running on (near) empty

Saturday was kinda a reunion sorta day - in the afternoon went back to acjc for a choir 20th anniversary thanksgiving service thingy - it's hard to believe that it's already been seven years since leaving jc - but anyways, that was a good opportunity to touch base with old faces (not many, i was one of only two people from my batch who were there) and get reacquainted with some of the music that pulsated through my brain over those two years [me being the kind who retains music in my mind well, i honestly can still remember a good portion of the music and lyrics (in my part, at least) that formed our repertoire (well with four/five-hour-long rehearsals twice a week, it's hard not to actually)]. Good also to see again what the seemingly endless stream of fundraising we did during those two years went into (especially when the school is unadorned with makeshift stalls and decorations during funorama - which has been the only other reason i've been back there apart from this in recent history). And also (unlikely, but at least became more open to the possibility) a widening of potential posting opportunities post-nie. But at the same time i was also reminded of how out of touch i (was and) am with choir life in general. Heck.

After that it was time for a cross-country mrt ride (first of many more to come methinks in the near future) to another barker class reunion. Honestly, in the past two reunions i've attended this year, i would never have expected to enjoy myself as much as i did - it's great to see how everyone looks roughly the same but nevertheless seems to have grown a lot in the emotional/spiritual sense, and also look back on good times all those years ago. Everyone's really come a long way, though i must admit, many of the various classroom shenanigans that people were recalling were stuff i was hitherto unaware of.

I wonder now if that was at least in part because while in sec 3/4 i was admittedly a (relatively) guai student who probably was too busy being a guai student to notice that all this was going on, at a time when many of the others (by their own admission) didn't really study much during that time, but have since gone on to much greater things in their own right, such as getting into good schools and graduating with good degrees or finding a great job, that sorta thing - along those lines i seriously wonder if i had more or less exhausted whatever capacity i had to be that sort of guai student by the time nus, and in particular the period after coming back from exchange, came around, culminating in the spectacular academic failure that is my final sem. And along similar lines, whether my early involvement in all things VCF pre-exchange sort of sapped a good deal of the capacity i had for cf involvement in general, culminating in my dwindling energy put in to cf stuff over the last year (yes, in spite of being in exco), up to the state of near apathy that i seem to be feeling at this moment. Of course, as per my usual disclaimer, i am probably making things out to be far worse than they actually are, but in essence, it's all there.

Well, the obvious alternative to that hypothesis is that things just changed dramatically for me upon coming back from exchange - i've a good portion of what was written in the excellent report in Saturday's ST on disoriented S'poreans returning here after time abroad to support that theory (even if five months isn't exactly the longest of times, as compared to say years/decades). I'd like to think that it's a combination of the two, plus other random factors.

Oh well. i know how much i hate overthinking/overanalysis, and i figure that's exactly what i'm doing in the above, so let's keep it at that for now - just hope that things change soon enough...

(sorta) parting thoughts

Got back yesterday from exco retreat/advance - it felt kinda weird some of the time, as for the first time in just about year i was at a chalet hanging around with no real work to have to do, where the major decisions to be made are of the what-game-should-we-play-now variety.

So i guess this kinda marks the end of what has been a highly eventful year in exco - lots of ups together with their fair share of downs - but all in all, as i've come to realize is more or less always the case, at least in retrospect, an experience with much to give thanks for - a concrete display of what can happen if you just have faith that He will see you through.

Anyways, any more of that reflection stuff will probably turn all maudlin so i'll avoid that. Basically as it felt weird to not have any work per se to get done during retreat/advance, so now it feels weird that technically VCF is no longer my direct concern, so to speak. And being the kind who tends to focus on a limited amount of key things at a time (and having VCF be one of them over the past four years, and i'd say at the expense of church), to have one biggie come to a sudden endlike this is quite the surreal experience.

Of course, who's to say that i'm cutting off all ties from VCF - yup that's definitely not the case. But in lieu of my arguably special circumstances (which in short are that i really ought to be better rooted in church, especially now that there's no longer VCF), i've been thinking that i really should limit the amount of time i spend coming back to visit and all that, as satisfying an experience as that may be, as that would methinks to at least some extent just serve to perpetuate the frustration that is my current situation. Not that i'm taking time off from CF stuff and cfers along with that, but just that selectivity (if there is such a word) is key for now.

Was watching a short CNN report on James Blake just now - basically he's a top tennis player who a couple of seasons ago went through injury that caused near paralysis, the death of his father and a life-threatening illness all in one short span. What struck me about that is how he was dismissing the "why me?" attitude that perhaps is human nature when afflicted in such a way - he reasoned that people don't ask the same when they achieve success in some way, so why should we do the same when things don't go the way they so-called 'ideally' would? And at least for me, that makes perfect sense. I am not sure what Mr Blake's religious affiliations are, but in applying it to a Christian perspective on things, who are we to question how the Lord lets things go when they don't turn out well, when we welcome with open arms (occasionally accompanied by thanksgiving) the good stuff?

Of course in theory, that's easy to say and affirm, but in practice, ay there's the rub. Throughout the course of much of the past four years i've been struggling with the "why me?" thingy for various setbacks and what not that've happened, the most current one being the far-less-than-satisfactory church situation i'm in, and the long-term implications of that over the years, some of which have already become an occasionally painful reality for me. Guess that's just something that the Lord is still working through, with a more concrete conclusion to the matter still lying far ahead in the distance, if it exists at all. That's where grace and faith come in eh...

Whither the Weather

Some of you may have heard me complain ad libitum about the (imho) overly-warm and humid weather in S'pore and my penchant for cooler climes (which is one reason why i like to holiday in faraway atas places where possible, as well as partly why global climate change vexes me so much and hence why i'm quite environmentally conscious, but that's another story). Anyways last year around this time i was on the last leg of my time in the States - over the holidays after exams i went to places like Boston and St. Louis. And it so happened that in all these places they were experiencing above-average temperatures - fair enough. So i didn't get to experience snow and what not, hardly the end of the world.

Now that i've cable though, and hence watch CNN/Headline News in lieu of Channelnewsasia (cos imho, the latter sucks and i really could not care any less for mediacrap), i've been observing the weather patterns in North America quite a fair bit - and lo and behold, places which i'd visited last year in the Midwest and New England have already experienced crippling snowstorms, stuff strikingly absent when i was there. Not that i'd have liked to be there during such frigid conditions, but it still seems to reinforce the conclusion that i've arrived at, which is that the mercury always seems to head upwards whenever i'm in town. Apart from this prime example, i also recall last year when there was quite a bit of snow in Chicago just the week before i arrived there, which of course had all disappeared by the time i got there, and which reappeared just after i flew back to Chapel Hill. Even when i went back to the Philippines earlier this year, my cousin-in-law told me that there was hail the morning of the day i arrived (of course, i only arrived at night). And there are more examples where those came from... Sigh - how to ever do stuff like skiing like that (and i don't count snow city as a legitimate example)?

CORS bidding is just around the corner, and i'm as indecisive as ever. Experience obviously doesn't breed ease of action in this case... It doesn't help that i never got around to doing the pre-allocation this time round cos i was occupied with other stuff, and so it totally slipped my mind. I'm as fussy as ever when it comes to choosing classes, even though i've only three to choose in total, and i've already decided on one of them... Anyone else is shopping around for a good s/u-able (and hopefully non-examinable) breadth class?

Managed to go down to Esplanade to watch ACJC Choir caroling the other day - got to meet some of the people from my batch as well which was good... Miss those days quite a bit (well ok, maybe only parts of it) - i could still remember a good deal of my parts from the songs, especially since they've by and large remained the same even after seven years.

Yesterday's PRC camp, by God's grace went well - i think that was the only truly sunny day we've had in the whole of this month (and to that end i now have a painful reminder that i musn't forget to apply sunscreen on the back of my neck...), and thankfully no one got injured or anything like that. Once again, just like the prc camp i was at three years ago, i'm pretty sure that i spoke more Mandarin the whole of yesterday than i have in the rest of the year put together. And i was reminded why i'm so reticent about ever taking a holiday in China/HK/Taiwan etc - language frustrations would just drive me bonkers...

I totally concur with what mr brown posted about taxi drivers. Government affiliations aside, i think that it's just not right that basically no matter how bad the situation gets for the drivers, the cab companies basically are hardly the worse for wear, since regardless of how much (or how little) the drivers earn in a day, they still have to pay a fixed rental to the company. Talk about being out of touch. This latest fare increase basically affects the demand for taxi rides, at the expense of the drivers, whereas the companies themselves definitely feel less pain. It's situations like this that make me more sympathetic towards a proper labor movement in terms of unions and what not (and please NTUC so doesn't count). Of course, this has many messy drawbacks, but still nevertheless the drivers deserve to have it better than they do now (and yup, i'm speaking up for them even though they have caused me many an angry moment when i'm cycling).

happy (hectic) holidays

Well the holidays this time have not exactly been the most relaxing of moments for me as there have been a lot of things going on over the past month or so - allow me to randomly recall and recap...

AnnTIC this time round was a bit of a change from previous ones i've been to - with stuff like exco time and all that, plus the fact that i came a day late and was rather disoriented at first. Thankfully the message of the theme talks especially was something that i hold rather close to my heart, and so those at least really rang a bell with me. I guess i'm the sort who may not be complacent in terms of knowledge, but rather complacent in terms of action, if you catch my drift; so the message was definitely a timely and relevant one. Glad to have gotten to know quite a few new people too. And if time, inspiration, and creative energy permits, i'll get cracking on that song sooner or later. One regret though is that i never managed to get down to playing any games at all, after having looked so forward to that initially...

Have also had to get started on prep for ht, and to that end i felt like i had accomplished so much when i went down to school on at least three separate occasions for consultation and book-borrowing. That however has proven to be the more-than-easy part. The actual reading of all of these resources is another matter altogether, and i've barely begun with anything where that is concerned. Can't seem to get out of the lazy, holiday mood and get down to actual work (schoolwork of this nature during holiday time is a rather alien concept to me). Hmm, but come to think of it, there's a big load of stuff to read. So think i shall have to find my way back to school and do my research there - at least the environment there is somewhat more conducive (i hope).

Christmas this year was the first in three years i've spent here - there was MEET camp two years ago and then was at my cousin's place in MD last year. Nothing special though - went for the Christmas Eve midnight service, first time in donkey years that i've been for the service at SAC. And i never realized that having the right family connections could secure one a reserved seat in the front row (all the better to fall asleep in front of the preacher in). So i was seated right in front of the lectern, and in the middle of methinks Joy to the World i looked down and lo and behold i spotted a little gray mouse peeking its head out from its base (and let me clarify, it was a little cute gray mouse, kinda like the kind people keep as pets, not a vile gigantic brown rat). Yup so that was the highlight of my Christmas i guess. Fun, eh?

I was admittedly rather anxious about this past sem's results, particularly because i've been straddling the fine line between classes of hons. And well, after this sem, basically nothing has changed, which i'm thankful for, that at least things have more or less maintained rather than regressed. What intrigued me a bit was the specific grades for some of the classes - i trust our dear friend Mr Bell Curve had a rather heady role to play in that one...

Yesterday was floorball time - something that i've missed over the past one and a half years or so - was good - finally got some exercise this month (and coming right after all the Christmas pigging-out, the timing could not have been any better). And as proof of the exercise i now have the expected body aches and orh cehs (sp?) on both knees, the latter thanks to my unintended expertise at sliding all over the floor while lunging for the ball. Ah well, it was fun, so all these are worth it.

Parents are away now at some clergy retreat thingy (it's supposed to be a family retreat, but almost all the children who go are like primary school age and under, and the last thing i want to do is to babysit annoying children), so i've had to do my part in bringing Bingo down to answer nature's call - i must say, it's hardly the most fun thing in the world to scoop up his waste matter from under him and pop it into the bin. Ah heck, it's only for two days... On a related note, it's sad to see how he's aged exponentially ever since we moved over here (he's 14 btw) - now he hobbles about as if he had just gotten neutered, and can't pee the usual male dog way of lifting one leg anymore (cos think he'd lose his balance), and constantly slips on our marble floor, and has to prop himself on his snout before lying down or else risk bashing his head on the floor. Poor thing.

plan b

So it's the beginning of the weekend and all, and i'd been meaning to finally try and recap my recent trip back to the motherland over here (not as much for others to read as for me to be able to have something concrete for me to actually recall what happened there in the distant future...)

Alas, circumstances have made it such that it is way past the time when my brain is normally capable of such deep recollective and reflective thought, so the aforementioned post will have to wait till another day for it to reach fruition. Instead i'll stick to random thoughts over the past couple of weeks.

The recently concluded summer break has in certain ways been anything but, owing to the amount of stuff that i had on my plate from both moving house and then settling in (which is, as always, a work in continual, and i fear eternal progress); as well as from cf stuff (which has thankfully been more enjoyable, but still time-consuming and tiring). Still, however, i'm glad it was, when all is said and done, a fulfilling one, not only due to the timely and sorely-needed quick escapes from S'pore to our friendly ASEAN neighbors; but i guess due to the stuff that contributed to busyness as well...

When i was recalling the year past and how i missed things that happened then, one thing that i forgot to mention was how last year's national day was my favorite one in a long time. Um, unfortunately, it was precisely because i was out of the country that it was my favorite one. Yeah (and i hope the people up there in charge of the national pottery don't take offense if they ever should read this) i'm sorry but i'm just not a fan of huge outward displays of patriotism. My personal take is that resources could be far better spent elsewhere, and particularly not spent on things like the commissioning of atas nat'l day songs that seem to be less your love for the country than a lesson in world geography cum a rubbing it in to the average S'porean who probably counts the occasional weekend trip up to Genting or even JB as a real treat that some of us (um and i readily admit i'm one of them) just have been blessed to have it much better or the choreographing equally atas mass display programs that seemed more a showcase either of unwilling or, worse yet, alarmingly enthu parade participants with drag queen outfitting and makeup (more befitting perhaps of The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert than of a country's birthday celebration - and yes, freaky red fish-man, i'm talking about you here...) than the retelling of the S'porean past.

It's not that i don't like this country (though once again i'll readily admit that many people love it more than i do), but rather exactly because i do that i shudder to see how it celebrates its birthday each tacky year after another. Well, if there's anything i am happy about from this year's festivities, is that the engineers played a key role in its execution, and that the guy in charge, the current CEO, is a real nice guy whom i respect from the time i was still serving. And if there's anything that i'm even happier about, it's that he was not tasked to do this five years ago, for if so i might be the one frustratingly burning weekends and then some for an event i don't really care much for...

And so now school has started... As i've probably mentioned somewhere before, i'm really thankful that my workload this year isn't that bad after all, owing to one times favorable exchange last year which cleared me of 37.5% of a typical honors year workload. That's freed up much deeply-treasured time for lots of other things.

It hasn't been all roses though. My classes (especially the honors ones), while hardly as bad as i thought they would be, are still nevertheless a challenge (for one of my classes, i nearly freaked out when i entered the room early and lo and behold the lecturer was talking to one grad student in Mandarin - i immediately put my bag down and went outside to check the room number, and it was correct - but it turns out that he was only talking to the student in Mandarin cos i guess more efficient communication could then be carried out - the proceeding lecture, save for the occasional, incomprehensible cheng yu here and there, was thankfully in English). The future of any possible thesis looks as grim as ever since yours truly is too indecisive thus far to narrow down a topic in any way (although the deadline is still weeks away, i know i'll procrastinate heaps) And the other day, i got so tired after four days of continuous activity, late nights and early mornings, that i think my energy level just fluctuated downwards drastically, so for the first time in my living memory i skipped cg to just go home and rest. I guess it's still early days yet though, so there's the unavoidable slow adjustments that have to be made...

Of moving near and far...

So moving has been going along really slowly - i don't recall taking so long to move stuff the five previous times - but then again i'm not complaining cos 1) i'm still reluctant to finally leave the old house n 2) in that vein i've been taking ages to pack things up.

After one grueling morning of emptying cupboards and binding random flat-surfaced thingies up with raffia string, i took a quick scan of the room only to realize that it looks almost exactly the same as it did previously. Which means that there's still an awful lot of packing to do. Methinks that when push comes to shove i'll do just that - shove any possession of mine that has to be moved into any available container which looks able to carry the stuff without damage over to the new place. That may be a little tricky, considering especially the sheer amount of clothing there is to handle. Most of it is stuff that i never even wear and hence perhaps is more suited to be given away (and why do we only give away used/unwanted clothes to say disaster-ravaged people in a less wealthy country and not brand new stuff? But that's another issue for another day). And i am so certain that once the shift is complete i'll look at all the random bundles and boxes stacked all around my new room and have no clue where i put this and that, ending up having to ransack everything again in order to find the stuff... Ah the joys of moving house...

While doing this there have also been various meetings to go for along with other ancillary activities. They might take up more time but i actually look forward to each one of them in a sense, since they imply time away from the boredom of packing stuff. So they feed my procrastinator's nature perfectly. Eh which also means more last-minute moving stuff to be done...

And together with all of this i've been trying to plan any sort of trip that will take me out of this island (ok not any sort of trip - have turned down enough other options to make that statement terribly untrue). There's the oft-mentioned frequent flyer miles that i can use, but of course i'm having so much trouble trying to use them for the trip that i want, which means that i may have to redeem them elsewhere, which means another trip later in the break (basically whenever's not taken up by CF activities/planning for them). Looking through all the travel sites, i'm reminded of how while at UNC i did so much air ticket shopping online as well - and now how in comparison the destinations that i've to choose from are so much less appealing than the ones in the States were. Chicago v. Hong Kong, Washington D.C. v. Bangkok, Atlanta v. Ho Chi Minh. How to compete (eh i know i'm not a fan of travel to Asia so maybe to most sure can compete)? Yup for me, i sometimes wish that S'pore were nearer some more attractive (to me) places so travel to them would not have to be so expensive... Then again, i guess many people in those parts that i am really interested in visiting might wish the same for places in Asia...

Here's something to put you (or maybe just the guys) off your breakfast - i still squirm just thinking about it...

let's pick cherries

well actually i dunno why i am posting anything here other than to add "juin 2007" to my archive list on the right - super boliao i know - think it arises from just coming back from a camp where there was so much to do practically all the time and then now finding myself back at home and with relatively nothing much to do (i could pack my stuff though, but i shall continue to procrastinate for that one).

So - LPC - a camp which all of maybe two or so weeks ago i was content on not attending, wanting to continue my streak of never having attended a single one before, but, owing to rather recent developments, i really had to attend at the end of the day. Furthermore, i'd be attending it not as an ordinary camper per se, but rather as one with a relatively active role to play. But, you know, quite like so many things that i'm initially unenthusiastic about but somehow the Lord wills it that i have to go for, i'm glad that i did end up at LPC, even if it means breaking my streak (and i'm one for nonsense streaks like that).

One cool thing about the camp was how it formed yet another step in my journey of getting reacquainted with VCF as a whole - think i've gone on ad libitum about being sorely out of touch with CF as a whole since coming back from exchange, which was inevitable really... And the past couple of weeks or so have served to exponentially (side note: methinks it was only this year that i realized that the word is 'exponential' and not 'expotential' - just imagine the number of essays in my student career where i may have been marked down cos of spelling errors owing to this...) increase my appreciation of the inherent dynamism and diversity of the corporate CF body, which is really in a sense a microcosm of the situation of the global body of Christ. And i guess being placed in a position when one has to try and help to convey a sense of this to others only served to bolster this appreciation...

So when thinking back on all this i really do see the Lord's hand working in this area - that the initial out-of-touchness with VCF that i experienced upon coming back still served a purpose in eventually helping me to better appreciate the united diversity of the ministry that He has blessed us with in VCF. To meet people from all over, hearing their own sharings on their respective ministries and therefore observing the differences between groups, yet still recognizing how we all serve the same God - fwah - that really blows my mind...

stocktaking

I'd been saying to people all the way from even the beginning of the past sem that i'd be prepared to see my cap drop significantly, since i predicted (all too correctly, might i add) that this sem right back from Carolina be a tough one.

Well, as they say, it's one thing to say such things, but another to actually see it for yourself.

Yup so my prediction came true, and this sem's results have been my worst ever - as a result i now am precariously situated a hair's breadth clear of slipping to second lower range.

But even as i did take in the full extent of the results and what they could possibly mean, i somehow felt that, even as i definitely fully deserved the grades i've gotten this time round, this was also the Lord's way of preparing me for the upcoming year - that in the midst of honors and possible thesis-writing and substantial commitments on the CF side - the only thing i can really bank upon is His presence beside me at all times, and it is upon the Lord alone that i can draw my strength to get through what is shaping up to be the most challenging (academic) year i'll have by far... Going out with a bang, so to speak...

At the same time, when i looked at the individual grades i received, actually there's a lot to be thankful for. Such as that my 15% D+ for one hist test got somehow evened out as the sem went on so that i managed to squeeze by with a B- overall, and the unexpectedly high grade for another hist class, undoubtedly buoyed by having a great project group to work with (and incidentally, i saw my prof for that class at holland v right after checking results)...

Oh, and my posting of grades here is definitely not for any purpose of self-promotion (there's little to promote in any case as far as they are concerned heh) but rather for people to note and remind me wherever necessary next year if i start to get obsessed with the magical number four again, to snap me back into reality, stop looking at grades and cap per se, and really to go back to God whatever happens, and especially what degree i graduate with in the first place...

And take this whatever way you want to, but don't you find it just a tad ironic that the same day that results come out we receive this email in our inbox?

Dear All,

The Counselling Centre will be closed for a staff retreat on Monday, 28 May 2007.

In the event of a life threatening emergency, please call Lifeline NUS: 6516 7777.

We apologise for any inconvenience caused.

Regards,
Counselling Centre
University Health, Wellness and Counselling Centre

20160 minutes

Was just thinking that in the span of the past above mentioned period of time there's been a 180 degree turn in what i had intended for the upcoming year ministry wise. On the night of Sunday 6 May 2007 i don't actually recall what i was doing but i'm pretty sure it didn't involve any preoccupations with what the (academic) year ahead would bring. Yup for all intents and purposes, two weeks ago my last two sems at nus in terms of CF commitment at least would revolve solely around the informal, providing whatever insights and help a CF member with three years of CF experience (and a gem of a semester away on exchange) could as a (love the term, btw) supportive senior whenever such insights were called for. The more i thought of it, the more i relished the idea.

Then within the span of the past fourteen equatorial days worth of daylights, sunsets and midnights (and no cups of coffee thank you very much - some tea though, dunno about inches and miles, lots of laughter and a fair dose of strife the situation has changed so dramatically and suddenly all my dreams of a nice, easy and relaxed final year at NUS came to an abrupt halt. Looking back (and it only really hit me just now as i finally got to talk to someone about it) fwah the Lord has definitely shown me that He has other plans from what i would have liked to do, and indeed, this means that the concealed reservation that i held in my heart that my joy at being able to just sit one corner and shake leg next year was not joy at all but rather more of a self-centered glee was indeed a reality...

Yup this is perhaps an incomplete rambling, but well guess the moral of the story is that you never know what the Lord may have in store for you... Ultimately, however, we are to follow His call whatever it is - so keep on praying about it man...

In largely unrelated news, went for some ultimate with the All Saints people who meet every Sun (which reminds me, poor Suns - that rule stinks methinks...) apparently to play. Had a great time - i do miss the (relatively) vibrant ultimate culture back in UNC - i dare say after i've come back that i've been American-trained (though the result isn't much better i must admit =p) but anyways yup basically it was great. Wish we could have more of such thingies - but the (relative) lack of enthusiasm here (or at least in my circles) makes it hard...

while the rain continues to fall...

I was intending to get out of the house for a spot of cycling this afternoon, since i've been finding myself rather free and lounging round the house doing nothing much more than sitting in front of the com, eating and sleeping for the good part of the last couple of days. But then the sudden afternoon downpour has put paid to those plans so here i am back in front of the com again... Meanwhile Bingo sits outside in the hallway after i chased him out of my room and closed the door cos he was affected by the thunder and hence was drooling all over my floor.

Well, since i've not been doing much i've actually not much to say heh. Let's see - what was there? Oh yeah i finally got to eat at Astons yesterday and it was well worth the wait. I can't believe i've stayed so near to this gem of a restaurant for so long and have only been to it now. And how convenient that just as i finally experience for myself what so many people have been raving over that i find myself not more than three weeks away from shifting out of this house...

Anyways i decided to try their much ballyhooed (and very tackily-named) ieatSuper Burger and it more than lived up to its billing. Methinks it can compete with the Sutton's double bacon cheeseburger (the one on my current fb profile pic) back in Chapel Hill for the title of best burger i've ever eaten, although admittedly they're of two separate pedigrees. And how ironic that both these burgers have medical affiliations - the Astons burger being put on the regular menu at the recommendation of a local doctor, and Sutton's being a diner that is fronted by a drug store. Whatever the case, if anyone would try these two burgers for themselves, i'm sure they would not question me anymore as to why i've resolved never to eat McDonald's ever again... Aiyah really so wasted that i'm moving house leh - think even after i move i'll be wanting to spend time in the east. Got ecp, got Astons, got friends - that's three up on what i've at my new place...

I've been sorta figuring out what to do traveling wise, as i really have to get out of S'pore for at least a bit before the new school term starts. Have been keeping the option of following the parents to Japan (cos they've to use their miles as well) but well, they're moving at a similar pace of procrastination as i am (now i know where i got it from) so i can't confirm anything on that side. There's also lots of other possibilities but i'm rather fussy when it comes to choosing a holiday destination which hardly helps matters. This holiday also appears to be lacking in enough big blocks of time available for me to be away for. Ideally, i'd like to be away for at least a week but depending on how things go such an extended period out of S'pore may be impossible in July (which is when's best cos there's probably more options available than say for June). Ah i shall just comfort myself by assuring myself that something will work out...

I do wish that i was more daring when it came to planning holidays - like to go to new places which don't speak English, possibly alone, and for an extended period in time. Have been looking at Greg's awesome Eastern European graduation trip itinerary and wondering if i'd have the guts for something like that next year. Of course a trip of that scale would only be possible next year [since think that graduation is one of those life events that warrants one times tua zhong (sp?) trip like that] - the problem being that the dear folks at you-know-where appear to want all those moving on to nie to be available from mid-June, and even for stuff in May, which leaves me with precious little breathing space in terms of planning a big trip of say a month's duration... There's also matters of finding people (if there's any), funding, carbon emissions etc...

Hmm so that's holiday plans for ya. One more pertinent matter at this point in time of course what to do in the year ahead. Hopefully decision for that will eventuate within the next couple of days...

Trust no one will read this before then, so suffice to say be prepared for a big shock if you're watching idol results tonight. I know on my part that i'm done with watching the show for the season =(...

partial recall

On this note of my less-than-effective guard dog, here goes a mundane recap of the past week plus or so since exams ended...

Think that everyone had a good time over at night cycling last week. I must say that i was a little intimidated at first as to how to get everyone organized and ready, but things really worked out well in the end by God's grace. Weather was great, fellowship was great, route was reasonable, food was ... erm relatively missing but still ok lah... Overall hope that the tradition will continue cos think it's more than worth it to do so...

Over the weekend i also finally got my hands on it - a little on the expensive side maybe, but worth it especially in the long run methinks... Maybe she's a bit too fat for my liking, ah but i'll get used to it...

Mon was games day - and once again we had great weather. Think i was so un-used to such perpetual sunniness that i had a bit of a headache for the rest of the day - dehydration maybe... But anyways, had a great time playing ultimate and captain's ball - a good way to destress after exams that's for sure.

After arts fg (which i've been missing for quite some time already), it was agm time. Glad that things went far more smoothly than last year's did. I definitely don't recall laughing so much at an agm of any sort before (and many thanks to people like Ade Fam, Debs and Evan for that - and guess what? Their initials spell ADE - incidentally the chief unintentional inducer of amusement - think she must have set some sort of a record for non-exco member whose name appears most often in the agm report...)

One thing i've noticed is that since i've come back, every time after i get a hair cut i see people i hadn't seen since before i left, and people still remark on how my hair has grown so long and therefore i was hard to recognize - at agm was no exception...

There also was pecop, which was a great experience i thought. All the fun that XK and i had preparing for our nonsense songs aside, the whole concept in itself was a refreshing one, and it did work well, by God's grace. Um and i thought i'd be far more verbose over here but somehow nothing comes to mind so i shall leave it at that...

Went to cycle and think some things through the other day - decided to take a route i haven't taken in maybe nine months - up ecp and the airport-hugging road to Changi Village and back. That road in particular, come to think of it, has remained remarkably free of roadkill in the ten or so times i've gone past it (save for a solitary snail at last year's night cycling), and i was just thinking that when what else should i chance upon but a squashed monitor lizard. And in fact, before i had reached Changi Beach Park, i encountered one more squashed monitor lizard and two squashed snakes. - enough to make at least one handbag methinks... Then i was lamenting to myself that i was glad that i didn't see any live snakes, so what should i encounter mere minutes later but a snake slithering away from me as i cycled past. The anti-cherry on the cake was when i was back at ecp and noticed a parrot chick that must have fallen from its nest onto the bike path just in time to swerve to the side to avoid squashing it. I then continued another twenty minutes or so before turning back and thinking of putting it to one side, when who should appear but a less keenly-eyed cyclist who must have run the chick over, since i heard a loud squeak and him breaking suddenly =( I honestly felt guilty for the next ten minutes or so, but odf course i didn't want to go back and see what actually happened to the parrot so i cycled away...

Well, the past few days i ended up at a place i originally had no intention of being at, but at the end of the day i guess i'm glad i did go in the first place, even if i haven't arrived at any decision even now. We'll see how things go lah...

What's up with Federer?

Cathartic randomness

hokays randomness awaits - am just killing time cos don't feel like sleeping yet but definitely don't feel like getting any work done either...

Crossroads - well after an initial total lack of interest in going i figured that i should go after all, not so much because i'm graduating (since i ain't) but really to get a little more in touch with VCF after being away for a sem, which if you haven't realized yet has made me feeling quite blur and detached whenever i've attended any VCF activities that entail participation from people outside my cg.

Well, i went and at the end of the day while i did become a tad bit less blur and feel less detached the blurness and detachment still remains so i guess that motive remained relatively unfulfilled. Didn't help that the same old issues kept on running through my mind which sort of made me somewhat off at times. But all that being said, Crossroads was great for me in other ways that i didn't really think about when i signed up such as getting a wider perspective of the implications of being a Christian teacher and principles and habits that would be very apt when observed both now and when i do graduate and start teaching eventually (which in retrospect was rather silly since these later issues are somewhat rather expected given the nature of Crossroads to begin with) And time spent alone with God while i was there was great too i guess, at times painful but still great at the end of the day...

Been affected greatly by noise pollution this past week in the form of excessively loud and annoying forum events and the usual peskiness that is tv mobile. Between seriously cannot-make-it bands that are unintentionally humorous, bizarre eating contests with bad food and worse hosts, and dancing demonstrations by weirdly and skimpily-attired people, the forum has proved to be a one times useless study venue this past week. And for tv mobile, if i hear "true colors" or "fly me to the moon" one more time, i almost will feel like i've no other choice but to make that tv mobile really mobile - by hurling the screen out of the bus window, that is...

One thing i'm thankful for is being blessed with nice people for the two project/discussion groups that i'm in - that makes the torture that is group work less tortuous. And also for the Lord preserving me through my first ever even week with full tutorial load, which sees me finishing fourteen of my sixteen hours of class that week by tuesday 6pm. Thas has also added more fuel to my tentative plan to try and get a room on campus next year cos methinks am getting too tired easily and old for having to spend two hours a day travelling to and from school when the time could be spent doing work instead (ok, more like sleeping lah =p) and i'll need all the time i can get if i'll be as busy as i think i'll be next sem...

Am still bummed over the fact that over this past week there has taken place at UNC: 1) snow; 2) two nights of Rent being performed by the US touring cast at Memorial Hall, of which student tickets were going at really good prices while i was there; 3) an awesome 105 - 64 Tar Heels victory over Miami of which i had won riser seats to but of course which i had to relinquish to Greg since there was no way i'd be able to use them for myself; 4) $1 biscuits at Bojangles since we crossed the 100 point barrier. Yup i guess i've reached the point of realization that i'll probably always miss the place and wish i was there to at least some degree for quite some time to come - especially when compared to the seemingly eternal sian-ness that i'm feeling back here - have to learn to deal with it and not get all mopey so frequently...

And i've also realized that i really appreciate and treasure it whenever people just ask me how i'm doing since i've been back, guess mainly since catharsis is very therapeutic for me in the sense of pulling me out of the partially self-imposed rut that i find myself in nowsaday... Yup so if you're reading this you know what to do, and i thank you in advance, for bearing with listening to stuff that is probably not very interesting to you in the first place - yeah it really does help...

later...

how telling...

Had a bit of a Freudian slip just now. Ok, maybe not really a bit, more like a big one ...

Basically during sharing after cg was sharing with Bo (UNC friend) and Mark about how having Bo around at cg helped to remind me of home. Oops - then i realized that i really meant to say UNC and not home but well it came out so naturally...

Yuppers so i guess that betrays my sentiments a bit, though it's not as if i'm like super attached to the place as compared to here, just part of the transition process methinks. But boy is it a slow transition process...

But in any case, it felt great to be back at cg again - that's something that i definitely missed when i was there - the CF community. Yup.

That's almost enough to make me get over the fact that it snowed on the UNC campus today - dang...

Festering

Can you imagine, it's Tuesday and i'm already almost done with the week? I've only one class on Friday left and nothing else, still trying to figure out what to do with myself in the meantime. Starting to look at work is always a good idea, but the reality of that happening is extremely slim. Slacking and stoning, which is what i did for most of today once my classes had ended, seem to be far more likely possibilities for the days ahead...

Anyways, i had a good time just now at the int'l students' thingy, great to see some of the unc peeps who are here again, as well as meet many new people as well. The whole experience also confirmed my deduction that i switch accents automatically depending on who i speak to, definitely sounding more American whenever i'm faced with a speaker with such an accent too, but easily going back to normal otherwise, and finding it hard, if not impossible to try and reverse the order of things...

I must say that with things having changed so much over the past semester when i was away, it's been hard to adjust and get in sync with all that is going on, to fit back in so to speak... To make matters worse was the news i got when i called home the last time while i was still in the States that (think all the people who have a right to know this before others already know this so i can make it common knowledge here) my father's being posted elsewhere, and therefore we'll have to move out of our place sometime in March into somewhere else, which i just learnt will probably be an apartment in Novena. Added to this is the dilemma as to what i should do with regards to church cos i can stay or go, be it to where my father is posted to, or even to another church altogether...

I'll try to be candid here without being brutal, so basically i was and am and will continue to be totally bummed about this news, and this will probably last way into the time after i've actually already moved. At the back of my mind i know that this has to be part of God's plan (and it's not like this is a matter of life or death, so i guess i've less of a right to wail and complain and ask "why me?") but this really could not come at a worse possible time for me at least. Churchwise i'm still trying to settle in somewhat and while i've long settled into the house, i've really grown attached to the place (if and when i get my own place i'll definitely want it to be in the east) and the fact that i know people nearby. Novena may be close to town but that's hardly a draw for me and there's nothing else there to make me excited about moving there. The move is definitely gonna be very disruptive to the semester, and furthermore, i have no idea how i'm gonna get to school affordably yet quickly enough from there (never have i cherished bus 10 so much). Knowing me, i'll probably be in some variation of the general theme of a foul mood from now until a buffer period after the move is complete. And i think it strange, cos until this move, all my other five moves have been met with little resistance from me, if any at all, cos i really was not bothered by them. This one, on the other hand, well i'm basically chockful of negativity towards it. Hmm, i guess the more i think of it the more frustrated i get, and that's not healthy at all, so i think it best i stop here...

A teeny thing to cheer me up: Tar Heels are ranked #1 this week =)

the obligatory FOC reflection post

so i was thinking of delaying typing this to tomorrow morning - but knowing me and my (severly deficient) data retention system, i figured that i'm better off reflecting now [ahem, and also because i just realised that my missionary biography review is due tomorrow and i'm only like a few chapters into the book as i type this, and i figured there's no way i can complete the book and the review before tomorrow, so shall instead do something that is more feasible to complete...]...

well, i did share some reflections just now, but as usual my extremely slow data processing system meant that a lot of what i wanted to say was not said since had no time to think about it so i shall maybe say some of it here if i can still remember it.

yup basically was very much looking forward to this camp, at the least since it provided a good opportunity for me to attend a cf camp as an ordinary camper and nothing more (my second chance to do this after last year's ANNTIC) because, as i shared, being an ordinary camper allows for much better data absorption since you are not so bothered with duties and what not (of course i am not saying that you should only attend a camp as an ordinary camper because taking up some kind of role has its own great benefits too), especially so in between periods of extreme activity (MEET trip, SEP prep, teaching, SEP itself) - the camp provided a little respite of sorts, whereby i had no way to be distracted by email checking and all that nonsense. And maybe the fact that i'm flying off so soon added to the whole relaxed atmosphere for me...

Of course, now i realise that in anticipation of the camp, i had not once ever expected anything from the teaching - or in fact given the teaching and the theme little if any thought. Well thankfully the Lord had different ideas and used his servant Edmund to minister in very deep ways to myself (and i believe every other camper too). Things that i often tended to ignore and not give a second thought about doing(or a first thought, for that matter), like eating sweets and candy bars in the library suddenly came back to slap me in the face as i realised that even for these leetle things are still in their own leetle ways means of disregarding authority figures. Additionally, at the moment when he was talking about that, i chuckled to myself when i thought about the many times when the question "Shall i jaywalk or not?" when i am at the crossing is answered in my head with "well, that depends upon whether you are wearing a Christian shirt, isn't it?". Well, that answer is wrong, the correct answer HAS to be a big flat NO... Hmmm... And these are but two of the myriad things that in fact all add up to one huge level of mediocre holiness. At the heart of holiness is obedience - and my disobediance in these things that i brush aside as merely trivial is simply unacceptable in God's eyes...

The Lord also challenged me with regards to my over-indulgence in the features of my own comfort zone - in areas such as interactions with other people - whereby i tend to shy away from unfamiliar people and all the more from so-called unloveable people. Well, now i am reminded that all of us, of course with myself included, really ought to have been unloveable in God's eyes because of our inherent sinful nature, which cannot coexist with God in His holiness. Of course, even in our own unlovable-ness, God still in His amazing love sent His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross to redeem us from our sins - n act of grace so undeserved considering how unloveable we actually should have been in God's eyes. And so, who am i to ignore God's example and brush off such unfamiliar and unloveable people? It's a great challenge, that's for sure, but again as i always say (and you can never say too much of this) ultimately it is not up to us to put in all our own effort in doing this because it counts for nothing - the attitude of humility and total surrender to God is what is needed, for only He is able to surmount our human weaknesses (for His power is made perfect in our weakness - 2 Cor 12:9)...

Also with regards to evangelism, to be more aware of the situations that God has placed me in and to be more convicted of the spiritual reality of those who do not yet know Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour - that they will spend an eternity apart from Him. Even in the little things - how can i show myself to others to be a Christian - and possibly from there to share the gospel? It can be through simple things like wearing a Christian shirt (and not jaywalking whle wearing it haha) when you go and meet up with friends (which is by the way what i intend to do for my primary 6 class reunion on sunday night...) or through subtly dropping Christian stuff into conversations or emails or things like that... And of course to actively and consistently pray for my pre-believer friends...

Oh well, apart from some of the things that the Lord challenged me with in the course of the theme talks, there also were the worship sessions which once again really spoke to me - i can honestly say that no session passed without me wiping my eyes - because the Lord was reminding me through the songs and through other means of the great harvest field that we have even in campus (and by implication the ultra-enormous harvest field beyond campus) and how His desire is for all these people to be like us and sing from our hearts songs of praise to our God. I was sharing a lot about taking spiritual ownership of campus - but i suppose that given that evangelism forms an essential part of taking this spiritual ownership, that perhaps i'd be like Mr Black Pot talking to an audience of kettles... The vision of the multitudes from all nations endlessly praising His name in Revelation - we have a part to play in the eventual fulfillment of that - but what is done in response to my recognition of this?

On a less serious note, the camp also provided for me the opportunity to get to meet many new people, both freshies and seniors - since this time i was not occupied with organizing games here and writing a song there [of course, even among the new people, certain familiar things remained - for example - if i threw a stone at random, chances are i'd hit an ACSian (though, knowing my throwing skills, possibly not because of the sheer abundance of ACSians, but rather because i'd somehow hit myself instead =p)] My group Moses was filled with a great and somewhat diverse bunch of people, most of whom i either did not know or was only merely somewhat acquainted with prior to the camp - i always lament as to how during cf camps i always seem to be put into groups where i do not know most of the other people - but now i realise that perhaps this is God's way of - as mentioned earlier - making me get out of my puny comfort zone and be in a way forced to get to know unfamiliar people. Well I am really glad to have met and known every single person in my group, and i thank God for each of them =) A minor regret perhaps is having to be away to do annoying SEP stuff on the first day such that i didn't get to be around for a good portion of the icebreakers and perhaps know more about them... Also, of course to see so many cf people for the first time since i came back - that was great too... And also i felt rather encouraged to see many of the ex-freshies step up to serve as comm members and ogls and what not - it's like the passing on of the baton - which of course also makes me feel really old *bleah* But seriously, their enthusiasm and energy is really very heartening to see =)

The unfamiliar bed syndrome struck again during the camp - i found myself taking quite some time to fall asleep even though i was dead tired every night, and always woke up hours before sunrise. Of course i looked forward to this so that i could go for a pre-dawn run (ippt two weeks away and counting) since at home my bed is way too welcoming for me to even think of waking up early to run. Good to get some exercise - because i seriously am quite worried about the silly thing itself - even to merely pass... But i digress... Anyway, the wake up meant early run which meant early shower which meant early and longer quiet time, which i really appreciated - MEET trip made me realise that i was not spending enough time in personal prayer time with God - tried to do more of this during FOC to limited success - worked for a while this morning but i was too sleepy - such that i had to drink a whole can of Nescafe Ice (which tastes strange btw). The beach also was a great place for quiet time - cool enough, peaceful, without much distractions, fairly clean [as opposed to ecp, which doesn't really work for me (but then again, i can never wake up early enough to get to the beach in the early morning anyway)]

Anyway, it feels strange to have left the camp, which is strange since i don't think it in total lasted more than 80 hours... Suddenly there's no one around but Bingo... *woof*

whassup with me...

Hi fellow brothers and sisters in Christ,

Thank you for your kind support for our team in both prayers and finance. Indeed, it has gone a long way in equipping our team to be a channel of God's blessing to the Thai community at Salokbat town, Kamphaeng Phet province in our upcoming mission trip.

For the past few months especially, the pace of trip preparation has picked up as our departure date has drawn ever nearer, and it is truly by the grace of God that we are able to come and work together. Most of things at hand have fallen into place. We have managed to come up with some creative English and teaching plans that we will use to reach out to Thai students during our trip. We will be conducting a day English course in ten schools in the area, and hope to share God's love with the students as we do so. Our individual testimonies and sermonettes will also be used in sharing God's wonderful work, love and truth to the Thai community. Concurrent with this, some worship song dances, skits and mimes have also been prepared for further Gospel presentations too.

Though we are ready with much necessary preparations for the trip, there are still many aspects that we still need to look into. And one of these areas is prayer. We would like to invite you to continue to uphold and intercede for us, both as a team and individually, as well as our one month mission trip to Thailand, for we realise that our ministry has to be founded upon the Lord and prayer if it is to be one that is for His glory.

Please pray with us that the work and will of the Lord in our lives at this juncture, as we trust and obey Him to walk by faith through the one-month mission trip ahead, will be done.

You can pray for us in these areas:

Our final preparation before departure:
-For our individual sermonettes and testimonies to be well done, that God will use them to touch many lives in Salokbat.
-That our hearts and minds will be in tune with God, with our hearts filled with love for the Thai people who we are going to reach out to.
-That we will be prepared physically and mentally for the trip.
-That all necessary things will be packed, and yet that we will be able to travel light.
-For journey mercies back and forth.

While we are there:
-That we will work together as a team in the love and unity of God.
-For spiritual focus, that we will seek God first daily, and that we will forget about self. (as in Romans 12:10-11 says, "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above ourselves. Never be lacking in zeal but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord." )
-That we will be sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to response to any situation, and be able to adapt as any circumstances may call for change.
-For God's strengthening in our spirit and health.
-That we will be aware of Thai culture and customs as we go about our ministry there.
-For the ability to apply what we have learnt and been equipped with through the missions training over the past few months to the effective reaching out to the Thai community.

-For the Thai people's hearts and minds in Salokbat to be receptive to God's Word, and that they too will be led to Christ.
-For God's favour, protections and blessing to be extended to our host missionaries -Alan, Bessie, and their daughter Hannah, and to their ministry there. That He will meet all their needs as they continue to trust and obey Him.

Even though it is quite a long list of prayer supplications, we hope that this may not be a hindrance for you to interceeding for us and our one-month ministry in Thailand.

Below is our brief programme for the trip, starting from our date of our departure (24/5) to the date of our arrival back to Singapore (21/6)

24/05 Arrive in Bangkok and travel to Salokbat
25/05 Preparation and orientation Evening Bible study
26/05 Chum Chom Srithara school
27/05 Visitation
28/05 Church worship in Kamphaeng Phet Church(Testimony)
29/05 Chum chom WanKhru School
30/05 Rest and church prayer meeting in the evening
31/05 Wudonsap school Khlong Lan
01/06 Visitation and evening bible study
02/06 Pang Ma Kha Wittayakhom School
03/06 Children's program (not confirmed)
04/06 Church worship (Testimony)
05/06 Rakraysong school Khlong Khlung
06/06 Rest and prayer meeting in Salokbat church evening
07/06 Pang Sila Thong School
08/06 Visitation and evenong bible study (testimony)
09/06 Thung Sai Wittaya School
10/06 Visitation
11/06 Sunday Worship (Testimony)
12/06 SakGnam School
13/06 Rest and Church prayer meeting in the evening
14/06 Khlong Khung School
15/06 Visitation and evening Bible study
16/06 Salokbat Wittaya School
17/06 Visitation
18/06 Sunday Worship (Testimony)
19/06 Khlong Lan patanacinasat School
20/06 Team evaluation
21/06 Travel to Bangkok and home sweet home.

Our flights to and from Bangkok are on Tiger Airways, departing Changi Airport Budget Terminal on flight TR118 on 24th May, Wednesday, 1.05pm and arriving back in Singapore on 21st June, Wednesday, 6.15pm, flight TR119.

We truly appreciate all of your prayers and support in many ways from the depth of our hearts.

God bless you and keep you safe in your pilgrimage on earth!!!

To God be the glory!

With love,
Deborah, Huishan, Matthew, Melissa, Pamela and Zhiwei (MEET Thailand team 0506)

the four-fold obstacle course beckons

I am in another of my will-do-anything-but-what-i-am-actually-supposed-to-do moods today, the what-i-am-actually-supposed-to-do in question being exchange stuff of which i hope to complete as much of as possible before flying for Thailand on wednesday (full trip details appearing on this blog by the time i leave so watch this space!) or else possibly run the risk of being deported back here upon arrival to the states because of visa complications or some thing like that...

Went for arts comm retreat at the floorball place on thursday. Realised that the week that had gone by so far had been full of other people staying over at my place for various reasons - a total of four over the three weeknights - some kind of record methinks... In fact the whole week, and more accurately, the last few days before leaving for MEET was and is going to be very packed - squeezing as much as possible in before being gone for a month...

The retreat was no exception. Though i was only there for the first day, and expected to be merely extra, it nonetheless was a good time of reflection and encouragement and fun. I am seriously very heartened to see how the Lord has been continually guiding us along in the right direction, and to see how He has been working in the lives of everyone, especially the soon-to-be-year-twos - they in particular have been encouragements to me during the retreat. Floorball as usual was great - and for the first time since i dunno when i actually was on the winning team, and not only once but twice [i normally always end up in the team opposing some powerhouse player(s) who inevitably easily win the day for the opponents by thrashing whatever team i am in] haha, and on top of that i just weighed myself on my home scale (which hopefully ain't koyak) and found out that i have lost 2kg since the last time i had to take weight, which is always a good thing heh... So all in all, methinks that next year will be a very exciting year for at least arts CF, and i believe that the Lord will indeed do wonderful things in the ministry if we earnestly seek Him in all we do... Pity i (hopefully) won't be around next sem to see it, but it's exciting nevertheless =)

Am really glad and thankful to see the MEET team and everything related to us all coming together bit by bit by God's grace - there's still much to be done, but am feeling less and less uneasy about leaving as the day draws nearer and nearer... =)

Was good to meet up with the other UNC-bound peeps to discuss our (lack of) progress with regards to prep, and also to brainstorm and formulate any possible corporate travel plans. I did feel a bit paiseh cos it turns out that quite a few of the places they want to go to both in the West Coast as well as in FL are places that i've been to fairly recently and hence have no wish of revisiting this summer - but anyway there's a very tentative plan that i have to faster consider cos there's a lot to do yet not a lot of time to do it... All in all, before i leave for exchange, i'd have to clear a four-fold set of bureaucratic obstacles - that of nus, unc, the folks who mould the future of our nation and the us embassy, a process that i am not looking forward to - though it does make finally going there feel that much sweeter...

Yay tonight is my lola's (lola = grandmother in tagalog) birthday dinner, whereby honestly the biggest draw for me is the food, which includes ayam buah keluak, beef rendang and filipino pork satay, among other stuff... That also means that i'd better squeeze in at least one more run before i leave, or else the 2kg that i lost during retreat will make an unwelcome return after tonight...

anyhow hantam again

being random as usual...

when i went to get the jabs for MEET, i barely felt anything (and thankfully since i only needed two shots they were just one on either arm - none on the derriere, which might have been a different matter altogether). As i have often lamented, i subscribe to Queen Hadassah/Esther's "If I perish, I perish" philosophy, and hence if i were left to my own devices, i would not bother with immunizations/safety flights/ insurance - that sort of thing - cos if it's His time for you to go, nothing you can do is gonna stop it from happening, and even after you go - He will still be there to provide for who you've left behind. But of course i do agree that this is a rather selfish way to see things, which does not take into account the others around you who may possibly be affected by your demise/incapacitation etc... So i let it be...

games day was way fun - good to see this year's FOC comm (do visit their blog over there =======> by the way) in action and dedicated and all that... And after the weigh-in at the clinic where i found out that i had gained weight (if not then either my home scale or the clinic scale is koyak), i was more determined than ever to play my heart's out. So i did (and each team that i was in lost - four out of four) but it was fun nevertheless - except for my sprained right fourth finger what i obtained while trying to catch a long pass. I dunno how i can hate sports so much but yet still like playing (some of) them... I guess it's all in the fitness and weight loss...

agm was interesting to say the least - have been to quite a few in my lifetime and this one was by far the most animated and to some extent, the most uncomfortable - but of well, it was nothing that was overly serious and monumental so no worries - in any case - congrats to the team who shall lead us forward in the upcoming year - prayers are with you all...

and i officially also got a one-year's notice (and i'd be lying if i said that i didn't see it coming) but it is still a year lah, so am gonna take it slow - and meanwhile i have to iron out tons of issues...

by the next day my finger had swelled to 150% of it's normal size - and swimming was no easy feat - for the first time ever i actually felt like stopping halfway cos of the pain in the finger and nothing else... writing too was proving to be a very tedious process... but got through with it by God's grace... And finger's more or less ok now =)

btw, has anyone seen my big fat black and blue pilot shaker mechanical pencil? I dunno where it disappeared to but am positive it was lent to someone whom i forgot who him/herself forgot about it. I am most annoyed when stationery is lost cos it happens ever-so-often with me...

some of my Filipino relatives are here for a visit and once again was experiencing minor Chilipino blues - which happens anytime a pinoy comes around and i am stuck with deciphering the 5% that i can gather from the conversations that they have with my mother and grandmother. This is basically why i cringe at the very mention of the phrase "mother tongue" cos, my dear future employer (shhh!!!), my mother, or my whole family for that matter, doesn't speak anything remotely similar to mandarin and yet you subjected me to the torture of learning a fictional mother's tongue for a whole six-and-a-half years (nine-and-a-half if you count kindergarten and nursery)?

my parents took the exercise bike out of my room (to wherever - out of sight, out of mind) and pushed the giant box that has been sitting in the middle of my room since we moved in more than two years ago to one corner and when i got back to my room, my jaw dropped - i never realized that my room was so big - and it'll look even bigger once Greg's stuff goes and i find a way to dispose of my father's two large filing cabinets... However, knowing me, my proposed re-arrangement of the layout will probably not come to fruition for a long time more...

had Japanese food just now for dinner - at this good Japanese restaurant (my criterion for a good Japanese restaurant is that Japanese go there) called Waraku across the road from my house [the dining oportunities here are endless =)]. Thankfully managed to spot one-and-a-half wayward small shrimp in the okonomiyaki before eating it. And the cold soba + katsu don portion that i had at $15 was huge (though admittedly still not enough to make me full). Have concluded that cold soba is my favourite Japanese food - and the best that i have come across so far is at this place (though think in total i've only eaten it from three other places, one of them being arts canteen and another being sakae so cannot really compare lah) even though i suppose it's all carbs *pooh*

And let me say a little more about the elections and stuff, now that things are starting to quiet down a bit - from reading people's blogs realised that my persistently non-political content is far more persistently non-political than theirs - so i shall take the liberty to be a little more open (though i shall only err on the side of caution)

Firstly, i am very glad that SL has decided to take up the ncmp post, even if it is in a way against what the party believes in. Use whatever way to gain exposure - and i think in this case it's a smart move (just hope she doesn't end up in some silly self-defeating scandal like SC or i'll just cry). From what i've gathered from the reports both in mediacrap and the state's times (even those unapologetically-pro-establishment-to-the-point-of-being-nauseating articles that CMH churns out on a regular basis) as well as from the rally, she is very capable and has raised and (i believe in faith) will raise tough and critical issues as an ncmp. At the least so far she has touched on a lot of the grouses i have harboured for the longest time... And methinks from today's paper she was quoted as saying something and then ending off with "God willing" which certainly sparked my interest, no matter who she was actually referring to...

And while we're on the topic of religion - let me also voice one of the many reasons why i voted the way i did - i simply cannot reconcile purported adherents of the Christian faith giving their support for schemes that they should know fully well run contrary to what their faith teaches. Yes and i am talking about people like you - IN (edited to change initial - got person's name confused with the comedian IA - though from the hilariously telling and ridiculous statement that IN made as reported in the forum today - maybe this person can be a comedian too). What were you thinking by supporting this decision in the interests of pragmatism? Of course, for every IN there also were others who stood firm in their faith like LMS, and, to the shame of people like IN and VB, even pre-believers like TSK but still, the fact remains that the party you belong to went ahead without even allowing you all to express your approval/disapproval via a whip-free vote because it is supposedly a matter of "national interest". Well, let me just say that if it is truly a matter of "national interest" then you'd jolly well let the nation make it's views heard via an official channel such as a referendum, or at the least via the supposed representatives of the people - the MPs (though in our case much of the people didn't elect them in any case - but that's another story).

Also, i cannot stand arrogance - and pardon me, but high-up people like WKS, NEH, and even higher-ups whose names are too easily deciphered even behind the veil of acronyms, have exuded it aplenty. Go and show proper respect for your opponents, refrain from calling them names and passing your own imperfect moral judgements on them as well as threatening to 'fix' them then i'll consider voting for you in future... You did not make Singapore into what we are today by yourselves, nor do you know all that's best for our country, so don't act like our survival is dependent on your existence. Get a reality check and humble yourselves accordingly.

At the same time, i knew that despite how my heart was already firmly on one camp i had to be really prayerful in my decision and not anyhow hantam - and to that extent was praying very hard about how to vote - and at the end of the day - and taking everything into prayerful consideration - i simply had no other choice.

To end off - i'd just like to congratulate the young female curly-haired and stone-faced employee of the ED who's gotten much more than her fair share of screen time over the past week or so thanks to the JG affair - you could be a star - considering how i've seen more of you on mediacrap this year than the entire gan si dui amk team and Zoe Tay combined...

Oops better stop now before the already-loosened floodgates are opened fully... Hope that this was persistently non-political enough...

thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening

so here's the happy post-morten post that i was anticipating...

basically, after much delay, managed to finish typing by around twelvish, with enough time to edit and do the citations and print all before the 2pm lecture where i was to hand the thing up

[and when i refer to much delay, i really mean much delay: think spent more than half of the time available to me following the previous post to voluntarily do totally (with emphasis on the word totally) unrelated and distracting things, such as to see 2am while i was still at the intro to be the perfect time to look at the online bios of the new ruling party candidates and read them in detail]

and was blessed with just the right amount of nap time in between so as to be relatively lucid and not write nonsense, while still having adequate time to type

so it was handed in, and thus a huge weight has been lifted off me, though that did not signal the end to my dazed and confused state, but ah well, it's still a big load off, so can't complain =)

ever since catching American Idol (which i chose to watch over doing my essay btw), Bohemian Rhapsody has been stuck in my head, even more so than Bucky's "Oh Boy" and "Gray Sky Morning". To call it bizarre would be to not do it justice i tell you (where else would you get references to Galileo, Beelzebub and Scaramouche doing the fandango within the same sector of a song?)... Well, it could have gotten tackier, so not complaining that it's Bo Rhap and not "I Want to Break Free" or "We are the Champions"...

The final cg was great for me, and in reflection there were just too many things to be thankful for over the past acad year, even in merely the cg context. Yup had great fellowship and great encouragement too =) Thursday cg has really been, by God's grace, something really special...

Maundy Thursday and Good Friday Services were refreshing and extremely reflective for me... Even though i was admittedly still rather distracted (and can't pinpoint why either), the songs sung, in particular really spoke to me, although they're more or less the same songs every year (when i surveyed the bulletins from three churches that i had access to - KKMC, St.Peter's and St. Hilda's, i noticed that "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross" was sung at all three services - perhaps this was why there ended up being at least three different tunes to the same lyrics available - so there would be some variety - and also other popular songs of the season like "Were You There" or "Above All" too) honestly i couldn't help but tear (as in liu2 yan3 lei4, not shi1 po4) up - dunno if it's just an emotional high, but the words did pierce me to some extent - a good reminder for me even in this busy time and distorted state that i find myself slipping in and out of...

The Lord really showed me how He answers prayers through a sequence of events that began with me sharing with Adrian, Dan and Joce how i didn't know how to go about inviting them, and didn't even feel very convicted to do so , and ended up with, as the Lord moved, me accompanying them to Zhihui's church (KKMC) this morning for service =) A great encouragement it was...

Zhihui brought us for bak kut teh today for lunch after service - have never eaten so much pig for a long time (in fact now i can still feel all that fat swimming within me, pushing against my arterial linings). Never really cared for it before, but this one at rangoon road was surprisingly good =) So good that i even ended up eating quite a bit of pig intestines which upon biting into each piece oozed out what i perceived to be lots of fat, not to mention fatty pig trotters too... Not surprisingly, i have a deep motivation to go running now...

Somehow ended up in Ikea too, where i bought cool Swedish raspberry and vanilla cream cookies and chocs - to be shared with my fellow muggers over the course of the next week and beyond in school (but if you want these things you'll probably have to make your way up to the sixth floor, call me a creature of habit, but after spending a day in SMC, realised that i do prefer the atmosphere and cooler temperature of upstairs, even though it can get noisy - but hey, i have earplugs =)

so i went after all

After some consideration, i realised that i didn't feel that tired or in need of major rest on the following day after MEET camp after all, so i decided to go for IBS in the end (anyway Jasmine called me up the night before for IBS business, and when she asked me i said that i would be going, so i had to honour my word, as unclearly thought of as it was when i uttered it...)

But in the end i am glad that i went. Recently i've become more and more interested in the epistles and their historical context (that's the history student in me for you), and the IBS on Paul's pastoral epistle to Titus really hit the nail on the head as far as that was concerned. And on top of that, there were so many new insights that i got out of these past two days. For example in terms of looking at the literary style and context (the only form of lit that i would happily be interested in at this point in time), asking pertinent questions that help to deepen the understanding of the seemingly simple and straightforward passage, and how to apply what the Lord has provided in His Word into our own lives, for His Word acts as a guide to us on how we ought to live our lives as followers of Christ.

I also must say that i was much more awake and alert this year than i was last year. Dunno why, especially considering that i had far more on my plate prior to this year's IBS than last year's. Maybe Ephesians 1:17-18, the passage that Peggy, our trainer, shared with us and that we subsequently prayed with had some effect... Of course, the fact is that the whole thingy was very interesting, so maybe that's why. Peggy really helped to make things come alive, especially for a book like Titus that on the surface may seem to be rather simple, but actually upon the use of IBS tools, has a lot to offer.

Two side notes:

my seat in the room where the epistles IBS was conducted directly faced the corridor leading to the washrooms, and i have lost count of the number of people who, upon walking out of the washrooms, saw me through the window and waved hi with varying degrees of lunacy (with the trio of Sharon Liu, Mei Si and Fern at one end of the scale - guess which one btw...)

there was an overwhelming amount of snacks of the junk variety on offer during these two days - bagfuls of sweets, rice crackers, those dried fish strips that look like they could line the Christ Child's cradle in an edible nativity scene (i.e. they look like hay), cheese rings, popcorn, gingerbread... If i don't get high blood sugar from the sheer number of sweets that i ate, then at least i'll get a bad throat from all the dry and heaty snacks... (i have come to realise that as long as there's food in front of me, i'll eat it, whether i'm hungry or not, so now i try my best to push all food out of my reach)

My module bidding isn't off to the best of starts. First due partially to time constraints during the period of the open bidding window, i wasted round zero. Then my history modules, which up to this point i had always thought would be free for my taking, at one point each, proved me wrong, as i had to pay hundreds for one, and got outbidded for another. Now i have to try and secure one more history module from somewhere, on top of not being entirely sure about whether to do breadth/ss and all that nonsense. To make matters worse, many of the history exams of the modules that i am able to do fall within a window of three or so days, which basically means that i have to either cram my desired modules' exams together, or forsake some of my desired modules. The rest have May exams, which for me are totally out-of-the-question unless absolutely necessary...

Well, for some consolation, i stopped by ntuc on the way home and found to my pleasant surprise that post cereals are on sale again at $4.95 per box. Just in case the offer doesn't extend into the new year, i bought one box each of blueberry morning and honey roasted honey bunches of oats, to complement the still-unopened honey bunches of oats with strawberries that i have from the last cereal sale. I feel like i'm a chipmunk hoarding nuts for winter... [to my horror, ntuc had decided to start playing dreaded cny music, even before the end of the christmas period proper - i cringed my way through the incessant aural bashing that was the ding de dong dong qiang dong qiang blah blah ji bai nian song as i was getting the cereal, and later as i walked home, cos the stupid song would not get out of my head.]