rant & recuperation

Just about one year has passed since i first started at my current school. And as i see the latest batch of practicum people scurry around with blur looks on their faces i can't help but think back to when i was in their shoes, and realise how i've become somewhat less scurrying and blur than i was before.

However, becoming less blur has meant that i've become more immersed in teaching life, and at the same time more aware of the occasionally harsh realities of it all. Like how now realistically speaking i cannot spend an average of less than eleven hours at school each day because of the amount of work, lesson-related or otherwise that i have to deal with. Or how when i look at my class while i want to see a bunch of young individuals with so much worth and potential and who of course are very much loved by God, i instead cannot find it all but impossible to think of how just over seven weeks with them has left me physically, mentally, emotionally, and perhaps worst of all, spiritually spent. Or when i (admittedly in a rather voyeuristic manner, but only because i cannot find the opportunity to actually meet up with others) observe how people i know seem to have no problems with achieving the so-called work-life balance, when my own balance seems to be permanently tipped on the work end of the scale.

It makes things that much more frustrating, even with the sense of satisfaction that the job does still bring. Maybe it's because i'm too tired to feel sufficiently satisfied.

So i guess it's good that, to this end, i'm on course for the next few days, as though i cannot say that this will be an improvement from things in school, the break from the school environment for a couple of days (though that being said i probably still have to go back to school in the early morning to settle some things first on at least one of the upcoming days) is definitely welcome. The return to school the next week is another story altogether though =/

seeing red (again) (and again)

The many weeks since i've last posted here are a good indication of how busy i've been at school this year. It's been one crazy and long-drawn-out week after another, with all too brief weekend interludes which hardly allow me sufficient breathing space before Monday arrives again.

All this being the case, i ought to be grinning from ear to ear right now, since tomorrow and Tuesday are both school-free days thanks to the CNY hols. (And btw that's not so much because i've time to relax, but more that i've time to get a bit ahead of schedule with all the work that has to be done.) Instead i think i've not felt this bummed for a long time, at least not in 2010.

It's not because i've that much work to do (or that i'm behind schedule in trying to get it done) - i think that by now i've come to accept this as but the standard lot of a teacher. It definitely has to do more with the fact that this is cny, which more or less amounts to my least favourite holiday of the year. To make things even more intriguing, this year it's a double whammy - cny + valentine's day (not that i'm a bitter single, just that i think it's a plain waste of money). If they somehow ever managed to squeeze national day into the mix (thankfully something that is never going to happen) i'd be the first person to get a ticket to, say, India, where i reckon no one celebrates national day, only a minority celebrates cny, and if you celebrate v'day you run the risk of being torched by an angry fundamentalist hindu mob...

But at least until that happens i suppose i can look forward to the fact that it's just about two more weeks till this round of madness is over, when i can step into a supermarket/department store/ underground carpark without fear of another infernal racket that calls itself cny music. Of course, that will also be when school becomes even more busy. Awshucks..