Looking on the bright(er) side

I was going to say that i'm typing this now since i'm not in the mood to do work, but then i realized that this is pretty much the norm, so it's not really worth mentioning in the first place (though of course the irony is that i do end up mentioning it to make my point).

It's no secret that these past few months at nie have been some of the least enjoyable in recent memory for me. I've been struggling (and am struggling) to come to terms with a lot of what we've had to do, for as much as the intentions behind what goes on may be noble and commendable, at the end of the day people there just seem to not be able to get it. And i'm led to conclude that we've all to suck it up at the very least because we get paid, and uniquely so in the whole world, or so they say.

In spite of my latent annoyance (and at least it's not resentment), i've been drawing comfort from the fact that, even though i still see myself as being at one extreme end of the cynical scale, many, if not most, of those around me seem to be echoing my sentiments. So i've been reassuring myself that it's not just me, but indeed the system as a whole, that has a problem. Scant comfort, i know, but at least it helps to get me by.

But well, as of late, i've realized that maybe it's me after all, or at least to some extent. Somehow, even when i compare notes with others about our own bones to pick with the system, i always have to hold back somewhat, cos i find my list of complaints to far outweigh the others, and so if i were to bleah out all my annoyances, i would probably monopolize the conversation and turn the other off.

And also, as has been my consistent point of sharing recently, think i've been reminded of how poor a testimony i am as a Christian if i were to ooze negativity as i have been accustomed to doing once i step off the mrt train and catch the first whiffs of the nauseating raw cocoa odor of Boon Lay. So, as a friend has rather aptly likened the suffering which prodices perseverance, then character, and then hope, that Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 5 to nie, i've to try and put things into perspective, in the light of why i'm there in the first place.

So, as i prepare to get cracking on e-portfolios, podcasts, and whatever other fancily-named-but-tortuous-all-the-same assignments that have to be done, while i'm not about to do so with a forced smile on my face, at least i can try to see the bigger picture, and definitely not feed a growing reservoir of repressed exasperation and anger. Yupyup.