Just Another Manic May

No surprise, given the above title, that the token monthly post comes this late. May has always been one of the most draining months as far as the school calendar goes, and this time has not been an exception. As i've probably wondered before, is it that i tire more easily now as i get older, or that there genuinely seem to be more things to do as each year passes. Probably it's a combination of the two, though of course i can't help but think that it's more due to the latter.

Anyway, the good news, i guess, is that May is soon to be over. The work is never over though..

spells disaster

Not the best of days at school today - after making what i thought was very good use of most of my free time over the Good Friday / Easter weekend, there still was (and is) so much to do, and so i wasn't (and am not) in the best of moods. No better time to be dealt with a slew of (albeit tiny) problems that made the day that much more frustrating - losing the latest soft copy version of a lesson resource that i had been working on in the train (yes, there is that much work to do); having my laptop restart thrice (and hence losing all the working documents) after closing the screen (and you'd think i'd learn my lesson after restart #1, but no..); losing precious lesson time due to technical issues, and then not being able to carry out much of what i'd planned so hard for over the long weekend due to the same aforementioned technical issues; forgetting to bring up to class lesson materials that i'd carefully prepared just a short time earlier; being shown attitude from a difficult student (oh how i could go on regarding that one if i was able to); mistaking one student for another one and calling him by the wrong name - the list goes on.

I don't mean to rant though - the point of mentioning all of that was that in spite of it all, the thing that bugged me most was that i could not spell the word 'consolidate' properly. Seriously..

a bittersweet goodbye

After service ended last Sunday, i made my way out of the church preparing, as per usual, to head off to find a quiet place to sit down and get some urgent work done. Earlier in the day i had been pondering over whether to break my normal Sunday post-church routine by rushing home to watch the live telecast of the State Funeral once the service had ended. In the end, i decided to carry on with my usual routine, since if i didn't i risked not being fully prepared for the next day's worth of lessons, and i reasoned that i still would be honoring Mr Lee through working in the interests of improving the learning experience of the students (in retrospect this sounds a bit lame, but it made sense to me at the time).

Exiting the church, with the rain still heavy, i noticed a sizable crowd of people gathered about fifty metres away at the fence facing the Padang, with several hundreds more along the pavement, perched at SRC, and pretty much anywhere else there was space. The rain may have had passed its heaviest moment, but it was still not letting up. Yet, it did not matter to anyone, with everyone eagerly anticipating the 21-gun salute and the funeral cortege that was soon to pass. On the spur of the moment, i decided to join them, armed with a flimsy and leaky umbrella which did just enough to keep me from getting soaked through like how many of them were after braving through the heaviest of the rain while i had been safely inside the church. Thankfully, i was able to find a spot that had a decent enough view of St Andrew's Road.

It wasn't more than five minutes before the first of the guns fired, dramatically scattering the flock of mynahs that had gathered at the Padang, seemingly oblivious to what was about to happen (though befitting the occasion, they were suitably clad in black). Following a brief moment of shock at the sudden loud bang coming from the gun, the crowd erupted into loud cheers. A couple of equally loud bangs later, the escalation in volume of the cheers indicated that the cortege was on its way. That's when the chants of "Lee Kuan Yew! Lee Kuan Yew!" started to ring, refusing to be drowned out by the aerial flypast above us. Then the cortege passed us, and what a poignant moment it was to see Mr Lee's coffin draped in the flag of the country he loved so much and gave so much up for. I didn't exactly have any tears welling up in my eyes, but nevertheless there was much gratitude and respect mixed with grief welling up in my heart. And i'm sure everyone gathered there felt the same way.

And that was it. It couldn't have lasted more than ten to fifteen minutes in total, but it was time very meaningfully spent. I quickly headed off to get some work done, thankful that i had one last opportunity to say my personal goodbye to someone whom i never really appreciated until it was too late.

good, but not equal

Exactly a week ago i was doing some work at a cafe when i couldn't help but notice that some of the young people nearby were getting really excited about something. It wasn't hard to figure out what was exciting them - at least one, and possibly more of them were wearing ACS clothes, and one was remarking that there were six hours left to Founder's Day.

That has gotten me thinking - why do i still love the school as much as i do (even though i don't think i ever was nor will ever be as excited as those young people were)? There were plenty of good times over those six years, but many things that i didn't (and still don't) like. Perhaps things have changed for the better in the thirteen years since i've left, but i'm pretty sure that a lot of things still haven't - they're part of the culture, after all. Yet, even as this year marks the year when the school i'm at now takes over from the others as the school i've spent the most time at, i can't help but make comparisons, and have concluded that the extra eighty or so years of history does, at the end of the day, have a net positive impact on the school experience for the average student. The culture - both its good and bad bits - isn't something that you can expect to flourish overnight - or for that matter, over a few years. Regardless of the amount of effort that you put in, it still needs its natural amount of time to come of age, something which we may take for granted at so-called established schools like my alma mater, and which many regretfully and impatiently ignore at less established ones. I'm not saying that we shouldn't try, but let's not expect miracles either.

Aidez-moi!

The highlight of this past week for me is very predictable, at least in what it wasn't (the Lunar New Year).

Ok, so maybe in a way it was, since it took place on an early Tuesday morning, and if it were not to be a short week due to the holiday, then perhaps i wouldn't have been in the mood to have bothered to offer my help to a middle-aged couple wondering if the early morning train that they had just boarded was actually heading in their desired direction (the airport).

It's not as simple as that, of course. So happens that this couple had boarded the train just after me, and i noticed that the man was closely scrutinizing the mrt map, while the wife kept on asking him if they were on the right train, which just made him scrutinize the map even more closely. Each of them had one big suitcase each, which made it easy for me to figure out where they were planning to head to. Otherwise, i might not have had a clue as to their desired destination, since they were speaking in French.

As always when i consider whether to start a conversation in any language other than English, i ran through the possible things that i would have to say in my head, and then assessed whether it was worth the risk (lest i ended up going "uh" a few times before scuttling off at the next stop in red-faced embarrassment).

Finally, when it seemed to me that the risk level was low enough, i almost ambushed them (they were hitherto pretty much unaware of my existence quietly sitting down with my marking in the next carriage), uttered a few things in rudimentary French, including an assurance, that yes, they were (literally and figuratively) on the right track. Then i plopped back on my seat and carried on with my marking, trusting that my timely intervention had been of help.

In retrospect, i probably could have helped them in English, as if they were not conversant in it, they probably would not have come here for a holiday on their own in the first place. It also might have come across as somewhat shocking for this random guy to pop up beside them at 5:50 in the morning to offer unsolicited directions to them while possibly butchering their Mother Tongue in the process.

But never mind all that - at least at that moment, and at least for me, it was as good as it's gotten this past week.

The latent dong dong qiangs prove my point.

new year, old problems

It's been a long time since i did maths, but i do remember enough to note that, at least for me, work experience is inversely proportional to the demands of the job. In other words, as each new year has passed and i've correspondingly become more senior, there just end up being more things to do (and more difficult things, at that), and the result is that i end up as tired as i was the previous year. Not complaining though, of course. Just observing..

Christmas moods.

The arrival of Christmas has never been that exciting for me. That has little to do with the reason why we celebrate (or rather, why we should celebrate) Christmas in the first place, the sheer significance of which being something that i certainly don't appreciate enough. While for me cold weather is always welcome, bearing in mind the fact that Jesus's birth did not necessarily take place in December to begin with, i've even come to terms with the fact that such weather is at best very peripheral to the Christmas experience. (And for the record, i don't recall ever believing in Santa Claus, so that's got nothing to do with it either.) What kills a lot of the excitement of Christmas for me is how it signals that in exactly a week it would be New Year's Day, and therefore the new school year would soon be at hand. In fact, since i've pretty much never left school, this slight ambivalence towards Christmas has, one could say, lifelong.

So, in other words, work beckons. Am i doing anything about it? Not really. Hah.

(belatedly) giving thanks

Yes, the (official) holidays have finally arrived, and as usual, i'm out of the country.

However, that hasn't necessarily meant that i've been able to relax since arriving here. This is partly due to lingering work matters, but also due to the fact that the backlog of work that i've had to do up to this point has meant that i've not had sufficient time to plan for the holiday itself, such that i've found myself in the not-unusual predicament of planning not more than a day in advance, which of course makes trying to relax somewhat difficult.

Over the past few days though i've had some respite since i'm spending Thanksgiving with some relatives, and hence have not had to make any concrete plans. However, there's still more than half of the trip left to make plans for.

This really does bring home the point for me that by nature i'm really not an efficient worker. At the same time though, it does make me thankful that in spite of that i'm able to get things done sufficiently, by God's grace. His grace indeed is sufficient.

semi-end

The last papers for my teaching subjects were today. For the record, i'm quite satisfied with what was tested and how it was tested, though inevitably some students still were unable to cope. We'll just have to wait and see how the results turn out. I still feel the same level of worry and stress over how the paper will turn out as i did when i had my first batch of graduating students though. Guess it's part and parcel of what to expect in the years to come.

A few years ago i'd have thought that the end of the final exams and the start of the holidays for the students would mean that things would start to wind down. Am certainly much the wiser now, and perhaps also much more able to tackle the final wave of work before the true holidays start. Nevertheless, it's going to be a long three weeks ahead.

red season

It's full swing into marking season again (the so-called off-season seeming to have gotten shorter and shorter). As of late, in an attempt to do something purposeful apart from school-related stuff, I've been borrowing a book from the library every six weeks or so (or however long the maximum loan period is) and trying to read it during my free moments (which nowadays mainly would be the time spent waiting for and riding in public transport). However, the demise of the aforementioned off-season has put that plan to rest, at least for now, as it's back to marking on the bus or train while valiantly trying to keep my marking hand synchronized with each jerk and turn of the vehicle. Somehow i doubt that's an image that will be making its way to any recruitment ads anytime soon.

Getting itchy?

When the posts here are limited to one a month, appear predictably towards the end of each month, and consist mainly of random cryptic fluff, you know it's been busy days. Or weeks. Actually, make that months.

indulgent

Eating too much?

Not enough exercise?

Just getting older?

Hoping for the least of the three evils =P

bitten

So we're reaching the end of yet another school holiday period, with just days to go before it's back to the reality of work. I was tempted initially to call it a 'holiday', but in all honesty i did get a somewhat decent break, though of course as usual it was hardly long enough. Ideally, i'd have an extended period of time abroad coupled with a similarly extended period of time simply relaxing back at home. Given the limited duration of the holiday though, i'd have to be content with just one of those. And i'll never pass up an opportunity to travel, which means that i yet again missed out on spending enough quality time back here. Even though i'd made a conscious effort to arrive back here with some days to spare before having to get back to work, i ended up spending much of my free time recovering from the effects of the travel (alas, that's just me feeling my age, i suppose).

I do have Friday and the weekend left, though i do need these days to do some work, if i'm planning to meet at least some of my deadlines and not make next week a thoroughly miserable one. It's going to be a challenge though, as i can hardly get into the right frame of mind. We'll see how things will go..

net loss

For sure they did not have this in mind when designing the structure of the school year here, but somehow it seems as though the past 21.5 weeks (two terms of ten weeks + three extra days and one week of March 'holidays') has just about done it for me, such that today i find myself at home essentially wasting time while trying to decide on what to do (there's always stuff to do, but with the marking season over, what exactly i need to do becomes less concrete), not having managed to do anything yet, while in just about every previous Saturday this year i would have found myself stationed in some cafe with a (rather) affordable drink that would hopefully warrant my presence there for hours on end, getting some form of work done (as i find myself far less inefficient - very deliberate choice of words there - than i would at home).

In keeping with the spirit of the aforementioned March 'holidays', next week i'll still find myself in school for every working day, no doubt trying to squeeze out every last ounce of energy and willpower i have to last me through before the actual June holiday. Speaking of the June holiday, i must say that i'm rather apprehensive about it because i've yet to plan anything to do with the trip yet with a week left to go, which is a first, as normally i'd at least have some accommodation and itinerary matters settled after finally finding some time to take my focus away temporarily from work to get some planning done. This time though, the amount and complexity of work up till now and continuing from here, has really been unprecedented, hence my current unintentional 'as the wind takes me' approach. I hope that i'll at least have some chance to recharge during the holiday, lest i end up in a worse state than this when i come back just in time for another hard half-year slog. Don't know how to look at this positively in terms of my ability to last beyond a couple more years..

Productivity Pressures

With the first of May just a couple of hours away, the Labour Day messages have been coming in. I haven't bothered to read any of them, but it's safe to say that one major theme, at least from the messages from any government/government-linked body would be that of productivity, or more specifically, the need to boost it.

Whenever i encounter such calls to increased productivity, inevitably my eyes roll (though granted cynical me rolls my eyes at plenty of things). I do not doubt the validity and urgency of such calls at the national level (in any case, i'm far from qualified to be able to pass any judgement), but at least when i think of my own example, increased productivity just doesn't seem like a viable and sustainable option. I'm very aware of my own failings, which include being highly inefficient and lacking focus when it comes to vital matters such as marking and setting of papers. However, i can't help but feel that i draw upon those wasted moments for energy in order to keep myself going, especially given the sheer number of tasks that there are to complete at any one time, which really take a lot out of me. In other words, if i were, by some miracle of nature, to become extremely focused and productive in my work, i doubt i could even last beyond this year before succumbing to burnout.

Something to think about as i prepare for another day of labour this Labour Day.

catching up

It's been busy, or more accurately, unprecedentedly busy times as of late, so much so that for more than a month i couldn't find the opportunity to go for a run (albeit due in part to the sudden but nonetheless welcome wet weather on successive Saturday mornings, but still due more to the usual suspects - lack of time / tiredness). The last time i managed to run before this break i had managed more than 13km in about 74 min. Well I can't say that i was surprised, but i was still pretty bummed when i couldn't last even for half as long (both distance and time wise) when i finally managed to sneak in a run last week. I then only managed to last mere metres and a minute longer the second time round, which was this morning. If i needed a lesson in the importance of consistency and regularity, this sure is it. The lack of exercise must have also played a part in my gain of around 3kg (though i suppose many would just roll their eyes and say that i need it) over the past few weeks. In any case, now more than ever before, i've been asking myself the question - how much longer can i last?

March Madness 2.0

The week of 16 March is officially the March school holiday period. The key word here is 'officially'. Unofficially, it has been pretty much business as usual, with the most noticeable (but still minor) differences being having the opportunity to dress down and sleep about one hour more than usual.

Now, this is not meant to be a complaint post. After all, in a way i have gotten myself into this situation by requesting to teach the classes i'm teaching, fully expecting that the words 'March (and for that matter, September) holidays' would not eventuate in the way that they would be expected to (by those who don't have any direct contact with the education system here, at least). And pretty much all the stuff that i've been up to this 'holiday' has been meaningful, and not a waste of time (or at least i hope that's the case). Even if it's meant that i think i've not felt so tired or, dare i say, worn out for a long time. I guess i may have felt worse before, but i think that the amount that i've to handle now is more than it was before [experience does build up resilience, or as i'd like to refer to it, staff capacity (capacity to tahan the worst that the job can throw you].

The fact of the matter, or at least in the way i see it, is that there's plenty of meaningful stuff that we do (and inevitably, a fair deal of stuff that at most helps to boost CVs but is really far more of style and substance), but some of us (or at least me) are not able to sustain doing the amount that is expected without some serious sacrifices being made (which in my case, being as utterly inefficient as i am, would be the giving up of a life outside of the holidays). And in such situations, i can't help but question if the result is really worth the effort.

no one else to blame

On the one hand, i constantly lament (to myself) about the seemingly permanent eye bags and how i never seem to get enough sleep on school nights.

On the other hand, many is the time when, like tonight, i'm wasting perfectly good sleep time doing inconsequential stuff (including this i guess) on the computer (not that i've no work to do - there's always work to do, but there's not always the will to do it).

no time for horseplay

It's amazing to see how we're already at the end of January, and so it's already the end of week four of term time. I haven't actually spent a lot of time in school, due to having an ICT as well as falling sick (for the first time since 2010), which probably has contributed to how fast these past few weeks have gone by. Things have been as hectic as they've ever been, though perhaps due to having a bit more experience under my belt i'm less ruffled by it all than i would have been say three years ago. In fact, no less than the big boss commented that i look happier than i did back then.

It still is early days though, and definitely there'll be many more speed bumps along the road ahead. In fact, much of this CNY break will (hopefully) be spent trying to preempt all of these, while at the same time trying to recharge a bit. (Horse) bit by bit.

timely travel

While back home i may be a little bit of a magnet for (minor) incidents, i've realised that i had been unwittingly dodging a couple of far more serious incidents during my most recent trip. It was only after i had safely left the city of Cordoba that i learnt (through picking up on whatever i could from the Spanish-language Argentinian TV report that i happened to catch a brief glimpse of) that there was a police strike there, and in fact only nearing the end of the trip, close to two weeks after having left Cordoba, that i realised that it had turned rather violent, not only in Cordoba itself but in many other parts of the country as well, while i remained blissfully unaware of what was going on. In fact, the strike and riots had begun on the afternoon/evening of Dec 3, while i caught a bus out of the city that same night.

I suppose that you could consider this a benefit of travelling in a country where the lingua franca is by and large alien to you. And of course having to do stuff like arranging transport and accommodation during the precious time that i was able to get online rather than browsing news websites played a role too.

The second incident i just missed were the power cuts in Buenos Aires that have since escalated into protests. The reports state that the power cuts had started affecting residents two weeks ago, which is precisely when i flew out of Buenos Aires. In fact, there was a minor power outage that lasted less than a minute while i was at the airport awaiting to board my plane, though judging by the lack of any hit of surprise on the faces of the airport staff, perhaps that was merely routine. Whatever the case, my timing for both has been spot on, though of course i still feel sad to see such incidents happening in Argentina, which to me really is a country that potentially has so much going for it. NE lesson in the making, this is..