travel trials

It's a pity that smrt/sbs transit don't offer frequent traveller programs like many of their airborne counterparts do - say, for example, chalking up 100km on public transport being able to redeem a fere return mrt trip or something like that - for if that were the case, in a year's time not just me but at least half of the rest of the nie student population would be eligible for quite a fair bit of free travel...

Well, one thing that bus/train travel does offer, though, is the opportunity to see some of the worst and most selfish acts of typical ugly Singaporean behavior being unapologetically exhibited for all to see, and to be inconvenienced by. I've mentioned this before, but seriously, i can never get tired of being pissed off by people who crowd the entrances to buses/trains in order to barge in and find a seat long before the people inside have exited (of course this applies less to sbs buses than it does to say nus buses though). Especially since my mrt trips require changing trains at interchange stations and terminating at boon lay, the sight of people thinking nothing of standing right in front of the train doors, gearing up for the mad push throw the throng of exiting passengers in order to score a prime seat, particularly during peak periods, is more than commonplace.

Well, i have to be honest and say that as unapologetic as they are about barging in and pushing aside exiting passengers in the process (and btw i'm sure a lot of these exiting passengers are guilty of barging in themselves), so am i about going out of my way to obstruct their quest to score a quick seat to as far an extent as i able to, by purposely standing in their way and making sure to push back whenever they push against me (and isn't that a law of Newton anyways?), Of course i make sure not to smother old people/children or accidentally outrage someone's modesty in the process, although i have to admit that at some times i'm tempted to do so (i mean the former, btw, not the latter)

The other day there was my experience with an impatient fairly old lady who was seated in a crowded train car. I was standing near the exit at the time. When the train was approaching Dhoby Ghaut (which was my intended stop), the lady, along with her hubby, got up and tried to shuffle her way past the crowd towards the door, evidently because she was intending to alight there as well. Fair enough. When she got behind me however, not only did she utter something in a Chinese dialect unintelligible to me which i can infer was to the effect of " i want to go out", but she also started poking me at the back rather strongly. I was quite annoyed so i turned round and tried to inform her that i was intending to alight at the stop as well. As she responded to this only by poking and pushing more vigorously, i can only conclude that she understood English as well as i did her unintelligible Chinese dialect, so i decided to quit trying to explain to her that i was exiting as well (and admittedly, restraining myself from scolding her loudly, which wouldn't have been nice or right at all) and just endured her continued pokes and pushes (eh, while trying to lean back so as to make my point clear to her that i was not going to move for her - there was no space to do so in any case). In retrospect maybe i should have shown less anger and more consideration for the elderly, but seriously, i would have let her through (methinks) had the train not been so crowded and there been no room to move to anyways - in any case, if she did get out first, she'd still proceed to be overtaken and swarmed by the hoards making a beeline for the nearest escalator/elevator, so i don't see the point of her getting off first.

Then, i was reading today's paper, and the expat column in particular, i was pleased to see the guest writer commenting on something that has also garnered my annoyance as of late, namely what he terms "escalator paralysis" - the phenomenon in which people inexplicably lose all power of lower limb movement upon setting foot upon an escalator/travellator/walkalator - i do find it weird that how rushed, for example, that people tend to be upon exiting at mrt train so as to reach an escalator, they then proceed to stop dead in their tracks once reaching the escalator. That's ok as long as they keep to one side, a practice that is almost religiously carried out in say tube escalators in London. But no, S'poreans just have to think nothing more of stopping on both sides of the escalator, blocking the way of those who do not succumb to this paralysis (i.e. me, for one). One good thing though is that normally when i gradually inch my way towards such people they soon get the hint and move aside for me to pass, if that is possible (you see, old lady in the mrt, i'm not unreasonable, i only expect to get through if there is indeed room to pass), and even apologize in the process. In any case, this is precisely why i normally take the stairs instead of the escalator at that middle part of citylink where you have to go down and then up again...

In other developments, if anyone reading this happens to be in Brazil now, turn on your telly to espn and see if you can spot my interview :p. What happened was that i was on my way back home from service this morning, at the junction of Raffles City next to Raffles Hotel and Chijmes, when this ang moh guy (with an ang moh cameraman behind him) approached me and asked if he could ask me some questions on S'pore and the Brazilian soccer team (he was wearing an ESPN Brasil shirt). Since i was free i agreed and so, after positioning myself against the suitable backdrop of Raffles Hotel, the camera got rolling and he fired away with his questions.

Unfortunately he asked about S'pore and what i feel about living here - well as can be evidenced from this space i was in one of my typical anti moods, but i figured that if i were to express those feelings about S'pore i would have not done us much good and at the same time may risk some S'porean expat in Brazil calling me out in the ST or something, so i tried to stay positive with my response (i said S'pore was fun, for goodness sakes), although how believable i was i can't be sure. He then proceeded on to my next expert subject, soccer (apparently the Brazilian olympic soccer team is in town and are playing against S'pore - i was pretty aware of the former but barely aware of the latter). He asked me to name some Brazilian soccer players - think i didn't do too bad - i knew there was Ronaldinho, Kaka and Ronaldo (though has he retired?). Oh if only he could have quizzed me on Brazilian tennis players, politicians, history, or food instead, then maybe i'd appear to be less of an idiot. And then he asked me what are S'pore's chances against the Brazilian team in the upcoming match - well, as much as i would like to show my faith in my national team (oh, who am i kidding?), i had to be logical and realistic, and so i answered that i was sure Brazil would win (hey, at least i didn't say we'll be thrashed). And there ended my two minutes of Brazilian fame.

keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'

The past four weeks of experience in the school that shall remain anonymous (i'd call it "Anonymous Secondary School" but then its initials would spell, er, well, you know =p...) totally surpassed my expectations - which, granted were not much to begin with. I won't plunge again into my spiel on how i was hitherto under the impression that all so-called neighborhood schools were the same until i was blissfully enlightened upon getting posted there (eh although that's the basic jist of it), but suffice to say that there were so many cool surprises and learning experiences along the way that have most definitely helped to prepare me for what lies ahead.

Unfortunately, between now and what lies ahead is one full year of stuff that i'm not very enthusiastic about. Prior to this, i really did not know how to respond when asked how i was feeling about the year ahead, especially since the responses i'd received from those who've gone before have been extremely polarized - i.e. people either love it or hate it. And thus it was with this in mind that i approached this past introductory week with as open mind as i could.

However, sad to say the way in which the past week's programs have really awakened my uber-cynical negative side - eh dunno how safe it is to elaborate on that here, but well to put it briefly, the nature of most of the activities organized over the past week, seemingly for our benefit, have really not been worth the three hours and $5 taken for traveling every day. There are some redeeming points, of course, like meeting new (and similarly-minded) people and getting more familiar with the campus (and even then they have more to do with externalities than with the institution as a whole), but by and large if i were to do nothing about my attitude in the year ahead i foresee a lot of complaining about all and sundry to myself and to others - honestly, its stuff like this which makes me unable to envision staying in this place (as in this country) in the long run. For example, if even the slightest component of ne stuff is going to trigger the good ol' roll of the eyes from me, imagine how much mileage mine will chalk up over the course of this upcoming year - and that's just one of the many things which don't sit well with me.

But more on the good side of things (to try and distract me from all the complainables) - i've quite a good timetable (at least compared to some others i've seen) and in terms of relations with people things have for the most part gone on fine. There's also the unique circumstance (and believe me, this is used ad nauseaum by the people there as a manipulative mechanism via attempted emotional blackmail) of us actually being paid, rather than paying, to go for class. So bearing that in mind, imagine my glee upon reading thursday's st home section p.2 on the failure of even that to come through (and yes, i am one of the four hundred) - facial egg, to say the least. Oops i'm back to the bad stuff again :p

Anyways, this week was ameliorated by various school-related (as in the Anonymous Sec School i.e. *SS) teachers/students outings. When comparing notes with people who were in other schools, one thing i realize is that at least in terms of the support and friendship of the community in the school *SS has come out tops - it's far from perfect, of course, but nevertheless it's been a real great community to be around over the past month or so - part of the reason why i'm definitely more than open to going back there next time. There are reasons against too, though, but no point in going through them here eh.

uncommenced

As can perhaps be gathered by this point, i was not the happiest of campers come final results time, which of course happened right smack in the middle of an otherwise real enjoyable and fun Vietnam trip. As i've mentioned countless times before, as much as i was trying not to make a big deal out of results, well it still was a big enough of a deal for me to tip the scales, souring me on nus in general. And it was along those lines that i decided to skip the much-ballyhooed commencement. It was not so much that i didn't want to go cos of the bad final results, but more that (at least at the moment) i felt that nus had caused me so much grief in general (with the results adding to the huge pile of existing grievances - although i'll admit that some of them have entirely to do with me and not with nus) that the last thing i wanted to do is to end things off with the school on such a note.Perhaps that sounds childish, but yeah at the time (and in fact now still, albeit on a reduced scale) it made (and makes) perfect sense to me.

On the other hand, i'd be a big liar if i were to say that i didn't care at all for apparently dropping down after the promise of three-and-a-half years leading up to something more uplifting. But to that end, actually by the end of the Vietnam trip i was pretty ok with that, so i didn't even bother to proceed along any avenue of appeal. However, i was not up to keeping on thinking about the results again and again, and as such skipping the ceremony (which at least imho is almost entirely a chore to attend save for the post-ceremony picture-taking anyways) was, in my typical avoidance mindset, the logical way to go. And it was this eclectic combination of rationale behind skipping the thingy that i conveyed to the (typically shocked/non-understanding) folk who asked me about commencement.

So imagine the irony, after all of that deep thinking through and rationalization that i went through over the course of more than a month, for me to receive a text from my ex-form teacher, who had attended the first of the ceremonies, offering his congratulations - he had seen my name on the book of names. Hah - in retrospect it's quite funny la, but at that point i was like hmm... although at the end of the day i'd still rather not have gone, even if it means no nice pictures, as i suppose most, if not all of what i was my own reasons for not going still holds.

And in any case, this has been a valuable experience for me, spiritually, at least, and of course i'm thankful that in the end, things turned out as they did - one thing's for sure, i'd definitely not be as (usefully) reflective had things been clear cut form the start.

when and where?

One of the few things that has frustrated me about teaching life (or at least as close to it as i've ever gotten so far) is the early wake-up time. By itself that's actually not a problem - but combined with having to leave the house within half-an-hour so as to get to school by sevenish that means that my usual time slot allocated for having my quiet time is gone - the relatively short bus journey, coupled with the usual annoyances that tv mobile brings, makes any form of prolonged meaningful Bible reading there a distinct impossibility. Once i reach school, there's not enough time before assembly, and in any case there's too much hustle going on in the staff room at that time to make that possible. Once assembly is over, i either have classes or have other work to do, and in any case i don't feel good about taking official school time out to do what i rather ought to dedicate the so-called firstfruits of time to doing instead. So that means that i either have my qt after the dismissal bell rings (but still there's much hustle in the staff room, and in any case i feel too conspicuous), or on the bus ride back (if i happen to be blessed with a tv mobile-less bus, although i'm always half-asleep on the bus rides back, so that ain't the best time). And if all that fails, then we have today's scenario, when up till this time at night, i've still not had qt yet.

It's frustrating in the sense that since i've had to adopt this schedule, qt has almost never failed to be a touch-and-go sorta thing, especially since i'm either in a rush to get back to work or back to sleep. While nie promises a brief respite from this, in the long (or at least medium) term, i'll have to find a way around this current predicament i find myself in. And goodness knows at this time i really ought to be focusing more on God, something that i've really been unable to get myself to do for far too long. Not that He has stopped speaking to me - quite the contrary actually (if what i hear to be true is confirmed, i'll feel a right idiot methinks) - but at least on my part things kinda suck...

molding/molded

Looking through the travel classifieds in the staff lounge today, the relatively cheap offers caught my eye - then i looked at the dates offered (July, August, September...) and realized that in my (at least) near future, i won't be able to take advantage of such good deals anymore - instead i'll be competing with the tons of S'porean families at marked-up peak period prices to go to places during the december holidays where chances are i'll encounter some of these families again, making a beeline for the nearest Chinese restaurant and the cheap shopping as well, not failing to embarrass themselves (well, if not themselves, then definitely me) and cause real negative impressions of S'poreans to form in the eyes of locals in the process, prompting me to try and distance myself from them as far as possible, putting on a fake accent for starters. Hmm of course it's not as exaggerated as that (or at least i hope not), but the general idea is there.

And i'd admit, my personal need to get out frequently (re: at the very least, once a year) from here for a sufficient (re: at least two, unhassled weeks) break has been one of the key factors behind me constantly saying that i don't see myself in this job for too long a period of time - it's too monotonous and restrictive for me in that way - how to trek across Europe/ do a roadtrip across the States (of course i'd need to learn how to drive first for that one) like that?

At the same time, there's the possibility of being called to other things of a less secular nature by then, something that has been at the back of my mind ever since Urbana - but for that think the next few years would entail a lot of (particularly spiritual) change on my part - ah but these are still early days yet so won't go too into that now.

In any case, the past two weeks have been real helpful in helping me to put into perspective what i'm about to get into - real thankful for that cos think that's something i needed in the wake of all that's been going on recently - so the next two weeks ought to be real exciting =)

hush hush

a lot of what would otherwise be going in here has to be the victim of rather brutal (but nevertheless wholly necessary) self-censorship, in order to minimize the possibility of any complications arising in the future, so when all the school stuff is taken out of the picture i don't seem to have much left to talk about. At least not immediately... (So if you want to know about that then catch me one day)

Um, so then what's left? (i'm asking myself that question) Well suffice to say that i'm (quite surprisingly) looking forward to the remaining two-and-a-half weeks here, less so to the months following that at nie, and have no clue what to make of what follows that (but we'll worry about that when we get nearer there)

Oh goodness i'm watching a wimbledon update on now, and the two people talking are trying to pronounce "Zheng Jie" properly, and are failing badly (zhheng zhhee anyone?). Hey, i just realized that that's (i mean zheng) my chinese surname - harhar...

I do wish i had more opportunity to get some time off - of course Vietnam was all of less than a month ago, but still, no real chance to get a prolonged (and at least predominantly solitary) retreat, ideally away from S'pore. There's been a lot to think about recently, and the inability to do so has taken its toll on several levels. I don't mind settling for a nice long bike ride but as my bike has been stolen, i've recently had to resort to borrowing my brother's one whilst i procrastinate getting my own new one, and as things would have it, the last two times i wanted to go out the bike was unavailable. I really should be running too, but i can't bring myself to run near my place for various reasons - that's probably the biggest thing i'll miss about pgp life. And in fact at this point there's not much else i'm sentimental about regarding the darn school...