i've had a few

Got back yesterday from Vietnam - two weeks with random exco peeps, navigating our way from Saigon/HCMC up to Hanoi with various stops in between. Overall was a good time, goodness knows that i could do with an added holiday, even though it was not to a place where i conventionally would have chosen. In any case, the company elevates the enjoyment of a holiday from depending on the destination per se eh?

Well, maybe will talk more about Vietnam trip another time. What's on my mind now is the whole issue of graduation and how i'm going to handle it. So in short what happened is that results came out while we were in Vietnam (results that i was not really looking forward to as i guess many can gather). In preparation for whatever those results may have been i tried to spend time during qt/random times of stoning to talk to God specifically about it - even devoted a good one and a half hours or so walking up a good length of the main beach in Nha Trang and back doing just that. Well by the end of all that i thought that at least whatever the results would turn out to be, i'd be (eventually) ok with it. Which i guess is the case now when i write this in retrospect, more or less, at the least.

But at the time boy were they not. It hit me slowly, very slowly, in fact, at first. And then, as i began to think more about it, and realised how i came so close, and the simple action of using the s/u a bit more wisely alone, independent of scoring any better for any class, would have eliminated that 0.01 or so gap, i began to get real pissed - with myself and with the school. Of course, at the same time, what i had been pondering over previously helped to sober me a bit, although overall i was really super frustrated.

Although for much of the next two days i began to retreat into one of my pensive (and where i'm concerned, hence anti-social) moods, think that the Lord worked so wonderfully in timing this to take place in Vietnam and not back in S'pore. In short i was able to look around and see how i really have nothing to complain about, at least relatively speaking - a rehashing of the why (not) me thingy again. So now i'm not really too bothered about it anymore, although admittedly i'm using my time-honored strategy of avoidance to try and tackle the situation. Which is where the current resurfacing of all my thoughts on the matter at this present time comes in - don't want to elaborate here, at least not now - suffice to say that i've a lot more thinking and praying to do i guess. Motivations...