keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'

The past four weeks of experience in the school that shall remain anonymous (i'd call it "Anonymous Secondary School" but then its initials would spell, er, well, you know =p...) totally surpassed my expectations - which, granted were not much to begin with. I won't plunge again into my spiel on how i was hitherto under the impression that all so-called neighborhood schools were the same until i was blissfully enlightened upon getting posted there (eh although that's the basic jist of it), but suffice to say that there were so many cool surprises and learning experiences along the way that have most definitely helped to prepare me for what lies ahead.

Unfortunately, between now and what lies ahead is one full year of stuff that i'm not very enthusiastic about. Prior to this, i really did not know how to respond when asked how i was feeling about the year ahead, especially since the responses i'd received from those who've gone before have been extremely polarized - i.e. people either love it or hate it. And thus it was with this in mind that i approached this past introductory week with as open mind as i could.

However, sad to say the way in which the past week's programs have really awakened my uber-cynical negative side - eh dunno how safe it is to elaborate on that here, but well to put it briefly, the nature of most of the activities organized over the past week, seemingly for our benefit, have really not been worth the three hours and $5 taken for traveling every day. There are some redeeming points, of course, like meeting new (and similarly-minded) people and getting more familiar with the campus (and even then they have more to do with externalities than with the institution as a whole), but by and large if i were to do nothing about my attitude in the year ahead i foresee a lot of complaining about all and sundry to myself and to others - honestly, its stuff like this which makes me unable to envision staying in this place (as in this country) in the long run. For example, if even the slightest component of ne stuff is going to trigger the good ol' roll of the eyes from me, imagine how much mileage mine will chalk up over the course of this upcoming year - and that's just one of the many things which don't sit well with me.

But more on the good side of things (to try and distract me from all the complainables) - i've quite a good timetable (at least compared to some others i've seen) and in terms of relations with people things have for the most part gone on fine. There's also the unique circumstance (and believe me, this is used ad nauseaum by the people there as a manipulative mechanism via attempted emotional blackmail) of us actually being paid, rather than paying, to go for class. So bearing that in mind, imagine my glee upon reading thursday's st home section p.2 on the failure of even that to come through (and yes, i am one of the four hundred) - facial egg, to say the least. Oops i'm back to the bad stuff again :p

Anyways, this week was ameliorated by various school-related (as in the Anonymous Sec School i.e. *SS) teachers/students outings. When comparing notes with people who were in other schools, one thing i realize is that at least in terms of the support and friendship of the community in the school *SS has come out tops - it's far from perfect, of course, but nevertheless it's been a real great community to be around over the past month or so - part of the reason why i'm definitely more than open to going back there next time. There are reasons against too, though, but no point in going through them here eh.

hush hush

a lot of what would otherwise be going in here has to be the victim of rather brutal (but nevertheless wholly necessary) self-censorship, in order to minimize the possibility of any complications arising in the future, so when all the school stuff is taken out of the picture i don't seem to have much left to talk about. At least not immediately... (So if you want to know about that then catch me one day)

Um, so then what's left? (i'm asking myself that question) Well suffice to say that i'm (quite surprisingly) looking forward to the remaining two-and-a-half weeks here, less so to the months following that at nie, and have no clue what to make of what follows that (but we'll worry about that when we get nearer there)

Oh goodness i'm watching a wimbledon update on now, and the two people talking are trying to pronounce "Zheng Jie" properly, and are failing badly (zhheng zhhee anyone?). Hey, i just realized that that's (i mean zheng) my chinese surname - harhar...

I do wish i had more opportunity to get some time off - of course Vietnam was all of less than a month ago, but still, no real chance to get a prolonged (and at least predominantly solitary) retreat, ideally away from S'pore. There's been a lot to think about recently, and the inability to do so has taken its toll on several levels. I don't mind settling for a nice long bike ride but as my bike has been stolen, i've recently had to resort to borrowing my brother's one whilst i procrastinate getting my own new one, and as things would have it, the last two times i wanted to go out the bike was unavailable. I really should be running too, but i can't bring myself to run near my place for various reasons - that's probably the biggest thing i'll miss about pgp life. And in fact at this point there's not much else i'm sentimental about regarding the darn school...

tacticality

Have become duly aware of the dangers of throwing caution to the wind when it comes to doing this, particularly within the context of being a teaching staff in a school, so i shall be deliberately vague (so people who shouldn't be reading this don't) and brief (cos i've to wake up at an disgustingly early hour in order to get to school before marikita) here.

So for the next four weeks starting from yest i'm attached to a mixed school in the near-west area - initially i was rather apprehensive on how it would be, but various unexpected but nevertheless positive surprises have come my way, not the least of them having three people i know (and chances are, you know too) among my colleagues. Additionally, i've been really impressed to see the dedication of the staff here, made me think more about why i'm getting myself into teaching in the first place - will elaborate another time maybe, when me no need to sleep...

Anyways, in other news, i'm more or less decided - yup, barring any major objections from the folks (which are unlikely in any case), am going ahead with it, or rather, going ahead with not going ahead with it...

out of place

NIE stuff has started - this week there was registration on tuesday, briefing stuff on wednesday and something called 'teacher's prep program' yesterday and today - four days of travel to and from the school that seems to be closer to Gelang Patah and even Kukup than it is to my house equals around $20 of transport money being spent - which means i've had to consciously work at changing my usual habit of topping up my farecard with just $10 at each go, cos i've realized if i kept that up, i'd be topping up my card almost every day. That aside, the sheer act of traveling from my place all the way there and back is tortuous enough as it is (i may be a travel buff but that's strictly restricted to travel outside of S'pore, although come to think of it traveling to NIE is just about as close as one can get to doing that without leaving the S'pore mainland...).

These past two days was the aforementioned tpp - admittedly (and i mentioned as much at the end of the session during the checkout session) i was not looking forward to the thingy at the start - i believe i described it as "(moe/nie's attempt to make us) waste two otherwise perfectly free days." To my unexpected surprise it turned out hardly like i'd have expected it to, in good part because our facilitator was this cool lady who was discerning enough to do less of the program and more of the sharing of rich personal experiences (and boy does she have a lot of them), and also cos of the people met/friends made.

No secret that in any case though, at the start of the week i wasn't in a good mood - and to that end one thing i was consistently praying for during my qts in the morning was for (pleasant) surprises of any kind to come my way - and by the end of the week thankfully God delivered a lot of those my way, stuff like how the tpp turned out, bumping into someone i've not seen in four years, catching-up/bleah-ing opportunities etc - all these definitely helped to de-death-glare-ify my face as the week progressed...

A string of semi-related random things that happened to me this week:

1) Went to the Malay stall to get lunch one day - the people before and after me were both addressed and served using Mandarin, but when it was my turn, the lady took one look at me and went "abang!" in order to catch my attention. That was followed by "lagi" and other random Malay words when i was pointing to the dishes i wanted, she even told me the cost of the plate in Malay...

2) Today during class our facilitator was telling a story which somehow involved porridge (she tends to digress a lot), and she was talking about something called "um," which most of the class seemed to understand immediately - i was left clueless until my groupmate informed me that it is some chinese dialect (hokkien?) term which refers to the liquid part of porridge - she was so surprised that i had no idea what that was, and then she asked me (with a serious face btw) "are you local?"

3) Later on she somehow came to the topic of patriotism (i forget how), and she asked the class "would you stand up for S'pore?" My cynical self's immediate reaction was to cringe and roll my eyes, i thought she was jokingly asking a rhetorical question. I was thus freaked to realize that several people immediately said "yes!" rather assuredly. Not that i'm about to betray the country, but i'm not one for such strong outward displays of patriotism, just never realized that most others are quite unlike me heh... Eek who's the one who needs NE lessons now eh?

Anyways, think i've come to the conclusion that the best way to deal with the situation is avoidance, in whatever means it may take - hmm that seems to be a common theme in me life eh...

i've had a few

Got back yesterday from Vietnam - two weeks with random exco peeps, navigating our way from Saigon/HCMC up to Hanoi with various stops in between. Overall was a good time, goodness knows that i could do with an added holiday, even though it was not to a place where i conventionally would have chosen. In any case, the company elevates the enjoyment of a holiday from depending on the destination per se eh?

Well, maybe will talk more about Vietnam trip another time. What's on my mind now is the whole issue of graduation and how i'm going to handle it. So in short what happened is that results came out while we were in Vietnam (results that i was not really looking forward to as i guess many can gather). In preparation for whatever those results may have been i tried to spend time during qt/random times of stoning to talk to God specifically about it - even devoted a good one and a half hours or so walking up a good length of the main beach in Nha Trang and back doing just that. Well by the end of all that i thought that at least whatever the results would turn out to be, i'd be (eventually) ok with it. Which i guess is the case now when i write this in retrospect, more or less, at the least.

But at the time boy were they not. It hit me slowly, very slowly, in fact, at first. And then, as i began to think more about it, and realised how i came so close, and the simple action of using the s/u a bit more wisely alone, independent of scoring any better for any class, would have eliminated that 0.01 or so gap, i began to get real pissed - with myself and with the school. Of course, at the same time, what i had been pondering over previously helped to sober me a bit, although overall i was really super frustrated.

Although for much of the next two days i began to retreat into one of my pensive (and where i'm concerned, hence anti-social) moods, think that the Lord worked so wonderfully in timing this to take place in Vietnam and not back in S'pore. In short i was able to look around and see how i really have nothing to complain about, at least relatively speaking - a rehashing of the why (not) me thingy again. So now i'm not really too bothered about it anymore, although admittedly i'm using my time-honored strategy of avoidance to try and tackle the situation. Which is where the current resurfacing of all my thoughts on the matter at this present time comes in - don't want to elaborate here, at least not now - suffice to say that i've a lot more thinking and praying to do i guess. Motivations...

reverso

Yuppers so i got back from a good but nevertheless very rushed trip yesterday, will talk more about it later while progressively uploading pics on fb, but for now am just biding time until going for dinner...

So people who've been reading this for some time may recall my saaa-ness-induced shirt incident from two years or so back. Well, a similar incident just had to take place one more time before leaving nus, and on my final day of all days - ok the background to this story is that due to both an affinity for walking around plus a desire to cut carbon emissions, i'd taken to walking back to pgp from school at the end of each day. Unfortunately, given the @#$% heat and humidity that we have here (one of the things that annoys me most about S'pore btw), by the time i reach back to my room, my shirt is usually sweat-drenched (but still wearable), so i'll hang it up, turning it inside-out in the process.

And then the morning of my first (and last) papers, i just took one of those shirts (and i suppose you can see where i'm heading with this one by now) and wore it and headed out. Bumped into a classmate at arts canteen and sat there for a while before heading to as7 for my 9am paper on (hooray) Malaysian history. Paper itself was ok, everyone was happy to get through it (and perhaps very apt for the occasion, shouts of Merdeka rang out). And i turned around and asked my friend behind me how was things - then he asked me if i wore my shirt the wrong way - i checked and - oops, so it was inside-out.

My only hope is that he noticed it only because he had spent the two previous hours right behind me and hence had ample opportunity to notice the label sticking out from under my collar (it was a polotee). That's highly likely i guess, or at least i hope, since no one else seemed to look at me strangely - hmm come to think of it, maybe one of the invigilators did... Oh well, in any case needless to say the first place i headed to after that was the washroom to invert the shirt... Whee. I'm such a toot.

clash

Yup it's time for my oh-so-favorite holiday of the year again. Perhaps to subconsciously commemorate the occasion, i started playing the few chinese songs that exist on my home pc (and btw doesn't Stefanie Sun look so auntie in those canned food ads at bus stops?), something that i've not done since 18 Aug 2007 (it says so on the itunes thingy) and only after starting to type this post did i realize the link.

Well, i'm glad at least that this year's cny is probably as minimally disruptive as they get - we had dinner last night, then there's lunch today, and that pretty much marks the end of any family observances of the holiday. There's also another dinner tonight, but at least i'm spared from having to do any visiting this year, something that i perhaps was nonchalant about when i was younger, but ever since i got older, and $ got less and less, the sole redeeming quality of it all has gotten less and less effective, and in the past five or more years or so have gotten real sian of visiting. May even head back to school to do work tomorrow, in part to avoid having to be dragged down to visit more random people, but also cos after i left my room yesterday and was on the bus back, i realized that i had both left behind perishable food in my room and left the windows wide open.

Unfortunately though, attempts to avoid cny music by staying away from supermarkets and the like unless absolutely necessary have not met with much success, and to make matters worse, my dear presidential neighbor has some cny activities planned and hence now i hear more cny music blasted from a chinese orchestra (so just as well i'm playing more acceptable chinese music to drown that out...). Hmm, yet another reason to go back to school tomorrow - and in any case i've lots of work to do...

This is the first year that i can remember where i've tried to actively do something in the light of Lent season. Food wise, however, i've found it hard to find something to abstain from - at first i was thinking along the lines of cny delicacies like pineapple tarts/love letters etc, but then i realized i don't really like to eat those in any case, so it would be no kick. I already don't eat seafood so no go there, and i was already cutting down on fish both cos it's often too fishy and cos of my concerns over overfishing and the difficulty here (compared to say, in the States) to find out what varieties have in fact been overfished (and hence, might as well avoid all fish). Then, i was thinking along the lines of beef as well, but then again my choice to avoid it would have more to do with the inefficiency of cows as a food source since the calories they consume in their grain feed is far less than the calories their meat produces (i.e. people go hungry at the expense of wasted calories), and less so for religious reasons. And of course cows fart/belch methane too. But in any case i just remembered that i did in fact eat beef at yesterday's dinner so it can't count either heh... So i dunno, chocs? But i don't exactly crave those. Ice cream? But i don't get to eat it often anyways. Alcohol? But i drink like once a year if not less...

So while i still dunno about the food bit, i've decided to avoid youtube for this period, since i do lose at least four productive hours every month or so to browsing random nonsense thingies. Interesting though, how the RC Church here wrote to the Vatican for permission to find an alternative date for Ash Wednesday fasting observation in the light of it coinciding with typical reunion dinner night - raises questions on if and when it is right to compromise Christian practices (or even to label it a compromise) for the sake of culture...

Ah crap there's the Dook game on now and i can't catch it - they're not even airing it on espn here - what a travesty...

work = mad

Graduation requirements are such that i've had to take class after class of so-called breadth modules - i can envision the official rationale behind it is that nus can then go on to produce well-rounded young men and women who will be well-equipped to face the unique challenges of today's society or something along these lines, only cheesier.

Well at class the other day the lecturer noted that F = ma - fair enough, i remember that from O level physics. Then came the next equation: work = Fd. And of course, being the diligent well-rounded young man that i am, i substituted formula one into formula two - voilà: the only thing i still remember from that day's class: work = mad. Go figure.

Wonder why each semester seems to pass by faster and faster - that three weeks of school are already over is just insane - and it's now just under two months till ht is due [and so far the (lack of) progress report sees me having written no more than a tentative, pre-edited and horribly overly-long lit review (but i've probably read more books than the whole rest of last year already)] and exactly a month after that when i take my first and last papers of the sem and of my entire undergrad career. That's quite hard to fathom now, but judging from the pace that things have been coming this way in no time it should be easier to grasp - just hope that my writing can keep pace with it! But seriously (yes, seriously =p) i'm quite happy with the amount of stuff that somehow has been done so far - it's a real reminder that the Lord is carrying me through it...

So cny is coming up, and as per usual i'm looking forward to it as much as i am to the latest update on Britney Spears' struggles with sobriety, child custody and the like. Guess the big silver lining i can draw out of it is the extra few days free to get some work done (i wanna say "but who am i kidding?" but in faith, i'm sure i'll get quite a bit done =)

And hooray for trips post-exams (dunno what they might be yet, but i shall celebrate in advance too)!!!

Finally managed to catch me some tennis the other day since channel 5 decided to air the Aussie Open Finals - only managed to catch the men's one, but anyways i guess my eardrums needed a rest and subjecting myself to Maria Sharapova's shrieks wouldn't help. As normally happens when i end up following a match, the one i didn't want to win won, and by my analysis it was more of Tsonga losing the match than Djokovic winning it (not that he wasn't good though), but ah heck, at least it was real quality tennis. My father, of course, theorized that Tsonga would have played better sans the ear stud - i'm not too sure about that one =p

And speaking of tennis, who's game for this wed 10-12pm at SRC?

Was reading the ST when they talked about the monetary awards presentation to the SEA Games gold medal winners - i couldn't help noticing the many foreign-born people among them - then they were also talking about how player A from the table tennis team just overtook player B in the world rankings, and how she's the highest non-Chinese player in the rankings. Then i thought to myself, but wait a minute, she is Chinese, as is player B, and i reckon just about close to every single player in the world's top ten.

Kudos to the Chinese (no matter what country they represent) for being so talented at ping pong. Heck, if i remember correctly, all but one member from our male and female national team's players are actually from China. And honestly speaking, i don't think that under these circumstances, Singapore deserves any more credit than being the best recruiter of Chinese talent that would otherwise be barely able to represent China on the highest world stages cos there are too many better players already in China. So to that end, i don't really care for any of the foreign sporting talent's achievements for S'pore, as in i welcome these foreign-born S'poreans, and they definitely deserve their accolades and all, but the SSC shouldn't go around trumping their achievements as S'porean achievements, assigning the S'porean label to them just like that. To me, it just cheapens the S'poreanness of the whole thing.

Was also reading about the upcoming Uni Town thingy nus is putting up, and how it was put in some special 'green' category which meant that it would be given priority access to limited building resources. Same goes, if i'm not wrong, to the casino (let's call a spade a spade please) developments. Fair enough - what i think stinks is that they never did the same thing for the new KTP Hospital, something that is arguably more important. After all, the Uni Town is only being pushed to be completed so fast because S'pore is bidding for the Youth Olympic Games, yet another marquee event that would put S'pore up there with the Londons and New Yorks as a (and i'm so sick of this term) "World Class City". Healthcare for a rapidly ageing (and expanding - though lky took the target down by a whole 1 million people) population takes a back seat, even when there's been a space crunch at the govt hospitals, especially in the C class wards. Just as well that something is being done to regulate the demand side by introducing means testing, but how about the supply side by speeding up the construction of the hospital (and original plans in fact had in mind a general hospital in Jurong by 2004 or so - what happened to that?). Once again the everyday S'porean whose voice gets lost amidst the progress-minded and pragmatic in our political landscape has gotten played out...

last(ish)

So school has started again - and it's the last semester, so to that end today was the last first day of school i'll ever have (well, at nus at least - there are many more to come actually...), the first of a whole host of lasts at nus (since i'm one for such nonsense thingies) - last first lecture, last mid-sem break, last having to deal with the wretched cors etc...

Moving into pgp again went about without any hitches thankfully - think things would be far more of a hassle for me if i had to travel to and fro everyday [of course, i've only a three day week (which i thought was pretty good until i saw some other people's scheds but nvm) but i'd be in school on the free days anyways, or risk totally wasting away the hours at home]. I can only imagine how screwed up things may be next (academic) year at nie, but we'll get this over and done first eh...

Of course now that school has started, there's all the stuff i've been putting off reading staring me in the face, and today i finally got down to looking at them - thankfully when push came to shove stuff managed to get done, and to that end, i managed to plow through two of the initial nine books that i've gotten from the lib. Which makes for (only) seven more to go... Plus innumerable newspaper articles... Bleah. Holiday!

Anyways, went for a sec 4 class gathering the other day - the first one i've been to since i was still in JC methinks - so hadn't seen some of the guys for a real long time - reminded me of how much i really appreciate my time in barker, something that i've sorta forgotten recently. One thing that i was especially (pleasantly) surprised about was that we actually started off dinner by saying grace, something that as my classmate Weiliang pointed out later, we'd never have imagined would happen looking at the class those close to ten (oh gosh has it been that long already?) years ago. It's great to see how the Lord has been working in the lives of many of my classmates since then (eh, and i guess myself included heh =p)

Yay for the Australian Open... And how 'bout them Tar Heels too =)

Oh, and check this out - cool stuff =p

as if

The other day i randomly came across the news that the latest Times Higher Education Supplement World University Rankings (you know, the one where NUS was methinks two years or so ago ranked #16) were out. And then last night, after piecing together my thoughts for the think piece, i went over to the library and finally read the newspaper for the first time this week (excluding Sunday) and came across the article that had a headline with "NUS drops from 19 to 33 in World University Rankings" or something to that effect. After a big laugh (silently, as i was in the library), i read the subtitle to the headline which of course had to attribute the big drop to a change in ranking criteria, which saw student-to-faculty ratio counting more. Then i forget who was defending NUS, talking about how it doesn't have the kinda endowments that other schools have to get lots of faculty, and how it has to take in more students blah blah... Oh well, whatever, criteria schmiteria...

So i just came across the rankings online, and here are some excerpts of it:

Seriously, even though NUS dropped 14 places, it's still better than the likes of Beida, UCLA and U of Toronto???!!!

Ack and egads! UNC is joint 151st? I wonder if they mean just UNC at Chapel Hill or every single member of the UNC system as a whole - i'm inclined to think the latter since they didn't clarify it on the ranking, unlike say California or Texas, but oh well... Any ranking that had NUS at #16 before is inherently suspect in my books... I remember reading that report a couple of years ago, and i nearly gagging in response to that. Kinda like how i felt when i heard that the batch after me at ACJC had put it into the top 5 JCs (where it apparently still is today?)...

Oh well, i'm not anti-NUS or anything, just that i can't imagine how it's that good of a school as the rankings suggest it is. I'm thankful to be here all the same, though something tells me that if they included students' own impressions of their own schools as part of the criteria, NUS would be even further down there... And of course, i don't want to do my part to further perpetuate S'pore's obsession with rankings [e.g. corruption-free, living standards, ministerial pay (heh maybe that's not one they'd want to broadcast eh)]. Of course there are other rankings like press freedom, human rights and democracy that are far less harped upon, but well, i'll leave that off the record...

no regrets, no consolation

i received back ca grades for one of my classes a couple of days ago, and though they were not exactly spectacular, i can't say i was expecting anything more than what i got actually. So, semi-irrational worries over how this may help to pull me down to the next class aside; i'm pretty at peace with what i ended up getting, and guess am a biiiit extra motivated for the final to put in much more effort into the class than my (inherently lacking) interest in the subject would require.

what i'm sorta annoyed about is the class participation grade, not because i didn't deserve it (cos i so did), but more because i don't see how i could have gone about things in such a way as to get anything higher than the B- that i got. Basically class participation for this particular class equals to asking question s at the end of each person's presentations. My beef is that i honestly believe that my brain generally processes info at a slower rate than many others in my class - so what happens is that once each presentation ends hands tend to shoot up all over the class in order to ask questions - and not once has one of those hands belonged to me, simply because in such a short time frame, i normally am still processing what has just been presented, and therefore i'm not able to ask anything that would not make me out as a total doofus (e.g. - "uh, i don't quite understand your presentation - can you repeat it again please?"). and basically, the time allocated for the questions tends to zoom by with intelligent question after intelligent question being asked, and once the question time ends (rather abruptly, due to time constraints), i'm left still grasping at random straws with which i can ask questions with...

so this has gone on for pretty much the whole semester, and before i knew it, and after two token questions that by God's grace have come out of my mouth, that's the end of my chances for this 15%. Doesn't help that the other 45% ca component is far less than stellar (even trash like the Hyundai Stellar) as well. And that i feel somewhat helpless where this participation grade is since i dunno how things could have gone differently, and in any case i do so hate asking questions/ commenting just for the sake of it, and without any constructive purpose being served for the person whose presentation i'm responding to (not that i'm insinuating that anyone else in my class did so, of course - they have the same purposes in mind, they just think far faster than i ever could)... One feels like such a loser at times like these - ah crap.

lifeline

So after dinner today, i went to do a bit of (enforced) star-gazing at the src field in order to better understand the universe - it turned out to be more of moon-gazing as all i did manage to see before scootering off after exactly 30 minutes to do right by my conscience (rather than marking attendance and scramming right away) was the moon as seen through a refractive telescope - well, the detail of the image i saw [plus the fact that today's moon is quite gibbous (read: close to full)] leads me to the conclusion that Chang-E does not exist... Mooncakes schmooncakes...

Then went back to the room and later went for a run again - went by a different, longer route this time and nearly died-ed again - getting there though, hopefully...

After that i plopped myself in front of the laptop and after an hour or so of procrastinating, i finally was in the preliminary stages of beginning my histo paper when i opened my mail and read this:

Hi class

The deadline for the essay has been extended to Wed 31 Oct in the interest of quality. Hard copies of the essays should be in my mailbox by 10 pm.

Fwah and boy did i need that - thankfully now my weekend ahead looks a lot less terok to me now since i've two extra days to do up the essay - Dr H, you rock (and not just because of the extension...)

The downside though is that i've now even less motivation to get any work done tonight - so think i shall call it a night and see how tomorrow goes... Dun want to end up piah-ing till wed evening...

Dinner was like more than 7 hours ago btw, and i couldn't tahan, so now i'm having breakfast - it's the morning after all...

And before i go, there's a new random thingy i'd like to put here: basically it's my pet peeve of the day, cos i always seem to be peeved by something - maybe by the end of it all i can set up a pet peeve shop... heh... (the purpose of this is not to complain, but just to provide some sort of outlet lah - sorry if you're reading this and you happen to be a perpetrator - but bo pian leh...)

Well anyways, one thing that annoys me is people who insist on boarding buses/trains before the people on the buses/trains get off - i had always noticed it on the mrt on the rare occasions i took the train, but now i'm noticing even more of it on the nus buses - i really can't stand it (cos to me it's a symptom of the prevailing impatient and "me first" culture that we seem to have here) - these people just seem to be interested in getting a seat before the rest behind them do, and have no qualms about barging their way through the mass of people who want to alight in order to get one. Now, i normally try to be a nice person, but i must admit, when i am the one getting off the bus and i happen to encounter one or more of these inconsiderate people headed in my direction, i do purposely go out of my way to make it as difficult as possible for them to squeeze past me - isolate them to one corner, brush against them slightly more roughly than is needed, that sort of thing - i dunno how right of me it is to do that (but boy does it feel good to do it), so if it isn't, do let me know...

ponderings from pgp

It's been a good three weeks now since i moved (booked?) in to pgp. So far it's not exactly worked out as how i'd expected - in the sense of how the time that would otherwise have been spent traveling to and from school from my house has now been put to use. Of course, what other way would i in theory intend to spend the two extra hours of free time than to do school stuff - i.e. readings, papers, tutorials etc? Instead, the reality so far has been largely one of spending more time sleeping and slacking in my pgp room (read: what i'm doing now) rather than doing exactly the same in my room in the house.

And the prevalent conditions actually favor me slacking off a bit, since my deadlines are relatively far away, and hence the panic syndrome that usually kicks in a couple of days before the papers are due has yet to appear. I'm really trying to reverse this apathy towards work though, so watch this space and hopefully the next time i appear (whenever that will be) at least the first paper will be close to done with.

One good thing that has come out of staying here though is that i've finally managed to find ample opportunities to run, something i maintain is absolutely lacking back at home. No more being confronted by traffic lights every what seems like thirty metres or so; or incessant noxious vehicle fumes; or intriguing bohemian types with remarkable hairstyles, creative body piercings, and eternally puffing on a ciggy.

So to that end since i've moved in i've run more times than i have over the entire holiday and the school term before moving in. Or around there, at least. This is not entirely in the interests of a healthy lifestyle though, as ippt is rearing its annoying ugly head again, and so i'm due for that in less than a month. This time i've really no lofty ambitions whatsoever. If i pass (sans $100), i'll already be happy, since i've been largely inactive for months on end prior to moving in. Hope to continue this after ippt too though. Supplemented by tennis at some point or other and maybe a swim (and on that note, the vegetarian stall lady in the arts canteen has for the past few weeks recognized me as the not-so-Chinese guy who cannot understand half the Mandarin she spouts out to me whenever i go to the stall, and hence will automatically switch to English whenever i appear; but this morning she went about the old routine of speaking to me in Mandarin again, and i was actually wondering if that was cos i've been out of the sun as of late and hence have been getting lighter and so am starting to look more Chinese again).

God's been speaking to me in various ways and more than usual this past week or two, glad for that - though there's quite a bit of stuff that requires some revamping though... However, my brain is incredibly slow when it comes to processing such thought, so hopefully things won't be so bad this time...

Make no mistake about it though - i'm at a loss - it's not an intentional delay, that's for sure.

Prince George's Camp

I just got done with one thesis proposal and two papers within the past four days or so (and kept close to twenty-hour days too), yup so now i'm in the mood for anything but work.

So to that end (gosh you have no idea how many times i used that phrase in my papers), i'm making my first visit back here after quite a while. I guess by the grossly reduced frequency (and length) of my posts here compared to last time you can tell how much more busier have been nowsaday... Hmm...

Well, thankfully after a long drawn-out exchange of emails with the campus housing people, i got offered a room at pgp this past tue. And i figured i really needed it yup, so to cut a long story short i'm now a weekday westie...

It feels a bit weird to be here though. When my parents were driving me and all my stuff to pgp on Sun night, i had a feeling of déjà vu, and i knew exactly why - cos it felt just like old times on Sunday nights when they'd drive me back to book in to camp. Yup here's kinda like army camp, just without the regimentation... But at least now i save an extra two hours that would otherwise be spent traveling and contributing to a public transport system that can always be depended upon to find new ways to irk me each and every day... Even that alone makes it a fair enough trade-off...

so...

So it was that today i decided to go back early rather than stay back and do work till late.

So it was like the earliest time i've ever gone back home on a weekday at least in the past few weeks.

So it was still 8:16pm when i finally left campus.

So it is that i've no life.

earth to matt

Honors year - quite the challenge
So i'm led to think.
Cue the coy ambivalence.

Then the first week comes and goes,
Brain still in good form.
It may work out after all...

Alas, i check the forum -
Nineteen atas posts
I'm in way over my head

second eye semi-blind

One of the countless things that irks me about moving and all is the inevitable loss of things left right and center. You can count two pairs of spectacles, two watches, a Bible, several vouchers and a bank book among the important enough things that have been at some point in time lost. Many of those things are in fact still lost - and what makes things more irritating is that by the time i get back everyday i'm really too tired to look for these things among the piles and boxes and bags and stuff all around my room.

Of the two pairs of specs, one is actually already broken so that doesn't really count - the other one is a remnant from army days (i.e. those style-less black plastic kinds). The fact that they've actually been missing for at least a month if not more now speaks volumes about the amount of reading that i've been doing the whole break, which basically apart from my qt has been an absolute zilch. So while i can see normally and all, the lazy right eye (takes after his owner, i must say) makes me feel dizzy and get slight headaches whenever i try to tackle less reader-friendly material (and my readings so fit that description) over a prolonged period of time. And now that school has started and i'm (for a rare fleeting moment) still in totally ons about school mode, the lack of specs is rather annoying...

And of course, owing to my sched, i don't think i'm able to go down and make a new pair till at least Saturday probably, which stinks. I haven't really had much time to do much much-needed regrouping and reorganization, on top of other duties that call... Bummer...

reality gnaws, repeatedly chomps and munches into tiny pieces and then swallows mercilessly

It's just a couple of hours till i fly back - you know, there's just so much that is worth mentioning not only during this trip but really throughout this whole month but which i probably won't get a chance to due to having such a gigantic amount of stuff to do once i get back. Yup that's one thing that really irks me to no end - you just can't escape from it all. Ahh - momentary frustrations i know but yeah they still are annoying nevertheless...

One thing that i've to do once i get back is of course to deal with the (insert any word of a sufficiently negative tone here) cors system yet again. I have to say - i was so happily enjoying myself over here that i forgot that there's the stupid bidding to handle. So therefore i've just realized that round zero has flown by and now tomorrow round 1A awaits. Of course, after five semesters of going through this crap i've already forgotten what you're supposed to do in round zero anyways and i figure i've more than enough program account (aha you see i still remember that name) points to go around for my major classes so to *bleep* with that...

Oh well so i guess once i get back that spells the end to denial for this stretch of time at least, and back to the real world. Honestly at this point in time i'm not at all looking forward to it, but yeah we'll have to handle it somehow, and it's not a solitary fight yup so we'll see what happens...

At least for now i've a three-hour experience with SQ to look forward to... Have a pleasant flight.

stocktaking

I'd been saying to people all the way from even the beginning of the past sem that i'd be prepared to see my cap drop significantly, since i predicted (all too correctly, might i add) that this sem right back from Carolina be a tough one.

Well, as they say, it's one thing to say such things, but another to actually see it for yourself.

Yup so my prediction came true, and this sem's results have been my worst ever - as a result i now am precariously situated a hair's breadth clear of slipping to second lower range.

But even as i did take in the full extent of the results and what they could possibly mean, i somehow felt that, even as i definitely fully deserved the grades i've gotten this time round, this was also the Lord's way of preparing me for the upcoming year - that in the midst of honors and possible thesis-writing and substantial commitments on the CF side - the only thing i can really bank upon is His presence beside me at all times, and it is upon the Lord alone that i can draw my strength to get through what is shaping up to be the most challenging (academic) year i'll have by far... Going out with a bang, so to speak...

At the same time, when i looked at the individual grades i received, actually there's a lot to be thankful for. Such as that my 15% D+ for one hist test got somehow evened out as the sem went on so that i managed to squeeze by with a B- overall, and the unexpectedly high grade for another hist class, undoubtedly buoyed by having a great project group to work with (and incidentally, i saw my prof for that class at holland v right after checking results)...

Oh, and my posting of grades here is definitely not for any purpose of self-promotion (there's little to promote in any case as far as they are concerned heh) but rather for people to note and remind me wherever necessary next year if i start to get obsessed with the magical number four again, to snap me back into reality, stop looking at grades and cap per se, and really to go back to God whatever happens, and especially what degree i graduate with in the first place...

And take this whatever way you want to, but don't you find it just a tad ironic that the same day that results come out we receive this email in our inbox?

Dear All,

The Counselling Centre will be closed for a staff retreat on Monday, 28 May 2007.

In the event of a life threatening emergency, please call Lifeline NUS: 6516 7777.

We apologise for any inconvenience caused.

Regards,
Counselling Centre
University Health, Wellness and Counselling Centre

Frayed

Well, so far the latest exam season has gone on pretty smoothly for me actually. Think the many free days available for studying this sem have made things much more flexible for me than any other exam period in nus as far as i can remember. This has been especially timely for me cos this sem, more than any other, i've felt the need to take (very) frequent (but relatively brief) breaks from studying to spend time away from everything but God (um, and also to pee, but that's another story altogether). And better many frequent breaks than one whole prolonged period retreating from civilization like last year methinks... Yup, which explains why i'm just as likely to be found out of my seat than in it if you're looking for me...

And in terms of the exams themselves, well, while initially i was somewhat apprehensive (first exams in this disgustingly rigid exam environment after a year) about getting used to how exam conditions here would be like (at UNC it was a breeze), at the end of the day things have worked out alright thankfully... Um, i do know that my name won't be appearing on any Dean's Lists anytime soon, but i also do know that the rest of the exams will go alright too =)

One regret i've had though, not having much time (or motivation) to exercise, given the fact that for the past two weeks, i've tended to eat two full dinners in a day, one at sixish in school, and the other at tenish at home...

In totally unrelated news, the latest chapter in the ongoing torture that i'm subjected to on an almost daily basis at the hands of tv mobile features reruns of pck, which i had previously mistakenly believed to have wisely been put out of its (and my) misery by mediacrap once and for all. To make matters worse, the reruns are not of the initial seasons (i.e. before the titular character had to go and take BEST English classes at the suggestion of none less than the now sm, this plot development basically killing whatever salvageable bits of the show there ever were), but of the latest season when the show was already at the tail end of its slow death.

Just to prove my point, the middle shelf of this trolley
features all the volumes that the bizzare xerox-crazy girl zapped in just ONE DAY...

The latest wildlife specimen i encountered at engin bridge,
a really big Atlas Moth, though it was dead by the time i took this pic...
The giant spider's still there, btw, if you'd want a look for yourself...

This song has been regularly playing in my mind for the past month or so methinks, and today during one of my contemplative walks it hit me - sometimes i feel like i'm living it first-hand. Ok, not all of it, maybe specifically the second verse more than the rest, yup but anyways it hit me all the same. Hope things won't come to the stuff in the chorus though...