Losing a (sorta) family member and gaining (sorta) another

Firstly, on a sad note, my bike of just under four and a half years (whom i had belatedly christened Big Blue - yup real imaginative i am i know), got stolen, from, of all places at the carpark under my building where it was chained. The latest in a series of annoyances i have with apartment living. The fact that it was stolen the weekend following our friend MSK's escape has brought forth the possibility that he was the evil dude who broke not one, but two chains in order to steal her. But ah well, its but an irrelevant conspiracy theory... Anyways, BB served me well, and she was sorta due for retirement (i was from time to time considering rubbing her all over with lemon juice in the interests of de-rusting), but even then, this is still rather abrupt. My only hope is that she proves useful to whoever took her (and i don't mean in the scrap metal sense...)

Me being boliao and taking a picture of hands-less bike-riding

BB at Changi Coast Park watching planes land

I know i've been meaning to talk more about my new sibling (i'm talking about the sis) but have not really had the time to do so - oh well, actually, it's been more than three weeks already since i handed it in (hist dept deadline being the earliest in the whole of nus to my knowledge), so i've kinda forgotten a lot about what actually went on. All that comes to mind at the moment is zao-ing an exco meeting early (in my defense, it already was close to 11pm) in order to trundle back to pgp to finish the last bits before sending for printing, sleeping about two hours in between getting back and leaving again for the business library to do whatever was left before printing it (since it's 20% cheaper to print there), and then finally getting it done but then fouling up on the formatting of content page and page numbers, necessitating an emergency call to more computer-adept folk to bail me out, and then finally printing it at around 5pm, while realizing that in my stress and saa-ness, i had both forgotten to bathe that night and had mistakenly printed two extra copies (thus negating any $ that may have been saved via the 20% cheapre printing prices). Well, after a short metamorphosizing period at gohbros, this is the result:

Yup i know the acknowledgements page doesn't begin to express my gratitude to all who have seen me through this process (without sounding too self-indulgent), so i'll just say another (inadequate) thank you to anyone who has in any way helped to see me through this... You are most welcome to look for me if you are actually interested in reading about the construction of a contemporary Filipino American identity, although chances are, you aren't =p

And in the meantime, it's reading week - last one ever!

it's only words

So here's where it stands as of now:

The thesis is due in a week's time, at 4pm (ok so that technically makes it six days, 22 hours and say forty minutes' time...)

I've completed the intro, chapters one and two, and am halfway through chapter three.

However, lots of feedback over the past week or so has (perhaps inevitably) led me to have to try and do a major reworking of the whole thing, for a variety of reasons which if i list here will just remind me of my grief.

So to that end, i've to sorta overhaul (the word of the past few weeks, eh?) the whole thing, strengthen the line of argument in all that's been written so far, which necessitates quite a bit of cutting and reconceptualizing (whoa will the parallels with cg structure never cease?), two things that i'm not particularly good at doing (whoop so they haven't =p)

Which, believe me, is definitely do-able - but it's a matter of how well this can be done. I've recently gone back to calculating caps once again (the most math i've done this side of "Physics in the Life Sciences"), and realize that the magic number i should aim for is 3.7825 - which sounds very possible, if not for the fact that thesis will have to make up half of that figure, which drastically lowers the odds. Especially if the stuff which i submit looks any more than remotely similar to what i have now...

Oh well, i'm definitely glad to have gotten all the feedback, it really has helped me to think through what i'm writing, and make sure that it's not all just some random sociological fluff. Just wish that i were not in as vulnerable a position as i am now.

And of course there's the added bummer that cos of this i practically missed all of CC that was going on, cos even if i were to go for any of it, think i wouldn't be spiritually and emotionally invested enough to make me more than a seat-filler. Same goes for Holy Week unfortunately.

So now all that lies between now and 4pm on 28 March 2008 is a lot of staring at the computer screen trying to add and cut stuff from here and there, hoping to make enough sense of it to posit a possible grade (which hopefully won't stink), plenty of sleep (yes sleep - at least 9 hours a night for the past week in fact), even more food (have gobbled down one-and-a-half loaves of bread since Monday), hopefully some exercise (or the aforementioned food will take its toll), a visit to Goh Bros at src to submit my title (ack!), another to submit the final stuff (and btw when i went down that day i never realized how big the place actually is - always thought it was just a shopfront), and a final one to collect the bound copies for submission. No sweat, huh?

Oh, and lots of prayer =)

you pay 'em peanuts, you get peanuts

um ok i guess under the circumstances (first draft due in just over 52 hours' time, with only 1/6 of the maximum word count now being actually typed out), typing this perhaps isn't exactly the best idea (and i'd sort of resolved not to put anything new here until i handed the draft up).

but well, to let my rarely-seen optimistic streak manifest itself at an opportune moment, i have at least finished a (tentative) introduction, somehow managing to squeeze everything into the 1000 word limit (and then periodically - as in every fifteen minutes or so - revisiting it for revision, alternating between trimming and adding as it appears to fit best at that point in time, but ensuring that i end up with exactly 1000 words), and i've also done the opening few paragraphs of each of my three chapters, which for me is the most troubling part to do, after that, the content is by and large already up here (points to head). But of course there's nothing to write for a conclusion yet cos i'm still not sure how's that gonna turn out... Well anyways, this is meant to be a work in progress, and i know there'll be a lot of revision to do once i get the draft back, so why do up so much that will end up being cut and revamped? (i can practically see the angel and devil on either side of my head now...)

in any case, they chose, of all times, now to install a drainage system right by the slope outside my window, so there's this constant and jarring drilling noise that i've to contend with... And anyways who am i if not the ultimate last-minute worker (who still never misses a work deadline thank you very much)?

let me randomly grumble aloud as to how somehow the higher-ups tend to get away scot free over here - there was the business with the dunking; our dear friend TT and his shenanigans with the nkf (btw is that word like back in now that Juno has uttered it?); and now this inexcusable escape, yet none of the relevant highly-paid folk get the sack, or even a reprimand for that matter. Instead it's those further below (i wouldn't call them scapegoats, but to some extent that's a valid use of the word) who get it bad. Anywhere else and it's bye-bye seven-figure salary (oh wait, i stand corrected, anywhere else there wouldn't be a seven-figure salary). And in this most recent case, what do we get? Nothing but a smug, insincere apology delivered with the same arrogance and that oh-look-at-me-mr-high-and-mighty face. Surely if people are paid that much, they can at least have the common decency to be more accountable for their responsibilities...

herein ends the rant of a concerned and pissed off S'porean. Now back to writing (oops, actually, think i'll lunch first =p).

Happy 122nd - while you celebrate your birthday at the Shangri-la, i'll be at pgp toiling over my com.

btw, i came across this quick poll on the channelnewsasia website (as much as i hate cna, the other realistic option for getting local news online is ST which requires payment, and imho they don't deserve it). my views on the youth olympics aside (and they shall remain private), when i saw this my first reaction was "what the s***" (pardon the bad language) [btw just cut-n-paste cos couldn't figure out html]

quick poll:

Singapore has won the bid to play host for the 2010 Youth Olympics Games.

-Yes! It shows size doesn't matter and I am glad for the vote of confidence

-I believe this will develop sport in Singapore and teach people to look beyond the material

yup, these were the only two options btw - it's kinda like what Colbert does when he poses visibly annoyed Democratic congressmen this question during "Better Know A District": "George W. Bush - great president, or the greatest president?" Kinda farny in that case, less so here...

oh goodness save me from this crap (cna, i mean)...

hard at work - or as close as possible to that...

Aided in no small part by finally being hit by the fact that the final draft of the ht is due in just over two months from now, and a useful jolt to get cracking during my recent ht consultation, i'd have to say that i don't recall being as hardworking as i've been in the past two weeks ever since probably the first ever sem here (i.e. before i started getting real involved in cf stuff - you can draw whatever connections you'd like, they're probably not true anyways), yes the fabled sem of a string of As stained by one B- for HY1101E of all things...

I'm not exactly the most enthusiastic of readers, but owing to the aforementioned prep i've had to plunge headfirst into book after book for lit review purposes, at the rate of close to one a day in fact. Yes, a book a day, a feat last accomplished when i read through the book of Jude, with 3 and 2 John before that. And if we don't count the Bible, then we're looking at Bookworm books here. Yuppers, you see where i am going here? So in short, i don't really do books, which makes the close-to-a-book-a-day thingy that much more miraculous, by God's grace really...

Yup and thankfully, i'm starting to really like what i'm (supposed to have been) writing about. It hits home quite a bit - to the end that i actually felt a bit emotional when i was reading in one book about the forced eviction of elderly folk from a low-cost residential hotel which some of them had frequented for as long as 60 years to make way for relentless corporate America - real yucks, that was. Anyways, it makes the writing of these 10000-12000 words (including footnotes - aargh!!!) less of a chore. That being said, i'd much rather be writing the acknowledgements page hehe...

Well anyways, today after consultation i went down to the library to borrow more books to (aargh!) read (side note: i'm now holding 12 books - a personal record) and when i pulled out one of them from the shelf, i took a major step back when i saw the cover photo - suffice to say it's not a book i'd be parading around with the front cover facing outwards when i walk, and i'll probably hide it behind another book when i read it too - ask me if you want to see what's on the cover - so paiseh man...

While thankfully distractions have been less of an issue for me in the past week especially, i did succumb to some worthless youtube watching - for some reason i remembered that American Gladiators is being relaunched - one of the must-see shows for me last time in primary school - i remember it was Gladiators at 4pm and then WWF at 5pm on Channel 5. But anyways i wanted to see what it's like now - so i did - for two whole worthless hours. I know to my young eyes it already was bordering on tacky when i saw it on TV all those years ago, but now the new season has definitely outdone itself - see it for yourself - my goodness - some of the gladiators do so amuse me.

Nevertheless, i still remember when i saw it on tv and i was like "oh i can do that". But then i tried some of those things in army and i was sorta persuaded otherwise. Now it's become even more intriguing though cos for some of the events, instead of a mattress to cushion their fall, there's a big pool of water - and they've to swim under a lake of fire (i kid you not) in the final event as well. Quite fun.

Hmm anyways it would be quite interesting to see what a Singapore Gladiators might be like - off the top of my head i'm thinking of gladiator names like lau lee, ah meng, pai kia, MDA senior management...

No Djoke, the Fed got beat...

self-control

This morning after hy class in the morning, which by the way easily takes the cake for hy class with the most CFers/people i know taking it), i had to go over to science for a breadth class, which in contrast, takes the cake for biggest class taken where i know almost no one.

Since i'm not taking this class with anyone, once i got to the lt i found myself an empty seat and sat down (duh). Then this guy seated two seats to the left (to the left) of me asked sheepishly if i could move down one seat to the right (to the right) as it was reserved. At that point i was already a bit flustered from the overwhelming attendance of the previous class, so while i complied with his request i couldn't help but remark to him that if you want to reserve seats you can at least try and make them actually look like they are reserved.

Then, his dear friend came by and after a short conversation with him informed me that now the whole row was reserved and so asked if i could move somewhere else. I was trying to exercise some self-control so i spared her the irritated eye-roll and sarcastic reply and so instead just more or less repeated what i had told her friend about making the seats at least look reserved if she wanted to do so. So i then moved to the row immediately behind.

By this time i already was quite pissed and to make matters worse the girl started talking with her hitherto phantom friends who finally decided to shed their invisibility cloaks and sit down at the row i had earlier been forcibly evicted from. I was not annoyed so much at the talking per se but more at her annoying voice. If i were into meditation, by that time i would probably have been in the lotus pose, floating high in the sky by that time in an attempt to channel my anger into less violent actions.

So, just when i thought the worst was over, two of her dear friends. not five minutes into the lecture proper, said their abrupt goodbyes and left the lt, leaving two of the seats in the row now empty. I was appalled to say the least - the pissed teacher in me would have tapped on the shoulder of the girl, demanded to have her parents' number, and then called and scolded them for not teaching their daughter proper courtesy (and of course scolded the annoying-voice girl too - who by the way at the end of lecture was asking her other friends in a super-whiny voice "will you miss me?" repreatedly - in retrospect i'm glad i didn't decide to give her my honest answer right there and then). But well that would not have been any better methinks, so instead i've decided to just channel all of my pent-up negativity into this post... I just hope though that i don't kena such things again or i may just blow my top...

In more positive news, thankfully things regarding ht are now much clearer after consultation and i'm less inclined to predict total disaster for this sem. Have a lot of reading to do though, which i'm looking forward to as much as i am to hearing "dong dong dong qiang" the next time i step into Cold Storage...

happy (hectic) holidays

Well the holidays this time have not exactly been the most relaxing of moments for me as there have been a lot of things going on over the past month or so - allow me to randomly recall and recap...

AnnTIC this time round was a bit of a change from previous ones i've been to - with stuff like exco time and all that, plus the fact that i came a day late and was rather disoriented at first. Thankfully the message of the theme talks especially was something that i hold rather close to my heart, and so those at least really rang a bell with me. I guess i'm the sort who may not be complacent in terms of knowledge, but rather complacent in terms of action, if you catch my drift; so the message was definitely a timely and relevant one. Glad to have gotten to know quite a few new people too. And if time, inspiration, and creative energy permits, i'll get cracking on that song sooner or later. One regret though is that i never managed to get down to playing any games at all, after having looked so forward to that initially...

Have also had to get started on prep for ht, and to that end i felt like i had accomplished so much when i went down to school on at least three separate occasions for consultation and book-borrowing. That however has proven to be the more-than-easy part. The actual reading of all of these resources is another matter altogether, and i've barely begun with anything where that is concerned. Can't seem to get out of the lazy, holiday mood and get down to actual work (schoolwork of this nature during holiday time is a rather alien concept to me). Hmm, but come to think of it, there's a big load of stuff to read. So think i shall have to find my way back to school and do my research there - at least the environment there is somewhat more conducive (i hope).

Christmas this year was the first in three years i've spent here - there was MEET camp two years ago and then was at my cousin's place in MD last year. Nothing special though - went for the Christmas Eve midnight service, first time in donkey years that i've been for the service at SAC. And i never realized that having the right family connections could secure one a reserved seat in the front row (all the better to fall asleep in front of the preacher in). So i was seated right in front of the lectern, and in the middle of methinks Joy to the World i looked down and lo and behold i spotted a little gray mouse peeking its head out from its base (and let me clarify, it was a little cute gray mouse, kinda like the kind people keep as pets, not a vile gigantic brown rat). Yup so that was the highlight of my Christmas i guess. Fun, eh?

I was admittedly rather anxious about this past sem's results, particularly because i've been straddling the fine line between classes of hons. And well, after this sem, basically nothing has changed, which i'm thankful for, that at least things have more or less maintained rather than regressed. What intrigued me a bit was the specific grades for some of the classes - i trust our dear friend Mr Bell Curve had a rather heady role to play in that one...

Yesterday was floorball time - something that i've missed over the past one and a half years or so - was good - finally got some exercise this month (and coming right after all the Christmas pigging-out, the timing could not have been any better). And as proof of the exercise i now have the expected body aches and orh cehs (sp?) on both knees, the latter thanks to my unintended expertise at sliding all over the floor while lunging for the ball. Ah well, it was fun, so all these are worth it.

Parents are away now at some clergy retreat thingy (it's supposed to be a family retreat, but almost all the children who go are like primary school age and under, and the last thing i want to do is to babysit annoying children), so i've had to do my part in bringing Bingo down to answer nature's call - i must say, it's hardly the most fun thing in the world to scoop up his waste matter from under him and pop it into the bin. Ah heck, it's only for two days... On a related note, it's sad to see how he's aged exponentially ever since we moved over here (he's 14 btw) - now he hobbles about as if he had just gotten neutered, and can't pee the usual male dog way of lifting one leg anymore (cos think he'd lose his balance), and constantly slips on our marble floor, and has to prop himself on his snout before lying down or else risk bashing his head on the floor. Poor thing.

more tales from the engin com lab

I sit here close to 40% through with my histo paper and i'm quite happy with how things have progressed in this second half of today.

This time round, however, while there are no annoying couples to distract me, there instead is someone who is listening to Selena's "Dreaming of You" on the com but who has decided to share the song with the rest of the people here (it just finished playing for the second time). And in between the haunting refrains of a now-dead lady, there is also a less musically gifted individual seated in front of me who's listening to some inaudible music on her headphones which she feels obliged to share with me via the gift of bizarre humming.

Anyways, i like totally wasted this morning watching weird stuff on youtube in my room, which is why i moved to school to do my work. By and large it's been successful, save for this...

Okies back to work...

lifeline

So after dinner today, i went to do a bit of (enforced) star-gazing at the src field in order to better understand the universe - it turned out to be more of moon-gazing as all i did manage to see before scootering off after exactly 30 minutes to do right by my conscience (rather than marking attendance and scramming right away) was the moon as seen through a refractive telescope - well, the detail of the image i saw [plus the fact that today's moon is quite gibbous (read: close to full)] leads me to the conclusion that Chang-E does not exist... Mooncakes schmooncakes...

Then went back to the room and later went for a run again - went by a different, longer route this time and nearly died-ed again - getting there though, hopefully...

After that i plopped myself in front of the laptop and after an hour or so of procrastinating, i finally was in the preliminary stages of beginning my histo paper when i opened my mail and read this:

Hi class

The deadline for the essay has been extended to Wed 31 Oct in the interest of quality. Hard copies of the essays should be in my mailbox by 10 pm.

Fwah and boy did i need that - thankfully now my weekend ahead looks a lot less terok to me now since i've two extra days to do up the essay - Dr H, you rock (and not just because of the extension...)

The downside though is that i've now even less motivation to get any work done tonight - so think i shall call it a night and see how tomorrow goes... Dun want to end up piah-ing till wed evening...

Dinner was like more than 7 hours ago btw, and i couldn't tahan, so now i'm having breakfast - it's the morning after all...

And before i go, there's a new random thingy i'd like to put here: basically it's my pet peeve of the day, cos i always seem to be peeved by something - maybe by the end of it all i can set up a pet peeve shop... heh... (the purpose of this is not to complain, but just to provide some sort of outlet lah - sorry if you're reading this and you happen to be a perpetrator - but bo pian leh...)

Well anyways, one thing that annoys me is people who insist on boarding buses/trains before the people on the buses/trains get off - i had always noticed it on the mrt on the rare occasions i took the train, but now i'm noticing even more of it on the nus buses - i really can't stand it (cos to me it's a symptom of the prevailing impatient and "me first" culture that we seem to have here) - these people just seem to be interested in getting a seat before the rest behind them do, and have no qualms about barging their way through the mass of people who want to alight in order to get one. Now, i normally try to be a nice person, but i must admit, when i am the one getting off the bus and i happen to encounter one or more of these inconsiderate people headed in my direction, i do purposely go out of my way to make it as difficult as possible for them to squeeze past me - isolate them to one corner, brush against them slightly more roughly than is needed, that sort of thing - i dunno how right of me it is to do that (but boy does it feel good to do it), so if it isn't, do let me know...

a tale of two (edit: now three) couples and one annoyed me

ok i usually don't do this smack in the middle of a school day but well conditions warrant it...

monday night i was in the engin com lab trying to finish my now-finished paper, but i couldn't get far because this couple seated opposite to me were talking so loudly to each other and i couldn't concentrate as a result, so after thirty minutes of futility i gave up and went back to my room to finish it.

so just now i went back to the same place to get more work done, and i saw the same couple seated next to a computer that i usually use. Wary of them after the other day i looked around for another computer and plopped myself down at one a good distance away. And just as i've started to get down to work, lo and behold another couple opposite me have started to talk loudly to each other as well. Meanwhile the first couple are bust doing work and are hence no even making a noise. I'm tempted to ask them to keep quiet but i'm afraid my irritation will get the better of me - and i'm wearing an FOC shirt too so i dun want to risk binge a bad testimony from the way i ask them to keep quiet...

Rejoice! They've just packed up and left!

ok back to work...

(ten minutes later)

my goodness how do i always kena these situations ah? a third couple has just plopped themselves down in the exact same place that couple two were in and are chatting away...

veto power

Just caught my brother who was surreptitiously dashing up the stairs in order to play his computer game on the family desktop which so happens to be in my room. While when he first started to do this i was more or less begrudging him the right to do this, for the simple fact that this intrudes on my privacy much more than i'd like; i've tried to be more accommodating to his requests as of late, since it is the family computer after all, and i guess he's the right to use it once in a while. So to that extent i've come home after school to find the lights on in my room and him inside using the com and largely ignored it - even though i'm the kind of person who treasures his privacy enough to be alarmed every time i see this happening - so i'll just hang around downstairs until he finishes (and bug him a bit in between).

Ah but i dunno, just now when i saw him trying to play again (for the second time in the day) i shouted a loud "NOOOOO!!!!!!!" and to his audible dismay forbade him from playing again tonight (and the folks were there to help to chase him away as well). Ah well, all i can say is that this incident only goes to show that i need my own room, and the days when i did share a room with him (which are all of just over three short years ago) must have been simpler times...

(And just for the record, my brother is five-and-a-half years older than me...)

Today's work progressed little more than locating stray notes and organizing them into more distinct groups. Hardly as much as i wanted to get done, but then again, Sundays are always i-don't-feel-like-doing-any-work days so... Hope the study week ahead will go well though - realized that especially when compared with some others i've been blessed with quite a bit of time for exam prep so think i ought to make the best use of it as i can...

Well, today's church service was more of the same old same old save for the fact that i only found out today that Pheobe goes to the same service as i do - i had no clue before this... Once again though, i nearly was late cos i woke up late and i'm still not used to not staying right next to church and hence not used to the fact that i've now to travel to church. Think that put me a little off today cos i was not able to have my qt till later, and i tend to not be very spiritually alert before qt. So guess must try and revamp my Sun schedule so that i can find ample time to do qt beforehand...

Glancing through this months National Geographic special report on overfishing - "Saving the Sea's Bounty", along with bearing in mind some of what i''ve picked up from my Global Environmental Issues class has made me even less enthusiastic about seafood - any sea creature that is not a fish is already a no-no for me, but i may add at least certain kinds of fish to that list depending on whether they are fished sustainably. Oh, and whether they stink too =p

It finally didn't rain today, but no point cos i didn't end up doing anything outdoorsy. Not enough motivation to do so. Did however have a good catching-up/sharing session instead, which was very timely for me cos i've had rather a drought of that as of late, and think am the kind of person who requires to bleah things out regularly to the relevant people. Yup so that was much needed =)

I'll miss the east...

processing

Hmm after having been rather overwhelmed by work for much of the sem that has gone by, i now find myself in the enviable and strange position of having nothing really to do apart from prepare for the exams. It reached the stage whereby on Thursday morning it took me around fifteen minutes methinks to find appropriate study stuff to bring to school so that i wouldn't waste the day.

But that being said, i'm really glad for the break, cos it's long overdue, and i really really could use one now - as has been the norm for this sem, i've had a lot of things on my mind, and now procides a perfect opportunity to finally devote more time to clearing all the backlog.

So to that extent just now after dinner since i've no work to do i decided to go for a walk at ecp. Even though it was like super humid and it felt really sticky, i figured that a walk would help me to process a lot of stuff and talk to God more clearly as well.

That turned out rather well. I didn't like get immediate answers/solutions to the stuff i was bringing before God and actively considering, but it certainly helped me to organize my thoughts and get some new insights onto some stuff. Rather bizarrely as well, ideas for a song (both music n lyrics) somewhat spontaneously came to mind, which has never happened before (Love Compels was a so-called commissioned work which took a lot of deliberate attempts at conceptualizing, and i never had ideas for the music). Will try and piece the ideas together and complete the thought cos it's a useful outlet i feel...

Oh, and when i say walk, i really mean walk - as in walk from my house all the way to that place past Bedok Jetty where there used to be a coconut grove which would be perfect for filming Indian movies but which now has some fancy white garden structures, and then crossed the road to the Bayshore area where i took a bus back home - the total walk lasted around 100 min.

Oh anyways today's Good Friday service was interesting - certainly the longest service i've ever attended - it was supposed to be 3 hours long (to signify the recognition of the darkness following Jesus' death from the 6th to the 9th hour, and anyways i've sat through at least one of those before), but the seventh and last meditation extended quite a bit, such that it lasted a total of more than three and a half hours. The length meant that while initially i took in a lot of what was said in the earlier meditations, by the time number five came (ironically that was my father's one =p) and on from there my mind semi-switched off so i couldn't process a lot of it... But it was a good experience and i did manage to take back some of the stuff that was preached...

volatility

Was typing my essay in my secret place earlier today when i happened to notice (cos the desks there are angled in such a way that when you sit you'll be semi-facing the neighboring screen) that the guy next to me was playing some kind of Chinese war computer game (Romance of the Three Kingdoms?). Ok fair enough, i thought, anyways the place still had some empty coms around at that time so if he wanted to go ahead with that then so be it.

Happened to catch a glimpse of his screen some time later. I was truly sickened to realize that the guy had switched to viewing a whole host of pictures of a quasi-erotic nature (i shall not elaborate further). Eek! I'd have liked to, to put it lightly, strongly advise him to stop that at once, but i didn't know how to go about doing that so i settled on trying to shift my monitor screen in such a way that his own screen wasn't in my line of vision and strategically holding up my notes right in front of my face whenever i could to block those disturbing images from my sight once and for all...

Well, that aside, the remainder of the process of typing my essay was rather uneventful. I'm really not one for conciseness so i ended up writing too much. During the editing process, i always feel so sayang to let words/sentences go so i try and keep that to a minimum. In fact in the editing process i often end up adding more fluff rather than getting rid of it. Yup so it did get a bit long, but still within reasonable limits i hope...

I do find it weird that i seemingly have little work to do (not many deadlines left really) but i've been feeling more tired than i've ever been this sem. Today it all started to get to me so i was back in my tactical, retreatist, loner mode and tried to avoid people as far as i could. Just as well i had an essay to finish. And that doesn't seem to be going away as of yet. Maybe God is telling me that i need to spend more time alone, as in time with Him (Ok so i know that for a fact). A lot of stuff continues to bother me, and whatever talking to God about all of these has been piecemeal at best. And the slightest thing seems to trigger more "me against the world" sentiment (and going along these lines in the unlikely event that the Tar Heels lose their Sweet 16 match to the Trojans tom that would so do it for me methinks) Yeah so the point of the story: need to spend time with God. Productive time, that won't reach a premature anti-climax with me falling asleep or having my thoughts drift to totally unrelated and far less important matters.

My current earworm over the past few days when i get up in the (very early) morning: And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going. Random thought but maybe that's what i've been subconsciously telling God as of late. "Going" as in going to genuinely want to do things His way. Hmm...

pumpkins and mice reappear

So for the past two nights (i.e. yesterday and today) my aim of sleeping by midnight each weeknight has not been successful. Yesterday i forgot why already, but today it's quite clearly cos i've work to do and i'm trying (in vain) to convince myself to get more of it done now so that tom when i'm in school i can spend more time just hanging.

Anyways, after more than a week's worth of trying to eliminate the six other question choices before finally settling on the chosen topic, and practically another week's worth of (sparingly) researching on the topic, i finally got cracking on the essay itself yesterday afternoon in school. Got a decent bit of it done, though got distracted as i usually do. This time it was cos i was seated in the library fourth floor com cluster directly on the other side of the glass from the video room, and the girl directly behind me on the other side of the glass was watching, for some strange reason, Toy Story 2. She also was using subtitles, so i was able to watch and figure out what was going on even though i couldn't hear the audio of the dvd. It was the scene when the cowgirl doll was singing the Sarah McLachlan song "When She Loved Me" cos she kena abandoned by her original owner. For some strange reason i started to feel really sad for the poor doll. Yup. oh but i digress, basically i got distracted by that.

Felt that i had enough time to take some of it off doing the essay to play tennis for the first time in more than a year methinks. Went with Evan and Junwen and William. Was a good break from studying and up till now my muscles aren't aching so maybe that's a good sign i dunno. Oh and btw, is it really so amazing that i can eat a footlong Subway and still be hungry?

With all the com-related stuff that i've been doing as of late and my laziness to bring my laptop along (not to mention the trouble of trying to find a powerpoint), i've been spending a lot of time in various com clusters. Would like to think of myself as someone who's a seasoned enough nus student to know where to go to find an available com which is not packed to the hilt no matter what time of the day it is. So today i found (ok, not really found, more like finally visited after knowing of its existence for a little while now) another good place to go (the exact place shall be kept a secret hee) to use a com, particularly if it's for stuff like essay writing. Managed to spend almost four (relatively) productive hours there writing the essay, which is now waiting for around 400 words in order to be completed. Only problem is that all the staring at the screen left me feeling really tired, and so have not really been myself since then and have gotten all contemplative again. Ah maybe i need some of that...

Later

looking back on the weeks of work

Aiyah actually this is supposed to be the last pic but me and tech... well...
And i used to say that i wouldn't be caught dead in a soccer jersey -
well in my defence that was borrowed cos my short was too dirty already...

Ah you have no idea how happy i am to be able to even have time to just post this cos at the end of a week where i had to type 5500 words in 3 essays and answer 80 questions for two tests (okok mostly mcq lah...) any form of relaxation is really more than welcome. *whee* So anyways i'll try to recall things in chronological order...

Ok this is really totally irrelevant
but just to note that there's one "dollar" too many there
- talk about doubling your $...

Well the above pic was taken in school on the mon of our dear term break which really was anything but a break. Ok, i take it back, it also was not a holiday, a time of relaxation, an opportunity to finally sit down and reflect fully upon sep, a time to spend with friends and family... Hmm i guess i'll say instead that it was anything but fun...

Why was i in school on mon? Cos i needed to watch a video and only could do so on campus, but the silly library was closed so i had to be content with finding some obscure corner in the forum with a powerpoint. Super annoying ah...

That night had dinner at a family friend's place. One of the guests there was a guy from VS (not there anymore so can reveal the name of the school liao), where of course i was attached to previously and had a very interesting time in the process. Was quite funny cos we got talking about school stuff and i realized that in the future i'll be at the receiving end of such talk... Hmmm...

Ah well, moving right along...

Ha? Sure or not?

Well wed had a project meeting in Chiam territory of all places cos we've to do a survey of the area. Pretty ironic that i used to stay just across the road in Sennett Estate for like five years but almost never ventured across to the hdb area. Anyways, have never seen such a quiet hdb estate in my life - the 'lunchtime crowd', if you can call it that, at McD's consisted of a handful of people plus one group of SAJC folk and that was it. But actually come to think of it i actually do like the place. I treasure my peace and quiet and Potong Pasir is definitely a good place where one can treasure one's peace and quiet very well... Chiam actually has done a good job considering the cards he's dealt with... I just wonder how the poor folk there can cope with just one measly bus service going through the town and not having a reasonably-sized supermarket in sight within the estate...

Thu it was arts cf cny visiting day and thoughthere were only a small group of us at both Florence's and Jocelyn's places, it still was fun nevertheless. Pit is actually quite a fun game to play despite its rather simple premise. For me too it was a good break from doing my essay (though in actual fact i hadn't technically started on that essay yet - nope, i only started typing that one on sun morn, the day before it was due...). Anyways, this was definitely hands down the most fun cny visiting experience i've had this year (and i didn't even get any $ that day either, so there...)

And with regards to this week, well, i'm just glad the workload, which is as far as i can remember the most work i've had to do within a one week timeframe; was bearable by God's grace. Throughout the whole week i kept on harboring grand visions of how i'd keep sleep to a minimum and hence maximize time spent on typing essays, such that i'd be able to end sooner. Well suffice to say that after the first day when i slept for all of two hours, it went downhill all the way from there, with me constantly oversleeping in spite of alarms and also constantly deciding in the middle of typing an essay that i needed a nap, which would inevitably upgrade itself into an full-fledged snooze fest. As a result, i was late for tutorial for the first time i can remember in my university career cos i woke up late and also was left doing each essay till mere hours before the deadline came. In the midst of all that, however, i really do recognize God's hand in all of this, cos He knew that i needed sleep and grandted it to me in spite of my lofty desires to the contrary, and at the same time never let me oversleep to an extent that i did not have enough time to finish any piece of work. Well, now that my so-called hell week is all but over, the postponements to the other things that i've been delaying considering and praying about have to finally reach an end. And boy is there a lot of stuff now that i think of it... And people have been (albeit understandably) swarming around me for various reasons - sheesh... Guess it's the right moment to just take time and really just listen...

mid-essay non-essay thoughts

More from me once this ridiculous amount of work which i have been clearing at a ridiculously slow pace is finally over and done with by God's grace alone but now just for a little bit of nonsense posting before getting back to working on essay #1, due in just about 17 hours' time (with essays #2 & #3 due this wed and fri respectively still very much in the exploratory committee phase at the moment)

A couple of lessons learnt from this week:

- As little as cny means to me, it still nevertheless takes up a heck of a lot of my time (which ideally would have been spent on the aforementioned essays #1, #2 and #3, but in all likelihood would have been spent wasted on nothing significant)

- Attempting to stay at home and do work will result in me clocking in at least seven hours of sleep every night plus at least three to four hours of sleep every afternoon

- Never decide to be a hero and finish off the remainders of reunion dinner's devil curry featuring at least ten whole chilli padis at one sitting - your stomach will hate you for it...

- The American and S'porean definitions of the word 'break' are vastly different - during my fall break in the States i was happily exploring Chicago, during my midterm break here, well, the only exploring i could get around to is around my desk trying to find discarded notes...

grounddog day

Well after being reminded of a similar bout of antipathy toward cny that i felt a year ago, i'm more or less convinced that you can count me as the grinch of cny, if there ever were such a thing. Today has really been the most blah of holidays that i've had in a long time. Especially since this cny was on a Sunday again, and looking back at what i wrote about last year's cny experience, it almost seemed as though i was reliving the start of the year of the dog all over again, the only difference being that this year's was more boring.

Ah well, whatever it is, i've come to realise that there really is no such thing as healthy food when it comes to cny stuff, save for maybe the mandarin oranges (which i don't really like anyways). Today i was searching the house for something to eat and found lots of stuff, but it all was unhealthy stuff like pineapple tarts, cookies with tons of butter, fatty bak kwa and the like... Yesterday's cny dinner featured a grand total of one healthy dish - a token plate of sliced cucumbers and cherry tomatoes, which i feel was palced there just to assure ourselves that we were eating our veggies. Even the yusheng, which at least without the fish is technically vegetarian, is full of unappetising and sodium-and-sugar-laden preserved thingies which i doubt are very healthy either... But i guess given that this year is the year of the pig (though of course i don't believe in such stuff), perhaps it's only apt that we pig out eh...

Oh and speaking of yusheng, thought that it was pretty funny when my brother, some of my cousins and me, all proudly ACS-educated, were thinking of suitable cheng(2) yu(3) to use when preparing it, just as the waitress does in the restaurant. "wu(3) yan(2) liu(4) se(4)", "luan(4) qi(1) ba(1) zao(1)" and "feng(1) he(2) ri(4) li(4)" were some of what came to mind =p - not bad actually rite, at least the first two can apply in this context rite...

Anyways, i decided to skip visiting in the afternoon today and get some rest, cos already after the first house i was feeling extremely sian and tired. I can't imagine that i once actually looked forward to all the stuff that we'd do during cny. Nowsaday, i'm just glad for the reprieve from school (and btw let me reiterate the fact that the clash of cny with the midterm break sucks big time), even if it means being subject to horrible cny music that relentlessly attacks my eardrums. Oops i digress. Woke up and went with Mark for our fortnightly ecp run, which was great though i'm still quite unfit at least when compared to before i left... Shucks i dunno what i'm gonna do for running (or cycling, for that matter) once i move to my new place, which is somewhere up the slope of a hill in town...

What i'm rather pleased with myself about is the fact that i finally got down to doing some forum posting today - yup that's two overly-long-drawn and confusing posts down, so at least i know i won't get 0 out of 10%. Was just thinking back to the annoying formalities that i encounter on forums and i came up with a perfect new one which i was so tempted to add in just to be a pain, but i decided to refrain - instead of "here's just my two cents' worth," i wanted to say "here's just my ten percent's worth..." But anyways, tomorrow i've to head back to school to catch a video on my laptop that is only accessible on campus. Too bad the lib is closed, so have to find some good secret place with a powerpoint where i can watch it - dang...

Better late than never

Well i've talked at length before regarding my procrastination regarding getting work done, which has led to me now at midterm break realizing that there's a lot of stuff to do if i'm to get back on the path to academic excellence (haha that's so unrepresentative of the reality, but i just like the sound of it); but i've come to realize that this procrastinating streak in me extends to other areas as well.

One good piece of evidence in support of that is the fact that i just opened my Christmas presents. And not just this year's ones, but in fact some of last year's too. (With regards to last year's ones, i had just opened the flap of the wrapping to see what they were, but i did not actually take them out until today. Additionally, a week or so after coming back i opened up my drawers only to find a significant amount of $ inside - i then realized what they were: last year's CNY $, which i'd every intention of banking in last year but never got around to, eventually forgetting to do so and going off on exchange...

But anyways, i'm looking forward to this break. Of course not because of all the work that i've to do, but for the opportunity to relax just a bit and regroup for the second half of the sem, where hopefully the old academically-inclined matt (haha like real) will be back. It definitely helps that there's not much CNY stuff to do where my family is concerned, even my Chinese half of the family doesn't do much apart from the dinner tonight and the visiting of a grand total of one house tomorrow, which ought to be done by after lunch. Just as well cos i don't really like this holiday much - i'm the kind which left to his own devices wouldn't mind going around dressed head-to-toe in old black clothes throughout the fifteen days just to irk the more superstitious lot...

So in any case, i really have to get quite a bit of work done this break. The first item on my agenda is the much-delayed forum posting. I seriously hate doing this - everyone knows that if not for the participation grades no one would really care about it, but simply because it is graded there's this persistent open secret one-upmanship that goes on, whereby people are basically milking whatever teeny bit of opinion that they have for all its microbial worth (of course i can write this because when i finally do post my stuff on the forum, i'd merely be doing the same). Whatever it is though, those super fake-o formalities that everyone uses in their posts like "here's just my two cents worth"; "hope that i'm correct in saying this" and "these are just my humble opinions" are just so cringe-inducing to me. I guess i've to remind myself about the need to take work seriously, that God calls for us to adopt a spirit of excellence in whatever we do, for His glory.

What to do, where to go for holiday? Will i even have a holiday?

Ready to make nice

Have been trying to get back on the road toward academic excellence (ok, that's pushing it quite a bit heh =p) as of late, and positive results have been rather limited in their appearance, and very gradual too. Yes this weekend was perhaps the most productive weekend i've had since coming back, but that being said i still ended up being toot enough to totally screw up preparations for a midterm on mon such that i'm pretty certain it'll be my worst-scoring history test ever. And where other classes are concerned, i've still heaps of readings to do, a massive number of forum postings to read and contribute towards, and seemingly endless prep for term papers and what not that i've barely even noticed up till this point. Yeah the outlook at this point studies wise is still far from good, but thankfully i'm fully aware of the situation now and so we'll see how that goes by God's grace...

So anyways this by and large meant that the past two days have not been very good for me - was feeling super tired throughout, enough to make me not realise i was eating my dandan mian with the wrong end of the pair of wooden chopsticks. Have also seriously come close to falling asleep during class, and as a result never have i missed the arts canteen (and its 40 cents kopi-o, of which merely taking a deep whiff of it was enough to wake me up) so much... The attractiveness of a room on campus has never been greater i tell you - just imagine two extra hours to play with every weekday...

Ironically though, i felt most energetic just now when after ft we went and played capture the flag - had really great fun, and it reminded me of when i played it back at UNC. Too bad in the darkness as i was running away from Evan cos i had been caught snooping round her zone, i ended up running into the nylon ropes and wooden sticks that they use to put up some kind of barrier for some small trees, breaking a stick in the process, not to mention cutting and scraping myself pretty badly on my right inner elbow joint. Nothing serious though, and i'd definitely want to play again sometime...

I know that you know what we know...

And yay for the Dixie Chicks =) After all that boycott nonsense, this sure is a way to go...

for what it's worth, happy Valentines...

work worries

Hmm only after posting the last post did i remember that my purpose of posting it was to note it being a month since i got back so here's mention of it just for the record...

Well it's been a good day for the Tar Heels, we both beat the hated Duke in basketball and apparently got a very good recruiting class for football. Guess i care more for the former since at least i can see the ball and roughly understand what's going on when i watch a basketball match compared to the relative cluelessness that is a given for me whenever i watch a football game. (in fact probably would have had no clue regarding the occurence of the latter if not for Greg - last season's football really turned me off...). Guess whatever it is this bodes well for the rest of the basketball season, and hopefully for the years to come for football (any season can be better than the crap one we had when i was there). Apparently there's a really big impromptu celebration that takes place on the street where my hall is located every time after we beat Duke - too bad i missed that...

But alas, these feelings of sentimentality over my UNC experience have unfortunately in part translated into a total lack of enthusiasm and motivation to get down to doing schoolwork that sorely needs to be done. Think that to a certain extent i've used all the stuff that's been weighing on my mind recently as an excuse to not get bothered about the work that has to be done. But was just browsing through some of my course ivle pages as of late and i then realized the sheer amount of work to be done that i've been blissfully unaware of up till this point - stuff from the pesky but nevertheless obligatory forum postings to tests that i had conveniently forgot about to stacks of readings that have already been printed but remain untouched since the day of their printing to essays and other written assignments that are due just after the midterm break. Yes this is a heck of a lot of work, and even with my grumblings about the total sian-ness that i've felt towards work here since coming back taken into full consideration; this really cannot be the way to go for me in the long run.

Yup so with that in mind don't mind me or take it personally if i seem to be appearing withdrawn when you next see me, or physically withdrawing myself from where i usually may be found, depending on the amount of work that i need to get done and how much distractions i can tahan at that point in time. Chances are however that unless it seriously gets too distracting for me and/or the mercury really starts to rise, i'll probably still hang in the forum. Do me a favor though, and nag me to get started on work if you see me wasting time in one way or other (which is in all likelihood a high probability)...

a drop is forecasted...

If the weekend that is about to pass has taught me anything, it is that after coming back, for some reason or other i've lost most interest in doing my readings. Now, this is not to imply that i was super interested in my readings while i was at UNC or even prior to that, but rather that after the different learning environment and style and what not that i enjoyed over there, coming back to what's more or less the same old thing over here has subonsciously gotten to me, such that now when i look at readings i just stare at them with no motivation whatsoever to actually read them.

And this weekend proved the perfect case study of this in effect. My Saturday was spent doing anything but the readings that i was supposed to do for this week - on the computer, watching dvds, playing the guitar, reading more Asterix from my newly-rediscovered collection - you name it, i did it - anything but the readings. Of course, with my semi-resolution to refrain from doing schoolwork on Sunday now seriously in jeopardy, i just decided to do whatever readings i could today instead (which incidentally still turned out to be very little owing to more procrastination on my part)

And this seriously annoys me can - i'm even entertaining the thought of going back to school on Saturdays to do work if i can't concentrate at home. At this rate, coupled with all the other stuff that has been constantly weighing on my mind since i got back (which keeps on developing into bigger and more complicated things), i'm already expecting this sem to go relatively badly for me academically at least, unless over the next few days i can somehow find more interest in my work and have a better grasp of all the distracting stuff that is happening.

(But as usual, i add my usual proviso that i often paint things to be far worse than they actually are, and this case methinks is no exception)

One good thing that i at least managed to do over the weekend is go for a run or two by the beach. While running wise i definitely cannot make it, but at least it's better than sitting idly by all the time... Ah - running by the beach - another thing i'll miss when i move to goodness-knows-where...

Over the course of the past two weeks since i've come back, i've (or rather my hairstyle has) reminded various people whom i've met of Moses (twice); a Korean pop star; a girl (my personal favorite - not); and Junichiro Koizumi. Well, finally got a haircut of some sorts so hopefully that will be the end of it...