(sorta) parting thoughts

Got back yesterday from exco retreat/advance - it felt kinda weird some of the time, as for the first time in just about year i was at a chalet hanging around with no real work to have to do, where the major decisions to be made are of the what-game-should-we-play-now variety.

So i guess this kinda marks the end of what has been a highly eventful year in exco - lots of ups together with their fair share of downs - but all in all, as i've come to realize is more or less always the case, at least in retrospect, an experience with much to give thanks for - a concrete display of what can happen if you just have faith that He will see you through.

Anyways, any more of that reflection stuff will probably turn all maudlin so i'll avoid that. Basically as it felt weird to not have any work per se to get done during retreat/advance, so now it feels weird that technically VCF is no longer my direct concern, so to speak. And being the kind who tends to focus on a limited amount of key things at a time (and having VCF be one of them over the past four years, and i'd say at the expense of church), to have one biggie come to a sudden endlike this is quite the surreal experience.

Of course, who's to say that i'm cutting off all ties from VCF - yup that's definitely not the case. But in lieu of my arguably special circumstances (which in short are that i really ought to be better rooted in church, especially now that there's no longer VCF), i've been thinking that i really should limit the amount of time i spend coming back to visit and all that, as satisfying an experience as that may be, as that would methinks to at least some extent just serve to perpetuate the frustration that is my current situation. Not that i'm taking time off from CF stuff and cfers along with that, but just that selectivity (if there is such a word) is key for now.

Was watching a short CNN report on James Blake just now - basically he's a top tennis player who a couple of seasons ago went through injury that caused near paralysis, the death of his father and a life-threatening illness all in one short span. What struck me about that is how he was dismissing the "why me?" attitude that perhaps is human nature when afflicted in such a way - he reasoned that people don't ask the same when they achieve success in some way, so why should we do the same when things don't go the way they so-called 'ideally' would? And at least for me, that makes perfect sense. I am not sure what Mr Blake's religious affiliations are, but in applying it to a Christian perspective on things, who are we to question how the Lord lets things go when they don't turn out well, when we welcome with open arms (occasionally accompanied by thanksgiving) the good stuff?

Of course in theory, that's easy to say and affirm, but in practice, ay there's the rub. Throughout the course of much of the past four years i've been struggling with the "why me?" thingy for various setbacks and what not that've happened, the most current one being the far-less-than-satisfactory church situation i'm in, and the long-term implications of that over the years, some of which have already become an occasionally painful reality for me. Guess that's just something that the Lord is still working through, with a more concrete conclusion to the matter still lying far ahead in the distance, if it exists at all. That's where grace and faith come in eh...