Creatively Nauseating Yusheng

The thing about Christmas in S'pore (apart from that it's too warm, especially after coming back from far colder places) is that it segues into CNY way too quickly. As i've said before, i really don't enjoy CNY apart from it being a holiday (and a long weekend this upcoming year too :) and usually once the new year comes, i avoid stepping into the supermarket for fear of hearing more awful CNY music.

Yesterday's ST was thus slightly worrying in the sense that it's not four days since Christmas day itself but already one of the food write-ups was on where to go for different kinds of fancy yusheng. (Seriously, Sichuan spicy ox tendon yusheng with blueberry sauce or abalone yusheng with rojak sauce? *gags*) Yup they didn't even leave room for the usual "what to do with my Christmas dinner leftovers?" article this time - maybe some overly-creative chef should have created a roast turkey and ham yusheng with cran-apple gravy *bleah*

Noël, know well?

I forgot where exactly i read this (i thought that it was in the ST this morning but now i can't find the quote, perhaps it was a dream?) but well it said something to the effect of "around 2 billion Christians around the world celebrate Christmas, along with millions of other people". That was quite a striking statement, as evident as it is. I mean, already among those 2 billion, i wonder how much of the seemingly elusive "true meaning" of Christmas is actually reflected upon, rather than it merely being an opportunity to take a break from work, eat possibly copious amounts of unhealthy food, and catch up with friends and/or family. Not that these are not in some way (some more than others) linked to this true meaning, but perhaps at the end of the day the actual meaning is overshadowed by all these these peripherals and incidentals. And if it's like this among us 2 billion, what more for the millions more who observe/celebrate the holiday but (generally speaking) don't go beyond the commercial/social aspects of it. For example, how about how in some places Christmas is promoted for its perceived (and very real as well) commercial benefits but any religious bent on it is strictly out of bounds.

And as i normally do, let me make the disclaimer that perhaps i too sometimes fall into this trap. Perhaps year after year of celebrating Christmas since childhood has made me take it for granted to some extent, when it really has become at times nothing more than a time to take a break, pig out, and receive presents. Even the wide array of carols that we sing all become appreciated more for their melodies rather than the richness of what their lyrics mean to convey to us all.

But well, i guess the cool thing in this case is that the Lord has made it such that at least where religious holidays are concerned, Christmas is perhaps the most observed (or at least recognized) by non-believers, which is in a way a real neat opportunity for outreach, more so than perhaps any other holiday. Yup so while sometimes we may lament as to how Easter is perhaps more important to our faith than Christmas is and yet is lesser recognized, or as they do elsewhere, complain about how in the interests of religious freedom/sensitivities and what not, "happy holidays/season's greetings" has become the pc way to go rather than "blessed/merry Christmas", hopefully that will not get in the way of simply seeking to spread the message about what we believe Christmas to really be about...

Why go?

As last semester at nie was going by, it became more and more clear to me that i would not last another one (even with a month-long break in between it, and around half of the next one being spent at a school rather than at nie itself) without taking a good long overseas holiday during the aforementioned break. I figure that i'm the kind that needs regular holidays abroad to retreat, reflect and recharge. This being the last confirmed opportunity i'd have to do something like this since i dunno how things may be like next time, i felt i had to make sure that i'd make something out of this one. And me being me, i had to do it in some far away ang moh-inhabited place, and not something in the same continent. Granted that i've already had the opportunity this year to go on one of each of the two types of aforementioned trips for a reasonable amount of time, but i reasoned that hey i don't really spend on much in S'pore anyways (i'm set to match last year's record of one movie watched in a cinema in a calendar year), and i guess the money saved from that could go into a good far away trip.

Initially, i was thinking of doing the US again, maybe hit the magic 30 at least. But then again, i already went there earlier this year, and have been there pretty frequently in the past too. So i thought maybe that can wait for another time, especially when i can find others to go with (and maybe drive around for me :p). And since i was (and still am) getting so frustrated of the heat here, which meant that i'd to head somewhere in the northern hemisphere, the only other option would be somewhere in Europe. And since i'd be going by myself (cos while i didn't really ask around, i didn't get any "i want to take a good, reasonably long holiday in some far away ang moh country and i'm looking for others who want to do the same" vibes from anyone), i figured it would have to be in a place that i would be able to survive reasonably well enough. In other words, i'd have to go to a place where i can manage with at least one of the languages commonly spoken there. That meant English and (God willing,) French [Mandarin would be out unless i would be doing a tour of Europe's Chinatowns, sampling the Singapore Fried Noodles of the Chinese restaurants in each place...]. So after a heck of a lot of surfing of sites like expedia, momondo, and eurail, i managed to find a really good ticket on non-crash-prone carriers (SIN-AMS, CDG-SIN) and a suitable rail pass for Benelux and France. For the latter, since it was the last year i could take advantage of the youth pass (until 26 years old) and train travel allowed me to be more flexible in my travel plans (since i'm so last min), as well as less polluting, while affording the convenience of traveling to/from train stations which are often near/in the city center as opposed to airports at the fringes, i thought that it was a no brainer to get a rail pass compared to choosing to fly from city to city.

Hmm so that's a really long preamble to the actual trip itself, long-winded as i am... The rest will come soon...

No Country for Corrupt Men

So it turns out that the time i was in Amsterdam was the only time i had the opportunity to put something here. And well, now that i'm back (oh crap), i can say that it was a real nice trip that i had, and hopefully far from the last... But i'll talk more about it in detail another time (though of course i said the same about the election and look what's happened - i'll make sure it happens this time)

Actually, i just realized that i've some lingering nie stuff to do before the new term (hence the "oh crap"), so this will be short. On a semi-election note (so at least i still keep to what i said earlier), and in light of recent political happenings, i recalled that when i was in Chicago during fall break while on exchange, i came across this sign (the guy was running for a second term) and took a picture. And i remember sort of inferring from the local press that he was rather inept. And yet at the end of the day he still won by a 9% margin over his Republican opponent, who was the last Republican elected official left statewide at that time (hence now there are no more...). The Illinois GOP must really stink, really bad... Anyways, whatever it is, i like how this sign shows how much things can change in one short election cycle...

gone dutch

hmm don't have long left on my 1.50 Euro internet so here's the short of it:

am now in Amsterdam
flight non-eventful
staying in red-light district
but in a Christian-run hostel
so they cancel each other out (?)
already got offered weed and mushrooms on the street
love the weather
could be colder
you should visit Anne Frank House
and i'm out (not from the weed and mushrooms)

window closed, window opened

(Fm: MINDEF)
Congratulations. You have cleared your IPPT for your last IPPT window and your new IPPT window has been opened. Keep up the good work.

Amidst all that has been happening over the past week or so, i almost forgot that i had taken my ippt until i got this text earlier today. Hah. Well anyways, after the very limited prep (token runs, climbing up the 143 steep steps to my place every weekday) that i was able to do, due to both busyness and of course, laziness, i'm glad that things managed to pan out enough for me to be able to clear it - if but barely. I suppose i relied upon sheer motivation to not have to kena remedial training (which would entail going back to an army camp for two-ish hours three times a week). So well, that's another year down, and a new year of telling myself to start exercising earlier so that i can take the next one at an earlier date so won't have to do a last-min rush again but prob ending up doing the last-min rush next year. I suppose if there's anything good about turning twenty-five, it's that it brings one to a slightly slacker standard for passing IPPT (Cat X to Cat Y - one pullup less, four cm less, that sorta thing).

Am watching sky news coverage of the attacks in Mumbai (only because CNN is showing A Tribute to Heroes and BBC World some IT program). Interesting that the correspondent on site at the Taj Hotel isn't even missing a beat with each of the successive grenade blasts going on behind her - i can only imagine how long it's been going on. Such is the fairly unique nature of this particular series of attacks (i.e. ongoing over a sustained period) that i wonder how much these news networks ought to divulge live on air about what the police/military intends to do - surely, although they keep on saying that there's no electricity etc inside the buildings, there is a possibility that somehow the hostage-takers may be able to figure out what the next move of the police/military is and act accordingly. Of course, there also were people trapped in their rooms who somehow came in contact with some networks via their mobiles and were interviewed live literally just as they were huddled in darkness in their rooms hiding from the hostage-takers - at the least i hope they did not divulge their room number. Already, i read that one British yachting tycoon who has been confirmed dead had earlier been interviewed by the BBC, where he had said something to the extent of them moving from the restaurant to the ballroom to take shelter from the hostage-takers. I can only hope that there's no correlation between the two.

Oh well, hope all this ends very soon...

a bumpy end

Well, the elusive moment has almost arrived - this is the last week of nie stuff for this sem, and i've made my last journey to the far west (of if you prefer, M'sia) for the year. All that's left to do is a handful of web thingies, and that's it. And not a moment too soon, that's for sure, although admittedly, after months on end of seeing nie people day after day, it seems weird to not have to see them (at least not in a school context) for at least a good month.

Anyways, not everything for this sem has ended on a good note (though come to think of it considering my many gripes about what has happened, i suppose it's already a surprise that it hasn't ended off even worse). There's this one particular not-too-useful class that i've not exactly been very enthusiastic about since day one. My sentiments are shared by just about everyone else in the class. We have bones to pick not just with the class itself, but also, and perhaps more critically so with the tutor as well. And as a result of this veritable reservoir of antagonism, to put it mildly things have not been pretty, with enough drama to rival the most over-the-top of Korean serials. Admittedly, i've been contributing to this atmosphere, though after one especially significant blow-up i realized that well, i basically needed to be more Christ-like.

So after the exercise of significant self-control over the course of the next couple of weeks, it came to the last lesson, whereby we were supposed to receive feedback on one of the assessment components that we had done a couple of weeks before. All that while i think we all were thinking that we should have been the ones giving much-needed feedback to the tutor, and not the other way around. Although come to think of it, history would lead me to assume that even if we were to do that, nothing would change on the tutor's part anyways.

But well back to the point, before the feedback exercise we were supposed to fill up a feedback form "on the course, not on the tutor", as was made explicitly clear to us countless times. So well, in my desire to do my part to make sure that future generations would not have to go through the same @#$% class (although again from history, chances are that little, if anything, would have changed - that's nie's ear-to-the-ground for you), i was quite brutally honest with my views on the class, while trying to not offend anyone in the process.

Unfortunately, in the process of making my views clear on paper, it reminded me of all the suppressed annoyance i'd had towards the class over all those weeks. So by the time the feedback process came, i apparently was quite riled up, and so i became somewhat dismissive and couldn't-care-less towards the tutor. Or at least that was what many of the others pointed out to me afters (though they did that generally in a more in a congratulatory tone than a reflective and sober one - such is the terok state of this class that we've had to tahan over the weeks). But, as i said, that came after the feedback session - during which i actually was already trying to withhold myself from being overly blunt. So it was on that disgruntled note that i ended that bit of nie. Hmm - am not too pleased with that, but i also figure that if not enough is done to alert this tutor to the harsh realities of the class, it'll just be horrid for future generations. And i shall spin it in that way in my mind so as to not beat myself up over it any further...

The skies begin to clear

I did promise i'll ramble on more about the elections at a later date - at the least to serve as a log of sorts on some of my many (and hopefully substantial) thoughts. Well that isn't going to happen today. Brain isn't functioning on too high a level today. In fact, it has pretty much dumbed down ever since the last of the biggies for this sem went in on mon. Since then it has been a strange, but nevertheless blissful state of periodically thinking to myself: "hmm what work is there to do?" and then immediately answering myself: "nothing!" But of course, as i remember Lear once remarking to his Cordelia (that's about the only line i remember from A level lit, apart from the flies and wanton boys one), "nothing will come of nothing", so in keeping the dear king's words in mind, i shall speak again...

I suppose that i should relish this opportunity to sit back and in fact do nothing - after all i don't see much other chances open in the near future for me to do just that - nothing. Well, maybe not exactly nothing. Since the good ol' b'day is coming up, it means that so is this year's ippt, which i have to somehow find the wherewithal within me to clear. And by "clear" i mean no more than just that - not fail. No lofty visions of awards and reward $ are in my head. After last year's fiasco, in which i accidentally ran the wrong way and thus screwed up even passing, let alone my expected $100, i'm not gonna be as optimistic this time. Anyways, nie's unparalleled ability to suck up all my potential exercise time (and then some) has meant that i've not really been able to do much pre-ippt prep apart from the odd prematurely-aborted run now and then. So i just hope that the weather on that day will be favorable enough, as if it does rain, then methinks there would go my only chance of taking ippt before the b'day, which would mean much unavoidable inconvenience for me...

The other, far more exciting thing coming up is that i finally got down to booking something for the dec break. The more i thought about it, the less i could see myself staying here for the entire one month off, and furthermore chances are this would be my last chance in a while to take a good break out of here. So after months of entertaining ideas in my head, i finally had enough of a clear mind following the near end of nie's torment for the sem to decide on flights. Now lies the more marfan task of slotting the details in, and then booking internal transport/lodging etc... Reminds me why i don't like to plan things. But well, if the alternative is not going anywhere, this is a hassle i'm willing to undergo...

talking junk

The other day on the way back from a run at the botanics i chanced upon a poster ad at the bus stop for Burger King - they were for something called a BK Stacker. At the moment it had been an awfully long time since i had last eaten and it already was sevenish, which meant time for dinner. For a moment there i actually thought of stopping by the BK at PS on the way back to buy one. Good thing that by the time i got to PS and stood outside the BK there, i took another look at the poster featuring the Stacker situated in a prominent position right outside the restaurant, and thought "nah..." and went home instead.

Just to clarify what a BK Stacker is - it comes in three variants: the double, triple and quad stacker, these fancy monikers referring to the number of patties the burger has. And to complement each patty, the burger basically features a one to one ratio between patties, slices of cheese, and strips of bacon [which (though this is obvious, nevertheless deserves spelling out) meant that a quad stacker would fit between the bun halves four patties, four slices of cheese and four strips of bacon. I remember a time when A&W offered something called a Big Papa burger, which was proudly billed as the first burger in S'pore with three patties, and that i was highly intrigued that such an item could exist. Fast forward a decade or so and BK has made mincemeat (pun intended) out of the Big Papa.

I remember the Stacker being offered at the BK on the UNC campus and me trying it once - as big of an appetite as i have, i settled on a double - and felt absolutely and positively icky afters. Way too much burger (of too low a quality) there for me to take. And imagine if i were to feel that way after a double, how about a quad? And for that matter, how do people even open their mouths big enough to take a full bite out of one of them without dislocating their lower jawbone from its socket (as snakes apparently do when swallowing large prey whole)? That being said, unlike the Big Papa in S'pore, the appearance of this monstrosity of a burger there came as no surprise - the obesity endemic there is just beyond belief). And without a doubt, it is (relatively) low cost, low nutritional value, high fat, high sodium, high calorie (the quad apparently is worth all of a thousand calories), and of course, stomach-filling food like the Stacker that is literally feeding this problem.

I also have to make the disclaimer that i'm hardly an anti-fast food crusader - while i have resolved never to eat McD's ever again unless under gunpoint, i thoroughly enjoyed a thouroughly unhealthy burger/fried chicken etc whenever i had the opportunity to while in the States (cos there they have real good quality stuff there). I once ate twelve burgers (albeit mini fist-sized ones) in one sitting while at a dingy old White Castle. And for me the burgers at Sutton's on Franklin Street in Chapel Hill rank with the atas, oddly-named ieat superburger from Astons here as the best i've ever eaten. And i wouldn't hesitate to eat more of them, although the key of course is moderation. Yup so if to that end i'm hypocritical, then guilty as charged am i.

What does trouble me is that grossly oversized burgers have made their way to mainstream, heavily advertised fast food menus, which means that people here too will now have a higher tendency to sink their teeth into these thingies on a more regular basis. Not to be outdone by BK here, i saw an ad outside a McD's here today promoting their 'Mega Mac', which is nothing more than a Big Mac on steroids if you ask me (two extra patties). Is there really so much beef in the world that we can allocate so much of it to go into crap products like that? Of all the excuses for more methane-belching cows being farmed in this world, this is just about the worst one... If things continue along this vein, who's to say that we don't follow the footsteps (or make that footplods) of the US in time to come, not only in terms of obesity, but poor diet-related stuff like strokes, hypertension, cardiac arrests and the like... The whole just screams of excess - excess that we can pretty much do without when we put things into context and bear in mind the severe hunger problems that we've to deal with today...

bit bit more

The worst of this sem at nie is thankfully over. Wednesday was when two of the biggest remaining thingies for the sem were handed in, and now all that lies between now and a couldn't-be-more-welcomed break is a handful of smaller thingies of minimal consequence. Ok, not really of minimal consequence, but it sure feels that way after the load that came off my back on wed. But still, the biggest thing left before school ends for me is the usual pre-b'day ippt that i somehow have to find the capability within me to clear.

As is ever so typical for pieces of work that i've to do, i started doing the work later than i'd have wanted to, got heavily distracted over the process of doing it, and thus overshot my target for finishing it. I had intended to finish everything by tuesday night, so i could have an early night and wake up bright and early the next morning to catch the election results before leaving for school as late as possible to print the stuff and then go for class at 1:30pm. However, over the course of the days leading up to wednesday i had gotten distracted by several things, among them playing more mindless facebook games and surfing numerous sites for reports from the campaign trail.

So the net result of all of this was that i only went to sleep at around 4am early wed morning, and still not having finished my work by then (and that came as no surprise, considering how many times i switched the tv on to CNN etc to see how things were going). Woke up again two hours later, though the first thing i did was turn on the tv again, rather than finish up the last bits of my work. The next five to six hours or so were spent valiantly attempting to multi-task, something that i am notoriously bad at doing (observe me trying to pray while playing guitar, for example) - shifting between doing the last bits of the two big pieces of work and checking out the sometime bizarre (they 'beamed' people into the studio, a la Star Trek; after which they appeared as holograms, even though they were in a totally different location, like Princess Leia - and lost focus from the actual elections at times as a result) coverage of election night. But well thankfully things came together in the end (where both things are concerned), and i left for nie just before 12.

Think all that last-min work plus the making sense of the election results exercised the little grey cells a bit too much though, cos my brain was honestly not working properly for the rest of the day, save for the presentation, by God's grace.

Well, anyways, hopefully i won't be resorting to these tactics again any time soon, which methinks is likely - hard to think of an event that can distract me as much as giant political events (hmm but that may not be the case after all, now that i've discovered that i can view whole episodes of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report online, to add on to the snl skits). Methinks am getting too old to pull these half-nighters anymore (all-nighters are all but impossible). Already, it feels weird to not have anything much to monitor on the various websites and telly coverages (there just seems to be a lot of people crying when i catch the latter).

Anyways, will talk more about the actual results another time. I ought to go to sleep. Got one teeny class tomorrow -which means another round of spending more time travelling to and from nie than actually being there. *thinks positive thoughts*

You Chase Me Out...

A bit of fluff at the end of a long week...

As i was doing my usual mid-journey-back-home-from-faraway-nie retreat from the heat by chilling a bit in the nearby Cold Storage, i was remarking to myself how it has quite a good choice of music as far as businesses go - i forget exactly what songs were being played but at least i remember that 1) they were original (i.e. not some half-baked pirated remake version) and 2) they were in English.

So of course it had to be that today, just after making that observation, that on my way back i popped in there again, and what should be playing but Josh Groban and You Raise Me Up. Now, i just so happen to think that this is just about as tacky as songs get, but never mind, at least hearing it once in a while is worth the odd chuckle here and there.

But then as time went by, i realized that, horror of horrors, all that was playing was a neverending loop of You Raise Me Up - once the song ended, it would start again. Goodness. There's only so much chuckle and snigger-worthy moments that i can entertain... Well needless to say i didn't last there much longer.

I'm now somewhat wary to step in there again, especially once cny hits. Time to bring out the earplugs...

up (literally) atas places

Thought that it might be good to take a bit of a break in between pieces of work to ramble on a bit here.

Oh who am i kidding - the entire long long weekend (Deepavali mon off plus free days on fri and tue) has been spent basically doing what i am doing now - slacking. And i actually don't really regret it (hmm ok, maybe after being reminded in class today of what exactly is due next wed, that's not entirely true). But the break was good nevertheless - and at least i did try to do some work, but ah well, the flesh was week.

I spent the long weekend instead doing a wide range of stuff with generally similarly (the unwilling english teacher in me wonders if two adverbs side by side like that is permissible) low productivity levels. There's been too much time spent playing brainless (ok maybe that's not the right word to use - one of the games, after all, is "Who has the biggest brain?") games on facebook, breaking various weekly, monthly, and all-time records in the process. Also too much time has been spent watching campaign trail coverage and surfing all sorts of political websites i never previously knew existed. (When i heard that next wed's English class would be cancelled, i was happy firstly because i can now stay home til later to catch the results, barring any cockups, and not because that would mean i would have more time to do my work). And of course catching almost every snl video i could get my hands (or more accurately, cursor) on. Yup, not just even the Fey/Palin ones. Take this one laden with hilarious, if un-family-entertainment-worthy double entendres for example. Though it's not half as good (or bad?) as this one...

But i also had the opportunity to do a day trip to climb Gunung Panti (translate that however you wish), near Kota Tinggi in Johor. It was a very satisfying experience, encounters with some of God's less popular members of creation notwithstanding:



Oh well, i was invading their turf anyways, so i psyched myself up not to be too bothered with them - yup the leech can suck my blood for all i care - how ironic though that i don't want to lift a finger to hurt a leech but relish whacking the irritating existence out of every mosquito i come across - maybe it's because the blood splatter patterns (not to mention the dismembered body parts) are certainly far less gross for the latter.


Next stop: Mt Kinabalu. Or at least soon enough before these joints and muscles get too old and worn out for that sort of thing...

turning blue

The other thing apart from the stuff below that has been taking up quite a bit of time is campaign watching. I dunno if it's a boon or a bane that now that there's cable in my house, cos while with cnn and bbc and (if all else fails, the 'fair and balanced' fox news) there's no shortage of coverage on everything that's been going on, it also means that i spend way too much time watching these thingies. And this is even before we talk about the less serious stuff like the Colbert Report and SNL, which takes up that much more time. All in all, i think i probably know more about who each state is likely to vote for than about, say, theories on motivation in ed psych (which speaks volumes about my own motivation eh) or the process method of writing (i don't really know anything about the latter actually).

I'm sure that my limited exposure to the so-called liberal zoo that is Chapel Hill within the conservative heartland that is NC played a role in it, but as of now, and in fact, generally speaking, methinks i've always been more inclined towards the Dems. Of course the negative campaigning, which has been especially prevalent among McPalin, has helped to sway me the other way. And also the fact that it seems to be the very basis of their campaign - not the issues, but rather, that you should not vote for the other because yaddayaddayadda... And i think it would be so regrettable if McPalin were to win on the basis of the opponent being a purported Arab, a Muslim, and a terrorist's associate, among other negatives. And the way things are going, the only way i see them winning is this way - the sad thing being that there exists way too many of the kind of voters that can be swayed by crap like that for this to be the case. I guess it's good to see for a change that both sides have sort of agreed to tone down the negativity, and that McCain even corrected some of his terribly myopic supporters' misguided views on Obama - "he's an Arab" being one of them. Unfortunately, the people running his campaign seem to be more willing than him to use lies and half-truths to get him to the White House, if that's the only way they have left. And all the nonsense that Palin continues to say is exactly the kind of fluff that the aforementioned clueless hick voter relishes with much aplomb. That's why i've given up listening to her nonsense - might as well just stick to Tina Fey's more substantial and humorous version.

Thinking back a bit though, one other regrettable thing about this election is the almost total silence on the issue of poverty, both domestically and abroad. For all of John Edwards' moral failings (and the somewhat hypocritical fact that he's a multi-millionaire residing in a giant mansion in Chapel Hill), one thing i've always appreciated about him is that he made tackling poverty a central issue of his campaign(s). Having seen my fair share of it even in the US itself, i know it's an issue that has to be raised. For some strange reason though (or maybe i've not been paying enough attention), i've not heard either McCain or Obama talk about the working class, at least not explicitly. The closest anyone has gotten has been Biden using his working class roots to his advantage. Generally though it all seems to be about the middle class (for Obama, i mean - McCain doesn't even talk about them), and now all the more so in the wake of this financial mess that affects them the most. But while they're at it, how about those below the middle class who never had it good to begin with, and definitely will not have it any better in this current situation? Do they not form a big enough voting bloc to matter to the campaign? With the economy in the crap state that it is in now, one sad thing from my point of view is that those who have already been neglected will only be even more neglected as the $700 billion focus shifts elsewhere...

up to speed

It’s been a bit of a while since the last time here, mainly because there has been a lot of nie stuff to do, the first big wave of which has more or less come to a close. Don’t get the impression, though, that i’ve been hard at work. Not really. Think it’s been by God’s grace that things have actually still been rather manageable, and for all my latent complaints about irrelevance and a wasting of my time, looking back things were hardly as tortuous as i initially would have imagined them to be (Not that i’m saying that i’ve changed my mind about the irrelevance and a wasting of time. More that i’ve had somewhat of a change of heart at least to the extent that i’ve realized that there definitely is a reason why there’s nie, for after all God has put me here right. Just that my own human limitations are such that i’m at least at this time not able to see what these higher purposes are.).

In the meantime there’s been various stuff that has been going on – the noise i’ve just heard on the tv as they were reporting on the F1 Japan Grand Prix reminds me of that horrible racket that I had no choice but to tahan when the S’pore leg of the race was in town. I never was a big fan of living in town, and at least for the next four years or so i’ve another reason to be reticent since come every September I’ll be plagued by the seemingly endless whirring of the cars doing their laps. It just so happens that my room window faces the race, so it gets that much more annoying. And for me F1 has never been much more than a waste of fuel, unnecessary carbon emissions, and a bunch of people with too much money on their hands flaunting it left right and center and rubbing it in the faces of us ordinary folk. Ah well, call me a nimby if you want to, but at least I would be perfectly fine with having foreign workers live in my neighborhood…

Just the other day, i happened to be feeling quite hungry, and the only thing within immediate reach of me at home was a bag of fun size M&Ms – and they just so happened to be made in China. After a split second, my empty stomach won the rock paper scissors with my skeptical brain, and i wolfed down one of the small packets. That’s not wholly representative of my attitude towards Chinese-made food though. As much as white rabbit candies have been an integral part of my childhood (my favorite way to eat them was to try, usually in vain, to peel the rice paper off and let it melt in my mouth first before eating the candy proper – gosh, i sound like i’m delivering a eulogy here), i don’t think i’ll be having another one of them anytime soon – at least not unless i get hungry again =p

Looking on the bright(er) side

I was going to say that i'm typing this now since i'm not in the mood to do work, but then i realized that this is pretty much the norm, so it's not really worth mentioning in the first place (though of course the irony is that i do end up mentioning it to make my point).

It's no secret that these past few months at nie have been some of the least enjoyable in recent memory for me. I've been struggling (and am struggling) to come to terms with a lot of what we've had to do, for as much as the intentions behind what goes on may be noble and commendable, at the end of the day people there just seem to not be able to get it. And i'm led to conclude that we've all to suck it up at the very least because we get paid, and uniquely so in the whole world, or so they say.

In spite of my latent annoyance (and at least it's not resentment), i've been drawing comfort from the fact that, even though i still see myself as being at one extreme end of the cynical scale, many, if not most, of those around me seem to be echoing my sentiments. So i've been reassuring myself that it's not just me, but indeed the system as a whole, that has a problem. Scant comfort, i know, but at least it helps to get me by.

But well, as of late, i've realized that maybe it's me after all, or at least to some extent. Somehow, even when i compare notes with others about our own bones to pick with the system, i always have to hold back somewhat, cos i find my list of complaints to far outweigh the others, and so if i were to bleah out all my annoyances, i would probably monopolize the conversation and turn the other off.

And also, as has been my consistent point of sharing recently, think i've been reminded of how poor a testimony i am as a Christian if i were to ooze negativity as i have been accustomed to doing once i step off the mrt train and catch the first whiffs of the nauseating raw cocoa odor of Boon Lay. So, as a friend has rather aptly likened the suffering which prodices perseverance, then character, and then hope, that Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 5 to nie, i've to try and put things into perspective, in the light of why i'm there in the first place.

So, as i prepare to get cracking on e-portfolios, podcasts, and whatever other fancily-named-but-tortuous-all-the-same assignments that have to be done, while i'm not about to do so with a forced smile on my face, at least i can try to see the bigger picture, and definitely not feed a growing reservoir of repressed exasperation and anger. Yupyup.

on the side

In spite of my latent frustrations with nus, the S'porean in me felt that there was nothing to lose in sending the alumni relations people my current address so that they could mail me my complementary alumni privilege card (they had sent me an email saying they had received back the card which they had sent to my old address). Well i didn't expect much from them in terms of the benefits (this is after all, a complementary card), but i have to admit i was expecting a brochure at least somewhat more presentable than this:


Not to sound fussy or condescending, but i've seen even many a mission trip prayer letter which were more professionally done than this - as much as i'm all for the 'greener' approach, surely they could have come up with something more appealing than this. I suppose the fleeting nature of some of the offers (as in expire at the end of this month kinda fleeting) meant that they didn't want to invest in a more permanent atas-ish kinda brochure... Or maybe since the card is free they were working on a skeletal budget to begin with...

In other, rather surprising news, my random amateur birdwatching somehow eventuated in this. Haha who would've thought...

Contest/No Contest

The pace over at nie has definitely gotten more demanding as of late, and probably the combination of the longer school hours plus the already (generally) unspectacular classes and always draining journey to and from the place have combined to really such out all the energy from me, particularly from this week onwards. By the time i reach school, even before any lessons have started, i already feel so sapped of energy, as if it's time to go back. So for this weekend, instead of going for the fes conference thingy, i've decided to just stay home and re-energize (eh, and of course try and get some more of that seemingly neverending stream of boring school work done).

Of course, staying home means that the usual distractions are commonplace. I thought that once the Olympics went there would be less stuff to keep me from my work (which i oh so want to do) but then came the Democratic and now Republican National Conventions. The fact that CNN has basically let these take centerstage over the past two weeks has meant that it has become oh-so-easy for me to plop my laptop in front of the telly, hoping to type out some assignment, only to instead end up watching convention coverage for hours on end. I've always been intrigued by American politics, and this is no exception.

You can therefore imagine my fascination in seeing McCain's veep pick. For some strange reason, unlike apparently most of the American public, i knew who Sarah Palin was before her name was announced - guess it says a lot about how much i allow politics-watching to distract me from other stuff. But that aside, i was quite amused to see some of the stuff that has popped up on facebook as of late in response to her being chosen, with groups emerging that are both for ("draft sarah palin for veep") and against ("i have more foreign policy experience than sarah palin") the choice. The latter was quite funny really. And there were (i suppose and hope what were) amusing doctored pictures of her as well, handily summing up some of what has been learnt about her over the past week - not the most flattering of shots, but here it is anyways - cracked me up (can't imagine similar stuff popping up over here too often)


Oh well, whatever it is, looks like i'm going to be getting myself very distracted with this all the way until november... (And seriously, is the best CNN can do for an interview with a Republican activist really Stephen Baldwin??)

of motivation (of the lack thereof)

For all the gripes that i have regarding nie, it's definitely not all bad, although up till say this week any views i had on the institution as a whole (as opposed to the people) were almost purely negative. Thankfully, this week saw the start of some classes which i feel are definitely more relevant to what we are going to be doing. Finally, for the first time since i've gotten there, during class i'm able to say to myself "hey, this stuff actually is of use!" instead of "oh no not more of this crap!" This does not, however, take away from the fact that the majority of what we are doing there is, imho, thus far quite a waste of time and other resources. But nevertheless, i guess it's a step in the right direction eh (even if it means that there's that much more work to do =p)?

And speaking of schoolwork, i've to say that in spite of that though, i've come to realize that for the first time in my recent memory i no longer have a motivation to work hard, as i find it hard to see a point in aiming for anything more than a pass. Last time, even if there were classes i didn't like, i'd at least try and put in some effort in order to get a reasonable grade. Now however, i dunno if it's fatigue or the environment or just the sheer blah nature of the class content and teaching methods, but i can't see myself doing much more than achieving the minimum expectations (if even those are met)... It's especially ironic that one of the edu psych (which btw is just terrible) assignments that we are to do is on motivation of learners. Hah!

Am trying at the same time to figure out what to do with myself during the december hols. Or rather, where to go during the december hols. I dunno what it is that compels me to take regular and frequent trips out of here (and preferably to as far away from here as possible), but the prospect of a future career that may severely curtail opportunities to get out of here to take a good long break has made me really value the month off from nie, as i dunno when the next one may be. So even though there's lots of work to be done, i've probably spent as much time researching on possible places to go - in fact, the first three books i've borrowed from the nat'l library in almost two decades (am not exaggerating here) are for that very purpose. Anyone got suggestions/ want to come? Heh think not but hey it's worth a shot eh...

Anyways, as a follow-up to my current bone to pick, i read about this site online and immediately went to sign it. It was the least i could do...

opportunity costs

Well as one might have guessed i've spent a good deal of the past two weeks watching the Olympics coverage on tv, thanks to scv and their six whole channels of coverage. Quite extraordinary actually - the opportunity to actually be able to choose between sports to watch was quite a novelty, and to that end i watched stuff i'd never watched before like rowing/canoeing/kayaking and women's weightlifting (scary stuff, that).

Come to think of it though, perhaps i overdid it quite a bit where watching was concerned - how ironic that the world's biggest multi-sporting event is enjoyed by millions all over the world like me sitting on their butts watching it on tv and not working any muscle save maybe the fingers (when changing channels) and the glutes (well, since that's what is sat on...). And that came at the expense of tackling the ever-increasing pile of nie work that has been silently accumulating - come to think of it, up till now i'm still not exactly sure what work i've to do - can't say that even if there were no Olympics i'd have been any more motivated to do it though...

Been pretty bummed as well cos i've had this real bad dry cough over the past two weeks, which has kept me from realizing any lingering desire to exercise. And it's really quite bad, and starting to get me somewhat worried. It sure doesn't help that with my meticulous elimination process where possible food choices at nie is concerned, and given the real limited choices there, there's practically nothing i can eat which may not aggrevate the situation... Anyways, tomorrow morning, i was intending to donate blood, since they were setting up one of those mobile centers at nie (as much as i believe in donating blood, i normally only go about with it if the center comes to me, rather than me going to the center). But then i just read their guidelines and they say that if you've had a cough in the past week (and i'm coughing as i type this), you can't donate. Ah well, another time maybe...

Rather randomly, my current bone to pick (and boy, do i ever run out of them?), is with LBW, the stta president (how did she even land the post in the first place?). I must admit that i've never been a fan of the stta's recruitment policies and over-reliance on foreign-born players, as good as they are - but in any case i can't deny the fact that they've achieved remarkable success over the past decade or so (let's not get to the dubiousness of that success). And then here saunters in LBW (who btw i never had a good impression of since her use of crude hokkien jamban-related terminology in parliament, in spite of her uncanny knack for appearing by the side of grieving relatives of at least two separate people who had died tragically, not long after their deaths) and by the end of one month at the helm she's succeeded in throwing a huge spanner into the works of a system that by and large has worked very well (and right after achieving the pinnacle of its success thus far, nonetheless), not only unnecessarily shooting her mouth off to the media after a major but nevertheless hardly life-threatening mistake, but also firing the manager and head coach just like that. And the worst thing is that she can say stuff like "let's move on" or that she doesn't want to be drawn into the fray. I find that so incredulous, especially when she was the one who started it in the first place... Sigh.

for a change

“Ladies and gentlemen, in keeping with the spirit of the Olympics, please do not applaud competitors’ errors. Thank you.”

To my satisfaction, after at least two matches of local fans applauding whenever the opponent of Li Na, a Chinese female tennis player, would double fault (i.e. two successive salah serves), they were finally told off. Granted that their interest in the sport of tennis was largely relegated to the sphere of a fellow Chinese playing in the match, and therefore they probably were not aware of expected tennis-watching etiquette, but even with that taken into consideration, i did think that they were at least partly to blame in terms of being disrespectful of whoever Li’s opponent happened to be. Nothing against Li though (she is a very good tennis player, and in fact, she did yell at those errant fans to shut up at one point), but thanks to such ignorant fans, for the first time ever i ended up rooting for Venus Williams in their match (and of course Venus went on to lose, but that’s another matter…)

It’s things such as this that which have made me to be the anti-supporter, if you’d like, of the Chinese team (admittedly, my sympathy for Liu Xiang and his untimely injury was more than matched by glee that at least some of the ridiculous Chinese public pressure for performance was not satisfied). Way back in 2001, in fact, i was probably one of the few here who was (albeit silently) rooting (in vain) for Toronto to win the bid to host the games, and in the seven years since then i’ve still not warmed in the slightest to Beijing. I suppose that to a large extent my rationale behind such a negative (and minority) view of the hosts has already been covered ad infinitum by the (chiefly western) news media (e.g. human rights abuses, pollution etc - such as this), and to that end I do recognize that there exist inherent flaws and sound counter-arguments. Nevertheless, there definitely are more than legitimate concerns in favor of a dissenting view, and perhaps I feel more strongly about them than most others (at least in this particular neck of the woods) do. So where that is concerned perhaps the ‘agree to disagree’ truce camp is the best way to go.

The other major factor behind my lack of enthusiasm, sad to say, is basically the inherent Chinese-ness of everything. Definitely my early disdain for Mandarin, a result of this more-than-reluctant so-called ‘mother tongue’ student being force-fed xi zi and zhao ju and what not for way too long a time, and hating almost every moment of it, has somehow developed over the years into an aversion of (and cynicism towards) many things Chinese, particularly whenever the annoying Chinese cultural card is played. So i rarely eat Chinese food (at least not voluntarily), think nothing of wearing black at CNY or sticking my chopsticks into the bowl rather than resting them at the rim (and in fact in cases would purposely do so just to annoy some others), and would never go to China for a holiday (again, at least not voluntarily).

And so now when there’s all this talk about how the impressive opening ceremony has shown how China has ‘made it’, i lament the unnecessary extravagance and opulence of the whole thing, thinking that $ could have been better spent in many other areas. When China dominates the competition in sports like pingpong and diving (and at least for the former sport, proving a very successful exporter of top-notch players to lesser rival countries such as S’pore), I regret the extremely tough Soviet-era training that these world-beaters have had to undergo in order to get where they are, separating parents from child and depriving the latter from many aspects of a childhood (and not forgetting the hundreds, of not thousands of others who are not the best, and as such not making it to the world stage, their effort at least in this respect being in vain. And when China is head-and-shoulders above the rest of the countries in the medal tally, prompting all those sentiments of how Chinese from all over the world can be truly proud to be Chinese, here am i rolling my eyes, wondering how, with more than a fifth of the world’s population to work with, surely such an achievement is but merely to be expected (and of course this sparks all those commentaries comparing India’s one gold to China’s close-to-fifty at this point).

In any case, China definitely deserves to be congratulated on its performance during the Olympics, be it in terms of sporting or hosting achievements. However, there lies much behind these achievements that is far less worthy of praise, and perhaps is more worthy of criticism. Not popular sentiments, i know – and perhaps i may kena whacked for voicing such views. Oh well, again, let’s agree to disagree on this. (and so don’t even get me started on how irritated i am with those who criticize people like me who don’t care much for Singapore’s alleged sporting success in the form of a silver medal – in short, all credit is due to the three ladies and the team behind them, but at the end of the day, regardless of all the talk about S'pore being small, and how we are a globalized society and what not, personally there is something inherently wrong with the way in which they have come to represent the country with such blatant recruitment being undertaken and how their success/failure is perceived and handled by the media and the public - oops, so i got started :p)

Sianifying nie work awaits…

Singapoor?

I remain ambivalent (not quite opposed towards, though probably i’m inching more and more towards that stance) towards Singapore’s purported Olympic medal prospects, due to the fact that virtually all of the realistic chances S’pore has of getting a medal basically lie with people who have been recruited from overseas to join ‘Team Singapore’. I’m definitely not being xenophobic or ultra-nationalistic or anything of that sort – if these people are able to get chances to perform well on the international stage that would possibly have been denied them otherwise, and help to encourage the further development of local sporting talent, then by all means go ahead. My issue is with the way in which S’pore has really been relying far too much on them in order to, and here may i borrow a cheesy slogan form the 2010 youth Olympics, ‘blaze the trail’ in the international sporting arena. Yes there’s all that talk of how we are an immigrant society, but really the makeup of the S’pore team in terms of whether their nationality was a result of birth or acquisition far from mirrors what it is on a national level. I won’t go as far as to call them sporting mercenaries, although definitely that term came to my mind with reference to them…

But even with that aside, i do pity these foreign-born Singaporeans, who have unfortunately become victims of the apparent national thirst for Olympic glory – in the sense that unrealistic expectations of a medal have become pinned on them. Of course, it’s hardly the kind of pressure that perhaps China places on its athletes, but still i can’t help but think that it is not constructive in any way… Take Tao Li as a case in point – she slices more than a second off her personal best in the 100m Butterfly, setting a new Asian record in the process, and for all that effort following a respectable 5^th place in the final this is the thanks she gets – as someone who has “dashed the country’s hopes” and “failing to top” her previous record in the final. Surely she deserves far more credit than that! It’s ironic that she’s treated this way precisely because she performed so well in earlier rounds.

Of course, the good ‘ol local press doesn’t exempt the S’porean-born athletes from their unrealistic expectations either. Today’s ST gave its report on the S’pore swimmers – and (apart from Tao Li) save a mention of one of them breaking the national record, everything else was about how they failed to make the semi-finals/finals. Maybe if the reporters had done their homework they would have realized how those who do make it to that stage are really in a different class to begin with, and have at least appeared to (cos i’m sure they are) acknowledge their effort.

And in any case, i pity the women’s table tennis team (and hey, guess where all of them were born?) should they not be able to get a medal. And if they do, i won’t be too excited either…

travel trials

It's a pity that smrt/sbs transit don't offer frequent traveller programs like many of their airborne counterparts do - say, for example, chalking up 100km on public transport being able to redeem a fere return mrt trip or something like that - for if that were the case, in a year's time not just me but at least half of the rest of the nie student population would be eligible for quite a fair bit of free travel...

Well, one thing that bus/train travel does offer, though, is the opportunity to see some of the worst and most selfish acts of typical ugly Singaporean behavior being unapologetically exhibited for all to see, and to be inconvenienced by. I've mentioned this before, but seriously, i can never get tired of being pissed off by people who crowd the entrances to buses/trains in order to barge in and find a seat long before the people inside have exited (of course this applies less to sbs buses than it does to say nus buses though). Especially since my mrt trips require changing trains at interchange stations and terminating at boon lay, the sight of people thinking nothing of standing right in front of the train doors, gearing up for the mad push throw the throng of exiting passengers in order to score a prime seat, particularly during peak periods, is more than commonplace.

Well, i have to be honest and say that as unapologetic as they are about barging in and pushing aside exiting passengers in the process (and btw i'm sure a lot of these exiting passengers are guilty of barging in themselves), so am i about going out of my way to obstruct their quest to score a quick seat to as far an extent as i able to, by purposely standing in their way and making sure to push back whenever they push against me (and isn't that a law of Newton anyways?), Of course i make sure not to smother old people/children or accidentally outrage someone's modesty in the process, although i have to admit that at some times i'm tempted to do so (i mean the former, btw, not the latter)

The other day there was my experience with an impatient fairly old lady who was seated in a crowded train car. I was standing near the exit at the time. When the train was approaching Dhoby Ghaut (which was my intended stop), the lady, along with her hubby, got up and tried to shuffle her way past the crowd towards the door, evidently because she was intending to alight there as well. Fair enough. When she got behind me however, not only did she utter something in a Chinese dialect unintelligible to me which i can infer was to the effect of " i want to go out", but she also started poking me at the back rather strongly. I was quite annoyed so i turned round and tried to inform her that i was intending to alight at the stop as well. As she responded to this only by poking and pushing more vigorously, i can only conclude that she understood English as well as i did her unintelligible Chinese dialect, so i decided to quit trying to explain to her that i was exiting as well (and admittedly, restraining myself from scolding her loudly, which wouldn't have been nice or right at all) and just endured her continued pokes and pushes (eh, while trying to lean back so as to make my point clear to her that i was not going to move for her - there was no space to do so in any case). In retrospect maybe i should have shown less anger and more consideration for the elderly, but seriously, i would have let her through (methinks) had the train not been so crowded and there been no room to move to anyways - in any case, if she did get out first, she'd still proceed to be overtaken and swarmed by the hoards making a beeline for the nearest escalator/elevator, so i don't see the point of her getting off first.

Then, i was reading today's paper, and the expat column in particular, i was pleased to see the guest writer commenting on something that has also garnered my annoyance as of late, namely what he terms "escalator paralysis" - the phenomenon in which people inexplicably lose all power of lower limb movement upon setting foot upon an escalator/travellator/walkalator - i do find it weird that how rushed, for example, that people tend to be upon exiting at mrt train so as to reach an escalator, they then proceed to stop dead in their tracks once reaching the escalator. That's ok as long as they keep to one side, a practice that is almost religiously carried out in say tube escalators in London. But no, S'poreans just have to think nothing more of stopping on both sides of the escalator, blocking the way of those who do not succumb to this paralysis (i.e. me, for one). One good thing though is that normally when i gradually inch my way towards such people they soon get the hint and move aside for me to pass, if that is possible (you see, old lady in the mrt, i'm not unreasonable, i only expect to get through if there is indeed room to pass), and even apologize in the process. In any case, this is precisely why i normally take the stairs instead of the escalator at that middle part of citylink where you have to go down and then up again...

In other developments, if anyone reading this happens to be in Brazil now, turn on your telly to espn and see if you can spot my interview :p. What happened was that i was on my way back home from service this morning, at the junction of Raffles City next to Raffles Hotel and Chijmes, when this ang moh guy (with an ang moh cameraman behind him) approached me and asked if he could ask me some questions on S'pore and the Brazilian soccer team (he was wearing an ESPN Brasil shirt). Since i was free i agreed and so, after positioning myself against the suitable backdrop of Raffles Hotel, the camera got rolling and he fired away with his questions.

Unfortunately he asked about S'pore and what i feel about living here - well as can be evidenced from this space i was in one of my typical anti moods, but i figured that if i were to express those feelings about S'pore i would have not done us much good and at the same time may risk some S'porean expat in Brazil calling me out in the ST or something, so i tried to stay positive with my response (i said S'pore was fun, for goodness sakes), although how believable i was i can't be sure. He then proceeded on to my next expert subject, soccer (apparently the Brazilian olympic soccer team is in town and are playing against S'pore - i was pretty aware of the former but barely aware of the latter). He asked me to name some Brazilian soccer players - think i didn't do too bad - i knew there was Ronaldinho, Kaka and Ronaldo (though has he retired?). Oh if only he could have quizzed me on Brazilian tennis players, politicians, history, or food instead, then maybe i'd appear to be less of an idiot. And then he asked me what are S'pore's chances against the Brazilian team in the upcoming match - well, as much as i would like to show my faith in my national team (oh, who am i kidding?), i had to be logical and realistic, and so i answered that i was sure Brazil would win (hey, at least i didn't say we'll be thrashed). And there ended my two minutes of Brazilian fame.

keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'

The past four weeks of experience in the school that shall remain anonymous (i'd call it "Anonymous Secondary School" but then its initials would spell, er, well, you know =p...) totally surpassed my expectations - which, granted were not much to begin with. I won't plunge again into my spiel on how i was hitherto under the impression that all so-called neighborhood schools were the same until i was blissfully enlightened upon getting posted there (eh although that's the basic jist of it), but suffice to say that there were so many cool surprises and learning experiences along the way that have most definitely helped to prepare me for what lies ahead.

Unfortunately, between now and what lies ahead is one full year of stuff that i'm not very enthusiastic about. Prior to this, i really did not know how to respond when asked how i was feeling about the year ahead, especially since the responses i'd received from those who've gone before have been extremely polarized - i.e. people either love it or hate it. And thus it was with this in mind that i approached this past introductory week with as open mind as i could.

However, sad to say the way in which the past week's programs have really awakened my uber-cynical negative side - eh dunno how safe it is to elaborate on that here, but well to put it briefly, the nature of most of the activities organized over the past week, seemingly for our benefit, have really not been worth the three hours and $5 taken for traveling every day. There are some redeeming points, of course, like meeting new (and similarly-minded) people and getting more familiar with the campus (and even then they have more to do with externalities than with the institution as a whole), but by and large if i were to do nothing about my attitude in the year ahead i foresee a lot of complaining about all and sundry to myself and to others - honestly, its stuff like this which makes me unable to envision staying in this place (as in this country) in the long run. For example, if even the slightest component of ne stuff is going to trigger the good ol' roll of the eyes from me, imagine how much mileage mine will chalk up over the course of this upcoming year - and that's just one of the many things which don't sit well with me.

But more on the good side of things (to try and distract me from all the complainables) - i've quite a good timetable (at least compared to some others i've seen) and in terms of relations with people things have for the most part gone on fine. There's also the unique circumstance (and believe me, this is used ad nauseaum by the people there as a manipulative mechanism via attempted emotional blackmail) of us actually being paid, rather than paying, to go for class. So bearing that in mind, imagine my glee upon reading thursday's st home section p.2 on the failure of even that to come through (and yes, i am one of the four hundred) - facial egg, to say the least. Oops i'm back to the bad stuff again :p

Anyways, this week was ameliorated by various school-related (as in the Anonymous Sec School i.e. *SS) teachers/students outings. When comparing notes with people who were in other schools, one thing i realize is that at least in terms of the support and friendship of the community in the school *SS has come out tops - it's far from perfect, of course, but nevertheless it's been a real great community to be around over the past month or so - part of the reason why i'm definitely more than open to going back there next time. There are reasons against too, though, but no point in going through them here eh.

uncommenced

As can perhaps be gathered by this point, i was not the happiest of campers come final results time, which of course happened right smack in the middle of an otherwise real enjoyable and fun Vietnam trip. As i've mentioned countless times before, as much as i was trying not to make a big deal out of results, well it still was a big enough of a deal for me to tip the scales, souring me on nus in general. And it was along those lines that i decided to skip the much-ballyhooed commencement. It was not so much that i didn't want to go cos of the bad final results, but more that (at least at the moment) i felt that nus had caused me so much grief in general (with the results adding to the huge pile of existing grievances - although i'll admit that some of them have entirely to do with me and not with nus) that the last thing i wanted to do is to end things off with the school on such a note.Perhaps that sounds childish, but yeah at the time (and in fact now still, albeit on a reduced scale) it made (and makes) perfect sense to me.

On the other hand, i'd be a big liar if i were to say that i didn't care at all for apparently dropping down after the promise of three-and-a-half years leading up to something more uplifting. But to that end, actually by the end of the Vietnam trip i was pretty ok with that, so i didn't even bother to proceed along any avenue of appeal. However, i was not up to keeping on thinking about the results again and again, and as such skipping the ceremony (which at least imho is almost entirely a chore to attend save for the post-ceremony picture-taking anyways) was, in my typical avoidance mindset, the logical way to go. And it was this eclectic combination of rationale behind skipping the thingy that i conveyed to the (typically shocked/non-understanding) folk who asked me about commencement.

So imagine the irony, after all of that deep thinking through and rationalization that i went through over the course of more than a month, for me to receive a text from my ex-form teacher, who had attended the first of the ceremonies, offering his congratulations - he had seen my name on the book of names. Hah - in retrospect it's quite funny la, but at that point i was like hmm... although at the end of the day i'd still rather not have gone, even if it means no nice pictures, as i suppose most, if not all of what i was my own reasons for not going still holds.

And in any case, this has been a valuable experience for me, spiritually, at least, and of course i'm thankful that in the end, things turned out as they did - one thing's for sure, i'd definitely not be as (usefully) reflective had things been clear cut form the start.

when and where?

One of the few things that has frustrated me about teaching life (or at least as close to it as i've ever gotten so far) is the early wake-up time. By itself that's actually not a problem - but combined with having to leave the house within half-an-hour so as to get to school by sevenish that means that my usual time slot allocated for having my quiet time is gone - the relatively short bus journey, coupled with the usual annoyances that tv mobile brings, makes any form of prolonged meaningful Bible reading there a distinct impossibility. Once i reach school, there's not enough time before assembly, and in any case there's too much hustle going on in the staff room at that time to make that possible. Once assembly is over, i either have classes or have other work to do, and in any case i don't feel good about taking official school time out to do what i rather ought to dedicate the so-called firstfruits of time to doing instead. So that means that i either have my qt after the dismissal bell rings (but still there's much hustle in the staff room, and in any case i feel too conspicuous), or on the bus ride back (if i happen to be blessed with a tv mobile-less bus, although i'm always half-asleep on the bus rides back, so that ain't the best time). And if all that fails, then we have today's scenario, when up till this time at night, i've still not had qt yet.

It's frustrating in the sense that since i've had to adopt this schedule, qt has almost never failed to be a touch-and-go sorta thing, especially since i'm either in a rush to get back to work or back to sleep. While nie promises a brief respite from this, in the long (or at least medium) term, i'll have to find a way around this current predicament i find myself in. And goodness knows at this time i really ought to be focusing more on God, something that i've really been unable to get myself to do for far too long. Not that He has stopped speaking to me - quite the contrary actually (if what i hear to be true is confirmed, i'll feel a right idiot methinks) - but at least on my part things kinda suck...

molding/molded

Looking through the travel classifieds in the staff lounge today, the relatively cheap offers caught my eye - then i looked at the dates offered (July, August, September...) and realized that in my (at least) near future, i won't be able to take advantage of such good deals anymore - instead i'll be competing with the tons of S'porean families at marked-up peak period prices to go to places during the december holidays where chances are i'll encounter some of these families again, making a beeline for the nearest Chinese restaurant and the cheap shopping as well, not failing to embarrass themselves (well, if not themselves, then definitely me) and cause real negative impressions of S'poreans to form in the eyes of locals in the process, prompting me to try and distance myself from them as far as possible, putting on a fake accent for starters. Hmm of course it's not as exaggerated as that (or at least i hope not), but the general idea is there.

And i'd admit, my personal need to get out frequently (re: at the very least, once a year) from here for a sufficient (re: at least two, unhassled weeks) break has been one of the key factors behind me constantly saying that i don't see myself in this job for too long a period of time - it's too monotonous and restrictive for me in that way - how to trek across Europe/ do a roadtrip across the States (of course i'd need to learn how to drive first for that one) like that?

At the same time, there's the possibility of being called to other things of a less secular nature by then, something that has been at the back of my mind ever since Urbana - but for that think the next few years would entail a lot of (particularly spiritual) change on my part - ah but these are still early days yet so won't go too into that now.

In any case, the past two weeks have been real helpful in helping me to put into perspective what i'm about to get into - real thankful for that cos think that's something i needed in the wake of all that's been going on recently - so the next two weeks ought to be real exciting =)

hush hush

a lot of what would otherwise be going in here has to be the victim of rather brutal (but nevertheless wholly necessary) self-censorship, in order to minimize the possibility of any complications arising in the future, so when all the school stuff is taken out of the picture i don't seem to have much left to talk about. At least not immediately... (So if you want to know about that then catch me one day)

Um, so then what's left? (i'm asking myself that question) Well suffice to say that i'm (quite surprisingly) looking forward to the remaining two-and-a-half weeks here, less so to the months following that at nie, and have no clue what to make of what follows that (but we'll worry about that when we get nearer there)

Oh goodness i'm watching a wimbledon update on now, and the two people talking are trying to pronounce "Zheng Jie" properly, and are failing badly (zhheng zhhee anyone?). Hey, i just realized that that's (i mean zheng) my chinese surname - harhar...

I do wish i had more opportunity to get some time off - of course Vietnam was all of less than a month ago, but still, no real chance to get a prolonged (and at least predominantly solitary) retreat, ideally away from S'pore. There's been a lot to think about recently, and the inability to do so has taken its toll on several levels. I don't mind settling for a nice long bike ride but as my bike has been stolen, i've recently had to resort to borrowing my brother's one whilst i procrastinate getting my own new one, and as things would have it, the last two times i wanted to go out the bike was unavailable. I really should be running too, but i can't bring myself to run near my place for various reasons - that's probably the biggest thing i'll miss about pgp life. And in fact at this point there's not much else i'm sentimental about regarding the darn school...

tacticality

Have become duly aware of the dangers of throwing caution to the wind when it comes to doing this, particularly within the context of being a teaching staff in a school, so i shall be deliberately vague (so people who shouldn't be reading this don't) and brief (cos i've to wake up at an disgustingly early hour in order to get to school before marikita) here.

So for the next four weeks starting from yest i'm attached to a mixed school in the near-west area - initially i was rather apprehensive on how it would be, but various unexpected but nevertheless positive surprises have come my way, not the least of them having three people i know (and chances are, you know too) among my colleagues. Additionally, i've been really impressed to see the dedication of the staff here, made me think more about why i'm getting myself into teaching in the first place - will elaborate another time maybe, when me no need to sleep...

Anyways, in other news, i'm more or less decided - yup, barring any major objections from the folks (which are unlikely in any case), am going ahead with it, or rather, going ahead with not going ahead with it...

out of place

NIE stuff has started - this week there was registration on tuesday, briefing stuff on wednesday and something called 'teacher's prep program' yesterday and today - four days of travel to and from the school that seems to be closer to Gelang Patah and even Kukup than it is to my house equals around $20 of transport money being spent - which means i've had to consciously work at changing my usual habit of topping up my farecard with just $10 at each go, cos i've realized if i kept that up, i'd be topping up my card almost every day. That aside, the sheer act of traveling from my place all the way there and back is tortuous enough as it is (i may be a travel buff but that's strictly restricted to travel outside of S'pore, although come to think of it traveling to NIE is just about as close as one can get to doing that without leaving the S'pore mainland...).

These past two days was the aforementioned tpp - admittedly (and i mentioned as much at the end of the session during the checkout session) i was not looking forward to the thingy at the start - i believe i described it as "(moe/nie's attempt to make us) waste two otherwise perfectly free days." To my unexpected surprise it turned out hardly like i'd have expected it to, in good part because our facilitator was this cool lady who was discerning enough to do less of the program and more of the sharing of rich personal experiences (and boy does she have a lot of them), and also cos of the people met/friends made.

No secret that in any case though, at the start of the week i wasn't in a good mood - and to that end one thing i was consistently praying for during my qts in the morning was for (pleasant) surprises of any kind to come my way - and by the end of the week thankfully God delivered a lot of those my way, stuff like how the tpp turned out, bumping into someone i've not seen in four years, catching-up/bleah-ing opportunities etc - all these definitely helped to de-death-glare-ify my face as the week progressed...

A string of semi-related random things that happened to me this week:

1) Went to the Malay stall to get lunch one day - the people before and after me were both addressed and served using Mandarin, but when it was my turn, the lady took one look at me and went "abang!" in order to catch my attention. That was followed by "lagi" and other random Malay words when i was pointing to the dishes i wanted, she even told me the cost of the plate in Malay...

2) Today during class our facilitator was telling a story which somehow involved porridge (she tends to digress a lot), and she was talking about something called "um," which most of the class seemed to understand immediately - i was left clueless until my groupmate informed me that it is some chinese dialect (hokkien?) term which refers to the liquid part of porridge - she was so surprised that i had no idea what that was, and then she asked me (with a serious face btw) "are you local?"

3) Later on she somehow came to the topic of patriotism (i forget how), and she asked the class "would you stand up for S'pore?" My cynical self's immediate reaction was to cringe and roll my eyes, i thought she was jokingly asking a rhetorical question. I was thus freaked to realize that several people immediately said "yes!" rather assuredly. Not that i'm about to betray the country, but i'm not one for such strong outward displays of patriotism, just never realized that most others are quite unlike me heh... Eek who's the one who needs NE lessons now eh?

Anyways, think i've come to the conclusion that the best way to deal with the situation is avoidance, in whatever means it may take - hmm that seems to be a common theme in me life eh...