Whooshing by...

Oh boy has it been a long time since the last one - meanwhile it's been a draining time for me physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally - yup you name it i probably had kena it. Yup it's been fun that's for sure heh...

And as usual, with the long hiatus has come a lot of things to include here which once again have decided to evade my immediate memory at this point in time. I do remember these two thingies though, which suggest to me that perhaps it's too early for me to move house since i'm still discovering a lot of things about it. 1) After staying in my room for almost three years, i finally realized that the black florescent lamp that had been sitting on the desk, abandoned by the previous owner, was actually working - i'd always assumed that it was not working just from looking it; 2) After more than a year i found my set of house keys that i'd thought were misplaced somewhere never to be found again.

Anyways speaking of house moving, the latest is that we're moving to an apartment somewhere behind PS/Istana, i.e. in town - have rather mixed feelings about that one...

Maybe will elaborate more another time - for now i ought to get to bed - but before i go here's some lyrics from a Delirious song [Majesty (Here I Am)] that spoke to me just now:

Your grace has found me just as i am
Empty-handed but alive in Your hands

Amen

a drop is forecasted...

If the weekend that is about to pass has taught me anything, it is that after coming back, for some reason or other i've lost most interest in doing my readings. Now, this is not to imply that i was super interested in my readings while i was at UNC or even prior to that, but rather that after the different learning environment and style and what not that i enjoyed over there, coming back to what's more or less the same old thing over here has subonsciously gotten to me, such that now when i look at readings i just stare at them with no motivation whatsoever to actually read them.

And this weekend proved the perfect case study of this in effect. My Saturday was spent doing anything but the readings that i was supposed to do for this week - on the computer, watching dvds, playing the guitar, reading more Asterix from my newly-rediscovered collection - you name it, i did it - anything but the readings. Of course, with my semi-resolution to refrain from doing schoolwork on Sunday now seriously in jeopardy, i just decided to do whatever readings i could today instead (which incidentally still turned out to be very little owing to more procrastination on my part)

And this seriously annoys me can - i'm even entertaining the thought of going back to school on Saturdays to do work if i can't concentrate at home. At this rate, coupled with all the other stuff that has been constantly weighing on my mind since i got back (which keeps on developing into bigger and more complicated things), i'm already expecting this sem to go relatively badly for me academically at least, unless over the next few days i can somehow find more interest in my work and have a better grasp of all the distracting stuff that is happening.

(But as usual, i add my usual proviso that i often paint things to be far worse than they actually are, and this case methinks is no exception)

One good thing that i at least managed to do over the weekend is go for a run or two by the beach. While running wise i definitely cannot make it, but at least it's better than sitting idly by all the time... Ah - running by the beach - another thing i'll miss when i move to goodness-knows-where...

Over the course of the past two weeks since i've come back, i've (or rather my hairstyle has) reminded various people whom i've met of Moses (twice); a Korean pop star; a girl (my personal favorite - not); and Junichiro Koizumi. Well, finally got a haircut of some sorts so hopefully that will be the end of it...

how telling...

Had a bit of a Freudian slip just now. Ok, maybe not really a bit, more like a big one ...

Basically during sharing after cg was sharing with Bo (UNC friend) and Mark about how having Bo around at cg helped to remind me of home. Oops - then i realized that i really meant to say UNC and not home but well it came out so naturally...

Yuppers so i guess that betrays my sentiments a bit, though it's not as if i'm like super attached to the place as compared to here, just part of the transition process methinks. But boy is it a slow transition process...

But in any case, it felt great to be back at cg again - that's something that i definitely missed when i was there - the CF community. Yup.

That's almost enough to make me get over the fact that it snowed on the UNC campus today - dang...

Lost in translation

I'm starting to question the wisdom in having an extremely top-heavy schedule that sees me on odd weeks having tons of classes on both Mon and Tue, a free day on Wed and only two hours of classes on both Thu and Fri and on even weeks finishing all classes save for my Fri 2-4 by Tue... Already the past two weeks without tutorial slots have already been so tiring for me so am a little skeptical as to whether i'd be able to keep it up once the full load comes in next week. But i guess this is also in part due to the unsettled sleep patterns that i've had since arriving back so hopefully once my sleep schedule settles down things won't be so out of whack for me...

Was glad for some sun today - this is to the best of my recollection the first sunny day that i've experienced here since arriving back. Decided to go for a swim and take advantage of the lack of rain while it lasts. That went well, save for the fact that my hair is so long now that whenever my head comes out of the water my fringe is covering a good portion of my goggles such that i've trouble seeing properly. Good thing that there were not many people in the pool just now or i might have banged into someone else owing to poor visibility...

And btw since everyone's asking and while we're on the topic, YES i intend to cut my hair soon, but i'll probably keep it a little longer than it usually is; and NO, i have not cut it yet owing to me finding not enough time to do so...

Studying in the forum is turning out pretty ok, i must say, the only problem being the occasionally bizarre bazaar noise that annoys me from time to time. Like today i was trying to read my orang utan book when i was continually unsettled by loud "YAAAAAA!!!" shouts coming from the martial arts display below. It was such that for the first time ever i used my earplugs in a venue other than an sbs bus (to escape the vile tv mobile) so as to block out some of that noise. Apart from that minor hiccup, however, think i could get used to hanging over there...

Just got via email the sheet music of both a Japanese and a Korean worship song that i learnt at Urbana - the lyrics (when translated into English) are very meaningful, and the tunes of both are really nice too. Too bad the sheet music does not come with the English translation attached, which makes things difficult cos if i want to introduce the songs anywhere i'd hardly want no one to actually know what they're singing about - that would defeat the whole purpose of singing these in the first place (though i'd say that if one didn't know the words the songs would sound very J/K-pop-ish)...

Talking to myself and feeling old...

Yet another rainy day today, and my sentiments semi-echo that of The Carpenters who once sang that "rainy days and Mondays always get me down." Given the current weather trends which are likely to result in another rainy day tomorrow i may just end up double-down as a result of it being both rainy and a Monday... And come to think of it the only rainy days i ever liked were whenever they signalled the cancelling of outdoor pe lessons or army training of some form or other. Think it's pretty ironic how last time i was hoping for rain to keep me out of going outdoors for exercise and now i'm hoping against rain so that i'll be able to go outdoors for exercise - i'm never satisfied, am i...

Have not done any work at all over this weekend. Not much to do for starters, but ah well i was never in the mood for the little that i did have in any case. Guess while i can still afford to do so it's not too bad. I don't even recall what i did yesterday since it probably amounted to nothing much apart from reading Asterix in Belgium (which i've had with me since primary school but never got around to reading until yesterday) and going to my jc classmate Sze-Li's house in the boondocks of Marsiling for a housewarming kinda thingy, where many an old classmate was wondering who was the long-haired dude who crashed the gathering. Enjoyed myself there for sure though - always like reunions of most varieties - met one of my classmates whom i last saw in December 2001 so that was nice...

In the latest chapter of my housing saga it turns out that the Novena apartment is no longer an option which means we're back to the no-idea-where-to-move-to state of affairs which of course continues to bother me to no end. I must admit, however, that i was relieved and even slightly happy to hear that Novena was out of the picture, although the prospect of having no idea where we are moving to isn't much better i would say...

As is often the case, once i open my mouth, the situation changes drastically - this time after celebrating the Tar Heels being ranked #1, they went ahead to lose to the Hokies - i should just learn to keep my mouth shut - for more reasons than this alone...

More moping

It's just about touching a week since i arrived back here, and boy has a lot happened since then - and basically the week has left me quite worn out in all aspects - physically, spiritually, emotionally etc... As usual don't be alarmed when you read this for i am once again probably overstating the seriousness of how things actually are (and honestly, overall things still are way fine), but well the next time in the immediate future you think i look tired then you're probably right, so don't bother to ask...

For someone with a three-day week this week, there's been an awful lot of time spent in school. What's strange though is that i'm spending far fewer time in school than i would otherwise be cos on my free days i've only been getting to school at around lunchtime, compared to before when i'd arrive at eightish everyday regardless if i'd class or not. Guess its all the accumulated lost hours of sleep that i've had over the past couple of weeks that's tiring me out. And the constant rain only serves to make me even more inclined to sleep.

School itself hasn't been too bad actually - i'm pretty much satisfied with all the classes i have, bad timings and late exams not withstanding. Think in fact that this sem has the potential to go quite well in this regard.

Too bad, then, for all the distractions that have been bothering me, including of course the impending move, which continues to irk me the more i think of it. This is about as disruptive an event as i've ever had so far in my life, and i really dunno how things will turn out as the semester progresses and i've to balance work with packing stuff into boxes and all that. And am as unenthusiastic about the new place as i've ever been. Am in fact already entertaining the thought of moving on campus next year when i forseeably could be more busy than i've ever been so far at school, just so as to avoid the commutes to and from the new place - ah but that's not for a while yet...

Ah but have gotten some relaxation at least - finally watched the Queen that day - a show i've been meaning to watch since before Thanksgiving in the States but never was able to - and it definitely lived up to my expectations... And today went for dinner with a friend from army at one of those relatively expensive buffet places in Tampines (the former Pariss) which was in a sense wasted on me since practically half of the buffet was scallops, crab, prawns and the like...

Yup well the next few months definitely have a lot in store for me, and i'd be lying if i were to say that i'm looking forward to it at all. But God has continually been reminding me to stop being bothered by these events per se and look instead to Him - and He will see all these things through somehow... Far easier said than done but guess God never promised us otherwise...

Festering

Can you imagine, it's Tuesday and i'm already almost done with the week? I've only one class on Friday left and nothing else, still trying to figure out what to do with myself in the meantime. Starting to look at work is always a good idea, but the reality of that happening is extremely slim. Slacking and stoning, which is what i did for most of today once my classes had ended, seem to be far more likely possibilities for the days ahead...

Anyways, i had a good time just now at the int'l students' thingy, great to see some of the unc peeps who are here again, as well as meet many new people as well. The whole experience also confirmed my deduction that i switch accents automatically depending on who i speak to, definitely sounding more American whenever i'm faced with a speaker with such an accent too, but easily going back to normal otherwise, and finding it hard, if not impossible to try and reverse the order of things...

I must say that with things having changed so much over the past semester when i was away, it's been hard to adjust and get in sync with all that is going on, to fit back in so to speak... To make matters worse was the news i got when i called home the last time while i was still in the States that (think all the people who have a right to know this before others already know this so i can make it common knowledge here) my father's being posted elsewhere, and therefore we'll have to move out of our place sometime in March into somewhere else, which i just learnt will probably be an apartment in Novena. Added to this is the dilemma as to what i should do with regards to church cos i can stay or go, be it to where my father is posted to, or even to another church altogether...

I'll try to be candid here without being brutal, so basically i was and am and will continue to be totally bummed about this news, and this will probably last way into the time after i've actually already moved. At the back of my mind i know that this has to be part of God's plan (and it's not like this is a matter of life or death, so i guess i've less of a right to wail and complain and ask "why me?") but this really could not come at a worse possible time for me at least. Churchwise i'm still trying to settle in somewhat and while i've long settled into the house, i've really grown attached to the place (if and when i get my own place i'll definitely want it to be in the east) and the fact that i know people nearby. Novena may be close to town but that's hardly a draw for me and there's nothing else there to make me excited about moving there. The move is definitely gonna be very disruptive to the semester, and furthermore, i have no idea how i'm gonna get to school affordably yet quickly enough from there (never have i cherished bus 10 so much). Knowing me, i'll probably be in some variation of the general theme of a foul mood from now until a buffer period after the move is complete. And i think it strange, cos until this move, all my other five moves have been met with little resistance from me, if any at all, cos i really was not bothered by them. This one, on the other hand, well i'm basically chockful of negativity towards it. Hmm, i guess the more i think of it the more frustrated i get, and that's not healthy at all, so i think it best i stop here...

A teeny thing to cheer me up: Tar Heels are ranked #1 this week =)

Reverse culture shock

Just under 48 hours since i've arrived back, and i'm definitely still getting used to stuff back here after five months away. Things like how i get into the car and wonder why things look strange to me, and then i realise that the steering wheel is on the other side of the vehicle; or how my ear pricks up whenever i hear a Singaporean accent being spoken, then it hits me that duh, i'm back in S'pore so of course i'd hear the accent again; or like i step into the supermarket semi-expecting nice Christmas music to play over the speakers, only to be jolted into reality with the persistently jarring refrains of gong xi gong xi gong xi ni ah instead...

Yup well i'm glad that i somehow possessed the foresight to book my flight back when i did - not too early as to shorten the good times in NC, yet also not too late as to not be able to catch a bit of rest and settling in before school starts again. And i was also somehow pleasantly surprised that for once UA didn't delay me by too long on the way back (only half an hour or so late, which when put against the rest of my track record with them is pretty decent) so i managed to get back home at a not too unearthly hour, and i didn't even have any baggage misplaced, which is not a guarantee with them, i must say. Did have to fork out $50 for a piece of overweight baggage though, for one bag was 7 lbs over the limit. And this is after a very thorough and very painful process on my party of taking out tons and tons of stuff from my bag that i'd actually have wanted to bring back home with me such as all my books (probably will never look at them at any time in the near or far future, but i'm the clingy sort) which probably would have added another 20 or so lbs to my baggage. Ah but what's done is done i suppose...

Thankfully am not affected too much by jetlag - save perhaps for my stomach, which demands feeding in the morning, something that seldom happens usually. A bit tired here and there, but that should ease off in the days to come...

Most of my weekend was spent lazing around the house while squeezing in an occasional complaint here and there about the oppressive heat and humidity. Have gotten down to unpacking just a wee bit though, and i suspect that my bags will remain largely in the state that they are currently in for quite some time to come. One thing i did spend a lot of time on was retuning the guitar, which had gone down by a couple of whole tones methinks. Also spent lots of time watching some dvds that i bought from the us cos it's far cheaper there than over here.

Today went to church and met up with some of the cell people. Attracted much unwanted attention due to the length of my hair. Practically everyone reacted in the same two-part manner - the first part saying that they liked my hair like that, and the second part asking what my father had to say about it... After service went down to Black Canyon [yup it's moved to just a minute or so from my house, away from Serene Centre (i can imagine why, it's a much nicer place here)] for a bit with the cell peeps. Was great catching up and all... And i just came back from dinner with my grandparents just now - my grandma said that she liked my hair too. Unfortunately she also linked that compliment to her thinking that my side profile now looks very much like that of a girl's...

Sigh so fast and school starts tomorrow. My Mondays feature 10-11, 12-6 days, which is hardly peachy. Must look at it within the larger context of a 3 1/2 day week to be less bitter with my Mon schedule i guess... One thing's for sure though, i'd better get into the habit of doing mon work as soon as i get it, cos the last thing i want is to be cramming it all in to my Sunday, which i've sorta resolved to keep as work-free as humanly possible. Yupyup we'll see how that goes...

balek kampung

Okies arrived home couple of hours ago am still quite wide awake yet tired at the same time which is weird since it's a kind of a paradox but hey that's what more than a day on a plane can do to you but methinks should try to get some sleep so shall do so right now so you'll hear from me in a more sane state later...

Half a world nearer...

Well after a flight that lasted way too long, am here in HK airport. Yes, finally an airport with free wireless internet access... Too bad methinks the rest of the airport, as spanking new and advanced as it is, isn't really to my liking at all...

But anyways, yup the past few days have really been a rush of activity, which unfortunately me in my fresh-of-the-plane state cannot seem to recollect quickly enough for this post. Yup i post this mainly for the sake of posting something from here and to take advantage of the free wireless...

Ah - i remember something - the American lady seated in front of me in the plane from Chicago to here gave me a good concerned look and asked if i was travelling alone. Well, she has good reason to be concerned - she thought i was thirteen...

Yeah, anyways, the reality of being in S'pore soon is hitting me perhaps a little too quickly for my liking - just a couple of days and it's school again *aah*. Definitely will need the weekend to take it all in again before monday...

Dang, just realized that i left one of my two AC sweaters in the plane - it was too warm for me to remember to take it along with me methinks... And this is the one that cost $50 at one of those cut-throat AC gala dinners... But nvm, not as though i'll need it back in S'pore anyways, and in any case, now someone else knows that the best is yet to be... Heh you see i'm not even making sense anymore...

So until monday or whenever else, later y'all...

Back am i

Wow it's been quite a while hasn't it... Well since the last post i've truly been too busy to type much with Urbana and all - as i heard someone say, the Urbana schedule was truly one meant for college students - days that officially started with Breakfast served from 6:45am and ending as late as 12:30am. So think i got an average of five hours or less sleep a night for the duration of my time there, and of course i also didn't have time to update this...

Anyways, i'm very thankful that things worked out such that i was able to go for Urbana, for at the end of the day, it truly was a very enriching experience for me, and i took away a lot from it (in all senses of the word - not only spiritually, but physically as well in terms of the stuff that i bought which i now have to create a miracle in order to fit them into my bag...) There's way too much to put into this one post, and to recall as well, so i'll just provide a couple of snippets here.

It was truly amazing to see 22000 people gathered in one place for Urbana - have never been at such a big thingy of this kind before. It struck me especially during the worship sessions, which were very powerful times. Liked especially when we sang songs in other languages, both at the general sessions and the international students' track. (MZ be warned!) Couldn't help but be reminded of Revelations 7 when that happened... Well, in short the worship sessions were very effective at ministering to me, and i'm pretty sure this went beyond the mere emotional rush that came with it...

Met many great people there too. It's a comforting thought that since this was a Christian convention, everyone is at least sorta nice by default. Yup but even with that the Lord provided opportunities to meet with many other like-minded brothers and sisters in Christ from all over, which was a real swell experience to say the least...

Some of the Singaporeans at the international students' track at Urbana

The many speakers at Urbana were also a very anointed bunch. They gave me a lot to ponder upon in several areas, including my walk with God in general as well as specific areas of ministry too. At the same time, the Lord also provided me with some idea of what He may call me to in the future, yup but still am praying about that, and probably will be for some time to come...

In the midst of Urbana there also were some opportunities to relax a bit. One such opportunity that afforded itself was the visit that some of the S'poreans made to the White Castle just beyond our hotel for lunch. I'd actually already been there before, but since the others wanted to go, and i didn;t mind eating there again, i went along... Somehow after things transpired i decided to share a box of thirty burgers with another S'porean guy (of course, these burgers are small, around half the size of my fist). Just a little heads up, White Castle has just about the greasiest, most gas-inducing food around... So you can imagine how i felt after downing a total of 16 burgers... Needless to say, will probably never eat at White Castle again, and i also wonder why Harold and Kumar decided to go there in the first place...

The crave case (box of thirty small cheeseburgers) that i shared with Kai

Well, after Urbana, took a 14-hour bus ride all the way back to Durham - it actually seemed far shorter than it was - i guess American countryside is far more enjoyable to watch zip by than oil palm and rubber plantations. But anyways, at the end of it, i write this now finally back on the Hill (well, Carrboro, just next door, actually, but close enough). Think it's also pretty neat that my time at NC has both started and ended at this house...

Anyways, these two days here have been/will be spent going around UNC for the last time/meeting up with whoever i know who's around/packing (i'm so gonna be overweight man). Feeling pretty ambivalent about going back, especially with the latest bombshell that my mother just dropped on me when i called back this morning - more on that another time. But in any case, will be trying to have as great a time here with whatever's left...

Dan, thanks for the great recommendation =p mmm...