Having been involuntarily subject to the torture that is watching and listening to tv mobile every single day both to and from school, i shudder to note that the daily agony has just gotten worse thanks to the auntie who happened to win $1500 in some DHL thingy, and went on to rather untelegenically (this being a gross understatement, i tell you) broadcast this happy news of hers to the wholly uninterested and annoyed tv mobile viewing public. To rub salt into this already gaping wound is the fact that apparently the tv mobile commercial break schedulers have thought nothing of including this piece of crap of an advertisement in every single break. Seriously, if i hear that auntie say "all thanks to DEE HAYTCH ELLLLLLLL!" even one more time methinks that i will just scream (and attack the tv mobile screen too, of course)...

On another note, ate zhu1 gan1 mian4 xian4 (had to sorta mumble my order in the eventually fulfilled hope that the stall auntie would understand me since i was not entirely sure what it was called in the first place - i went like "zhu1 *insert random nonsense syllable here* mian xian") today for the first time ever, and it was actually quite good. The liver didn't taste too liverish, and the soup was quite flavorful...

sorry auntie

I totally didn't mean to anyhow plop in your hand the money for the grilled chicken set and inadvertently cause one of the 10-cent coins to drop into the big simmering pot of lemongrass chicken, causing you to try to mask your obvious annoyance by saying it didn't matter as you took away the full pot to fish out the errant coin and throw away its contents...

On the bright side, at least now i know that your stall is hygiene-conscious, and that whenever i eat at the engin canteen i will feel obliged to buy from your stall since my one rash act in payment probably cost you lots of $ today...

Hope you don't recognise me though =P

mid-week mugging musings

Yet another cool day today (not literally though)

Today's morning prayer boasted a 250% increase in attendance from the previous day (4 to 10)! We had a good time of impromptu praise and worship, featuring several 'morning' songs including this one, which i haven't sung for eons:

I Will Praise You Lord

I will awaken the dawning
I will arise and sing
The fruit of my lips is the sacrifice that I bring (Hebrews 13:15)

Father, my heart is faithful
I will sing praises to Thee
Great is thy faithfulness
Great is thy mercy to me

And I will praise You Lord
Praise You forever and ever
I will praise You Lord
Praise you forevermore
I will praise You Lord
Praise You forever and ever
I will praise You Lord

(paiseh couldn't find this anywhere online, so this is from memory)

Once again, a simple song whose lyrics nevertheless speak volumes if we mean them when we sing...

Getting back to the prayer, yup, once again it was great to start off the mugging day in a time of communion with the Lord together with others who are, to put it rather crudely, all in the same boat...

Later on there was exam tea yet again, and the Lord was once again gracious in His provision of people to, in the midst of eating, just talk to about anythin under the sun, including, of course, Christianity =) I myself only talked to two people, since i was a bit busy with the prep and had no one else to really have the opportunity to talk to. One of them was a Filipino girl, to whom i proceeded to pour out my Chilipino blues to, and the other was my namesake, who also happens to be Jeremy Koh's cousin...

After dinner we had a time of simple sunset worship, which was beautiful in its simplicity, through which i could still feel the ministering of the Spirit so strongly through the songs. Look forward to the next one...

Now, i suppose that one may remark that i haven't really been doing that much revision, judging from all the other stuff that has been going on. Shouldn't i be piah-ing full steam ahead for the upcoming papers? I dunno lah, but somehow, i feel a sense of what i believe is His peace upon me over the past few days, assuring me that studies and grades are not everything, and that while of course they still are important in that this is where the Lord has placed me, yet He is pleased by the other stuff that has been going on. I definitely believe that He will see all of us through this period as we are obedient to His call in whatever area...

This short passage that i came across during my quiet time now comes to mind somehow...

Jeremiah 9:23-24

This is what the Lord says:
"Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom
or the strong man boast of his strength
or the rich man boast of his riches,
but let him who boasts boast about this:
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,"
declares the Lord.

more musings in the middle of mugging mania

Think i've said this before, but anyways am always encouraged and challenged whenever one of these sharing-cum-prayer sessions come around. Methinks it's really amazing how the Lord can speak to us through so many different channels, one of them being through the experiences and prayer of other people. Another good day today, not so much strictly in terms of revision progress (much room for improvement there!) but rather holistically, so to speak.

Today, owing to catching an earlier bus, i got to school before 8am (for the first time in months...), and so had the highly amusing experience of watching the impatient early morning
(30 or so strong) nus crowd hovering outside the library entrance, and then promptly dashing madly for the discussion rooms on the sixth floor once the doors were opened at 8am sharp. It was a scene more akin to selfish aunties converging outside OG for their annual sale, or those hoards who lined up like crazy outside McD's some years ago for those (in my opinion) ridiculous Hello Kitty toys.

Had another fruitful time of sharing and prayer today with Evan, Adrian and Ming Hui. Also, it's extremely refreshing to just unburden the stuff that has been a bother to like-minded brothers and sisters, to know that apart from the Lord forever being with us, there are others too who are aware of what is going on and who are there for you.

Exam tea day two went on well, as far as i was aware of. Of course, since was doing more preparation work throughout the whole thing, didn't really have the chance to speak to anyone. I'll also be the first to admit that i didn't really feel like talking to anyone new today anyway. What a challenge it is for us to get out of our comfort zones sometimes in accordance with what the Lord has commanded. That's another area to pray about.

Had an early end to today's revision session to go (attempt to) play tennis at Ming Hui's house, together with Evan and Maicie Chiam Mei Si. Had a great time, definitely have progressed a teeny bit since last time, but i still stink overall. That being said, am definitely beginning to warm to the game, and hope to have more chances to play in future. (What i'll never warm to is the aches and pains in my right upper body that always greet me upon waking up the next morning - in fact this time they have even pre-empted my sleep...) Much preferred to badminton, definitely, since at least i am able to hit the ball with the racket, something that has remained strangely elusive whenever a shuttlecock comes my way...

After the game, washing up and dinner, went over to Haagen-Daaz to just chill for a while. Ms Maicie Chiam Mei Si (a.k.a. "mei mei"), was in her element, and proceeded to dish out many choice verbal gems that resulted in more guffaws from the rest. Some truly were real classics... I kid you not... But aiyah, she so poor thing, kena laughed at by us just now, so won't embarrass her further by posting all the farny things that came out of her mouth. If you wanna know, look for one of us lah...

*my phone rings*

in the midst of my moderately meaningful mugging...

I resolve to never take bus 33 to school ever again. 10 cents saved by taking it instead of bus 10 doesn't make up for waking up at 645am in order to get to the Dunman Road bus stop by 710am, only to promptly watch not one, not two, but three bus 16s (the only other bus to stop at the stop) whizz by before a pathetic old single-decker bus 33 troddles along. This bus then proceeds to troddle along for the rest of the long and uneventful journey to nus (make that one event - the bus was overtaken by the next bus 33 en route *peeved look*), which it only reaches at around 840am.

I realise that this sem, a whole new community of chao muggers has taken residence in the central library. Imagine that, the whole floor is full of people by 10am... Compels yours truly to wake up even earlier to chope a good table for the vcf library fellowship (central library chapter) before none remain.

I am very thankful to God for the opportunity to gather together with like-minded brothers and sisters in Christ to just share with and pray with one another.

I try to hypothesize what may have caused my tongue to have seemingly unilaterally retired a significant portion of my tastebuds, leaving me unable to fully appreciate sweet and hot (disaster!) food for the past two days now (my nose is fine so it's nothing to do with smell). Delayed reaction of mala huoguo, perhaps?

I reflect upon the stuff covered as of yet and am extremely grateful to God for keeping me (fairly) disciplined, such that a substantial amount of stuff has been done so far...

I am humbled by His graciousness in seeing me through my last essay and even blessing me with a surprisingly good mark, in spite of all my worries and fears that i would screw it up badly. Haven't been so overjoyed about any mark for a long time now. All the more incentive to persevere on till this exam is done on 1 December. When will i fully learn that His grace is indeed sufficient for me in my weakness?

I observe, how from the goings-on of today's arts exam tea, that yours truly is not really a people person, as in i am hardly the most gregarious of people. Yet at the same time, i recognise that the Lord is challenging me to break past these silly self-imposed limitations that i have and to actively reach out to others, not out of obligation to Him, but rather out of an overflow of a Christlike love.

I wonder how tomorrow's tennis game (weather permitting) will go about considering that we have a grand total of two orphaned and neglected (i.e. abandoned by their previous owners and subsequently picked up by us) tennis balls and no more than that. Are we destined to spend more time picking up the two balls than actually hitting them?

I am aware that even during this period, i still need to exercise to help to clear my mind and to relax, or else may just burn out... But where is time to be found to swim/run/cycle? Looks like for now (apart from tomorrow) i will have to settle with climbing up and down the steps between the library and the co-op...

mug shots?

Just completed the online student feedback survey thingy that promises to add a miniscule but still ever-welcome 30 points to my confusing and overtly ridiculous system (a.k.a. CORS) bid points accounts.

Why any of the faculty don't bother to update their profile shots that accompany the survey is beyond me. I presume that the shots are there in the first place to help blur students put a face to the mysterious name of Dr What's-his/her-face so that they'll actually know who they're evaluating/praising/trashing, so if the initial response of the student upon first seeing the shot pop up on screen is a thunderous guffaw then i think that the prevalent impression of the aforementioned Dr What's-his/her-face would be slightly skewed, to say the least. Practically all the profile shots that i just saw looked genuinely awful. Comparing these shots and the actual person of whom these shots are of, methinks that they all could appear in "Singapore Extreme Makeover: All Brains and No Beauty? Think again..."

Today is the day i shall attempt to watch at least two of my backlog of four unviewed intro to computing lectures. A little disturbing that the first of my exams (and on my birthday somemore *bleah*) is the one that i am least prepared for... Ah, the joys of the s/u option...

Latest episode in the Mei Si "What was she thinking?" series: Evan, Mei Si and myself boarded the double-decker bus 10 from nus on the way to suntec. Mei Si went first, went halfway up the staircase, and then turned back towards us, pointed upwards, and said something to the effect of "eh, let's go up..." *Ade Fam, Debs, myself and now Evan too all look at each other and give a "Huh?" look*

Random gross fact: I just discovered that i am able to touch my left inner wrist with my left thumb. *woo*

no more lessons

Rather an eventual last day of lessons had i today.

Somehow, stemming from yesterday's stay-back-after-school-to-study-for-a-while with Adrian, Melvin and Ming Jie, an impromptu and informal prayer session for one another and for anything else was organised this morning at the arts canteen. Since i have been there almost every morning by 830am anyway to do my quiet time and catch up on work before classes, it was no issue to go for the prayer.

And i was glad i did, cos it was a great time of sharing and prayer that we (Adrian, Daniel, Ming Jie n myself) had. Prayer really is a wonderful gift that we have been given by the Lord as a means of communication and hence building an even better relationship with Him, and even at the same time to edify one another in the Lord, while also building our own relationships with one another.

Had my final lecture after that, for the killer el module that i have grown to abhor more and mroe with each passing moment. Got back the last of the quiz results today, not good at all, though at least managed to pass. One thing that i was surprised with was that at least when i got the results back i didn't like wail inwardly or mumble and grumble or anything like that, i just more or less accepted it. Now, i honestly have to admit that i have little clue on how to prepare for this annoying module, and presently my CA grades are probably in the b-/c+ range. But also, somehow i have a strange sense of peace over this module. Very interesting... Definitely will be committing this to the Lord, and in faith see how He will lead the way.

Later i had my final tutorial, for another module which i am somewhat clueless as to how to handle the whole thing. Yup, my grades so far have been quite good, but so have everyone else's, and i don't really know how to gauge where i stand or what is really expected, cos the marking system is rather unconventional, to say the least... See how lah...

Then for dinner, the thursday cg people left for our long-awaited mala huoguo (China's answer to the sauna) nite at some place with an unreadable (by me) chinese name at Beach Road. $12 per pax, which is rather reasonable, considering the fact that they have a rather comprehensive spread for that amount. Of course, a sizeable portion of the food consisted of my uneatables, namely all the seafood. The good thing was that the sheer spiciness of the mala stock erased any lingering odour of seafood, so i had no issue whatsoever. Wah, and the stock was really something, after my first sip, it really felt as though i just had a novocaine injection. Power sia... (that being said, my peranakan tongue indicated to me that it still could have been hotter though, but out of deference to the less spice-tolerant people at the table, didn't ask for more chilli) [anyway doubt i'd be able to cross the language barrier anyway - "er, ke2 yi3 jia1 duo1 duo1 la4 jiao1 ma1?"]. Am so glad that i was smart enough to dress appropriately (i.e. t shirt and berms) cos methinks that if i was wearing anything more i'd appear as though i had just emerged fully-clothed out of a swimming pool.

Initially i was a leetle skeptical about tonite, but in the end i am really thankful for the whole night and the good time of fellowship and celebration (btw, Mei Si, my 'surprise' cake was really good - practically oozing from the centre with your favourite chocolate) we had. Very thankful for the whole thursday cg community, and am definitely looking forward to the next two thursday cg events coming up... Of course, there's the teeny matter of exams to clear before that...

First official pure day of mugging begins today!

yap choi choi choi

Yesterday's (or if you wanna be technical about it, the day before yesterday's) FT was a very enriching time for me, mainly cos of the message.

What Ms Gracia said about being serious about (evangelism + missions =) our mission struck me in a way, cos even though i may be involved in MEET, perhaps unconciously i may have been treating it as the fulfillment of my Christian outreach quota, and also feeling very bogged down by all the stuff that has to be done for MEET. Think that somehow i may have unconciously looked upon the stuff to be done as just plain that, stuff to be done. Thank God for the timely reminder of the larger purpose behind all these things, and a clearer picture of the bigger scheme of things.

Of course, it also felt rather surreal to hear her speak in the VCF context rather than the ACJC/choir context that i am so familiar with. Was half expecting her to whip out a tuning fork and give pitch...

Today (or yesterday, if you'd like) i practically spent the whole day (apart from two hours of lecture) in arts canteen green tables again... Dunno why i have a sudden affinity for that place even though it can get sooooo very hot... Furthermore i feel that i can be more productive in the library 6th floor, which i unconventionally have been giving the miss as of late, primarily cos i am too lazy to move there once i've plopped myself there in the morning. This certainly explains why i've been eating way too much lately, am way to near the food source... Well come friday, i shall immediately station myself in the library to avoid nua-ing in the canteen.

Stayed back for a while after dinner (btw, what a novel idea - a few people sharing dishes from the dong dong store - more variety at same price) to do a bit of work. Ming Jie's laptop was playing a couple of those old songs that remind me how old i am (even though i never heard of many of them until recently). There was one cantonese ballad by Zhang Guorong that i remember my brother playing endlessly many many years ago, i think i was still in sec one then. Now when i hear it it sounds nice, but then, i was highly irritated and amused by one particular line where he goes "yap choi choi choi", and does so many many times throughout the song [i believe the song's called "choi" (mandarin: zhui1) - which explains the abundance of "chois" in the lyrics]. Then there were three English songs, John Lennon's "Imagine" (love the tune though can't make sense of the lyrics), Peabo Bryson's "If Ever You're In My Arms Again" (today's pop just pales in comparison), and Patty Smyth & Don Henley's "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough" (ditto). If i am not wrong, all three can probably be heard on Gold 90.5FM nowsaday. Boy am i getting old...

lemak sia...

Ok, today's work progress has been moderately successful, managed to get two annoying-to-write forum postings up... Actually quite looking forward to the week ahead, since it features a couple of (hopefully) slack revision lectures, and only one cunningly-scheduled tutorial. Apart from that, there's also mala huoguo nite to look forward to =) Oh, and loads of revision too =X

Just had an extended family dinner of sorts at Charlie's, a Peranakan restaurant just a short walk from my house, opposite Holy Family Church. Now, normally i am not particularly crazy about any of the plethora of eateries within the immediate vicinity of my house, always have been better acquainted with the Siglap area eateries [Debs: just fyi, cos i know you dunno since you are stuck in your Clementi ways, Siglap and my house area (Katong) are two different constituent parts of the wider east]. Anyway, didn't quite remember much of Charlie's from the only other time i ate there so i didn't expect much...

My parents took the liberty of ordering the dishes, and practically half of the stuff that they chose was outside the boundaries of my eating range: Nangka Lemak (Nangka - yuck), Chap Chye (just don't like any of its constituent "chyes"), Babi Cincalok (Cincalok = shrimp = puke), Penang Gulai Fish (the gulai in this case was all brinjal *bleah*), Bakwan Kepiting (crabmeat - no way will i eat that).

There was one dish that more than made up for this though. Nope, it wasn't the fabled ayam buah keluak (which still was rather good btw, especially with the sambal, which regrettably was not hot enough though). Rather it was the beef rendang, which was just droolworthy. Not because of the tender and moist beef chunks, nor for the delicately spiced rempah that was not overpowered by lengkuas or ginger or any of that stuff, thanks to the daun limau purut that was added. Nope, it was thanks to the extremely liberal amounts of coconut that they put into the dish. Not only could i taste very rich coconut milk in the sauce, but also could detect generous sprinklings of dessicated coconut inside as well. Wow, it was almost like eating beef cubes in coconut milk *slurp*.

Yup, i know that this is so freaking unhealthy, but trust me, if you ate it you'd be willing to run for hours on end to burn off whatever effects it may have on you body (erm... on second thoughts make that minutes on end - not willing to commit to that much running)

And the staff were quite nice too, one of the aunties even apologised repeatedly for her perceived poor service due to the crowded nature of the restaurant, although it wasn't bad at all in my opinion... Humility is always a plus point for me...

Yup, so when the opportunity arises, i shall go there to clog my arteries with their beef rendang again, then proceed to attempt to unclog them by running for, erm, minutes on end...

the aftermath

This afternoon, after the previous post and lunch, although i was not that sleepy, i just lay in bed all the way from around two-ish to five-ish doing pretty much nothing - didn't even sleep methinks cos time passed so slowly... Sort of dozed off and woke up intermittently, checking the clock in between only to find out that mere minutes had passed by. This pattern was also sporadically peppered with "semi-dreams", whereby i was dreaming nonsense stuff while being fully aware that i was doing so... Weird. Almost like i was under the influence of something... And of course this all meant that i have neglected my revision entirely for yet another day...

After that made the long and arduous one minute journey to church for cell. Always good to see, to learn more about God's word, to pray and to fellowship with one another. Dunno how to out this more tactfully, but it's good to be at the receiving end of spiritual feeding now and then, otherwise sometimes things can get quite draining...

Somehow i felt like running again this evening, partially cos this morning's running experience indicated to me that there's still loads of room for improvement, and also because i think that it's a great way to relax and relieve pent-up school stress (which admittedly i don't have a lot of now cos i haven't been working hard at all), while being a good way to exercise too. So it was to ecp with my dependable running kaki again. Have to find another one once he goes off for sep next sem though...

pass + incentive

So finally had the long-dreaded ippt today. Here's an excerpt of the cool results receipt that they gave at the end of it (cos i don't have a digicam or scanner at hand).

Station: Score (Pts)
Sit Up: 34 (3)
Broad Jump: 225 cm (3)
Chin Up: 7 (2)
Shuttle Run: 9.5s (5)
2.4km Run: 11:46 min (2)

Total: 15
Result: PASS
Award: INCENTIVE

Yup, so if you can't make sense of this, basically, i passed...

Some thoughts:

Didn't realise that ippt taking was so hi-tech now. They give everyone a number tag with a RFID (Radio Frequency IDentification) tag embedded in it, and all the static stations are now fancy machines that severely curtail the possibility of cheating. For example, the sit up machine actually counts for you, so no chance to shake hands with your heel-holding assistant (now replaced by a strap) and submit grossly inflated scores to the station i/c (not that i do that, of course heh).

After months of fretting over whether i'd be able to pass, the Lord even blessed me with not only a pass, but an extra $100 for getting 15 points (see above). Am really thankful. Thanks to all who prayed for, encouraged, ran with, or even chuckled "that poor boy" at me when hearing all my complaints about ippt...

Also, i realise that with the proper preparation, i actually can get a silver next year. From today's results, all i need to do is to do three more sit ups, one more pull up, and run seven seconds faster. That being said, i am more than happy with today's results.

Pretty ironic that almost all of my preparation for today was running, and it turns out that my running didn't improve one bit (in fact i usually am able to get a silver timing) (So this means that i have to run all the more from now on, which i don't mind anyway...). But anyway to clear sit ups, jump and especially pull ups is more than i could ask for... And to run my fastest-ever shuttle run too (though i suspect it's due to the fancy shuttle run machine that does away with the need to pick up any annoying wooden blocks/ bean bags and that detects you as you pass under the finishing gantry).

After the ippt, made my way to ecp to do my quiet time, since conveniently and incidentally, my stuff was all in my bag to begin with. Don't recall ever doing that before, and i must say, in spite of the less-than-pristine condition of the beach, it's a good place to do quiet time. Maybe i'll do that more often, take advantage of the proximity to home... Was really cool too to see the dark rain clouds drift over from Indonesia and overwhelm the clear blue Singaporean sky. Of course that also meant that yours truly ended up caught in the rain, but ah well, nvm...

trapped!

Am stuck upstairs waiting for a lull in my parents' cg downstairs so that i can go and get something to eat. So in the meantime, have some thoughts to spill.

I don't seem to be too bothered about ippt in around ten or so hours' time though obviously it still has been preoccupying my thoughts for the longest time as can be seen from previous posts. If i can clear it tomorrow then well and good, only by God's grace definitely, and if it isn't, then, to quote Mei Si, "like that lah"...

I have just realised that four of my five exams are open book papers... Including two of my three history modules... Have never had an open book history paper before, should be very interesting... Maybe this will let me not obsess over the teeniest details when i am revising...

Two regrets of mine that i was reminded of today:

That up till now i still haven't even lifted a finger towards getting a driving licence. I think with the number of drivers around me getting more and more, it's time for me to finally do something. Wish my parents were like some others and had forced me to take driving once i was able to, then i wouldn't have sat pretty for three whole years not doing a single thing till now, when no progress has yet been made. The only thing being that if i do go for sep in year three sem one, then it's pointless for me to piah for a licence now as i most probably won't be able to see it through by the time i fly off. Maybe just theory then, i dunno... Aaargh...

Also that i never had the foresight to recognise the importance of learning any musical instrument properly last time. I learnt grudgingly learnt yamaha electone eons ago till one year when i didn't really bother and failed the exam, so then i begged my parents to let me quit, which i did. So here i am now, when all i am able to do on the keyboard is to play with one hand and one finger at a time for only a handful of songs. And last time when i was still in my old church and was surrounded by several other youths who were learning/playing guitar, once again i was lazy and didn't bother to pick it up alonsgside them. Even when a guitar somehow came into my possession when i was in sec two, i basically didn't bother about it and eventually gave it away without even touching it. Now, especially when it comes to church cell and vcf cg, there's only Dan and Mark respectively to play for worship every week and i wonder what might have been had i not been so lazy last time...

For both these regrets, now when i have finally realised all of this it's at the wrong time since nowsaday i have not enough time for them at all, with school and all the other stuff, even during the break... Hopefully in the near future God will open some doors for me... We'll see lah...

Hopefully will be reporting joyful news come the time of the next post...

how toot can i get?

After months and months on end of lamenting to everyone in sight (and some out of sight too) that i was faced with the sad reality of having exams that begin on the first (18th Nov) and end on the last (1 Dec) day of arts fac exams, just now while compiling my exam timetable i realised that ultra-toot me had been misleading myself the entire time, and that my papers do not cover such a long duration after all.

Of course, the sad part is that the part i got wrong was the starting date, and not the ending date, which means that i still suffer the sad reality of being one of the last few left piah-ing in the library (either central or marine parade) all the way to the end. I have the added depressing news that my first paper is on my birthday, and it's for something that i know nuts about (am still procrastinating watching the last four or so webcast lectures that i skipped out of laziness of going to science) [but of course it's s/u-ed, so maybe not so bad...]

Oh well, for posterity's sake, here's my much complained-about timetable:
Intro to computing: MONDAY, 21 NOV 2005 (MORNING)
Intro to SEA Hist: WEDNESDAY, 23 NOV 2005 (AFTERNOON)
EL 2101 (killer!): SATURDAY, 26 NOV 2005 (AFTERNOON)
Asian American Hist: TUESDAY, 29 NOV 2005 (AFTERNOON)
Thai Hist: THURSDAY, 01 DEC 2005 (AFTERNOON)

At least there are long breaks in between each paper, which just means more opportunities to stone away...

Then there's the added issue of ippt, which i am taking in just over 30 hours time... Went to look at the requirements for passing again and suddenly it looked very do-able. Only need to do 6 pull-ups and jump 216cm, and a pass is quite achievable. On the other hand, however, i haven't done at least 6 pull-ups and jumped at least 216cm since ORD more than a year ago...

On the plus side, today i was very blessed and encouraged by the sharing of a Thai pastor, Thanit, whom the Thailand MEET team interviewed at SBC for part of our assignment for the next meeting. It's times like this when i realise how the Lord has blessed us Christians here in S'pore so tremendously, and by inference how much is expected from us (Matt 25:29)

Also, after that, we went to Island Creamery to indulge just that little bit. My first time eating the ice cream there and definitely not my last *licks lips*, though i would hesitate to try the tiger beer sorbet though...

And of course, there's the whole plethora of exciting stuff coming up once 1 December is long gone: MEET stuff, AnnTIC, Amazing Race (hopefully), meeting people, exercise free from the shackles of ippt *crosses fingers*, NO SCHOOL...

Allo ALLO

Good moaning (geddit, geddit?).

Some success on the schoolwork front today, but still things could be much better, especially considering the fact that it was a more or less free day for me.

One positive sign, i suppose, was my need to purchase a new blue highlighter at the co-op, which means that i have been making at least some sort of indent on my thick stack of unread readings. (note that unlike a certain someone who i shall not name *coughmeisicough*, i do not indulge in a grand celebration to mark the retirement of any piece of stationary of mine...)

Also. hanging around at the green tables today enabled yours truly to make good conversation with several people, CF and non-CF alike (albeit at the expense of the aforementioned thick pile of readings).

Today marked the first time that i've managed to meet up with my new ALLO buddy (Melvin) for lunch. Had a great time getting to know my fellow brother in Christ better, very encouraging to hear about his Christian walk, reminds me once again that there's still a long way more to go in my Christian walk... [Random unimportant observation: my two ALLO buddies so far have all had their names ending in the suffix -vin (Kevin and Melvin), and their surnames ending in -an (Tjan and Chan)]

Also today was probably the last time that i will exercise before saturday morning's ippt, as i don't want to overexert myself (though i haven't really even exerted myself much, so overexertion is, by implication, theoratically impossible). Now just to wait and see what happens in around 55 hours...

and so it starts... very slowly...

Nice thundery and lightning-riddled weather outside now, which means that Bingo has a warrant to hide in the house...

Well since the weekend has come and gone now is technically revision and study time for me according to the ideal scenario that i have roughly planned out.

Of course this schedule is highly theoratical in nature and the actual progress made over the past two days has been at the pace of a lame snail...

I do wish that the library was open for a longer period of time during public holidays such as today and thursday, so that i'll have an excuse to stay in school and hopefully do something productive, rather than (in today's case) have to head home even before dinner once 430pm (and the library closing theme music that i can more or less memorise the tune of by heart now, after one whole sem of hearing it almost everyday) hits, and then proceed to let time slip idly by till the moment i type this. Of course, that's rather selfish of me to think that and not bother about the needs of the staff...

Yup, so today in those seven hours of the library's brief operation today managed to complete two page-long history journal entries. That's it... Haven't even started on the readings yet. The worst thing is that by my standards that is pretty good, and i was actually quite pleased with myself.

And my eating bug hasn't gone away either. Thought that i would be able to skip lunch (since in school all that's open is the uber-crowded and sian-ified McD's - or else the expensive and equally sian-ified fong seng) by actually eating breakfast, for the first time in a very long time, and a heavy one at that (finished off the rest of stylesse choco, which almost could not fit into the bowl). Well, as my stomach soon pointed out to me, i was wrong, and after bumping into Mark and us briefly considering McD's, it's sheer crowdedness (looked like one of those pioneering McD's that attract droves in Russia or China) drove us to the humble sandwich machine. Then after closing time and going back home, i practically went on to eat everything in sight that was vaguely edible and ready-to-eat to me in the fridge (which strangely enough included bak kwa, mini apple muffins, two large bowls of a new cereal that i opened, and i dunno what else). No more than two hours later, it was time for dinner and more stuffing myself. All this is rather alarming to me btw, now am wondering whether come ippt day (which is in a very short time from now) i may be too heavy to even do one pull up...

Have been thinking about potential studying venues once school ends. Of course, home is out, as had been clearly evident to me over the past few days. At first was rather intent on trodding to school everyday on bus 10 to study regardless of whether i had a paper on, at the library 6th floor (the vcf library fellowship), all the way till my last paper on (*sobs*) 1 December. But now, i realise that my bus pass expires on the 11th, and it makes no sense to renew it after that, cos i probably won't get my $52 worth cos its validity would extend all the way past AnnTIC (yay!), when i obviously would be in no need of the services of sbs (unless we are to take bus 170 across the causeway or something like that...).

So my pragmatic streak leads me to perhaps consider some more easterly study venues on certain days, particularly those when i have no business being in school since i have no papers on. Marine Parade library, perhaps (which is especially attractive to me since i can walk there from my house, and would not need to waste $ on bus fare)... Anyway, figured that by the time nus exams come around, even the O and A levels would already be winding down, which means no annoying teenagers in the library to distract me from attempting to revise...

Love this weather, perfect for sleeping =)