turning blue

The other thing apart from the stuff below that has been taking up quite a bit of time is campaign watching. I dunno if it's a boon or a bane that now that there's cable in my house, cos while with cnn and bbc and (if all else fails, the 'fair and balanced' fox news) there's no shortage of coverage on everything that's been going on, it also means that i spend way too much time watching these thingies. And this is even before we talk about the less serious stuff like the Colbert Report and SNL, which takes up that much more time. All in all, i think i probably know more about who each state is likely to vote for than about, say, theories on motivation in ed psych (which speaks volumes about my own motivation eh) or the process method of writing (i don't really know anything about the latter actually).

I'm sure that my limited exposure to the so-called liberal zoo that is Chapel Hill within the conservative heartland that is NC played a role in it, but as of now, and in fact, generally speaking, methinks i've always been more inclined towards the Dems. Of course the negative campaigning, which has been especially prevalent among McPalin, has helped to sway me the other way. And also the fact that it seems to be the very basis of their campaign - not the issues, but rather, that you should not vote for the other because yaddayaddayadda... And i think it would be so regrettable if McPalin were to win on the basis of the opponent being a purported Arab, a Muslim, and a terrorist's associate, among other negatives. And the way things are going, the only way i see them winning is this way - the sad thing being that there exists way too many of the kind of voters that can be swayed by crap like that for this to be the case. I guess it's good to see for a change that both sides have sort of agreed to tone down the negativity, and that McCain even corrected some of his terribly myopic supporters' misguided views on Obama - "he's an Arab" being one of them. Unfortunately, the people running his campaign seem to be more willing than him to use lies and half-truths to get him to the White House, if that's the only way they have left. And all the nonsense that Palin continues to say is exactly the kind of fluff that the aforementioned clueless hick voter relishes with much aplomb. That's why i've given up listening to her nonsense - might as well just stick to Tina Fey's more substantial and humorous version.

Thinking back a bit though, one other regrettable thing about this election is the almost total silence on the issue of poverty, both domestically and abroad. For all of John Edwards' moral failings (and the somewhat hypocritical fact that he's a multi-millionaire residing in a giant mansion in Chapel Hill), one thing i've always appreciated about him is that he made tackling poverty a central issue of his campaign(s). Having seen my fair share of it even in the US itself, i know it's an issue that has to be raised. For some strange reason though (or maybe i've not been paying enough attention), i've not heard either McCain or Obama talk about the working class, at least not explicitly. The closest anyone has gotten has been Biden using his working class roots to his advantage. Generally though it all seems to be about the middle class (for Obama, i mean - McCain doesn't even talk about them), and now all the more so in the wake of this financial mess that affects them the most. But while they're at it, how about those below the middle class who never had it good to begin with, and definitely will not have it any better in this current situation? Do they not form a big enough voting bloc to matter to the campaign? With the economy in the crap state that it is in now, one sad thing from my point of view is that those who have already been neglected will only be even more neglected as the $700 billion focus shifts elsewhere...

up to speed

It’s been a bit of a while since the last time here, mainly because there has been a lot of nie stuff to do, the first big wave of which has more or less come to a close. Don’t get the impression, though, that i’ve been hard at work. Not really. Think it’s been by God’s grace that things have actually still been rather manageable, and for all my latent complaints about irrelevance and a wasting of my time, looking back things were hardly as tortuous as i initially would have imagined them to be (Not that i’m saying that i’ve changed my mind about the irrelevance and a wasting of time. More that i’ve had somewhat of a change of heart at least to the extent that i’ve realized that there definitely is a reason why there’s nie, for after all God has put me here right. Just that my own human limitations are such that i’m at least at this time not able to see what these higher purposes are.).

In the meantime there’s been various stuff that has been going on – the noise i’ve just heard on the tv as they were reporting on the F1 Japan Grand Prix reminds me of that horrible racket that I had no choice but to tahan when the S’pore leg of the race was in town. I never was a big fan of living in town, and at least for the next four years or so i’ve another reason to be reticent since come every September I’ll be plagued by the seemingly endless whirring of the cars doing their laps. It just so happens that my room window faces the race, so it gets that much more annoying. And for me F1 has never been much more than a waste of fuel, unnecessary carbon emissions, and a bunch of people with too much money on their hands flaunting it left right and center and rubbing it in the faces of us ordinary folk. Ah well, call me a nimby if you want to, but at least I would be perfectly fine with having foreign workers live in my neighborhood…

Just the other day, i happened to be feeling quite hungry, and the only thing within immediate reach of me at home was a bag of fun size M&Ms – and they just so happened to be made in China. After a split second, my empty stomach won the rock paper scissors with my skeptical brain, and i wolfed down one of the small packets. That’s not wholly representative of my attitude towards Chinese-made food though. As much as white rabbit candies have been an integral part of my childhood (my favorite way to eat them was to try, usually in vain, to peel the rice paper off and let it melt in my mouth first before eating the candy proper – gosh, i sound like i’m delivering a eulogy here), i don’t think i’ll be having another one of them anytime soon – at least not unless i get hungry again =p

Looking on the bright(er) side

I was going to say that i'm typing this now since i'm not in the mood to do work, but then i realized that this is pretty much the norm, so it's not really worth mentioning in the first place (though of course the irony is that i do end up mentioning it to make my point).

It's no secret that these past few months at nie have been some of the least enjoyable in recent memory for me. I've been struggling (and am struggling) to come to terms with a lot of what we've had to do, for as much as the intentions behind what goes on may be noble and commendable, at the end of the day people there just seem to not be able to get it. And i'm led to conclude that we've all to suck it up at the very least because we get paid, and uniquely so in the whole world, or so they say.

In spite of my latent annoyance (and at least it's not resentment), i've been drawing comfort from the fact that, even though i still see myself as being at one extreme end of the cynical scale, many, if not most, of those around me seem to be echoing my sentiments. So i've been reassuring myself that it's not just me, but indeed the system as a whole, that has a problem. Scant comfort, i know, but at least it helps to get me by.

But well, as of late, i've realized that maybe it's me after all, or at least to some extent. Somehow, even when i compare notes with others about our own bones to pick with the system, i always have to hold back somewhat, cos i find my list of complaints to far outweigh the others, and so if i were to bleah out all my annoyances, i would probably monopolize the conversation and turn the other off.

And also, as has been my consistent point of sharing recently, think i've been reminded of how poor a testimony i am as a Christian if i were to ooze negativity as i have been accustomed to doing once i step off the mrt train and catch the first whiffs of the nauseating raw cocoa odor of Boon Lay. So, as a friend has rather aptly likened the suffering which prodices perseverance, then character, and then hope, that Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 5 to nie, i've to try and put things into perspective, in the light of why i'm there in the first place.

So, as i prepare to get cracking on e-portfolios, podcasts, and whatever other fancily-named-but-tortuous-all-the-same assignments that have to be done, while i'm not about to do so with a forced smile on my face, at least i can try to see the bigger picture, and definitely not feed a growing reservoir of repressed exasperation and anger. Yupyup.

on the side

In spite of my latent frustrations with nus, the S'porean in me felt that there was nothing to lose in sending the alumni relations people my current address so that they could mail me my complementary alumni privilege card (they had sent me an email saying they had received back the card which they had sent to my old address). Well i didn't expect much from them in terms of the benefits (this is after all, a complementary card), but i have to admit i was expecting a brochure at least somewhat more presentable than this:


Not to sound fussy or condescending, but i've seen even many a mission trip prayer letter which were more professionally done than this - as much as i'm all for the 'greener' approach, surely they could have come up with something more appealing than this. I suppose the fleeting nature of some of the offers (as in expire at the end of this month kinda fleeting) meant that they didn't want to invest in a more permanent atas-ish kinda brochure... Or maybe since the card is free they were working on a skeletal budget to begin with...

In other, rather surprising news, my random amateur birdwatching somehow eventuated in this. Haha who would've thought...

Contest/No Contest

The pace over at nie has definitely gotten more demanding as of late, and probably the combination of the longer school hours plus the already (generally) unspectacular classes and always draining journey to and from the place have combined to really such out all the energy from me, particularly from this week onwards. By the time i reach school, even before any lessons have started, i already feel so sapped of energy, as if it's time to go back. So for this weekend, instead of going for the fes conference thingy, i've decided to just stay home and re-energize (eh, and of course try and get some more of that seemingly neverending stream of boring school work done).

Of course, staying home means that the usual distractions are commonplace. I thought that once the Olympics went there would be less stuff to keep me from my work (which i oh so want to do) but then came the Democratic and now Republican National Conventions. The fact that CNN has basically let these take centerstage over the past two weeks has meant that it has become oh-so-easy for me to plop my laptop in front of the telly, hoping to type out some assignment, only to instead end up watching convention coverage for hours on end. I've always been intrigued by American politics, and this is no exception.

You can therefore imagine my fascination in seeing McCain's veep pick. For some strange reason, unlike apparently most of the American public, i knew who Sarah Palin was before her name was announced - guess it says a lot about how much i allow politics-watching to distract me from other stuff. But that aside, i was quite amused to see some of the stuff that has popped up on facebook as of late in response to her being chosen, with groups emerging that are both for ("draft sarah palin for veep") and against ("i have more foreign policy experience than sarah palin") the choice. The latter was quite funny really. And there were (i suppose and hope what were) amusing doctored pictures of her as well, handily summing up some of what has been learnt about her over the past week - not the most flattering of shots, but here it is anyways - cracked me up (can't imagine similar stuff popping up over here too often)


Oh well, whatever it is, looks like i'm going to be getting myself very distracted with this all the way until november... (And seriously, is the best CNN can do for an interview with a Republican activist really Stephen Baldwin??)

of motivation (of the lack thereof)

For all the gripes that i have regarding nie, it's definitely not all bad, although up till say this week any views i had on the institution as a whole (as opposed to the people) were almost purely negative. Thankfully, this week saw the start of some classes which i feel are definitely more relevant to what we are going to be doing. Finally, for the first time since i've gotten there, during class i'm able to say to myself "hey, this stuff actually is of use!" instead of "oh no not more of this crap!" This does not, however, take away from the fact that the majority of what we are doing there is, imho, thus far quite a waste of time and other resources. But nevertheless, i guess it's a step in the right direction eh (even if it means that there's that much more work to do =p)?

And speaking of schoolwork, i've to say that in spite of that though, i've come to realize that for the first time in my recent memory i no longer have a motivation to work hard, as i find it hard to see a point in aiming for anything more than a pass. Last time, even if there were classes i didn't like, i'd at least try and put in some effort in order to get a reasonable grade. Now however, i dunno if it's fatigue or the environment or just the sheer blah nature of the class content and teaching methods, but i can't see myself doing much more than achieving the minimum expectations (if even those are met)... It's especially ironic that one of the edu psych (which btw is just terrible) assignments that we are to do is on motivation of learners. Hah!

Am trying at the same time to figure out what to do with myself during the december hols. Or rather, where to go during the december hols. I dunno what it is that compels me to take regular and frequent trips out of here (and preferably to as far away from here as possible), but the prospect of a future career that may severely curtail opportunities to get out of here to take a good long break has made me really value the month off from nie, as i dunno when the next one may be. So even though there's lots of work to be done, i've probably spent as much time researching on possible places to go - in fact, the first three books i've borrowed from the nat'l library in almost two decades (am not exaggerating here) are for that very purpose. Anyone got suggestions/ want to come? Heh think not but hey it's worth a shot eh...

Anyways, as a follow-up to my current bone to pick, i read about this site online and immediately went to sign it. It was the least i could do...

opportunity costs

Well as one might have guessed i've spent a good deal of the past two weeks watching the Olympics coverage on tv, thanks to scv and their six whole channels of coverage. Quite extraordinary actually - the opportunity to actually be able to choose between sports to watch was quite a novelty, and to that end i watched stuff i'd never watched before like rowing/canoeing/kayaking and women's weightlifting (scary stuff, that).

Come to think of it though, perhaps i overdid it quite a bit where watching was concerned - how ironic that the world's biggest multi-sporting event is enjoyed by millions all over the world like me sitting on their butts watching it on tv and not working any muscle save maybe the fingers (when changing channels) and the glutes (well, since that's what is sat on...). And that came at the expense of tackling the ever-increasing pile of nie work that has been silently accumulating - come to think of it, up till now i'm still not exactly sure what work i've to do - can't say that even if there were no Olympics i'd have been any more motivated to do it though...

Been pretty bummed as well cos i've had this real bad dry cough over the past two weeks, which has kept me from realizing any lingering desire to exercise. And it's really quite bad, and starting to get me somewhat worried. It sure doesn't help that with my meticulous elimination process where possible food choices at nie is concerned, and given the real limited choices there, there's practically nothing i can eat which may not aggrevate the situation... Anyways, tomorrow morning, i was intending to donate blood, since they were setting up one of those mobile centers at nie (as much as i believe in donating blood, i normally only go about with it if the center comes to me, rather than me going to the center). But then i just read their guidelines and they say that if you've had a cough in the past week (and i'm coughing as i type this), you can't donate. Ah well, another time maybe...

Rather randomly, my current bone to pick (and boy, do i ever run out of them?), is with LBW, the stta president (how did she even land the post in the first place?). I must admit that i've never been a fan of the stta's recruitment policies and over-reliance on foreign-born players, as good as they are - but in any case i can't deny the fact that they've achieved remarkable success over the past decade or so (let's not get to the dubiousness of that success). And then here saunters in LBW (who btw i never had a good impression of since her use of crude hokkien jamban-related terminology in parliament, in spite of her uncanny knack for appearing by the side of grieving relatives of at least two separate people who had died tragically, not long after their deaths) and by the end of one month at the helm she's succeeded in throwing a huge spanner into the works of a system that by and large has worked very well (and right after achieving the pinnacle of its success thus far, nonetheless), not only unnecessarily shooting her mouth off to the media after a major but nevertheless hardly life-threatening mistake, but also firing the manager and head coach just like that. And the worst thing is that she can say stuff like "let's move on" or that she doesn't want to be drawn into the fray. I find that so incredulous, especially when she was the one who started it in the first place... Sigh.

for a change

“Ladies and gentlemen, in keeping with the spirit of the Olympics, please do not applaud competitors’ errors. Thank you.”

To my satisfaction, after at least two matches of local fans applauding whenever the opponent of Li Na, a Chinese female tennis player, would double fault (i.e. two successive salah serves), they were finally told off. Granted that their interest in the sport of tennis was largely relegated to the sphere of a fellow Chinese playing in the match, and therefore they probably were not aware of expected tennis-watching etiquette, but even with that taken into consideration, i did think that they were at least partly to blame in terms of being disrespectful of whoever Li’s opponent happened to be. Nothing against Li though (she is a very good tennis player, and in fact, she did yell at those errant fans to shut up at one point), but thanks to such ignorant fans, for the first time ever i ended up rooting for Venus Williams in their match (and of course Venus went on to lose, but that’s another matter…)

It’s things such as this that which have made me to be the anti-supporter, if you’d like, of the Chinese team (admittedly, my sympathy for Liu Xiang and his untimely injury was more than matched by glee that at least some of the ridiculous Chinese public pressure for performance was not satisfied). Way back in 2001, in fact, i was probably one of the few here who was (albeit silently) rooting (in vain) for Toronto to win the bid to host the games, and in the seven years since then i’ve still not warmed in the slightest to Beijing. I suppose that to a large extent my rationale behind such a negative (and minority) view of the hosts has already been covered ad infinitum by the (chiefly western) news media (e.g. human rights abuses, pollution etc - such as this), and to that end I do recognize that there exist inherent flaws and sound counter-arguments. Nevertheless, there definitely are more than legitimate concerns in favor of a dissenting view, and perhaps I feel more strongly about them than most others (at least in this particular neck of the woods) do. So where that is concerned perhaps the ‘agree to disagree’ truce camp is the best way to go.

The other major factor behind my lack of enthusiasm, sad to say, is basically the inherent Chinese-ness of everything. Definitely my early disdain for Mandarin, a result of this more-than-reluctant so-called ‘mother tongue’ student being force-fed xi zi and zhao ju and what not for way too long a time, and hating almost every moment of it, has somehow developed over the years into an aversion of (and cynicism towards) many things Chinese, particularly whenever the annoying Chinese cultural card is played. So i rarely eat Chinese food (at least not voluntarily), think nothing of wearing black at CNY or sticking my chopsticks into the bowl rather than resting them at the rim (and in fact in cases would purposely do so just to annoy some others), and would never go to China for a holiday (again, at least not voluntarily).

And so now when there’s all this talk about how the impressive opening ceremony has shown how China has ‘made it’, i lament the unnecessary extravagance and opulence of the whole thing, thinking that $ could have been better spent in many other areas. When China dominates the competition in sports like pingpong and diving (and at least for the former sport, proving a very successful exporter of top-notch players to lesser rival countries such as S’pore), I regret the extremely tough Soviet-era training that these world-beaters have had to undergo in order to get where they are, separating parents from child and depriving the latter from many aspects of a childhood (and not forgetting the hundreds, of not thousands of others who are not the best, and as such not making it to the world stage, their effort at least in this respect being in vain. And when China is head-and-shoulders above the rest of the countries in the medal tally, prompting all those sentiments of how Chinese from all over the world can be truly proud to be Chinese, here am i rolling my eyes, wondering how, with more than a fifth of the world’s population to work with, surely such an achievement is but merely to be expected (and of course this sparks all those commentaries comparing India’s one gold to China’s close-to-fifty at this point).

In any case, China definitely deserves to be congratulated on its performance during the Olympics, be it in terms of sporting or hosting achievements. However, there lies much behind these achievements that is far less worthy of praise, and perhaps is more worthy of criticism. Not popular sentiments, i know – and perhaps i may kena whacked for voicing such views. Oh well, again, let’s agree to disagree on this. (and so don’t even get me started on how irritated i am with those who criticize people like me who don’t care much for Singapore’s alleged sporting success in the form of a silver medal – in short, all credit is due to the three ladies and the team behind them, but at the end of the day, regardless of all the talk about S'pore being small, and how we are a globalized society and what not, personally there is something inherently wrong with the way in which they have come to represent the country with such blatant recruitment being undertaken and how their success/failure is perceived and handled by the media and the public - oops, so i got started :p)

Sianifying nie work awaits…

Singapoor?

I remain ambivalent (not quite opposed towards, though probably i’m inching more and more towards that stance) towards Singapore’s purported Olympic medal prospects, due to the fact that virtually all of the realistic chances S’pore has of getting a medal basically lie with people who have been recruited from overseas to join ‘Team Singapore’. I’m definitely not being xenophobic or ultra-nationalistic or anything of that sort – if these people are able to get chances to perform well on the international stage that would possibly have been denied them otherwise, and help to encourage the further development of local sporting talent, then by all means go ahead. My issue is with the way in which S’pore has really been relying far too much on them in order to, and here may i borrow a cheesy slogan form the 2010 youth Olympics, ‘blaze the trail’ in the international sporting arena. Yes there’s all that talk of how we are an immigrant society, but really the makeup of the S’pore team in terms of whether their nationality was a result of birth or acquisition far from mirrors what it is on a national level. I won’t go as far as to call them sporting mercenaries, although definitely that term came to my mind with reference to them…

But even with that aside, i do pity these foreign-born Singaporeans, who have unfortunately become victims of the apparent national thirst for Olympic glory – in the sense that unrealistic expectations of a medal have become pinned on them. Of course, it’s hardly the kind of pressure that perhaps China places on its athletes, but still i can’t help but think that it is not constructive in any way… Take Tao Li as a case in point – she slices more than a second off her personal best in the 100m Butterfly, setting a new Asian record in the process, and for all that effort following a respectable 5^th place in the final this is the thanks she gets – as someone who has “dashed the country’s hopes” and “failing to top” her previous record in the final. Surely she deserves far more credit than that! It’s ironic that she’s treated this way precisely because she performed so well in earlier rounds.

Of course, the good ‘ol local press doesn’t exempt the S’porean-born athletes from their unrealistic expectations either. Today’s ST gave its report on the S’pore swimmers – and (apart from Tao Li) save a mention of one of them breaking the national record, everything else was about how they failed to make the semi-finals/finals. Maybe if the reporters had done their homework they would have realized how those who do make it to that stage are really in a different class to begin with, and have at least appeared to (cos i’m sure they are) acknowledge their effort.

And in any case, i pity the women’s table tennis team (and hey, guess where all of them were born?) should they not be able to get a medal. And if they do, i won’t be too excited either…

travel trials

It's a pity that smrt/sbs transit don't offer frequent traveller programs like many of their airborne counterparts do - say, for example, chalking up 100km on public transport being able to redeem a fere return mrt trip or something like that - for if that were the case, in a year's time not just me but at least half of the rest of the nie student population would be eligible for quite a fair bit of free travel...

Well, one thing that bus/train travel does offer, though, is the opportunity to see some of the worst and most selfish acts of typical ugly Singaporean behavior being unapologetically exhibited for all to see, and to be inconvenienced by. I've mentioned this before, but seriously, i can never get tired of being pissed off by people who crowd the entrances to buses/trains in order to barge in and find a seat long before the people inside have exited (of course this applies less to sbs buses than it does to say nus buses though). Especially since my mrt trips require changing trains at interchange stations and terminating at boon lay, the sight of people thinking nothing of standing right in front of the train doors, gearing up for the mad push throw the throng of exiting passengers in order to score a prime seat, particularly during peak periods, is more than commonplace.

Well, i have to be honest and say that as unapologetic as they are about barging in and pushing aside exiting passengers in the process (and btw i'm sure a lot of these exiting passengers are guilty of barging in themselves), so am i about going out of my way to obstruct their quest to score a quick seat to as far an extent as i able to, by purposely standing in their way and making sure to push back whenever they push against me (and isn't that a law of Newton anyways?), Of course i make sure not to smother old people/children or accidentally outrage someone's modesty in the process, although i have to admit that at some times i'm tempted to do so (i mean the former, btw, not the latter)

The other day there was my experience with an impatient fairly old lady who was seated in a crowded train car. I was standing near the exit at the time. When the train was approaching Dhoby Ghaut (which was my intended stop), the lady, along with her hubby, got up and tried to shuffle her way past the crowd towards the door, evidently because she was intending to alight there as well. Fair enough. When she got behind me however, not only did she utter something in a Chinese dialect unintelligible to me which i can infer was to the effect of " i want to go out", but she also started poking me at the back rather strongly. I was quite annoyed so i turned round and tried to inform her that i was intending to alight at the stop as well. As she responded to this only by poking and pushing more vigorously, i can only conclude that she understood English as well as i did her unintelligible Chinese dialect, so i decided to quit trying to explain to her that i was exiting as well (and admittedly, restraining myself from scolding her loudly, which wouldn't have been nice or right at all) and just endured her continued pokes and pushes (eh, while trying to lean back so as to make my point clear to her that i was not going to move for her - there was no space to do so in any case). In retrospect maybe i should have shown less anger and more consideration for the elderly, but seriously, i would have let her through (methinks) had the train not been so crowded and there been no room to move to anyways - in any case, if she did get out first, she'd still proceed to be overtaken and swarmed by the hoards making a beeline for the nearest escalator/elevator, so i don't see the point of her getting off first.

Then, i was reading today's paper, and the expat column in particular, i was pleased to see the guest writer commenting on something that has also garnered my annoyance as of late, namely what he terms "escalator paralysis" - the phenomenon in which people inexplicably lose all power of lower limb movement upon setting foot upon an escalator/travellator/walkalator - i do find it weird that how rushed, for example, that people tend to be upon exiting at mrt train so as to reach an escalator, they then proceed to stop dead in their tracks once reaching the escalator. That's ok as long as they keep to one side, a practice that is almost religiously carried out in say tube escalators in London. But no, S'poreans just have to think nothing more of stopping on both sides of the escalator, blocking the way of those who do not succumb to this paralysis (i.e. me, for one). One good thing though is that normally when i gradually inch my way towards such people they soon get the hint and move aside for me to pass, if that is possible (you see, old lady in the mrt, i'm not unreasonable, i only expect to get through if there is indeed room to pass), and even apologize in the process. In any case, this is precisely why i normally take the stairs instead of the escalator at that middle part of citylink where you have to go down and then up again...

In other developments, if anyone reading this happens to be in Brazil now, turn on your telly to espn and see if you can spot my interview :p. What happened was that i was on my way back home from service this morning, at the junction of Raffles City next to Raffles Hotel and Chijmes, when this ang moh guy (with an ang moh cameraman behind him) approached me and asked if he could ask me some questions on S'pore and the Brazilian soccer team (he was wearing an ESPN Brasil shirt). Since i was free i agreed and so, after positioning myself against the suitable backdrop of Raffles Hotel, the camera got rolling and he fired away with his questions.

Unfortunately he asked about S'pore and what i feel about living here - well as can be evidenced from this space i was in one of my typical anti moods, but i figured that if i were to express those feelings about S'pore i would have not done us much good and at the same time may risk some S'porean expat in Brazil calling me out in the ST or something, so i tried to stay positive with my response (i said S'pore was fun, for goodness sakes), although how believable i was i can't be sure. He then proceeded on to my next expert subject, soccer (apparently the Brazilian olympic soccer team is in town and are playing against S'pore - i was pretty aware of the former but barely aware of the latter). He asked me to name some Brazilian soccer players - think i didn't do too bad - i knew there was Ronaldinho, Kaka and Ronaldo (though has he retired?). Oh if only he could have quizzed me on Brazilian tennis players, politicians, history, or food instead, then maybe i'd appear to be less of an idiot. And then he asked me what are S'pore's chances against the Brazilian team in the upcoming match - well, as much as i would like to show my faith in my national team (oh, who am i kidding?), i had to be logical and realistic, and so i answered that i was sure Brazil would win (hey, at least i didn't say we'll be thrashed). And there ended my two minutes of Brazilian fame.

keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'

The past four weeks of experience in the school that shall remain anonymous (i'd call it "Anonymous Secondary School" but then its initials would spell, er, well, you know =p...) totally surpassed my expectations - which, granted were not much to begin with. I won't plunge again into my spiel on how i was hitherto under the impression that all so-called neighborhood schools were the same until i was blissfully enlightened upon getting posted there (eh although that's the basic jist of it), but suffice to say that there were so many cool surprises and learning experiences along the way that have most definitely helped to prepare me for what lies ahead.

Unfortunately, between now and what lies ahead is one full year of stuff that i'm not very enthusiastic about. Prior to this, i really did not know how to respond when asked how i was feeling about the year ahead, especially since the responses i'd received from those who've gone before have been extremely polarized - i.e. people either love it or hate it. And thus it was with this in mind that i approached this past introductory week with as open mind as i could.

However, sad to say the way in which the past week's programs have really awakened my uber-cynical negative side - eh dunno how safe it is to elaborate on that here, but well to put it briefly, the nature of most of the activities organized over the past week, seemingly for our benefit, have really not been worth the three hours and $5 taken for traveling every day. There are some redeeming points, of course, like meeting new (and similarly-minded) people and getting more familiar with the campus (and even then they have more to do with externalities than with the institution as a whole), but by and large if i were to do nothing about my attitude in the year ahead i foresee a lot of complaining about all and sundry to myself and to others - honestly, its stuff like this which makes me unable to envision staying in this place (as in this country) in the long run. For example, if even the slightest component of ne stuff is going to trigger the good ol' roll of the eyes from me, imagine how much mileage mine will chalk up over the course of this upcoming year - and that's just one of the many things which don't sit well with me.

But more on the good side of things (to try and distract me from all the complainables) - i've quite a good timetable (at least compared to some others i've seen) and in terms of relations with people things have for the most part gone on fine. There's also the unique circumstance (and believe me, this is used ad nauseaum by the people there as a manipulative mechanism via attempted emotional blackmail) of us actually being paid, rather than paying, to go for class. So bearing that in mind, imagine my glee upon reading thursday's st home section p.2 on the failure of even that to come through (and yes, i am one of the four hundred) - facial egg, to say the least. Oops i'm back to the bad stuff again :p

Anyways, this week was ameliorated by various school-related (as in the Anonymous Sec School i.e. *SS) teachers/students outings. When comparing notes with people who were in other schools, one thing i realize is that at least in terms of the support and friendship of the community in the school *SS has come out tops - it's far from perfect, of course, but nevertheless it's been a real great community to be around over the past month or so - part of the reason why i'm definitely more than open to going back there next time. There are reasons against too, though, but no point in going through them here eh.

uncommenced

As can perhaps be gathered by this point, i was not the happiest of campers come final results time, which of course happened right smack in the middle of an otherwise real enjoyable and fun Vietnam trip. As i've mentioned countless times before, as much as i was trying not to make a big deal out of results, well it still was a big enough of a deal for me to tip the scales, souring me on nus in general. And it was along those lines that i decided to skip the much-ballyhooed commencement. It was not so much that i didn't want to go cos of the bad final results, but more that (at least at the moment) i felt that nus had caused me so much grief in general (with the results adding to the huge pile of existing grievances - although i'll admit that some of them have entirely to do with me and not with nus) that the last thing i wanted to do is to end things off with the school on such a note.Perhaps that sounds childish, but yeah at the time (and in fact now still, albeit on a reduced scale) it made (and makes) perfect sense to me.

On the other hand, i'd be a big liar if i were to say that i didn't care at all for apparently dropping down after the promise of three-and-a-half years leading up to something more uplifting. But to that end, actually by the end of the Vietnam trip i was pretty ok with that, so i didn't even bother to proceed along any avenue of appeal. However, i was not up to keeping on thinking about the results again and again, and as such skipping the ceremony (which at least imho is almost entirely a chore to attend save for the post-ceremony picture-taking anyways) was, in my typical avoidance mindset, the logical way to go. And it was this eclectic combination of rationale behind skipping the thingy that i conveyed to the (typically shocked/non-understanding) folk who asked me about commencement.

So imagine the irony, after all of that deep thinking through and rationalization that i went through over the course of more than a month, for me to receive a text from my ex-form teacher, who had attended the first of the ceremonies, offering his congratulations - he had seen my name on the book of names. Hah - in retrospect it's quite funny la, but at that point i was like hmm... although at the end of the day i'd still rather not have gone, even if it means no nice pictures, as i suppose most, if not all of what i was my own reasons for not going still holds.

And in any case, this has been a valuable experience for me, spiritually, at least, and of course i'm thankful that in the end, things turned out as they did - one thing's for sure, i'd definitely not be as (usefully) reflective had things been clear cut form the start.

when and where?

One of the few things that has frustrated me about teaching life (or at least as close to it as i've ever gotten so far) is the early wake-up time. By itself that's actually not a problem - but combined with having to leave the house within half-an-hour so as to get to school by sevenish that means that my usual time slot allocated for having my quiet time is gone - the relatively short bus journey, coupled with the usual annoyances that tv mobile brings, makes any form of prolonged meaningful Bible reading there a distinct impossibility. Once i reach school, there's not enough time before assembly, and in any case there's too much hustle going on in the staff room at that time to make that possible. Once assembly is over, i either have classes or have other work to do, and in any case i don't feel good about taking official school time out to do what i rather ought to dedicate the so-called firstfruits of time to doing instead. So that means that i either have my qt after the dismissal bell rings (but still there's much hustle in the staff room, and in any case i feel too conspicuous), or on the bus ride back (if i happen to be blessed with a tv mobile-less bus, although i'm always half-asleep on the bus rides back, so that ain't the best time). And if all that fails, then we have today's scenario, when up till this time at night, i've still not had qt yet.

It's frustrating in the sense that since i've had to adopt this schedule, qt has almost never failed to be a touch-and-go sorta thing, especially since i'm either in a rush to get back to work or back to sleep. While nie promises a brief respite from this, in the long (or at least medium) term, i'll have to find a way around this current predicament i find myself in. And goodness knows at this time i really ought to be focusing more on God, something that i've really been unable to get myself to do for far too long. Not that He has stopped speaking to me - quite the contrary actually (if what i hear to be true is confirmed, i'll feel a right idiot methinks) - but at least on my part things kinda suck...

molding/molded

Looking through the travel classifieds in the staff lounge today, the relatively cheap offers caught my eye - then i looked at the dates offered (July, August, September...) and realized that in my (at least) near future, i won't be able to take advantage of such good deals anymore - instead i'll be competing with the tons of S'porean families at marked-up peak period prices to go to places during the december holidays where chances are i'll encounter some of these families again, making a beeline for the nearest Chinese restaurant and the cheap shopping as well, not failing to embarrass themselves (well, if not themselves, then definitely me) and cause real negative impressions of S'poreans to form in the eyes of locals in the process, prompting me to try and distance myself from them as far as possible, putting on a fake accent for starters. Hmm of course it's not as exaggerated as that (or at least i hope not), but the general idea is there.

And i'd admit, my personal need to get out frequently (re: at the very least, once a year) from here for a sufficient (re: at least two, unhassled weeks) break has been one of the key factors behind me constantly saying that i don't see myself in this job for too long a period of time - it's too monotonous and restrictive for me in that way - how to trek across Europe/ do a roadtrip across the States (of course i'd need to learn how to drive first for that one) like that?

At the same time, there's the possibility of being called to other things of a less secular nature by then, something that has been at the back of my mind ever since Urbana - but for that think the next few years would entail a lot of (particularly spiritual) change on my part - ah but these are still early days yet so won't go too into that now.

In any case, the past two weeks have been real helpful in helping me to put into perspective what i'm about to get into - real thankful for that cos think that's something i needed in the wake of all that's been going on recently - so the next two weeks ought to be real exciting =)

hush hush

a lot of what would otherwise be going in here has to be the victim of rather brutal (but nevertheless wholly necessary) self-censorship, in order to minimize the possibility of any complications arising in the future, so when all the school stuff is taken out of the picture i don't seem to have much left to talk about. At least not immediately... (So if you want to know about that then catch me one day)

Um, so then what's left? (i'm asking myself that question) Well suffice to say that i'm (quite surprisingly) looking forward to the remaining two-and-a-half weeks here, less so to the months following that at nie, and have no clue what to make of what follows that (but we'll worry about that when we get nearer there)

Oh goodness i'm watching a wimbledon update on now, and the two people talking are trying to pronounce "Zheng Jie" properly, and are failing badly (zhheng zhhee anyone?). Hey, i just realized that that's (i mean zheng) my chinese surname - harhar...

I do wish i had more opportunity to get some time off - of course Vietnam was all of less than a month ago, but still, no real chance to get a prolonged (and at least predominantly solitary) retreat, ideally away from S'pore. There's been a lot to think about recently, and the inability to do so has taken its toll on several levels. I don't mind settling for a nice long bike ride but as my bike has been stolen, i've recently had to resort to borrowing my brother's one whilst i procrastinate getting my own new one, and as things would have it, the last two times i wanted to go out the bike was unavailable. I really should be running too, but i can't bring myself to run near my place for various reasons - that's probably the biggest thing i'll miss about pgp life. And in fact at this point there's not much else i'm sentimental about regarding the darn school...

tacticality

Have become duly aware of the dangers of throwing caution to the wind when it comes to doing this, particularly within the context of being a teaching staff in a school, so i shall be deliberately vague (so people who shouldn't be reading this don't) and brief (cos i've to wake up at an disgustingly early hour in order to get to school before marikita) here.

So for the next four weeks starting from yest i'm attached to a mixed school in the near-west area - initially i was rather apprehensive on how it would be, but various unexpected but nevertheless positive surprises have come my way, not the least of them having three people i know (and chances are, you know too) among my colleagues. Additionally, i've been really impressed to see the dedication of the staff here, made me think more about why i'm getting myself into teaching in the first place - will elaborate another time maybe, when me no need to sleep...

Anyways, in other news, i'm more or less decided - yup, barring any major objections from the folks (which are unlikely in any case), am going ahead with it, or rather, going ahead with not going ahead with it...

out of place

NIE stuff has started - this week there was registration on tuesday, briefing stuff on wednesday and something called 'teacher's prep program' yesterday and today - four days of travel to and from the school that seems to be closer to Gelang Patah and even Kukup than it is to my house equals around $20 of transport money being spent - which means i've had to consciously work at changing my usual habit of topping up my farecard with just $10 at each go, cos i've realized if i kept that up, i'd be topping up my card almost every day. That aside, the sheer act of traveling from my place all the way there and back is tortuous enough as it is (i may be a travel buff but that's strictly restricted to travel outside of S'pore, although come to think of it traveling to NIE is just about as close as one can get to doing that without leaving the S'pore mainland...).

These past two days was the aforementioned tpp - admittedly (and i mentioned as much at the end of the session during the checkout session) i was not looking forward to the thingy at the start - i believe i described it as "(moe/nie's attempt to make us) waste two otherwise perfectly free days." To my unexpected surprise it turned out hardly like i'd have expected it to, in good part because our facilitator was this cool lady who was discerning enough to do less of the program and more of the sharing of rich personal experiences (and boy does she have a lot of them), and also cos of the people met/friends made.

No secret that in any case though, at the start of the week i wasn't in a good mood - and to that end one thing i was consistently praying for during my qts in the morning was for (pleasant) surprises of any kind to come my way - and by the end of the week thankfully God delivered a lot of those my way, stuff like how the tpp turned out, bumping into someone i've not seen in four years, catching-up/bleah-ing opportunities etc - all these definitely helped to de-death-glare-ify my face as the week progressed...

A string of semi-related random things that happened to me this week:

1) Went to the Malay stall to get lunch one day - the people before and after me were both addressed and served using Mandarin, but when it was my turn, the lady took one look at me and went "abang!" in order to catch my attention. That was followed by "lagi" and other random Malay words when i was pointing to the dishes i wanted, she even told me the cost of the plate in Malay...

2) Today during class our facilitator was telling a story which somehow involved porridge (she tends to digress a lot), and she was talking about something called "um," which most of the class seemed to understand immediately - i was left clueless until my groupmate informed me that it is some chinese dialect (hokkien?) term which refers to the liquid part of porridge - she was so surprised that i had no idea what that was, and then she asked me (with a serious face btw) "are you local?"

3) Later on she somehow came to the topic of patriotism (i forget how), and she asked the class "would you stand up for S'pore?" My cynical self's immediate reaction was to cringe and roll my eyes, i thought she was jokingly asking a rhetorical question. I was thus freaked to realize that several people immediately said "yes!" rather assuredly. Not that i'm about to betray the country, but i'm not one for such strong outward displays of patriotism, just never realized that most others are quite unlike me heh... Eek who's the one who needs NE lessons now eh?

Anyways, think i've come to the conclusion that the best way to deal with the situation is avoidance, in whatever means it may take - hmm that seems to be a common theme in me life eh...

running on (near) empty

Saturday was kinda a reunion sorta day - in the afternoon went back to acjc for a choir 20th anniversary thanksgiving service thingy - it's hard to believe that it's already been seven years since leaving jc - but anyways, that was a good opportunity to touch base with old faces (not many, i was one of only two people from my batch who were there) and get reacquainted with some of the music that pulsated through my brain over those two years [me being the kind who retains music in my mind well, i honestly can still remember a good portion of the music and lyrics (in my part, at least) that formed our repertoire (well with four/five-hour-long rehearsals twice a week, it's hard not to actually)]. Good also to see again what the seemingly endless stream of fundraising we did during those two years went into (especially when the school is unadorned with makeshift stalls and decorations during funorama - which has been the only other reason i've been back there apart from this in recent history). And also (unlikely, but at least became more open to the possibility) a widening of potential posting opportunities post-nie. But at the same time i was also reminded of how out of touch i (was and) am with choir life in general. Heck.

After that it was time for a cross-country mrt ride (first of many more to come methinks in the near future) to another barker class reunion. Honestly, in the past two reunions i've attended this year, i would never have expected to enjoy myself as much as i did - it's great to see how everyone looks roughly the same but nevertheless seems to have grown a lot in the emotional/spiritual sense, and also look back on good times all those years ago. Everyone's really come a long way, though i must admit, many of the various classroom shenanigans that people were recalling were stuff i was hitherto unaware of.

I wonder now if that was at least in part because while in sec 3/4 i was admittedly a (relatively) guai student who probably was too busy being a guai student to notice that all this was going on, at a time when many of the others (by their own admission) didn't really study much during that time, but have since gone on to much greater things in their own right, such as getting into good schools and graduating with good degrees or finding a great job, that sorta thing - along those lines i seriously wonder if i had more or less exhausted whatever capacity i had to be that sort of guai student by the time nus, and in particular the period after coming back from exchange, came around, culminating in the spectacular academic failure that is my final sem. And along similar lines, whether my early involvement in all things VCF pre-exchange sort of sapped a good deal of the capacity i had for cf involvement in general, culminating in my dwindling energy put in to cf stuff over the last year (yes, in spite of being in exco), up to the state of near apathy that i seem to be feeling at this moment. Of course, as per my usual disclaimer, i am probably making things out to be far worse than they actually are, but in essence, it's all there.

Well, the obvious alternative to that hypothesis is that things just changed dramatically for me upon coming back from exchange - i've a good portion of what was written in the excellent report in Saturday's ST on disoriented S'poreans returning here after time abroad to support that theory (even if five months isn't exactly the longest of times, as compared to say years/decades). I'd like to think that it's a combination of the two, plus other random factors.

Oh well. i know how much i hate overthinking/overanalysis, and i figure that's exactly what i'm doing in the above, so let's keep it at that for now - just hope that things change soon enough...

wanderlust

The Vietnam trip was by and large my first real experience at backpacking (or at least as close to backpacking as i've ever been on - with the actual procurement and usage of a backpack playing a big part in that) - typically my travels (or at least those of the non-family/non-school trip variety) have fallen into either the shamelessly-invite-self-to-stay-with-relatives/family-friends or the pay-a-premium-and-share-a-proper-hotel-room variety - i.e. i'm more used to slightly more atas accomodations (and more importantly, washroom facilities) when it comes to traveling.

But basically by the end of the Vietnam trip, i realized that i can easily go down a scale when it comes to traveling - the important thing is more the new places seen than the place you stay in, unless of course you make your hotel your destination like those atas places you see on discovery travel and living...

Eh so anyways, even during the trip and since coming back a whole host of places have popped up in my head which i would like to go to in the near future (i.e. before stuff like backaches and joint pains make more rigorous travel a non-option). What great timing that this happens at the same time as my schedule is about to get a whole lot less flexible in the long term, but ah well, we can always dream eh...

My main criteria is that the place must interest me (like duh), and if a language that i'm at least a tad familiar in is spoken there that's an added plus (except for mandarin of course, which i'd rather not use at all). Don't necessarily have to backpack there, more atas types of travel is definitely an option, as long as got enough $ - anyways Vietnam has taught me that i don't really like to shop, so which means more $ for other stuff, like eating =)

In random, indulgent order:

1) Visit the 21 states in the US i've yet to visit - those i'm especially keen on are Ohio (although that's almost solely cos i want to go here); Alaska (cos i want to go on a cruise far away enough from S'poreans who will storm the buffet lines and has more interesting and new places to call port in than Melaka and/or Phuket); Colorado (for mountains and skiing); Vermont (for fall scenery and Ben & Jerry's) and Wisconsin (well it's near enough to Chicago, which is my favorite big city in the US, and i don't mind stuffing myself with cheese). How convenient that they all are relatively far away from each other eh - (as in they don't touch each other...). Bah.

2) Revisit Chapel Hill, and old friends, and at the same time see more of NC, especially the mountains which i didn't see at all, maybe hike at least a fair bit of the Appalachian Trail too...

3) Go around the Philippines - hike the rice terraces, swim with whale sharks, chill at the beach in Boracay/Palawan, chocolate hills (how can you go wrong with a place called chocolate hills?) - hopefully by the time i get back there i'll have enough command of the language to live up to my appearance...

4) Some kind of backpacking trail around Europe - either around France (where i'll hopefully be able to cope with the language), the central and eastern parts (i.e. funky ex-Communist countries), or Scandinavia and the surrounding regions (where i know a couple of people, who hopefully still know me heh) - this of course, will take far more time than methinks i'll ever have available in the next few years, but at least speaking at this point in time this is enough reason for me to take a break once my bond is up hmm...

5) (if got less time and $) go around Thailand, since i can speak enough Thai to make me wish i was there instead of Vietnam during the trip owing to communication problems.

6) South Africa (just cos i want to go to Sub-Saharan Africa, and this is the most accessible part of it to go to)

7) Mauritius (not cos of it's proven honeymoon potential, but cos it's a French-speaking place with great scenery)

8) Tunisia/Morocco (eh cos French is spoken there and i want to go to North Africa too - yes i'm that predictable)

9) South America (if ever i get to picking up Spanish - just to cover another continent - i can do without going to Antarctica - too expensive and unfeasible)

Heh maybe that'll do for now - don't want to get to indulgent and unrealistic, and anyways i've been blessed with the opportunity to go to a lot of places as it is... And i don't want to rake up unnecessary carbon emissions... But still, any takers to any of the above?

If not, i'll find my way to these places myself... Hopefully... Eventually...

i've had a few

Got back yesterday from Vietnam - two weeks with random exco peeps, navigating our way from Saigon/HCMC up to Hanoi with various stops in between. Overall was a good time, goodness knows that i could do with an added holiday, even though it was not to a place where i conventionally would have chosen. In any case, the company elevates the enjoyment of a holiday from depending on the destination per se eh?

Well, maybe will talk more about Vietnam trip another time. What's on my mind now is the whole issue of graduation and how i'm going to handle it. So in short what happened is that results came out while we were in Vietnam (results that i was not really looking forward to as i guess many can gather). In preparation for whatever those results may have been i tried to spend time during qt/random times of stoning to talk to God specifically about it - even devoted a good one and a half hours or so walking up a good length of the main beach in Nha Trang and back doing just that. Well by the end of all that i thought that at least whatever the results would turn out to be, i'd be (eventually) ok with it. Which i guess is the case now when i write this in retrospect, more or less, at the least.

But at the time boy were they not. It hit me slowly, very slowly, in fact, at first. And then, as i began to think more about it, and realised how i came so close, and the simple action of using the s/u a bit more wisely alone, independent of scoring any better for any class, would have eliminated that 0.01 or so gap, i began to get real pissed - with myself and with the school. Of course, at the same time, what i had been pondering over previously helped to sober me a bit, although overall i was really super frustrated.

Although for much of the next two days i began to retreat into one of my pensive (and where i'm concerned, hence anti-social) moods, think that the Lord worked so wonderfully in timing this to take place in Vietnam and not back in S'pore. In short i was able to look around and see how i really have nothing to complain about, at least relatively speaking - a rehashing of the why (not) me thingy again. So now i'm not really too bothered about it anymore, although admittedly i'm using my time-honored strategy of avoidance to try and tackle the situation. Which is where the current resurfacing of all my thoughts on the matter at this present time comes in - don't want to elaborate here, at least not now - suffice to say that i've a lot more thinking and praying to do i guess. Motivations...

(sorta) parting thoughts

Got back yesterday from exco retreat/advance - it felt kinda weird some of the time, as for the first time in just about year i was at a chalet hanging around with no real work to have to do, where the major decisions to be made are of the what-game-should-we-play-now variety.

So i guess this kinda marks the end of what has been a highly eventful year in exco - lots of ups together with their fair share of downs - but all in all, as i've come to realize is more or less always the case, at least in retrospect, an experience with much to give thanks for - a concrete display of what can happen if you just have faith that He will see you through.

Anyways, any more of that reflection stuff will probably turn all maudlin so i'll avoid that. Basically as it felt weird to not have any work per se to get done during retreat/advance, so now it feels weird that technically VCF is no longer my direct concern, so to speak. And being the kind who tends to focus on a limited amount of key things at a time (and having VCF be one of them over the past four years, and i'd say at the expense of church), to have one biggie come to a sudden endlike this is quite the surreal experience.

Of course, who's to say that i'm cutting off all ties from VCF - yup that's definitely not the case. But in lieu of my arguably special circumstances (which in short are that i really ought to be better rooted in church, especially now that there's no longer VCF), i've been thinking that i really should limit the amount of time i spend coming back to visit and all that, as satisfying an experience as that may be, as that would methinks to at least some extent just serve to perpetuate the frustration that is my current situation. Not that i'm taking time off from CF stuff and cfers along with that, but just that selectivity (if there is such a word) is key for now.

Was watching a short CNN report on James Blake just now - basically he's a top tennis player who a couple of seasons ago went through injury that caused near paralysis, the death of his father and a life-threatening illness all in one short span. What struck me about that is how he was dismissing the "why me?" attitude that perhaps is human nature when afflicted in such a way - he reasoned that people don't ask the same when they achieve success in some way, so why should we do the same when things don't go the way they so-called 'ideally' would? And at least for me, that makes perfect sense. I am not sure what Mr Blake's religious affiliations are, but in applying it to a Christian perspective on things, who are we to question how the Lord lets things go when they don't turn out well, when we welcome with open arms (occasionally accompanied by thanksgiving) the good stuff?

Of course in theory, that's easy to say and affirm, but in practice, ay there's the rub. Throughout the course of much of the past four years i've been struggling with the "why me?" thingy for various setbacks and what not that've happened, the most current one being the far-less-than-satisfactory church situation i'm in, and the long-term implications of that over the years, some of which have already become an occasionally painful reality for me. Guess that's just something that the Lord is still working through, with a more concrete conclusion to the matter still lying far ahead in the distance, if it exists at all. That's where grace and faith come in eh...

Bummed about Burma

I was quite disappointed to read FM George Yeo's comments regarding disaster-hit states in the st today - and i quote - "we must respect the autonomy of countries and accept the fact that they know local situations better than foreign people ever can." Generally speaking, the statement certainly stands. But when you apply it to the current situation in Burma (i refuse to use the M-word as to me that signifies acceptance of the military junta there), surely common sense, aided by decades of experience in dealing with the government, has it that these wise words require deep re-examination.

Yes a country's autonomy ought to be respected - but should it be respected (and from the look of how ASEAN is dealing, or not dealing, with the situation, venerated) to the extent that we forget what a proven incompetent regime we are dealing with here in the first place? All this la-di-da diplomacy can only do so much, and i'm afraid that with reference to the regime heading Burma, it's far from enough - influential players like ASEAN and China really have to start pushing the boundaries of this "respect of autonomy" and show that they mean business to the Burmese government if the latter is ever going to wake up its idea, so to speak. Unfortunately, it seems that the allure of one's own economic gain, plus to a lesser extent, the concept of face, is preventing this from ever happening (cf. Yeo's remarks).

And yes local governments would know the local situation better than foreign people ever can. And Burma's rulers definitely know the local situation very well. Unfortunately it only seems to be in the interests of perpetuating their noxious rule rather than anything else. Their 'in-depth local knowledge,' if you could call it that, is employed only for their own security purposes, and not for the welfare of the disaster-stricken people at all. There's more than sufficient proof to show that the government cannot, or at the least, will not do enough to provide the necessary relief to the people in the vast Irrawaddy Delta area. Apparently a lot of those affected in these areas are Karen Christians, which (i won't go into greater detail here) methinks explains in part why the military is so reticent to even let foreign aid get to them, let alone help them themselves. And there are other reports that the military is taking credit for aid that does not come from them, and are even replacing some of the aid packages with inferior quality ones, keeping the former for their own needs. Disgusting.

I recall a conversation with an American on the plane explaining to him more about the situation in Burma - appalled, he said that direct intervention is needed - and it probably would have happened already had Burma been an oil-rich state. Invasion may be a step (or several steps) too far, but definitely more has to be done.

21 more to go

So at the start of the last sem i'd played around with taking various classes and realized that for once, at last i had the opportunity to end (exams) early, and real early at that, if i chose classes in the interests of fulfilling that end. And while i'd hardly advise the promise of an early holiday to be the main consideration behind the choosing of classes, i'm nevertheless glad that it worked out for me (eh or at least i'll say that until final results come out...)

But back to the story, actually even after settling classes and hence exam schedule, i had no ideas in mind as to what i may have wanted to do once exams ended. And then randomly one day i came across an online advert on cnn.com by SIA with the promo fare to Houston, and to cut a long story short, the very reasonable fares plus tanking US dollar were enough for me to finally decide to get tickets. Furthermore, the final destination was a place in the US i hadn't been before (which is always a key factor) - so why not eh?

Well i could list in detail all that went on but i guess that's rather self-indulgent and anyways i can't remember all the itty bitty details. In lieu of that will just recount random cool things that come to mind.

1) As much as i don't like the elitist bent of SQ (case-in-point: the changing of the direct to NYC/LA flights to an all-business class configuration in order to rake in bigger bucks), (at the risk of being cheesy) it really is a great way to fly - and after suffering through United Airlines to the US the past few times, SIA really is a revelation. The in-flight entertainment is really a cut above - i've this thing against paying the prices we have to pay to watch movies in S'pore, so to watch (allow me to recount) Sweeney Todd (not bad); Ratatouille (only thing i didn't like was the bad French pronunciation); Bee Movie (which is a D movie imho - don't watch it!); Juno (finally!); No Country For Old Men (creepy but good); Dan in Real Life (underrated); plus lots of good tv stuff like Pushing Daisies (wish they'd show it here) and Arrested Development (i miss it) for free (ok, not really free, but at least it seems free) was great. I almost didn't sleep both on the way there and back simply cos there was so much to do. Regret not getting a free S'pore Sling just to see what's the big deal about it...

2) Honestly, i expected New Orleans to be in a more depressed state than it was, in the wake of Katrina and all, but then again, i didn't get to go out of the tourist area, which was relatively less affected. All in all, it's a real interesting city, although the great nightlife is not really my type - the famous Bourbon Street there is dotted with strip clubs, which, to put it discreetly, make it clear in their storefronts what services it is that they provide. That's why i only went down there in the day and avoided it at night. Can't imagine how my father would have reacted if he was there haha.

3) And for all the good food that the city is famous for, unfortunately a lot of it has seafood (which i guess comes as no surprise since it is right by the sea), so didn't really get to sample much of that... Whatever food i did have was good nevertheless.

4) Never seen so many smokers as i did there - in the street, one really could not look in any direction without catching at least one person smoking. It seemed to me that people were either smoking or about to take a smoking break.

5) Wish could spend more time than just one and a half days in Houston - there's actually a surprising amount of stuff to do there. Thought i got a real good deal on the Hyatt there, until i realized that over the weekend, downtown is by and large a dead zone. Never really got out of the central area either. But ah well, it was good anyways.

6) Quite cool how an ex-NBA player ended up to be my cab driver to the airport - and a pretty good one too (three-time all-star) - and at least the minimal bball knowledge that i had was enough to get him really excited that this foreign asian dude knew so much haha.

7) The quick one-day visit to South Bend was really cool - i just like to go to places where the typical S'porean tourist would never go to - and this was one of them. Notre Dame has a real beautiful campus, the nicest i've seen so far, and the spring flowers were real pretty. Also, what cool timing that i was there during the primary elections, so i got to see the electoral process there close-up (during the midterms in '06 there was little action in Chapel Hill - and coincidentally the NC primaries were on the same day).

8) For the record, while i was there i became an Obama supporter :)

9) Even though i've been to Chicago before, and very recently too, am glad managed to go back - not just because there's quite a bit to do there, but also for the company. Think by now i can make my way around the city pretty well without ending up lost.

10) The highlight of Chicago was of course finally getting to watch Wicked (the soundtrack of which i'm listening to right now) - i dunno why i didn't watch it the other time i was there, but anyways, it was just a great experience. As many times as i've seen Defying Gravity on the screen, nothing beats seeing it in front of you on stage. And For Good? *tears* I wonder if it will ever reach here (and not with a third-rate Aussie production).

11) Ate so much there - portions are so big to begin with, and then i had to help my mother to finish up her portion most times (cos i don't like to waste food). Never dumped so many times and so much in a day before (ok wtmi i know)

12) And of course, for frivolity's sake, i also added three more new states to my list (Texas, Louisiana and Michigan) - so we're up to 29/50 now =p

*) Although of course that also meant that there was an awful lot covered in just ten days - oh what i wouldn't give for a nice, relaxed holiday unconstrained from annoyingly constricting S'porean timetables...

Hmm looks like i listed a lot of stuff in detail anyways...

Ah well, in any case, hope to go back again, and particularly back to NC, sooner rather than later. Yup Carolina still on my mind...

And of course what 17 May post isn't complete without a happy birthday greeting?

reverso

Yuppers so i got back from a good but nevertheless very rushed trip yesterday, will talk more about it later while progressively uploading pics on fb, but for now am just biding time until going for dinner...

So people who've been reading this for some time may recall my saaa-ness-induced shirt incident from two years or so back. Well, a similar incident just had to take place one more time before leaving nus, and on my final day of all days - ok the background to this story is that due to both an affinity for walking around plus a desire to cut carbon emissions, i'd taken to walking back to pgp from school at the end of each day. Unfortunately, given the @#$% heat and humidity that we have here (one of the things that annoys me most about S'pore btw), by the time i reach back to my room, my shirt is usually sweat-drenched (but still wearable), so i'll hang it up, turning it inside-out in the process.

And then the morning of my first (and last) papers, i just took one of those shirts (and i suppose you can see where i'm heading with this one by now) and wore it and headed out. Bumped into a classmate at arts canteen and sat there for a while before heading to as7 for my 9am paper on (hooray) Malaysian history. Paper itself was ok, everyone was happy to get through it (and perhaps very apt for the occasion, shouts of Merdeka rang out). And i turned around and asked my friend behind me how was things - then he asked me if i wore my shirt the wrong way - i checked and - oops, so it was inside-out.

My only hope is that he noticed it only because he had spent the two previous hours right behind me and hence had ample opportunity to notice the label sticking out from under my collar (it was a polotee). That's highly likely i guess, or at least i hope, since no one else seemed to look at me strangely - hmm come to think of it, maybe one of the invigilators did... Oh well, in any case needless to say the first place i headed to after that was the washroom to invert the shirt... Whee. I'm such a toot.

from across the earth

Ok after a day of flying and sleep depravation (due more to the uber-coolness that is KrisWorld on SQ than due to problems with sleeping while flying), am now in a Houston airport area hotel (the town is called, believe it or not, Humble), using the free wireless - hope everyone's exams are coming along fine! Will talk more about my own abrogated exam period and flight when am less tired and don't have a 6:15am flight to New Orleans the next day to wake up in time for. Currently my eyes are as red as they were just after i finished writing thesis - heh talk about same condition, totally different cause =p

Losing a (sorta) family member and gaining (sorta) another

Firstly, on a sad note, my bike of just under four and a half years (whom i had belatedly christened Big Blue - yup real imaginative i am i know), got stolen, from, of all places at the carpark under my building where it was chained. The latest in a series of annoyances i have with apartment living. The fact that it was stolen the weekend following our friend MSK's escape has brought forth the possibility that he was the evil dude who broke not one, but two chains in order to steal her. But ah well, its but an irrelevant conspiracy theory... Anyways, BB served me well, and she was sorta due for retirement (i was from time to time considering rubbing her all over with lemon juice in the interests of de-rusting), but even then, this is still rather abrupt. My only hope is that she proves useful to whoever took her (and i don't mean in the scrap metal sense...)

Me being boliao and taking a picture of hands-less bike-riding

BB at Changi Coast Park watching planes land

I know i've been meaning to talk more about my new sibling (i'm talking about the sis) but have not really had the time to do so - oh well, actually, it's been more than three weeks already since i handed it in (hist dept deadline being the earliest in the whole of nus to my knowledge), so i've kinda forgotten a lot about what actually went on. All that comes to mind at the moment is zao-ing an exco meeting early (in my defense, it already was close to 11pm) in order to trundle back to pgp to finish the last bits before sending for printing, sleeping about two hours in between getting back and leaving again for the business library to do whatever was left before printing it (since it's 20% cheaper to print there), and then finally getting it done but then fouling up on the formatting of content page and page numbers, necessitating an emergency call to more computer-adept folk to bail me out, and then finally printing it at around 5pm, while realizing that in my stress and saa-ness, i had both forgotten to bathe that night and had mistakenly printed two extra copies (thus negating any $ that may have been saved via the 20% cheapre printing prices). Well, after a short metamorphosizing period at gohbros, this is the result:

Yup i know the acknowledgements page doesn't begin to express my gratitude to all who have seen me through this process (without sounding too self-indulgent), so i'll just say another (inadequate) thank you to anyone who has in any way helped to see me through this... You are most welcome to look for me if you are actually interested in reading about the construction of a contemporary Filipino American identity, although chances are, you aren't =p

And in the meantime, it's reading week - last one ever!

Mediacrap, or the Modern Narcissus

Anyone who regularly watches this space will know that i have a special annoyance for most stuff to do with mediacrap, and that any mention of them here is to remark upon something bad (cos well i don't see anything good to remark upon).

Well, methinks that this time they've really outdone themselves in the narcissism and self-congratulatory department, as seen in this cna article. Imagine that - they all getting so proud about MediaCorp News "[sweeping] the lion's share of the annual in-house awards given to journalists" (pardon the formal quoting btw, occupational hazard of just having finished thesis). Well - let me analyze that statement a tad - "in-house" = only MediaCorp stuff is eligible, or at the least is heavily favored to win; "given to journalists" = the news department would obviously have the upper hand - i mean, which other department has journalists anyway? I dunno who won the two awards that MediaCorp News didn't win, but that's besides the point - the fact that they didn't win everything shows how poor their quality is (imho). In other words, i can't think of a more flawed set-up for an awards presentation than this one.

Maybe on second thoughts, this whole awards thingy isn't so bad, in the sense that i guess hard work deserves to be recognized. My beef though, is that (again, imho) the kind of nonsense that they produce doesn't even begin to warrant them splashing out such a long article to bask in their own perceived (not by me though) achievements. Get their act together, then maybe i will cease from being so critical. But alas, that day appears to be far from a-coming...

side note: this just turned three!

second side note: updates on how thesis went etc will come soon...

i read this halfway, and knew it had to be a joke - oh if only...

Go heels!