volatility

Was typing my essay in my secret place earlier today when i happened to notice (cos the desks there are angled in such a way that when you sit you'll be semi-facing the neighboring screen) that the guy next to me was playing some kind of Chinese war computer game (Romance of the Three Kingdoms?). Ok fair enough, i thought, anyways the place still had some empty coms around at that time so if he wanted to go ahead with that then so be it.

Happened to catch a glimpse of his screen some time later. I was truly sickened to realize that the guy had switched to viewing a whole host of pictures of a quasi-erotic nature (i shall not elaborate further). Eek! I'd have liked to, to put it lightly, strongly advise him to stop that at once, but i didn't know how to go about doing that so i settled on trying to shift my monitor screen in such a way that his own screen wasn't in my line of vision and strategically holding up my notes right in front of my face whenever i could to block those disturbing images from my sight once and for all...

Well, that aside, the remainder of the process of typing my essay was rather uneventful. I'm really not one for conciseness so i ended up writing too much. During the editing process, i always feel so sayang to let words/sentences go so i try and keep that to a minimum. In fact in the editing process i often end up adding more fluff rather than getting rid of it. Yup so it did get a bit long, but still within reasonable limits i hope...

I do find it weird that i seemingly have little work to do (not many deadlines left really) but i've been feeling more tired than i've ever been this sem. Today it all started to get to me so i was back in my tactical, retreatist, loner mode and tried to avoid people as far as i could. Just as well i had an essay to finish. And that doesn't seem to be going away as of yet. Maybe God is telling me that i need to spend more time alone, as in time with Him (Ok so i know that for a fact). A lot of stuff continues to bother me, and whatever talking to God about all of these has been piecemeal at best. And the slightest thing seems to trigger more "me against the world" sentiment (and going along these lines in the unlikely event that the Tar Heels lose their Sweet 16 match to the Trojans tom that would so do it for me methinks) Yeah so the point of the story: need to spend time with God. Productive time, that won't reach a premature anti-climax with me falling asleep or having my thoughts drift to totally unrelated and far less important matters.

My current earworm over the past few days when i get up in the (very early) morning: And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going. Random thought but maybe that's what i've been subconsciously telling God as of late. "Going" as in going to genuinely want to do things His way. Hmm...