so i went after all

After some consideration, i realised that i didn't feel that tired or in need of major rest on the following day after MEET camp after all, so i decided to go for IBS in the end (anyway Jasmine called me up the night before for IBS business, and when she asked me i said that i would be going, so i had to honour my word, as unclearly thought of as it was when i uttered it...)

But in the end i am glad that i went. Recently i've become more and more interested in the epistles and their historical context (that's the history student in me for you), and the IBS on Paul's pastoral epistle to Titus really hit the nail on the head as far as that was concerned. And on top of that, there were so many new insights that i got out of these past two days. For example in terms of looking at the literary style and context (the only form of lit that i would happily be interested in at this point in time), asking pertinent questions that help to deepen the understanding of the seemingly simple and straightforward passage, and how to apply what the Lord has provided in His Word into our own lives, for His Word acts as a guide to us on how we ought to live our lives as followers of Christ.

I also must say that i was much more awake and alert this year than i was last year. Dunno why, especially considering that i had far more on my plate prior to this year's IBS than last year's. Maybe Ephesians 1:17-18, the passage that Peggy, our trainer, shared with us and that we subsequently prayed with had some effect... Of course, the fact is that the whole thingy was very interesting, so maybe that's why. Peggy really helped to make things come alive, especially for a book like Titus that on the surface may seem to be rather simple, but actually upon the use of IBS tools, has a lot to offer.

Two side notes:

my seat in the room where the epistles IBS was conducted directly faced the corridor leading to the washrooms, and i have lost count of the number of people who, upon walking out of the washrooms, saw me through the window and waved hi with varying degrees of lunacy (with the trio of Sharon Liu, Mei Si and Fern at one end of the scale - guess which one btw...)

there was an overwhelming amount of snacks of the junk variety on offer during these two days - bagfuls of sweets, rice crackers, those dried fish strips that look like they could line the Christ Child's cradle in an edible nativity scene (i.e. they look like hay), cheese rings, popcorn, gingerbread... If i don't get high blood sugar from the sheer number of sweets that i ate, then at least i'll get a bad throat from all the dry and heaty snacks... (i have come to realise that as long as there's food in front of me, i'll eat it, whether i'm hungry or not, so now i try my best to push all food out of my reach)

My module bidding isn't off to the best of starts. First due partially to time constraints during the period of the open bidding window, i wasted round zero. Then my history modules, which up to this point i had always thought would be free for my taking, at one point each, proved me wrong, as i had to pay hundreds for one, and got outbidded for another. Now i have to try and secure one more history module from somewhere, on top of not being entirely sure about whether to do breadth/ss and all that nonsense. To make matters worse, many of the history exams of the modules that i am able to do fall within a window of three or so days, which basically means that i have to either cram my desired modules' exams together, or forsake some of my desired modules. The rest have May exams, which for me are totally out-of-the-question unless absolutely necessary...

Well, for some consolation, i stopped by ntuc on the way home and found to my pleasant surprise that post cereals are on sale again at $4.95 per box. Just in case the offer doesn't extend into the new year, i bought one box each of blueberry morning and honey roasted honey bunches of oats, to complement the still-unopened honey bunches of oats with strawberries that i have from the last cereal sale. I feel like i'm a chipmunk hoarding nuts for winter... [to my horror, ntuc had decided to start playing dreaded cny music, even before the end of the christmas period proper - i cringed my way through the incessant aural bashing that was the ding de dong dong qiang dong qiang blah blah ji bai nian song as i was getting the cereal, and later as i walked home, cos the stupid song would not get out of my head.]

feeling lost in the forest

Weird MEET camp-induced sleeping practice manifested itself today. After sleeping before midnight for the first time in a long time yesterday, today i somehow woke up at fivish in the morning, just moments before an sms came in. I replied immediately and the sender was surprised that i could have been awake at that hour. Well anyway after that i went back to sleep and woke up at around ten. At the end of any camp, my sleeping duration and time gets rather loopy...

Had to head out around twelvish so had only a short time to try and put in any advanced bids in the inaugural round of the latest session of the confusing and overtly ridiculous system. But the whole thing just made me more unsure of what modules to take, mainly because of timetables unfavourable to me. Almost every module that i've considered at has an exam on either the 26th or 27th of April, and many of the cool history modules are now not so cool anymore because they either have a May exam date, an 8am class, or a group project... I know i ought to not be sooo fussy but... *sigh* But in the end i only placed bids for one history and one el module, cos i had no more time to decide before i had to leave. Well, we'll see how the next round goes, hopefully will have time to consider and pray carefully about what modules to do...

Brought my cousin and nephew to Sim Lim Square so that the latter could buy computer stuff. As far as i can recall, this was the first time ever that i stepped into the building, since i know nuts about computers (yes, even after taking and passing intro to computing - the best i could do was recognise that one shop was displaying a $40 motherboard). And boy is the numbering system of the units there confusing. Hence the title of the post (i somehow recognised that the chinese characters outside the building are for shen1 ling2 - forest in Mandarin - three "mu"s followed by two "mu"s)

After that brought them to Mustafa Centre. They were selling Mind Your Language DVDs! All the episodes furthermore... But it's sold by the season, each of which costs $26, and there are at least 5 seasons... Aiming to purchase all the eleven seasons of Frasier already has set me back by quite a fair bit, so shall refrain from buying any more tv show box sets if i can help it... They also had a wide array of chocs (with nuts and without) on display, but pity about the uncheap price. Anyway, Christmas has bestowed upon my family many many different varieties of chocs as gifts, which is why you will see me bringing chocs around to every suitable gathering from now on, and offering them at liberty to anyone who visits the house...

Later on Auntie Joan brought us to Ka Soh to eat. Now, i am hardly one for seafood, as i am sure you, the reader can probably attest to. So i was quite surprised with myself today, cos managed to down one whole piece of har cheong kai before the prawn paste smell overwhelmed me and i had to stop before puking. Also managed to consume the fish head bee hoon, even the soup (cos it was really good), since i normally don't like the milky soup cos it makes me imagine that the cloudy nature of the soup comes from the brain juices of the fish instead... The horrible ginger and the fishiness of the fish didn't really get to me either, although i did have to meticulously remove the skin of the fish before eating it, cos it just made me feel sick. The most intriguing food of the night? A sauce plate of a food item placed on the table next to the red and green chilli. Filled with nothing but very deep fried pork belly fat. Very very deep fried. To the extent that the fat basically slurped up all the oil that it had been fried in... The stuff you find in mee pok is practically diet food in comparison. As Frasier Crane once said, i can almost hear my left ventricle slamming shut as i speak... Took a few choice morsels to taste though, and boy was it good...

Decided to go for IBS after all tomorrow. Hope that i can wake up...

the twelve drummers are yet to drum

A belated blessed Christmas to whoever reads this =) [anyway i figure that there are 12 days, and today's still the three calling birds day, so am not too late la]

Of course the reason why i am doing this late is because my Christmas this year was, for the first time in my 22 years, spent away from home. More specifically, i was at MEET camp.

So how was MEET camp?

hehe actually cannot say anything about it (or at least dunno what i could say) => *zips mouth* *on second thought realises that zipping the mouth has no effect upon my typing hands* *keeps mum anyway*

if you want to know more, why not consider joining MEET next year =)? If the Lord is convicting you of the importance of being obedient to His call for us to be His instruments in the reaching out to the lost multitudes. Anyway, you've got lots of time to pray and think about it...

all i think i can say is that it was a good time for me lah, particularly from a spiritual and relational point of view.

Well, anyway, am rather tired, and methinks that i should sleep early (i.e. while today is technically still in existence). Might be bringing my Filipino relatives [my cousin and her 18-year-old son (i.e. my nephew - makes me feel so old)] who came to stay over Christmas (what great timing, they came and then i left) out tomorrow, probably shopping at Mustafa Centre and Sim Lim (the latter of which i have not even stepped in to as far as i can remember), especially since parents are away (they left for Malaysia just as i was coming home) (more good timing there).

Then there's IBS which i may or may not be attending since i have a nagging in me telling me to rest while the opportunity affords itself...

Meanwhile there's module bidding as well...

Then so long to the year.

Christmas bells are ringing

but not here...

aiyah, but actually not so bad lah...

anyway, all my bags are packed, not too sure whether i am ready to go though...

however, due to the mystery of it all, i would postulate that it is impossible for one to feel sufficiently prepared...

oh well, pity that will be missing some things, like Christmas service, Christmas food, Eunice's return (welcome back!!!), PRC camp...

at the same time i am sure that will emerge on tuesday night viewing the whole thing positively, having been blessed by the whole experience (how so i dunno yet though)...

oh well, no point in all this hypothesizing...

now to writing a couple of cards for the team, then to sleep...

then onward to MEET camp...

report book

From the time i woke up today till eleven am sharp when i pressed the ENTER key on my keyboard i was one distracted being...

7:10am: Half-awake me wonders why i bother to set an alarm in the first place when i know that i will just switch it off and go back to sleep again. However, half-awake me also notes that it is less than four hours till results come in.

7:40am: Finally pull self out of bed. While brushing teeth, think of the results of only slightly more than three hours away.

8:00am: While doing quiet time, can't help but have the thought of results at the back of mind.

8:30-10:30am: While having little success in trying to memorise 2 Corinthians 5 by MEET camp and doing other stuff as well, am having much greater success in distracting self to no end with thoughts of results and the inevitable "what ifs".

10:58am: Tried to see if could get results two minutes earlier. Not successful.

10:59am: Tried to see if could get results one minute earlier. Same outcome.

11:00am: Finally it came...

And once again my silly fears and what ifs proved totally unfounded and unwarranted...

Although I had a certain peace at the time of the exams knowing that my focus was certainly more upon Him than it had been the previous sem, which meant that i saw going for morning prayer and evening worship and other so-called Christian activities as of being of no detriment to my studying, but rather as helping me to maintain the right focus, the skeptic in me was still a little worried come results time, particularly for the silly el module. I tell you, even though I eventually came out of the paper trusting that the Lord would see me through it, silly thoughts still drifted in my mind even till this morning as to what might happen if i actually did fail: drop in cap, some unhappy people knocking at my door making my future uncertain, that sort of thing...

So all this being said, i am so humbled once again to see that the Lord has blessed me with a B, cos the whole sem i was thinking that it could be much worse than that...

Two lessons learnt: One, to be very careful when picking el modules, and to try to do at least one of them on sep should i be going, so that i can s/u it, cos el modules are, at least for me, really very hard... Two, TRUST GOD!

For the results overall, am truly thankful as well.

cap score managed to rise a leetle bit, my long-term aim is to stay within the second-upper range (first class is really waaaaayyyyy up there in the strato-nimbus or whatever you call those high high clouds)...

and finally i can say that i am comfortable with being a history major, after a long struggle in my mind starting from the first sem, when i wondered if my B- for hist in a sea of distinction grades for my other exposures was a sign that i ought to reconsider my major, to now, when my hist cap has finally surpassed my general cap...

a couple of regrets, but no point in moping and dwelling on all this...

i must admit, am still am quite preoccupied with grades, but i do believe that it is a struggle that is under control, by God's grace...

Well, part of the reason why i was so eager to check my results was because i also was due to meet my AnnTIC group, Zechariah, for lunch at 1130. Good thing that the bus came at the appropriate moment and that my house is near town (hear that all you ignorant non-easties who think that my house is ulu) so i was able to reach raffles place mrt on time...

We ate at Carl's Jr [my new favourite fast food available in Singapore (some of the stuff i have eaten in the states is still better - but this is S'pore lah, what to expect...)]! Great to meet up with some of the group again and to catch up over good and filling food (quite happy with self that managed to finish a super star + beef chilli cheese fries) (am gunning for the portobello mushroom burger next *drools*)

I wonder if a video of the *wo yong wo de jian lai ca ni* thingy actually exists... As much as i'd hate to admit it, i actually wouldn't mind taking a look, to see how siao i was on that day (blame it on the lack of sleep)

Had to find a way to kill time between lunch and watching acjc choir carolling at 6ish, so tagged along with Lester and Linus in their Christmas shopping (something that i myself have an excuse not to do since i won't be seeing most possible recipients of gifts during Christmas anyway...) Picked up a bit of stuff along the way...

I realise that even after so many years, i can still more or less remember my parts for the carolling songs. Was good to catch the choir in action again, especially where carols are concerned, have some great memories of carolling experiences with the choir...

Dinner and talking with Denise and Yuemin followed. Once again great to catch up, i definitely feel that i have been spending too little time with some of my friends as of late... Hmm i shan't elaborate...

2 Corinthians 5 is one tough passage to memorise...

of muddy grass and MEETings

The past two days have been packed solid with stuff, but i have had a great time nevertheless, and thankfully have enough energy at the end of it all to type this...

Well even before all of that went to Sizzler with Steven to eat lunner, and we managed to last all the way from 415pm to 715pm. Or to put things more accurately, he managed to last, for towards the end i was just taking the occasional bowl of ice cream or soup, or a plate of fruit every fifteen minutes or so. Anyways, was quite good lah, haven't eaten quite a bit for quite some time. Managed to outlast the couples on our left and right who came at least an hour, if not more, after we arrived.

I suppose it's good that i stuffed myself that day, cos definitely needed all the energy i could get to last through the next two days...

So monday morning went for frisbee at ecp (east + exercise = you will prob see me there). Quite impressed that apart from some of the usual eastie suspects (Mark, Min Zhi, Bing, Ryan) there were quite a few westies too (Jon, Manting, Ming Hui). Cos if there was a westie frisbee organised at wcp, i doubt you'd see me there. Obviously the east has a certain allure that the west just lacks.

But anyways, i really enjoyed the time of fellowship amidst frisbee, even in spite of the accidental tramplings into the muddy grass (thank goodness i wore my lau pok sole-coming-out pair of old new balance shoes dating from more than three years ago when i was at sispec, so stepping into it was not that big a deal). The throw-and-catch-frisbee-while-making-an-unecessary-and-ridiculous-leap-into-the-air-a-la-smu-ad game was expecially cool...

After the frisbee session came the spontaneous kayaking session with Mark, Ming Hui and Bing. Haven't done this in ages, and it showed (and shows - oh how my body aches now). Also got a little burnt. Hmmm... On second thoughts make that rather burnt... Ow. Ah well it was fun.

I want to scale the floating iceberg thingy that i didn't know existed till that day... So cool, a floating playground in the sea, how much i want to bounce on that trampoline and play on the see-saw makes me forget how old i've become...

After that was the overnight MEET thingy which i had to trod all the way to Clementi (yuck) for. Am really glad and thankful to God to see how things are starting to pan together, and dare i say in spite of my own inefficiencies as the tl. Thank God for a proactive and dedicated team who are desirous to put Him first, in all they do. Learnt so much more about all my fellow team members, even those whom i've known since goodness-knows-when from thursday ftp cg. Even as the long-awaited (though due to the secretive nature of the whole thingy, we don't really know what to await) MEET camp draws closer, i am truly thankful for all the great ways in which He has been working in the team and how He has even better prepared us spiritually and even in terms of relationships with one another for the camp.

We are never alone, for He is always with us =)

Next few days promise a slacker schedule, at least till camp starts, but anyways hope that the time can be used properly nevertheless...

Exam results release is not far from now...

How?

in the absence of omnipresence...

As of late, i've realised , especially as the holidays are here, that there are so many things to do, so many places to go, so many people to meet, and yet so little time to do all of it.

So herein lies the dilemma, what things take priority, especially when two or more things compete for precedence in a single time slot?

Inevitably, i've had to forego stuff that, in an ideal world with limitless time, i'd happily engage in:

Activities in church for example, which due to more pressing commitments for MEET and other cf stuff have had to take a backseat. I'll admit that i feel a little bad that even with the much treasured support that the cell-u-lights are giving me, i'm unable to even appear in their presence very often due to event clashes. Crossover camp, carolling, outings, dinners, all impossibilities due to other stuff. Sigh.

Time with friends as well. Have just had to put off a dinner appointment with some acjc choir friends cos of clashes with other stuff as well. In cases such as these, and more so if the friends involved are pre-believers, then all the more i feel a little uneasy. Could not my time be at least just as fruitfully spent with such friends, even as the Lord may provide opportunities for my friends know more about Him through me?

Also important, time with self and with God. To reflect upon the time gone by, and to draw upon what the Lord may be speaking to me at that particular moment.

Of least importance, but still important nevertheless, exercise. Haven't cycled for months, ran for weeks, swam for days. Nowsaday just feel very gross without at least some token exercise now and then.

If i could have time in a bottle...

goggles gone

Rules of the game:

1. Post 5 weird/random stuff about yourself.

2. At the end, list the names of 5 people whom you want next to do this, and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED!" in their blog and tell them to read your blog for rules.

Ok so here goes:

1. i enjoy listening to some Chinese songs (currently playing on com: ji4 de2 by A* Mei) even though more often than not i don't know what they are talking about (though i know this one means 'remember'...) and singing them whenever possible (shui hai ji de shi shui xian shuo yong yuan de ai wo...)

2. i have nearly drowned at least three times (those that i can remember)

3. i can identify the average species of bird that you spot locally. [for example: that family of birds that congregate at the tree outside of my window are Yellow-Vented Bulbuls (pycnonotus goiavier) and those black-and-white birds that often appear in the bushes next to the arts canteen green tables are Magpie Robins (copsychus saularis)] [Ok lah, just the english names, i'm not that bo liao, the latin ones i had to refer to my guide book to obtain...]

4. i am not afraid of crowds, but have an extreme aversion to them, particularly in enclosed spaces (e.g. crowded lifts)

5. i don't eat papayas because of the multi-sensory sense of association that i have of them with vomit [as in taste (like vomit), smell (nauseating), sight (that paleish orangey tinge), touch (mushy) and hearing (the mushy sounds when chewed).

5 people ah... wah so many, i'll just stick with three...

I pick: Mei Si, Maicie and meimei.

Hey wait a minute, i hear you ask, are not they all the same person? *jialat!*

Weeell, not fully, since the person in question has exhibited so many split personalities that one tag alone does not do the little community of people residing within her mind justice...

*whaaaatttt*

Oh, and anyway, back to the topic of this post.

Before MEETing today, and inspired by the clear weather that has finally come back after weeks of rain, went for a swim at school, since i was headed there anyway to do some sep stuff. Unfortunately, i just lost my pair of goggles, which are probably either somewhere in the deep recesses of my room or in the lost-and-found of the src pool from the last time i was there. But i couldn't locate them in the former and couldn't be bothered to inquire at the latter. So i decided to try and swim without them today, and see how things would go.

Turns out that my eyes are not as sensitive to the chlorinated water as i thought, still was able to keep eyes open, and could still see (albeit very blur images only - can't count the number of times i langga the lane divider, and almost langga other swimmers as well) Only side-effect was red eyes afterwards. Furthermore no worries about reverse-panda eyes appearing on my face due to goggle-tan lines...

But still feels weird leh, so will still buy a new pair.

what a difference the exams make...

You know how i have been complaining to people left right and centre ad nauseam regarding the nightmare of submitting sep applications all the way since exam time almost a month back?

Well today, for the first time since the exams i paid a visit to the sep websites to take a look at what i was supposed to do, especially since i have been procrastinating doing so from that point onwards, and since the initial deadline is but a week away...

The last time i took a look at the stuff was in the thick of exams, and then i couldn't make head or tail of what all the stuff was talking about.

So today, while i was at school for MEET stuff i decided to take another look at the stuff.

I hereby conclude that the exam period must have clouded my mind from proper comprehension of any other form of information, since in looking at the stuff today, there was but token confusion on my part as to what i had to get done by next week, as compared to the last time, when i looked at the same set of stuff yet could not catch any ball of the matter...

I thank God even for this, because this morning He reminded me that although i had been praying for His provision to see me through the entire process of sep application, i had forgotten to even pray about even applying for sep in the first place, and had more or less gone ahead without first seeking His direction on the matter. So after committing the whole thingy into His hands, and in faith receiving the go-ahead of sorts from God to carry on, things just started to flow more smoothly...

Also thank God for MEET developments. Thankfully since i overestimated the time that might have been needed to prepare sep stuff, i can devote more time to MEET stuff, which by right ought to take priority... Thank God for His answering of the prayers of myself and of others as well to help me make better sense of my time...

So tomorrow i really ought to go full steam ahead with work, be it MEET or sep... And remember to put God first of course...

Am reminded that since Mark is flying off soon, i'll be devoid of a running kaki... Sigh... Any takers? [pre-requisites: speed: (very) slow; location: east (duh); time: preferably at night (so won't maluate self in broad daylight)]

AnnTIC has played havoc with my body clock, have not felt so sleepy on consecutive nights before even midnight for a very long time till now. Furthermore, i even feel like eating breakfast nowsaday too... The season of gaining weight awaits...

One good thing about MEET camp being over Christmas is that it provides an excuse to not have to write any Christmas cards (something that i resolve to do annually but never get around to doing annually as well) to anyone.

come to the east

Firstly, here's the lyrics to a song that i'd better note down before i forget them again...

Who Shall Not Fear

Who shall not fear Your name o King
O Lord of all the earth
For this is Your rightful due
In all the kingdoms of the world
The name of Jesus stands alone
For there is none like You

Who shall not worship You o King...

Who shall not honour You o King...

Lyrics and Music by Rev Joshua Shaam Sudharman
(yay a local Anglican song =)

Recalled this song after seeing it in the COR song book that Debs brought to the cg outing just now...

Anyways, beyond the cool fact that it's a locally-written worship song (although i must say that in terms of it being a song from the context of Asian Christianity, can't spot any particular difference in style between it and any typical Western worship song), more importantly the lyrics acknowledge the absolute sovereignty of the Lord over all the earth, and how our sheer reverence of Him is only rightful in the light of this. Add this to the growing number of songs from long ago that i am slowly becoming reacquainted with, from a fresh and dare i say more Godly perspective, beyond the superficialities like enjoying the tune and stuff like that...

Well, so today was cg outing, though maybe not so much so for yours truly since it was at my house (East!). I just want to thank God for the various stuff that took place, from His provision of good weather, to the safe journeys of everybody here and back, to the heartfelt time of sharing and prayer beforehand with some of us, for the good food (though my mother insists on using ingredients that i don't really care for in the food like carrots, celery, capsicum and bananas - ah well, i shall sacrifice my fussy food preferences for the sake of the greater good...), for the great fellowship and much more...

Fell a little embarassed that Daniel and Ryan (hmm reminds me of Dan Ryan's Chicago Grill...) helped out with the dishes when i myself have not washed a dish with detergent (mess tins and utensils in the army aside) since like primary school... I vaguely recall actually enjoying washing the dishes back then, wonder what happened since... Anyway thanks guys =)

Shucks, realise that we forgot to take any photos...

Hope this opens the doors to more opportunities to meet in the east =)

Later in the night went to cartel at siglap to eat with extended family for what was supposed to be at least in part a birthday celebration (yup i haven't had the time to really bother with it up till now...). I didn't really eat too much but felt it necessary to walk back from there home cos i need the exercise, and have not much time for much more than that, at least for now...

sep stuff is driving me batty...

I ought to rid my wallet of all the unneeded ringgit that is a remnant from AnnTIC, after all the next time i do go over there i won't have a chance to use it anyway...

AnnTIC '05

Okies i'd better note down my memories and reflections of the above mentioned before the barrage of December stuff overwhelms me and i forget certain stuff that i don't want to forget. And since blogging provides an easy-access means for me to do so, so i shall. If you (i.e. not me) want to read my long-winded and random musings, please do feel free to do so, but just be prepared for (what i predict to be) a largely disjointed and anyhow narrative sans any real flow whatsoever.

This year's theme was "Faith in an Unchanging Great God", with teachings by Dr Lee Soo Ann based upon Daniel 1-6. The style of the theme talks this year was vastly different from that used in last year's AnnTIC by Dr and Mrs Harley but nevertheless they were very interesting and though-provoking insights into these six chapters and what can be taken out of them.

Was reminded once again about how faithful the Lord has been, even as we looked at the example of Daniel and his three friends Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah (whose Babylonian names Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego roll much easier off the tongue but are rooted in Babylonian paganism hence my preference for the former - i vaguely recall a Sunday school song referring to the latter three by these names, regarding their experience in the fiery furnace), whose faith and resolve in the Lord remained unshaken in spite of the threat of death. In response to this, we see that the Lord in His sovereignty and faithfulness intervened in the interests of their safety.

What basically strikes me is how God's faithfulness was readily apparent to them upon their own display of ultimate trust in God. This in contrast to myself, who have, at several instances seen God's faithfulness in my life in spite of my own unfaithfulness towards Him. It is indeed a very humbling thought. This morning, as i woke up from my 12-hour-long sleep (more on that later), and as i did my quiet time, i remembered that it was exactly four years ago today that i enlisted in the army. I recalled how at that time i was absolutely dreading the time that lay ahead. At the same time, i think my relationship with God was then strictly on a so-what-can-You-do-for-me basis... Yet, in spite of that negative attitude that i took, the Lord saw me through the whole experience (including two near-drownings and many other bad experiences)... Then came the past year-and-a-half at NUS, where similarly, the Lord has been so faithful to me, even in the light of all my shortcomings...

Ah well... Anyway, apart from the theme talks themselves, have much more to muse about regarding the camp...

I had gone to the camp with a rather joyous demeanour, mainly because this was the first cf camp that i would be attending strictly in the capacity as a participant (i.e. no appointments to hold). Therefore i thought that there would be ample time for me to relax...

Well, in the end, while i did get to relax a bit (which was mainly through exercise such as frisbee/captain's ball/running - in other words no slacking involved), was still largely occupied with other stuff during whatever free time there was, such as prep for MEET (which is still ongoing as i type) and talking to and sharing with various people... But anyway, it's not as if i had no time on my hands, for as Taiyu put it "the only person with no time is a dead person".

When i first saw and observed the groupings for the camp, i was admittedly a little disappointed because there were very little people i knew in it (and i thought that i knew quite a few people in cf as it was), and furthermore, i was the only person currently from arts, which i thought would have been an impossibility since there were close to thirty (methinks) people from arts at the camp.

In the end, things turned out totally in the other way from what i had unfoundedly feared it would have been. Lester was a great group leader, and i have been greatly encouraged by his faith in the Lord. Yizhuang was similarly a great Bible study leader, bringing his own unique insights into the pasages, and challenging us on issues pertinent to our faith. Xiu Ting was another person who encouraged me with her love for the Lord. Pei Fen was a friendly breath of fresh air, bringing us new perspectives, coming from a different school and a different country. Deyao not only provided comic relief, but also brought up very important ideas and issues in our studies. Joseph helped to provide very grounded insights into the Word. Lastly [but not leastly(?)], Joanne and Kok Soon (better known as Kelvin Tan) drew from their wealth of experiences in cf ministry to bless us with. The times of sharing and Bible study and meals together (and praying for no fats and calories) that we had were times that i was greatly blessed by. And on top of all this, of course, the friendship of all is most treasured =)

I also had the great experience of co-leading worship together with Ming Hui on the last night. Now, in faith i had indicated my interest to serve as a worship leader on the online registration form because i felt that the Lord was prompting me to do so, and also because i realised how hard it can be on the comm member in charge to get people to help lead and play for worship after having that experience at this year's FOC. I didn't really know what to expect beyond that.

Then, just around a month ago, Ming Hui came up to me, somewhat on a whim methinks, and asked if i wanted to co-lead with him. I thought that it was a cool idea (the Barker boys work together - *coolness*) so i agreed. Over the course of the next month we toyed around with ideas (not-sung-for-a-long-time-since-the-hillsongs/planetshakers-era-came kind of songs, a medley of praise songs in E, whether to sing 'in-house' songs? - that kinda thing), and prayed. This was the first tua zhong (sp?) worship session that i have led, and have only just realised the sheer amount of effort and prayer that is needed in preparation for it, with Christ still ever at the focus, of course...

Also, i realised the importance of humility, in the face of pride that can so often get into the picture, especially in this particular ministry, and push God out of the picture, which basically makes having worship pointless to begin with, for it becomes nothing more that a superficial, musical and lyrical means of self-glorification. I definitely was faced with this at several points in time, and it was only on the morning of the last day itself that i felt a certain peaceful assurance come upon me that the Lord would move mightily on that night's worship. I know that was at least in part because it was only then that i was able to let go of my own interests and to purely focus upon God, after much prayer. Of course, in my own sinful nature that still is a struggle that i face, but i believe that the important thing is that such issues are recognised whenever they come up, and immediately brought before the Lord, who will handle them in His own perfect time. So basically i am very thankful to the Lord for this experience, and also for Ming Hui, who helped to encourage me through it, along with others whom the Lord sent... "May i die to self, and live for You, who died and rose again."

Once again, sleep became an issue for me at this camp. I realise that my body has problems with new sleeping environments. Now, the ability to sleep on unfamiliar surfaces is not an issue - i have slept on desktops, cold aluminium floors of army boats, uncomfortable and rigid plastic packing boxes and wet shellscrapes, among others - but the problem is that i can't sleep on such surfaces for too long. So, during the camp (in spite of a vast improvement from the coolie hq that i slept in at last year's AnnTIC in Cameron Highlands), i would wake up every hour or so, particularly on the sweltering first two days before air-conditioning graced the room (which went on to cause me a dry and itchy throat for the rest of the camp), and be up by 630, at the latest. Of course, this helped me to wake up in time for the two 6am runs that i had with Qibin during the camp (need to exercise!), but also meant that i got precious little sleep during the camp, ranging from five hours on the first day, to just about two on the last. The thing was that i was never too sleepy during those times, methinks because of the camp-induced adrenalin rush that i always get (in all camps save for army camps haha - which have the opposite effect on me). Once i got home, this expired, and i promptly fell on my bed and slept from sevenish at night all the way to sevenish in the morning.

Food was another issue. While the food was generally good, the ingredients of the food sometimes saw me turning vegetarian. Specifically so whenever seafood was served. I have never eaten so much veggies and nothing else for a looong time...

I even had an interesting time on the way back. After picking up some secret recipe stuff in JB, took a lift right to my doorstep in Taiyu's car. Only thing was that the traffic all the way from city square in JB to the S'pore customs was extremely slow-moving. Thankfully there was the in-house entertainment of Taiyu, Weihao, Joel and Chris to see me through those incredibly long hours till i finally reached home at around fiveish.

I never realised that the words "ni yao wo yong wo de jian lai ca ni?" would cause so much amusement...

The AnnTIC comm did a great job, btw...

Edited to add in:

Some of the fruit of my brief time of personal reflection:

My name for God for this camp:
(know that this is rather duh considering that this was basically the theme of the camp in the first place but anyhoos) God who is faithful. For He has been faithful to me at all times, even when i have been utterly lacking in my own faith in Him and have fallen away.

My new name that "reflect(s) who we are (our identity) and our hopes":
(know that this is a really long name that even surpasses the length of my already-long name as in i/c - T** Q********, M****** L***) he who is continually being molded by God into His image. Linked to my name for God above, i've come to realise that though sometimes i may go wayward in my walk with God, He never discards this deformed piece of pottery but instead reshapes me and still continues to mold me more and more into His perfect image...

One new meaningful worship song that i learnt:
Ming Hui taught me this as we were prepping for worship, it is taken from 2 Chronicles 7:14 and Isaiah 6:5 (hooray for Biblically-based and theologically-sound songs!), so i suppose that the full lyrics can be placed here since i have no idea who actually pieced together this song.

Send Revival

We're looking to Your promise of old
That if we pray and humble ourselves
You will come and heal our land
You will come, You will come

We're looking to the promise You made
That if we turn and look to Your face
You will come, and heal our land
You will come, You will come to us

Lord send revival
Start with me
For I am one of unclean lips
And my eyes have seen the King
Your glory I have glimpsed
Send revival
Start with me

This song serves as a challenge to us all to look inwards and see in what ways we may still not be right before the Lord and subsequently lift this up in full to Him, for only then will He be able to, in His nature as God, accept our sacrifices of thanks and praise and work His marvellous deeds in our lives.

Another side note:
In co-leading worship and seeing all the rest of the campers singing heartfelt praises to the Lord in front of me, it just felt so amazing to be in the company of so many people united in love in the body of Christ in praise of our sovereign God and King. What a wonderful feeling. Yet at the same time a reminder to do our part, as He leads, to contribute towards the fulfillment of the vision that John received as described in Revelation 7 (mz: haha), to not isolate ourselves from the multitudes who up till now do not know of the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. May we all do our part with God as our focus above all.

Less pertinent side note:
Somehow became embroiled in yet another string of relationship discussions, regarding the rate and state of attachments in cf. Now this took a particularly significant turn for yours truly since, thanks to the so-called informal relationship plenary sessions held on the last night, now a great deal more people know that the only attachments i have had up to this point have been, how do we say, of either the military or otherwise still non-relational variety, and so pressure is mounting, so to speak, specifically so from the, you guessed it, girls... Thank goodness for sane like-minded brothers (here in terms of views towards relationships, not in terms of walk with God) who agree and empathize with my own views regarding this... But anyways, talk about an evergreen topic, think this one will never leave cf conversation circles for a long time yet.

hurry!

Time check: 2350 hrs

Time till getting lift from Mark to Kranji MRT and henceforth to AnnTIC: 7h 10min

Things to do within this 7h 10min:
Finish this post
Pack bags for AnnTIC (which will take forever)
Decide on module preferences (ditto) [edited to note in horror that so many of the cool history modules next sem are at 8am *bursts into tears*]
Do the module preference exercise
Take a quick nap
Wake up before six
Shower to wake self up
Do quiet time
Change
Lug bags to Roxy bus stop and await lift to Kranji

Woohoo...

unfit!

What a cheery morning it was today, no need to wake up before seven am to prepare to go to school, now that the holidays are here.

(Of course, since i have been doing this almost without fail for every weekday for the past thirteen or so weeks and hence have more or less attuned my body to this schedule, i still ended up waking up at that unearthly hour this morning.)

But still, in spite of the early wake-up, the good weather still put me in a good mood. Was actually praying quite a bit for nice and rain-free weather today so that the captain's ball would go on smoothly, if not solely for the purpose of getting some much-needed exercise after getting as fit as an anti-fiddle (whatever it is) over the past few weeks of exams and prep. So was really pleased to look out of my east-facing window and actually see the sun for once, after so many weeks of cloudiness or raininess (don't get me wrong though, there's no morning weather i love more than one featuring precipitation of some degree - such great weather for sleeping-in, plus last time in army rain meant that exercise/ippt/battalion run/other unfavourable army activity would be cancelled).

After going to the library for a while to print out some stuff (cos my home printer kena power surge), i decided to take advantage of the relatively clear skies (a very rare occurence nowsaday) to go for a swim, and hopefully feel a bit more fiddle-like... Managed to complete forty laps, but could tell that my fitness level has gone down significantly even since ippt just under a month ago. Couldn't do too many laps at one go, and was panting after each series of laps... Anyways, was good to see some sun again, also doing laps provided the perfect repetitive activity to do while reciting 1 Corinthians 13, the MEET memory passage due tomorrow. "Love is patient *breathe*, love is kind *breathe*, it does not envy *breathe*..." you get the picture... (of course, once i exited the pool i forgot so many things already - methinks chlorine water does something for my memory power...

Following that was captain's ball, where my (lack of) fitness showed up again. Running up and down the court just knocked the wind out of me. I was showing my shack face constantly methinks... Anyways, was good to see some of the arts people after exams, and to just gather for a time of fun and fellowship. Had a really great (though also wheeze-filled) time, thank God for His provision of good weather and good conversations =)

Went to watch Rent just now, a rather impromptu affair with Jason and Renshao since ticket sales have not been too good. Was rather impressed by the vocal quality of most of the cast (hint hint). The story itself, well i shan't comment... Kallang Theatre really needs to be upgraded though. I could still bear with the poor aesthetic appearance of the place, which i guess is only to be expected given its age. But the sound system really was very crappy, in my opinion. A certain someone's (who does not belong to the most as mentioned above) voice, especially, came across as very muffled.

Aiyah, really should start looking at sep stuff (i can take comfort from the fact that neither Jason nor Renshao have done so as well), especially since AnnTIC is coming up, and will take away a good number of my free days. That being said, i am rather excited about AnnTIC, as well as about the many challenging yet cool stuff that awaits...

December is unleashed

My last excuse to not do any of my loads of stuff that has to be done this month has just expired.

Yup, finally am done with papers, at least till next sem.

I can honestly say that i wasn't prepared enough for this paper. Methinks once i finished the last one my mood to study just totally dissipated, and i only managed to go through my two-inch-thick pile of Thailand notes once. And just barely too. I think that i spent more than double the time to prepare for each of my 15% essay earlier in the term than i did for the 50% exam.

The paper wasn't easy. It would have been had i put in more effort, but anyways, can't change what is past. I am thankful for the Lord seeing me through the paper in any case, because i know that on my strength alone i would just have given up. Whatever the case, i really don't want to bother about grades anymore, and just lift up all my hopes and fears to Him. We'll see how come results time (my unwanted Christmas prezzie from nus). It's really by His grace anyway that i've gotten through this extremely loooong exam period.

So now that the exams are through with, the floodgates are opened and i have to finally get all my various stuff done (case in point - am in the midst of finally typing out my MEET testimony). Still have to do much more MEET stuff, settle some cg matters, make some sense of the sep application process and loads more. Call it a working holiday, if you'd like...