rant & recuperation

Just about one year has passed since i first started at my current school. And as i see the latest batch of practicum people scurry around with blur looks on their faces i can't help but think back to when i was in their shoes, and realise how i've become somewhat less scurrying and blur than i was before.

However, becoming less blur has meant that i've become more immersed in teaching life, and at the same time more aware of the occasionally harsh realities of it all. Like how now realistically speaking i cannot spend an average of less than eleven hours at school each day because of the amount of work, lesson-related or otherwise that i have to deal with. Or how when i look at my class while i want to see a bunch of young individuals with so much worth and potential and who of course are very much loved by God, i instead cannot find it all but impossible to think of how just over seven weeks with them has left me physically, mentally, emotionally, and perhaps worst of all, spiritually spent. Or when i (admittedly in a rather voyeuristic manner, but only because i cannot find the opportunity to actually meet up with others) observe how people i know seem to have no problems with achieving the so-called work-life balance, when my own balance seems to be permanently tipped on the work end of the scale.

It makes things that much more frustrating, even with the sense of satisfaction that the job does still bring. Maybe it's because i'm too tired to feel sufficiently satisfied.

So i guess it's good that, to this end, i'm on course for the next few days, as though i cannot say that this will be an improvement from things in school, the break from the school environment for a couple of days (though that being said i probably still have to go back to school in the early morning to settle some things first on at least one of the upcoming days) is definitely welcome. The return to school the next week is another story altogether though =/