running on (near) empty

Saturday was kinda a reunion sorta day - in the afternoon went back to acjc for a choir 20th anniversary thanksgiving service thingy - it's hard to believe that it's already been seven years since leaving jc - but anyways, that was a good opportunity to touch base with old faces (not many, i was one of only two people from my batch who were there) and get reacquainted with some of the music that pulsated through my brain over those two years [me being the kind who retains music in my mind well, i honestly can still remember a good portion of the music and lyrics (in my part, at least) that formed our repertoire (well with four/five-hour-long rehearsals twice a week, it's hard not to actually)]. Good also to see again what the seemingly endless stream of fundraising we did during those two years went into (especially when the school is unadorned with makeshift stalls and decorations during funorama - which has been the only other reason i've been back there apart from this in recent history). And also (unlikely, but at least became more open to the possibility) a widening of potential posting opportunities post-nie. But at the same time i was also reminded of how out of touch i (was and) am with choir life in general. Heck.

After that it was time for a cross-country mrt ride (first of many more to come methinks in the near future) to another barker class reunion. Honestly, in the past two reunions i've attended this year, i would never have expected to enjoy myself as much as i did - it's great to see how everyone looks roughly the same but nevertheless seems to have grown a lot in the emotional/spiritual sense, and also look back on good times all those years ago. Everyone's really come a long way, though i must admit, many of the various classroom shenanigans that people were recalling were stuff i was hitherto unaware of.

I wonder now if that was at least in part because while in sec 3/4 i was admittedly a (relatively) guai student who probably was too busy being a guai student to notice that all this was going on, at a time when many of the others (by their own admission) didn't really study much during that time, but have since gone on to much greater things in their own right, such as getting into good schools and graduating with good degrees or finding a great job, that sorta thing - along those lines i seriously wonder if i had more or less exhausted whatever capacity i had to be that sort of guai student by the time nus, and in particular the period after coming back from exchange, came around, culminating in the spectacular academic failure that is my final sem. And along similar lines, whether my early involvement in all things VCF pre-exchange sort of sapped a good deal of the capacity i had for cf involvement in general, culminating in my dwindling energy put in to cf stuff over the last year (yes, in spite of being in exco), up to the state of near apathy that i seem to be feeling at this moment. Of course, as per my usual disclaimer, i am probably making things out to be far worse than they actually are, but in essence, it's all there.

Well, the obvious alternative to that hypothesis is that things just changed dramatically for me upon coming back from exchange - i've a good portion of what was written in the excellent report in Saturday's ST on disoriented S'poreans returning here after time abroad to support that theory (even if five months isn't exactly the longest of times, as compared to say years/decades). I'd like to think that it's a combination of the two, plus other random factors.

Oh well. i know how much i hate overthinking/overanalysis, and i figure that's exactly what i'm doing in the above, so let's keep it at that for now - just hope that things change soon enough...

wanderlust

The Vietnam trip was by and large my first real experience at backpacking (or at least as close to backpacking as i've ever been on - with the actual procurement and usage of a backpack playing a big part in that) - typically my travels (or at least those of the non-family/non-school trip variety) have fallen into either the shamelessly-invite-self-to-stay-with-relatives/family-friends or the pay-a-premium-and-share-a-proper-hotel-room variety - i.e. i'm more used to slightly more atas accomodations (and more importantly, washroom facilities) when it comes to traveling.

But basically by the end of the Vietnam trip, i realized that i can easily go down a scale when it comes to traveling - the important thing is more the new places seen than the place you stay in, unless of course you make your hotel your destination like those atas places you see on discovery travel and living...

Eh so anyways, even during the trip and since coming back a whole host of places have popped up in my head which i would like to go to in the near future (i.e. before stuff like backaches and joint pains make more rigorous travel a non-option). What great timing that this happens at the same time as my schedule is about to get a whole lot less flexible in the long term, but ah well, we can always dream eh...

My main criteria is that the place must interest me (like duh), and if a language that i'm at least a tad familiar in is spoken there that's an added plus (except for mandarin of course, which i'd rather not use at all). Don't necessarily have to backpack there, more atas types of travel is definitely an option, as long as got enough $ - anyways Vietnam has taught me that i don't really like to shop, so which means more $ for other stuff, like eating =)

In random, indulgent order:

1) Visit the 21 states in the US i've yet to visit - those i'm especially keen on are Ohio (although that's almost solely cos i want to go here); Alaska (cos i want to go on a cruise far away enough from S'poreans who will storm the buffet lines and has more interesting and new places to call port in than Melaka and/or Phuket); Colorado (for mountains and skiing); Vermont (for fall scenery and Ben & Jerry's) and Wisconsin (well it's near enough to Chicago, which is my favorite big city in the US, and i don't mind stuffing myself with cheese). How convenient that they all are relatively far away from each other eh - (as in they don't touch each other...). Bah.

2) Revisit Chapel Hill, and old friends, and at the same time see more of NC, especially the mountains which i didn't see at all, maybe hike at least a fair bit of the Appalachian Trail too...

3) Go around the Philippines - hike the rice terraces, swim with whale sharks, chill at the beach in Boracay/Palawan, chocolate hills (how can you go wrong with a place called chocolate hills?) - hopefully by the time i get back there i'll have enough command of the language to live up to my appearance...

4) Some kind of backpacking trail around Europe - either around France (where i'll hopefully be able to cope with the language), the central and eastern parts (i.e. funky ex-Communist countries), or Scandinavia and the surrounding regions (where i know a couple of people, who hopefully still know me heh) - this of course, will take far more time than methinks i'll ever have available in the next few years, but at least speaking at this point in time this is enough reason for me to take a break once my bond is up hmm...

5) (if got less time and $) go around Thailand, since i can speak enough Thai to make me wish i was there instead of Vietnam during the trip owing to communication problems.

6) South Africa (just cos i want to go to Sub-Saharan Africa, and this is the most accessible part of it to go to)

7) Mauritius (not cos of it's proven honeymoon potential, but cos it's a French-speaking place with great scenery)

8) Tunisia/Morocco (eh cos French is spoken there and i want to go to North Africa too - yes i'm that predictable)

9) South America (if ever i get to picking up Spanish - just to cover another continent - i can do without going to Antarctica - too expensive and unfeasible)

Heh maybe that'll do for now - don't want to get to indulgent and unrealistic, and anyways i've been blessed with the opportunity to go to a lot of places as it is... And i don't want to rake up unnecessary carbon emissions... But still, any takers to any of the above?

If not, i'll find my way to these places myself... Hopefully... Eventually...

i've had a few

Got back yesterday from Vietnam - two weeks with random exco peeps, navigating our way from Saigon/HCMC up to Hanoi with various stops in between. Overall was a good time, goodness knows that i could do with an added holiday, even though it was not to a place where i conventionally would have chosen. In any case, the company elevates the enjoyment of a holiday from depending on the destination per se eh?

Well, maybe will talk more about Vietnam trip another time. What's on my mind now is the whole issue of graduation and how i'm going to handle it. So in short what happened is that results came out while we were in Vietnam (results that i was not really looking forward to as i guess many can gather). In preparation for whatever those results may have been i tried to spend time during qt/random times of stoning to talk to God specifically about it - even devoted a good one and a half hours or so walking up a good length of the main beach in Nha Trang and back doing just that. Well by the end of all that i thought that at least whatever the results would turn out to be, i'd be (eventually) ok with it. Which i guess is the case now when i write this in retrospect, more or less, at the least.

But at the time boy were they not. It hit me slowly, very slowly, in fact, at first. And then, as i began to think more about it, and realised how i came so close, and the simple action of using the s/u a bit more wisely alone, independent of scoring any better for any class, would have eliminated that 0.01 or so gap, i began to get real pissed - with myself and with the school. Of course, at the same time, what i had been pondering over previously helped to sober me a bit, although overall i was really super frustrated.

Although for much of the next two days i began to retreat into one of my pensive (and where i'm concerned, hence anti-social) moods, think that the Lord worked so wonderfully in timing this to take place in Vietnam and not back in S'pore. In short i was able to look around and see how i really have nothing to complain about, at least relatively speaking - a rehashing of the why (not) me thingy again. So now i'm not really too bothered about it anymore, although admittedly i'm using my time-honored strategy of avoidance to try and tackle the situation. Which is where the current resurfacing of all my thoughts on the matter at this present time comes in - don't want to elaborate here, at least not now - suffice to say that i've a lot more thinking and praying to do i guess. Motivations...

(sorta) parting thoughts

Got back yesterday from exco retreat/advance - it felt kinda weird some of the time, as for the first time in just about year i was at a chalet hanging around with no real work to have to do, where the major decisions to be made are of the what-game-should-we-play-now variety.

So i guess this kinda marks the end of what has been a highly eventful year in exco - lots of ups together with their fair share of downs - but all in all, as i've come to realize is more or less always the case, at least in retrospect, an experience with much to give thanks for - a concrete display of what can happen if you just have faith that He will see you through.

Anyways, any more of that reflection stuff will probably turn all maudlin so i'll avoid that. Basically as it felt weird to not have any work per se to get done during retreat/advance, so now it feels weird that technically VCF is no longer my direct concern, so to speak. And being the kind who tends to focus on a limited amount of key things at a time (and having VCF be one of them over the past four years, and i'd say at the expense of church), to have one biggie come to a sudden endlike this is quite the surreal experience.

Of course, who's to say that i'm cutting off all ties from VCF - yup that's definitely not the case. But in lieu of my arguably special circumstances (which in short are that i really ought to be better rooted in church, especially now that there's no longer VCF), i've been thinking that i really should limit the amount of time i spend coming back to visit and all that, as satisfying an experience as that may be, as that would methinks to at least some extent just serve to perpetuate the frustration that is my current situation. Not that i'm taking time off from CF stuff and cfers along with that, but just that selectivity (if there is such a word) is key for now.

Was watching a short CNN report on James Blake just now - basically he's a top tennis player who a couple of seasons ago went through injury that caused near paralysis, the death of his father and a life-threatening illness all in one short span. What struck me about that is how he was dismissing the "why me?" attitude that perhaps is human nature when afflicted in such a way - he reasoned that people don't ask the same when they achieve success in some way, so why should we do the same when things don't go the way they so-called 'ideally' would? And at least for me, that makes perfect sense. I am not sure what Mr Blake's religious affiliations are, but in applying it to a Christian perspective on things, who are we to question how the Lord lets things go when they don't turn out well, when we welcome with open arms (occasionally accompanied by thanksgiving) the good stuff?

Of course in theory, that's easy to say and affirm, but in practice, ay there's the rub. Throughout the course of much of the past four years i've been struggling with the "why me?" thingy for various setbacks and what not that've happened, the most current one being the far-less-than-satisfactory church situation i'm in, and the long-term implications of that over the years, some of which have already become an occasionally painful reality for me. Guess that's just something that the Lord is still working through, with a more concrete conclusion to the matter still lying far ahead in the distance, if it exists at all. That's where grace and faith come in eh...

Bummed about Burma

I was quite disappointed to read FM George Yeo's comments regarding disaster-hit states in the st today - and i quote - "we must respect the autonomy of countries and accept the fact that they know local situations better than foreign people ever can." Generally speaking, the statement certainly stands. But when you apply it to the current situation in Burma (i refuse to use the M-word as to me that signifies acceptance of the military junta there), surely common sense, aided by decades of experience in dealing with the government, has it that these wise words require deep re-examination.

Yes a country's autonomy ought to be respected - but should it be respected (and from the look of how ASEAN is dealing, or not dealing, with the situation, venerated) to the extent that we forget what a proven incompetent regime we are dealing with here in the first place? All this la-di-da diplomacy can only do so much, and i'm afraid that with reference to the regime heading Burma, it's far from enough - influential players like ASEAN and China really have to start pushing the boundaries of this "respect of autonomy" and show that they mean business to the Burmese government if the latter is ever going to wake up its idea, so to speak. Unfortunately, it seems that the allure of one's own economic gain, plus to a lesser extent, the concept of face, is preventing this from ever happening (cf. Yeo's remarks).

And yes local governments would know the local situation better than foreign people ever can. And Burma's rulers definitely know the local situation very well. Unfortunately it only seems to be in the interests of perpetuating their noxious rule rather than anything else. Their 'in-depth local knowledge,' if you could call it that, is employed only for their own security purposes, and not for the welfare of the disaster-stricken people at all. There's more than sufficient proof to show that the government cannot, or at the least, will not do enough to provide the necessary relief to the people in the vast Irrawaddy Delta area. Apparently a lot of those affected in these areas are Karen Christians, which (i won't go into greater detail here) methinks explains in part why the military is so reticent to even let foreign aid get to them, let alone help them themselves. And there are other reports that the military is taking credit for aid that does not come from them, and are even replacing some of the aid packages with inferior quality ones, keeping the former for their own needs. Disgusting.

I recall a conversation with an American on the plane explaining to him more about the situation in Burma - appalled, he said that direct intervention is needed - and it probably would have happened already had Burma been an oil-rich state. Invasion may be a step (or several steps) too far, but definitely more has to be done.

21 more to go

So at the start of the last sem i'd played around with taking various classes and realized that for once, at last i had the opportunity to end (exams) early, and real early at that, if i chose classes in the interests of fulfilling that end. And while i'd hardly advise the promise of an early holiday to be the main consideration behind the choosing of classes, i'm nevertheless glad that it worked out for me (eh or at least i'll say that until final results come out...)

But back to the story, actually even after settling classes and hence exam schedule, i had no ideas in mind as to what i may have wanted to do once exams ended. And then randomly one day i came across an online advert on cnn.com by SIA with the promo fare to Houston, and to cut a long story short, the very reasonable fares plus tanking US dollar were enough for me to finally decide to get tickets. Furthermore, the final destination was a place in the US i hadn't been before (which is always a key factor) - so why not eh?

Well i could list in detail all that went on but i guess that's rather self-indulgent and anyways i can't remember all the itty bitty details. In lieu of that will just recount random cool things that come to mind.

1) As much as i don't like the elitist bent of SQ (case-in-point: the changing of the direct to NYC/LA flights to an all-business class configuration in order to rake in bigger bucks), (at the risk of being cheesy) it really is a great way to fly - and after suffering through United Airlines to the US the past few times, SIA really is a revelation. The in-flight entertainment is really a cut above - i've this thing against paying the prices we have to pay to watch movies in S'pore, so to watch (allow me to recount) Sweeney Todd (not bad); Ratatouille (only thing i didn't like was the bad French pronunciation); Bee Movie (which is a D movie imho - don't watch it!); Juno (finally!); No Country For Old Men (creepy but good); Dan in Real Life (underrated); plus lots of good tv stuff like Pushing Daisies (wish they'd show it here) and Arrested Development (i miss it) for free (ok, not really free, but at least it seems free) was great. I almost didn't sleep both on the way there and back simply cos there was so much to do. Regret not getting a free S'pore Sling just to see what's the big deal about it...

2) Honestly, i expected New Orleans to be in a more depressed state than it was, in the wake of Katrina and all, but then again, i didn't get to go out of the tourist area, which was relatively less affected. All in all, it's a real interesting city, although the great nightlife is not really my type - the famous Bourbon Street there is dotted with strip clubs, which, to put it discreetly, make it clear in their storefronts what services it is that they provide. That's why i only went down there in the day and avoided it at night. Can't imagine how my father would have reacted if he was there haha.

3) And for all the good food that the city is famous for, unfortunately a lot of it has seafood (which i guess comes as no surprise since it is right by the sea), so didn't really get to sample much of that... Whatever food i did have was good nevertheless.

4) Never seen so many smokers as i did there - in the street, one really could not look in any direction without catching at least one person smoking. It seemed to me that people were either smoking or about to take a smoking break.

5) Wish could spend more time than just one and a half days in Houston - there's actually a surprising amount of stuff to do there. Thought i got a real good deal on the Hyatt there, until i realized that over the weekend, downtown is by and large a dead zone. Never really got out of the central area either. But ah well, it was good anyways.

6) Quite cool how an ex-NBA player ended up to be my cab driver to the airport - and a pretty good one too (three-time all-star) - and at least the minimal bball knowledge that i had was enough to get him really excited that this foreign asian dude knew so much haha.

7) The quick one-day visit to South Bend was really cool - i just like to go to places where the typical S'porean tourist would never go to - and this was one of them. Notre Dame has a real beautiful campus, the nicest i've seen so far, and the spring flowers were real pretty. Also, what cool timing that i was there during the primary elections, so i got to see the electoral process there close-up (during the midterms in '06 there was little action in Chapel Hill - and coincidentally the NC primaries were on the same day).

8) For the record, while i was there i became an Obama supporter :)

9) Even though i've been to Chicago before, and very recently too, am glad managed to go back - not just because there's quite a bit to do there, but also for the company. Think by now i can make my way around the city pretty well without ending up lost.

10) The highlight of Chicago was of course finally getting to watch Wicked (the soundtrack of which i'm listening to right now) - i dunno why i didn't watch it the other time i was there, but anyways, it was just a great experience. As many times as i've seen Defying Gravity on the screen, nothing beats seeing it in front of you on stage. And For Good? *tears* I wonder if it will ever reach here (and not with a third-rate Aussie production).

11) Ate so much there - portions are so big to begin with, and then i had to help my mother to finish up her portion most times (cos i don't like to waste food). Never dumped so many times and so much in a day before (ok wtmi i know)

12) And of course, for frivolity's sake, i also added three more new states to my list (Texas, Louisiana and Michigan) - so we're up to 29/50 now =p

*) Although of course that also meant that there was an awful lot covered in just ten days - oh what i wouldn't give for a nice, relaxed holiday unconstrained from annoyingly constricting S'porean timetables...

Hmm looks like i listed a lot of stuff in detail anyways...

Ah well, in any case, hope to go back again, and particularly back to NC, sooner rather than later. Yup Carolina still on my mind...

And of course what 17 May post isn't complete without a happy birthday greeting?

reverso

Yuppers so i got back from a good but nevertheless very rushed trip yesterday, will talk more about it later while progressively uploading pics on fb, but for now am just biding time until going for dinner...

So people who've been reading this for some time may recall my saaa-ness-induced shirt incident from two years or so back. Well, a similar incident just had to take place one more time before leaving nus, and on my final day of all days - ok the background to this story is that due to both an affinity for walking around plus a desire to cut carbon emissions, i'd taken to walking back to pgp from school at the end of each day. Unfortunately, given the @#$% heat and humidity that we have here (one of the things that annoys me most about S'pore btw), by the time i reach back to my room, my shirt is usually sweat-drenched (but still wearable), so i'll hang it up, turning it inside-out in the process.

And then the morning of my first (and last) papers, i just took one of those shirts (and i suppose you can see where i'm heading with this one by now) and wore it and headed out. Bumped into a classmate at arts canteen and sat there for a while before heading to as7 for my 9am paper on (hooray) Malaysian history. Paper itself was ok, everyone was happy to get through it (and perhaps very apt for the occasion, shouts of Merdeka rang out). And i turned around and asked my friend behind me how was things - then he asked me if i wore my shirt the wrong way - i checked and - oops, so it was inside-out.

My only hope is that he noticed it only because he had spent the two previous hours right behind me and hence had ample opportunity to notice the label sticking out from under my collar (it was a polotee). That's highly likely i guess, or at least i hope, since no one else seemed to look at me strangely - hmm come to think of it, maybe one of the invigilators did... Oh well, in any case needless to say the first place i headed to after that was the washroom to invert the shirt... Whee. I'm such a toot.

from across the earth

Ok after a day of flying and sleep depravation (due more to the uber-coolness that is KrisWorld on SQ than due to problems with sleeping while flying), am now in a Houston airport area hotel (the town is called, believe it or not, Humble), using the free wireless - hope everyone's exams are coming along fine! Will talk more about my own abrogated exam period and flight when am less tired and don't have a 6:15am flight to New Orleans the next day to wake up in time for. Currently my eyes are as red as they were just after i finished writing thesis - heh talk about same condition, totally different cause =p

Losing a (sorta) family member and gaining (sorta) another

Firstly, on a sad note, my bike of just under four and a half years (whom i had belatedly christened Big Blue - yup real imaginative i am i know), got stolen, from, of all places at the carpark under my building where it was chained. The latest in a series of annoyances i have with apartment living. The fact that it was stolen the weekend following our friend MSK's escape has brought forth the possibility that he was the evil dude who broke not one, but two chains in order to steal her. But ah well, its but an irrelevant conspiracy theory... Anyways, BB served me well, and she was sorta due for retirement (i was from time to time considering rubbing her all over with lemon juice in the interests of de-rusting), but even then, this is still rather abrupt. My only hope is that she proves useful to whoever took her (and i don't mean in the scrap metal sense...)

Me being boliao and taking a picture of hands-less bike-riding

BB at Changi Coast Park watching planes land

I know i've been meaning to talk more about my new sibling (i'm talking about the sis) but have not really had the time to do so - oh well, actually, it's been more than three weeks already since i handed it in (hist dept deadline being the earliest in the whole of nus to my knowledge), so i've kinda forgotten a lot about what actually went on. All that comes to mind at the moment is zao-ing an exco meeting early (in my defense, it already was close to 11pm) in order to trundle back to pgp to finish the last bits before sending for printing, sleeping about two hours in between getting back and leaving again for the business library to do whatever was left before printing it (since it's 20% cheaper to print there), and then finally getting it done but then fouling up on the formatting of content page and page numbers, necessitating an emergency call to more computer-adept folk to bail me out, and then finally printing it at around 5pm, while realizing that in my stress and saa-ness, i had both forgotten to bathe that night and had mistakenly printed two extra copies (thus negating any $ that may have been saved via the 20% cheapre printing prices). Well, after a short metamorphosizing period at gohbros, this is the result:

Yup i know the acknowledgements page doesn't begin to express my gratitude to all who have seen me through this process (without sounding too self-indulgent), so i'll just say another (inadequate) thank you to anyone who has in any way helped to see me through this... You are most welcome to look for me if you are actually interested in reading about the construction of a contemporary Filipino American identity, although chances are, you aren't =p

And in the meantime, it's reading week - last one ever!

Mediacrap, or the Modern Narcissus

Anyone who regularly watches this space will know that i have a special annoyance for most stuff to do with mediacrap, and that any mention of them here is to remark upon something bad (cos well i don't see anything good to remark upon).

Well, methinks that this time they've really outdone themselves in the narcissism and self-congratulatory department, as seen in this cna article. Imagine that - they all getting so proud about MediaCorp News "[sweeping] the lion's share of the annual in-house awards given to journalists" (pardon the formal quoting btw, occupational hazard of just having finished thesis). Well - let me analyze that statement a tad - "in-house" = only MediaCorp stuff is eligible, or at the least is heavily favored to win; "given to journalists" = the news department would obviously have the upper hand - i mean, which other department has journalists anyway? I dunno who won the two awards that MediaCorp News didn't win, but that's besides the point - the fact that they didn't win everything shows how poor their quality is (imho). In other words, i can't think of a more flawed set-up for an awards presentation than this one.

Maybe on second thoughts, this whole awards thingy isn't so bad, in the sense that i guess hard work deserves to be recognized. My beef though, is that (again, imho) the kind of nonsense that they produce doesn't even begin to warrant them splashing out such a long article to bask in their own perceived (not by me though) achievements. Get their act together, then maybe i will cease from being so critical. But alas, that day appears to be far from a-coming...

side note: this just turned three!

second side note: updates on how thesis went etc will come soon...

i read this halfway, and knew it had to be a joke - oh if only...

Go heels!

it's only words

So here's where it stands as of now:

The thesis is due in a week's time, at 4pm (ok so that technically makes it six days, 22 hours and say forty minutes' time...)

I've completed the intro, chapters one and two, and am halfway through chapter three.

However, lots of feedback over the past week or so has (perhaps inevitably) led me to have to try and do a major reworking of the whole thing, for a variety of reasons which if i list here will just remind me of my grief.

So to that end, i've to sorta overhaul (the word of the past few weeks, eh?) the whole thing, strengthen the line of argument in all that's been written so far, which necessitates quite a bit of cutting and reconceptualizing (whoa will the parallels with cg structure never cease?), two things that i'm not particularly good at doing (whoop so they haven't =p)

Which, believe me, is definitely do-able - but it's a matter of how well this can be done. I've recently gone back to calculating caps once again (the most math i've done this side of "Physics in the Life Sciences"), and realize that the magic number i should aim for is 3.7825 - which sounds very possible, if not for the fact that thesis will have to make up half of that figure, which drastically lowers the odds. Especially if the stuff which i submit looks any more than remotely similar to what i have now...

Oh well, i'm definitely glad to have gotten all the feedback, it really has helped me to think through what i'm writing, and make sure that it's not all just some random sociological fluff. Just wish that i were not in as vulnerable a position as i am now.

And of course there's the added bummer that cos of this i practically missed all of CC that was going on, cos even if i were to go for any of it, think i wouldn't be spiritually and emotionally invested enough to make me more than a seat-filler. Same goes for Holy Week unfortunately.

So now all that lies between now and 4pm on 28 March 2008 is a lot of staring at the computer screen trying to add and cut stuff from here and there, hoping to make enough sense of it to posit a possible grade (which hopefully won't stink), plenty of sleep (yes sleep - at least 9 hours a night for the past week in fact), even more food (have gobbled down one-and-a-half loaves of bread since Monday), hopefully some exercise (or the aforementioned food will take its toll), a visit to Goh Bros at src to submit my title (ack!), another to submit the final stuff (and btw when i went down that day i never realized how big the place actually is - always thought it was just a shopfront), and a final one to collect the bound copies for submission. No sweat, huh?

Oh, and lots of prayer =)

RIP Eve

Well, i didn't know her personally, and only vaguely (if at all, i may be remembering the wrong person - may have voted for her, i can't remember), but the news of Eve Carson's sudden passing still has come as quite a shock, even though it's more than a year since UNC. Even though it's so far away (both temporally and spatially, the blow seems to hit much closer than it perhaps logically ought to). I know that where she was shot was near one of my normal running routes there - and it was so near campus too, so on some weird level that was pretty real for me. And if to me it's already like this, can't imagine how things are like over there.

Anyways, prayers with Eve's family and friends, stay strong Heels.

Edit - dook win seems so much more meaningful now...

C'mon

Eh i dunno why as my deadline draws closer i feel more compelled to put stuff here, even as writing has seen (less than adequate) progress since yesterday - oh MSK, why did you have to escape now of all times?

But anyways, i was again paying an excruciating visit to cna in order to check out local news, when i came across some good news - (no, he's not yet found) they're setting up an independent committee of inquiry to find out how the guy escaped and recommend measures to prevent this from ever happening again.

But wait a minute: independent committee of inquiry you say? Let's pay a little visit to our friends over at dictionary.com:

in·de·pend·ent
–adjective

1.	not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself: an independent thinker.

2.	not subject to another's authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free: an independent businessman.

3.	not influenced by the thought or action of others: independent research.

Fair enough. Now let's look at who makes up this independent committee:

"The committee is chaired by Goh Joon Seng, a retired judge (and current member of the Council of Presidential Advisers), with former police commissioner and current ambassador-at-large Tee Tua Ba, and Deputy Secretary of Security at the Home Affairs Ministry, Choong May Ling"

So let me get this straight, "independent" as defined by the higher-ups somehow is able to describe a presidential adviser (ok, that one still can i guess), a former police commissioner and current ambassador-at-large (hmm tricky - but to give the benefit of the doubt, he is a former police commissioner, so he is not currently within the system), and *what?!* a deputy secretary at MHA [ok, this doubt of mine doesn't even have any benefit to worm out of it - seriously, none of the above definitions (nor any from the rest on the list, for that matter) could even in their most liberal interpretation, include a senior official from the ministry in charge of ISD, who run the Whitley detention center in the first place].

Aiyah, but well i've really to be getting back to work - doesn't mean i'm not super miffed at the whole thing though - i still maintain that our friend WKS ought to give a sincere apology for a change and then step down - though chances are, when the findings of this 'independent' committee come out, he'll still be there without a tinge of guilt, and with that same arrogant mug. Sad.

you pay 'em peanuts, you get peanuts

um ok i guess under the circumstances (first draft due in just over 52 hours' time, with only 1/6 of the maximum word count now being actually typed out), typing this perhaps isn't exactly the best idea (and i'd sort of resolved not to put anything new here until i handed the draft up).

but well, to let my rarely-seen optimistic streak manifest itself at an opportune moment, i have at least finished a (tentative) introduction, somehow managing to squeeze everything into the 1000 word limit (and then periodically - as in every fifteen minutes or so - revisiting it for revision, alternating between trimming and adding as it appears to fit best at that point in time, but ensuring that i end up with exactly 1000 words), and i've also done the opening few paragraphs of each of my three chapters, which for me is the most troubling part to do, after that, the content is by and large already up here (points to head). But of course there's nothing to write for a conclusion yet cos i'm still not sure how's that gonna turn out... Well anyways, this is meant to be a work in progress, and i know there'll be a lot of revision to do once i get the draft back, so why do up so much that will end up being cut and revamped? (i can practically see the angel and devil on either side of my head now...)

in any case, they chose, of all times, now to install a drainage system right by the slope outside my window, so there's this constant and jarring drilling noise that i've to contend with... And anyways who am i if not the ultimate last-minute worker (who still never misses a work deadline thank you very much)?

let me randomly grumble aloud as to how somehow the higher-ups tend to get away scot free over here - there was the business with the dunking; our dear friend TT and his shenanigans with the nkf (btw is that word like back in now that Juno has uttered it?); and now this inexcusable escape, yet none of the relevant highly-paid folk get the sack, or even a reprimand for that matter. Instead it's those further below (i wouldn't call them scapegoats, but to some extent that's a valid use of the word) who get it bad. Anywhere else and it's bye-bye seven-figure salary (oh wait, i stand corrected, anywhere else there wouldn't be a seven-figure salary). And in this most recent case, what do we get? Nothing but a smug, insincere apology delivered with the same arrogance and that oh-look-at-me-mr-high-and-mighty face. Surely if people are paid that much, they can at least have the common decency to be more accountable for their responsibilities...

herein ends the rant of a concerned and pissed off S'porean. Now back to writing (oops, actually, think i'll lunch first =p).

Happy 122nd - while you celebrate your birthday at the Shangri-la, i'll be at pgp toiling over my com.

btw, i came across this quick poll on the channelnewsasia website (as much as i hate cna, the other realistic option for getting local news online is ST which requires payment, and imho they don't deserve it). my views on the youth olympics aside (and they shall remain private), when i saw this my first reaction was "what the s***" (pardon the bad language) [btw just cut-n-paste cos couldn't figure out html]

quick poll:

Singapore has won the bid to play host for the 2010 Youth Olympics Games.

-Yes! It shows size doesn't matter and I am glad for the vote of confidence

-I believe this will develop sport in Singapore and teach people to look beyond the material

yup, these were the only two options btw - it's kinda like what Colbert does when he poses visibly annoyed Democratic congressmen this question during "Better Know A District": "George W. Bush - great president, or the greatest president?" Kinda farny in that case, less so here...

oh goodness save me from this crap (cna, i mean)...

totally random note of the day

They were airing "The Queen" on central just now - it so happened that it was also the last movie i watched in an actual movie theater - that was in Jan last year. So i figure that i'm not much of a movie person eh...

ah well, anyways, there won't be much over here in the near future, at least not until by God's grace a sufficient amount of thesis stuff is churned out for the first draft (due 3 Mar)...

So until then, wish me well...

clash

Yup it's time for my oh-so-favorite holiday of the year again. Perhaps to subconsciously commemorate the occasion, i started playing the few chinese songs that exist on my home pc (and btw doesn't Stefanie Sun look so auntie in those canned food ads at bus stops?), something that i've not done since 18 Aug 2007 (it says so on the itunes thingy) and only after starting to type this post did i realize the link.

Well, i'm glad at least that this year's cny is probably as minimally disruptive as they get - we had dinner last night, then there's lunch today, and that pretty much marks the end of any family observances of the holiday. There's also another dinner tonight, but at least i'm spared from having to do any visiting this year, something that i perhaps was nonchalant about when i was younger, but ever since i got older, and $ got less and less, the sole redeeming quality of it all has gotten less and less effective, and in the past five or more years or so have gotten real sian of visiting. May even head back to school to do work tomorrow, in part to avoid having to be dragged down to visit more random people, but also cos after i left my room yesterday and was on the bus back, i realized that i had both left behind perishable food in my room and left the windows wide open.

Unfortunately though, attempts to avoid cny music by staying away from supermarkets and the like unless absolutely necessary have not met with much success, and to make matters worse, my dear presidential neighbor has some cny activities planned and hence now i hear more cny music blasted from a chinese orchestra (so just as well i'm playing more acceptable chinese music to drown that out...). Hmm, yet another reason to go back to school tomorrow - and in any case i've lots of work to do...

This is the first year that i can remember where i've tried to actively do something in the light of Lent season. Food wise, however, i've found it hard to find something to abstain from - at first i was thinking along the lines of cny delicacies like pineapple tarts/love letters etc, but then i realized i don't really like to eat those in any case, so it would be no kick. I already don't eat seafood so no go there, and i was already cutting down on fish both cos it's often too fishy and cos of my concerns over overfishing and the difficulty here (compared to say, in the States) to find out what varieties have in fact been overfished (and hence, might as well avoid all fish). Then, i was thinking along the lines of beef as well, but then again my choice to avoid it would have more to do with the inefficiency of cows as a food source since the calories they consume in their grain feed is far less than the calories their meat produces (i.e. people go hungry at the expense of wasted calories), and less so for religious reasons. And of course cows fart/belch methane too. But in any case i just remembered that i did in fact eat beef at yesterday's dinner so it can't count either heh... So i dunno, chocs? But i don't exactly crave those. Ice cream? But i don't get to eat it often anyways. Alcohol? But i drink like once a year if not less...

So while i still dunno about the food bit, i've decided to avoid youtube for this period, since i do lose at least four productive hours every month or so to browsing random nonsense thingies. Interesting though, how the RC Church here wrote to the Vatican for permission to find an alternative date for Ash Wednesday fasting observation in the light of it coinciding with typical reunion dinner night - raises questions on if and when it is right to compromise Christian practices (or even to label it a compromise) for the sake of culture...

Ah crap there's the Dook game on now and i can't catch it - they're not even airing it on espn here - what a travesty...

work = mad

Graduation requirements are such that i've had to take class after class of so-called breadth modules - i can envision the official rationale behind it is that nus can then go on to produce well-rounded young men and women who will be well-equipped to face the unique challenges of today's society or something along these lines, only cheesier.

Well at class the other day the lecturer noted that F = ma - fair enough, i remember that from O level physics. Then came the next equation: work = Fd. And of course, being the diligent well-rounded young man that i am, i substituted formula one into formula two - voilà: the only thing i still remember from that day's class: work = mad. Go figure.

Wonder why each semester seems to pass by faster and faster - that three weeks of school are already over is just insane - and it's now just under two months till ht is due [and so far the (lack of) progress report sees me having written no more than a tentative, pre-edited and horribly overly-long lit review (but i've probably read more books than the whole rest of last year already)] and exactly a month after that when i take my first and last papers of the sem and of my entire undergrad career. That's quite hard to fathom now, but judging from the pace that things have been coming this way in no time it should be easier to grasp - just hope that my writing can keep pace with it! But seriously (yes, seriously =p) i'm quite happy with the amount of stuff that somehow has been done so far - it's a real reminder that the Lord is carrying me through it...

So cny is coming up, and as per usual i'm looking forward to it as much as i am to the latest update on Britney Spears' struggles with sobriety, child custody and the like. Guess the big silver lining i can draw out of it is the extra few days free to get some work done (i wanna say "but who am i kidding?" but in faith, i'm sure i'll get quite a bit done =)

And hooray for trips post-exams (dunno what they might be yet, but i shall celebrate in advance too)!!!

Finally managed to catch me some tennis the other day since channel 5 decided to air the Aussie Open Finals - only managed to catch the men's one, but anyways i guess my eardrums needed a rest and subjecting myself to Maria Sharapova's shrieks wouldn't help. As normally happens when i end up following a match, the one i didn't want to win won, and by my analysis it was more of Tsonga losing the match than Djokovic winning it (not that he wasn't good though), but ah heck, at least it was real quality tennis. My father, of course, theorized that Tsonga would have played better sans the ear stud - i'm not too sure about that one =p

And speaking of tennis, who's game for this wed 10-12pm at SRC?

Was reading the ST when they talked about the monetary awards presentation to the SEA Games gold medal winners - i couldn't help noticing the many foreign-born people among them - then they were also talking about how player A from the table tennis team just overtook player B in the world rankings, and how she's the highest non-Chinese player in the rankings. Then i thought to myself, but wait a minute, she is Chinese, as is player B, and i reckon just about close to every single player in the world's top ten.

Kudos to the Chinese (no matter what country they represent) for being so talented at ping pong. Heck, if i remember correctly, all but one member from our male and female national team's players are actually from China. And honestly speaking, i don't think that under these circumstances, Singapore deserves any more credit than being the best recruiter of Chinese talent that would otherwise be barely able to represent China on the highest world stages cos there are too many better players already in China. So to that end, i don't really care for any of the foreign sporting talent's achievements for S'pore, as in i welcome these foreign-born S'poreans, and they definitely deserve their accolades and all, but the SSC shouldn't go around trumping their achievements as S'porean achievements, assigning the S'porean label to them just like that. To me, it just cheapens the S'poreanness of the whole thing.

Was also reading about the upcoming Uni Town thingy nus is putting up, and how it was put in some special 'green' category which meant that it would be given priority access to limited building resources. Same goes, if i'm not wrong, to the casino (let's call a spade a spade please) developments. Fair enough - what i think stinks is that they never did the same thing for the new KTP Hospital, something that is arguably more important. After all, the Uni Town is only being pushed to be completed so fast because S'pore is bidding for the Youth Olympic Games, yet another marquee event that would put S'pore up there with the Londons and New Yorks as a (and i'm so sick of this term) "World Class City". Healthcare for a rapidly ageing (and expanding - though lky took the target down by a whole 1 million people) population takes a back seat, even when there's been a space crunch at the govt hospitals, especially in the C class wards. Just as well that something is being done to regulate the demand side by introducing means testing, but how about the supply side by speeding up the construction of the hospital (and original plans in fact had in mind a general hospital in Jurong by 2004 or so - what happened to that?). Once again the everyday S'porean whose voice gets lost amidst the progress-minded and pragmatic in our political landscape has gotten played out...

hard at work - or as close as possible to that...

Aided in no small part by finally being hit by the fact that the final draft of the ht is due in just over two months from now, and a useful jolt to get cracking during my recent ht consultation, i'd have to say that i don't recall being as hardworking as i've been in the past two weeks ever since probably the first ever sem here (i.e. before i started getting real involved in cf stuff - you can draw whatever connections you'd like, they're probably not true anyways), yes the fabled sem of a string of As stained by one B- for HY1101E of all things...

I'm not exactly the most enthusiastic of readers, but owing to the aforementioned prep i've had to plunge headfirst into book after book for lit review purposes, at the rate of close to one a day in fact. Yes, a book a day, a feat last accomplished when i read through the book of Jude, with 3 and 2 John before that. And if we don't count the Bible, then we're looking at Bookworm books here. Yuppers, you see where i am going here? So in short, i don't really do books, which makes the close-to-a-book-a-day thingy that much more miraculous, by God's grace really...

Yup and thankfully, i'm starting to really like what i'm (supposed to have been) writing about. It hits home quite a bit - to the end that i actually felt a bit emotional when i was reading in one book about the forced eviction of elderly folk from a low-cost residential hotel which some of them had frequented for as long as 60 years to make way for relentless corporate America - real yucks, that was. Anyways, it makes the writing of these 10000-12000 words (including footnotes - aargh!!!) less of a chore. That being said, i'd much rather be writing the acknowledgements page hehe...

Well anyways, today after consultation i went down to the library to borrow more books to (aargh!) read (side note: i'm now holding 12 books - a personal record) and when i pulled out one of them from the shelf, i took a major step back when i saw the cover photo - suffice to say it's not a book i'd be parading around with the front cover facing outwards when i walk, and i'll probably hide it behind another book when i read it too - ask me if you want to see what's on the cover - so paiseh man...

While thankfully distractions have been less of an issue for me in the past week especially, i did succumb to some worthless youtube watching - for some reason i remembered that American Gladiators is being relaunched - one of the must-see shows for me last time in primary school - i remember it was Gladiators at 4pm and then WWF at 5pm on Channel 5. But anyways i wanted to see what it's like now - so i did - for two whole worthless hours. I know to my young eyes it already was bordering on tacky when i saw it on TV all those years ago, but now the new season has definitely outdone itself - see it for yourself - my goodness - some of the gladiators do so amuse me.

Nevertheless, i still remember when i saw it on tv and i was like "oh i can do that". But then i tried some of those things in army and i was sorta persuaded otherwise. Now it's become even more intriguing though cos for some of the events, instead of a mattress to cushion their fall, there's a big pool of water - and they've to swim under a lake of fire (i kid you not) in the final event as well. Quite fun.

Hmm anyways it would be quite interesting to see what a Singapore Gladiators might be like - off the top of my head i'm thinking of gladiator names like lau lee, ah meng, pai kia, MDA senior management...

No Djoke, the Fed got beat...

self-control

This morning after hy class in the morning, which by the way easily takes the cake for hy class with the most CFers/people i know taking it), i had to go over to science for a breadth class, which in contrast, takes the cake for biggest class taken where i know almost no one.

Since i'm not taking this class with anyone, once i got to the lt i found myself an empty seat and sat down (duh). Then this guy seated two seats to the left (to the left) of me asked sheepishly if i could move down one seat to the right (to the right) as it was reserved. At that point i was already a bit flustered from the overwhelming attendance of the previous class, so while i complied with his request i couldn't help but remark to him that if you want to reserve seats you can at least try and make them actually look like they are reserved.

Then, his dear friend came by and after a short conversation with him informed me that now the whole row was reserved and so asked if i could move somewhere else. I was trying to exercise some self-control so i spared her the irritated eye-roll and sarcastic reply and so instead just more or less repeated what i had told her friend about making the seats at least look reserved if she wanted to do so. So i then moved to the row immediately behind.

By this time i already was quite pissed and to make matters worse the girl started talking with her hitherto phantom friends who finally decided to shed their invisibility cloaks and sit down at the row i had earlier been forcibly evicted from. I was not annoyed so much at the talking per se but more at her annoying voice. If i were into meditation, by that time i would probably have been in the lotus pose, floating high in the sky by that time in an attempt to channel my anger into less violent actions.

So, just when i thought the worst was over, two of her dear friends. not five minutes into the lecture proper, said their abrupt goodbyes and left the lt, leaving two of the seats in the row now empty. I was appalled to say the least - the pissed teacher in me would have tapped on the shoulder of the girl, demanded to have her parents' number, and then called and scolded them for not teaching their daughter proper courtesy (and of course scolded the annoying-voice girl too - who by the way at the end of lecture was asking her other friends in a super-whiny voice "will you miss me?" repreatedly - in retrospect i'm glad i didn't decide to give her my honest answer right there and then). But well that would not have been any better methinks, so instead i've decided to just channel all of my pent-up negativity into this post... I just hope though that i don't kena such things again or i may just blow my top...

In more positive news, thankfully things regarding ht are now much clearer after consultation and i'm less inclined to predict total disaster for this sem. Have a lot of reading to do though, which i'm looking forward to as much as i am to hearing "dong dong dong qiang" the next time i step into Cold Storage...

last(ish)

So school has started again - and it's the last semester, so to that end today was the last first day of school i'll ever have (well, at nus at least - there are many more to come actually...), the first of a whole host of lasts at nus (since i'm one for such nonsense thingies) - last first lecture, last mid-sem break, last having to deal with the wretched cors etc...

Moving into pgp again went about without any hitches thankfully - think things would be far more of a hassle for me if i had to travel to and fro everyday [of course, i've only a three day week (which i thought was pretty good until i saw some other people's scheds but nvm) but i'd be in school on the free days anyways, or risk totally wasting away the hours at home]. I can only imagine how screwed up things may be next (academic) year at nie, but we'll get this over and done first eh...

Of course now that school has started, there's all the stuff i've been putting off reading staring me in the face, and today i finally got down to looking at them - thankfully when push came to shove stuff managed to get done, and to that end, i managed to plow through two of the initial nine books that i've gotten from the lib. Which makes for (only) seven more to go... Plus innumerable newspaper articles... Bleah. Holiday!

Anyways, went for a sec 4 class gathering the other day - the first one i've been to since i was still in JC methinks - so hadn't seen some of the guys for a real long time - reminded me of how much i really appreciate my time in barker, something that i've sorta forgotten recently. One thing that i was especially (pleasantly) surprised about was that we actually started off dinner by saying grace, something that as my classmate Weiliang pointed out later, we'd never have imagined would happen looking at the class those close to ten (oh gosh has it been that long already?) years ago. It's great to see how the Lord has been working in the lives of many of my classmates since then (eh, and i guess myself included heh =p)

Yay for the Australian Open... And how 'bout them Tar Heels too =)

Oh, and check this out - cool stuff =p